And The Winner Is...
Mulder: "Just when you think you've seen it all... they cross Don King's DNA with Karl Malden's!"
Scully: "Damn them all!"
From the mind of
WhiteWolf
January 2, 1999
The Runners Up
Geez, Scully! You mean THIS is what I looked like when I switched bodies with Morris Fletcher?
Wergel |
January 1, 1999
--------------------
Mulder: "It's a short, pudgy cross person with a big nose wearing a business suit..."
Scully: "Linda Tripp?"
Mulder: "Ummmm, well, yeah."
Scully: "When you said that there was weekend plumbing project you needed help with this isn't what I had in mind."
The Grocer | December 29, 1998
--------------------
Frohike: Hey Scully, Mulder said this make over was sure to get you to go out with me, what do you think?
DrDSculy | December 29,
1998
--------------------
Look Scully, the First Elder has a new doo!
Liz | December 29,
1998
--------------------
"Okay, Mulder. I admit it. There *is* a haircut worse than yours."
Jenna | December 28,
1998
The Contenders
(in chronological order)
Oh my god, Mulder... What have they done to Queequeg!?!
--------------------
Scully: Hallo mister Troll. And what can we do for you today?
Troll: I'd like your DNA in order to change my hair to appear more human.
Mulder: Scully's hair? HUMAN?
--------------------
Scully: You really could give some of that hair to Skinner.
Troll: Skinner, Hmm I've Heard that Name Somewhere. We Are Not Allowed To Give Hair To the Bald. It Is A Very Bad Omen.
Mulder: (mumbling) No he just can't cut that expensive toupee.
--------------------
scully: i've heard of mulder/other fanfics but THIS is ridiculous!
mulder: jealous, scully?
--------------------
SCULLY: SKINNER LOOKS MUCH HAPPIER SINCE THE HAIR TRANSPLANT
BGK | December 27,
1998
--------------------
Mulder: Guess what followed me home Scully...
Scully: .... that's it - I'm quitting the X-Files
Loc Tran | December 28,
1998
--------------------
Mulder: hey Scully guess who it is!
Scully: [mumbling] what a pleasent surprise-Diana Fowely on steroids...
Mulder: ..you are just .. *mean*
Loc Tran | December 28,
1998
--------------------
"Mulder, don't worry, you're the only big-nosed creature for me!"
Contestant's disclaimer: (I don't really think he's a big nosed creature, but i think it's funny, so...)
LCShipper | December 27, 1998
--------------------
I knew it would happen someday, Scully. Hollywood finally got to Frohike.
Kawcrow | December 27, 1998
--------------------
Troll: Gosh Scully you have put on a few pounds!
Scully: Well, well you have a huge nose!
Scully &Troll: Well you (fighting physically) punch!
Troll: Mulder she hurted me! (weeping)
Mulder: (sigh) What are F.B.I. agents and trolls coming to!
--------------------
"Dammit, Mulder, I knew we shouldn't have slept together, now look what's happened!!"
--------------------
MULDER: It's an alien, the government is behind it!! They're trying 2 hide the truth!!!!! They put it in bum's close 2-
SCULLY BUTS IN: SHUT UP!!!!!!, I'm sick of you always saying the government's behind it!!!!!!!!! And it's not an alien. It's a troll!!!!
Crystal McGinn | December 28, 1998
--------------------
Scully: don't touch it Mulder! I think it's that Mexican goatsucker!
Mulder: but the hair! It is so strangly alluring...
mame | December 28, 1998
--------------------
Scully: Langly, when I suggested you do something with your hair I was thinking more along the lines of a simple haircut....
--------------------
The FBI agents take the Good Cop/Bad Cop approach at interrogating the kidnapping suspect.
Mulder: his tight grasp wrinkling the sleeve of the silk smoking jacket - "What have you done to Mr. King? And if you don't start talking I'll pull out my Gillette Trac II !!!"
Scully: "Just tell him what he wants to know and I promise I'll get you an personal appointment with Paul Mitchell."
mingo | December 28, 1998
--------------------
mulder: good lord! it's like don king meets cyndi lauper, the only difference is....GOOD LORD!
puddlesky | December 28, 1998
--------------------
As Mulder continuously rubbed the troll's belly, Scully insisted that it was merely a trick of lights.
"There is no proof that
such a creature could exist, Mulder..."
Jill Blum | December 28, 1998
--------------------
Mulder: Samantha? i knew they were doing tests on you but this is
Scully: disturbing very very disturbing
QueeQuag | December 28, 1998
--------------------
Wow!...is that doorknob cold.
CHW111 | December 28, 1998
--------------------
Mulder: The troll creature must have unimaginable powers.
Scully: Mulder it is a troll
Mulder: His pink hair is growing at an accelerated rate.
Scully: What difference should that make. No one called you an alien.
--------------------
Mulder: "For once in your life, Scully, will you put that damned cell-phone to some use??? Call Mike Tyson!!!"
Scully: "I don't know how on earth we're ever gonna beat Don King!"
Mulder: "I know how, do you have any money on ya?"
--------------------
Mulder: "So maybe he is wearing my tacky jacket, but at least my hair isn't the same color as his."
Strawberryshake | December 28, 1998
--------------------
Scully: "Ugh, I'm tired of walking into your dreams, Mulder."
[Pause] "Which one of your videos is she in?"
JustJen | December 29, 1998
--------------------
Frohike, I never thought of you as the insecure type: what's up with the hair-piece?
Danae | December 29, 1998
--------------------
Mulder: Oh Scully, the baby's beautiful.
Scully: I know Mulder and he looks just
like his daddy, but I think he's having a much better hair day.
Mulder: I HEARD THAT!!!
--------------------
Mulder: Oh my God, Scully. It's nose looks big enough to hold an alien planet!
KidCat505 | December 30, 1998
--------------------
Mulder to Scully: "What do you mean he has better hair than me? And I do not have a bigger nose!"
Lauren | December 30, 1998
--------------------
Mulder: You don't like it?
Scully: I like it, it's just --
Mulder: What?
Scully: It's just so ... 1998.
Mulder: Well ... merry Christmas to you too. Ho ho f***ing ho!
creepie | December 30, 1998
--------------------
Oh pleeeeeeeze, Scully, I know an alien when I see one!
Look, it's not *my* fault you weren't around when Skinner bought his new wig!
D P Falck | December 30, 1998
--------------------
look scully it's that guy that had a threesome with us last night
bill carrier | December 30, 1998
--------------------
Skully and Molder playing with dolls.
Cory | December 30, 1998
--------------------
Mulder: Do you want me to rub its jeweled belly first or do you?
anonymous | December 30, 1998
--------------------
Unfortunately for Skinner, Rogaine occasionally causes freakish cases of gigantism.
--------------------
Scully: It appears to be a strange mutation of the 'Moment-of-death' fortelling Peter Boyle and the puppy who lived next door!
Mulder: "Puttin' on the Riiiiiiitz"
Contestant's Comment: You have to imagine him saying "putting on the Ritz" the way the monster did it in the movie "Young Frankenstein"
JimO | December 31, 1998
--------------------
What would happen if they cloned Krycek
Chris Ramirez | December 31, 1998
--------------------
Scully: God bless you
Mulder: Wow, that was one powerful sneeze
Jack | December 31, 1998
--------------------
BOTH: Krycek?
Laina Ramirez | December 31, 1998
--------------------
Mulder, look!! His nose is even bigger than yours!!
FC | January 1, 1999
--------------------
Troll: C'mon, Scully, join us in our Circle of Fun!
Mulder: Ring around the Rosie...
Andorra | January 1, 1999
--------------------
Mulder: Back off, Frohike, she's mine!
Frohike: Hey, Scully, give us a hug!
Scully: I don't know, Mulder, I kind of like his new hairdo...
Mulder: NO, DAMN IT!
Andorra | January 1, 1999
--------------------
Mulder To Troll: I thought I told you wait for me, I said I'd be home in a little while!
Scully To Mulder: Gosh Mulder, I thought you had better taste than THAT!
--------------------
Troll: I have the truth!
Mulder: You have nothing! Except maybe really bad taste in clothing.
Troll: Forget you man. (to Scully) Let's go my sweet baboo!
Scully: Yeah, forget you Spooky! Come on honey-buns.
--------------------
Mulder: What the....?
Scully: Skinner O.D.ed on the hair growth pills again.
Margarita | January 1, 1999
--------------------
Mulder- Father?
Carol | January 1, 1999
--------------------
She's Hot!
--------------------
Scully, what do you want me to do?! Lie to your face and say your new beau DOESN'T look like the Swamp Thing and the Werewolf
had a baby?!
--------------------
Now do you BELIEVE, Scully?
Clay G. | January 1, 1999
--------------------
"Okay, Mr. Don King, or whoever you are, let's see some I.D. "
--------------------
"D....Deep Throat, is that you?"
"No, Mulder, let it go."
Llama | January 2, 1999
--------------------
Mulder: Why, Mrs. Frohike! Delighted to meet you! I'm Fox Mulder and this is my partner Dana Scully...
Mrs. Frohike: So you're the woman in the pictures plastered over my little Melvin's bed...
--------------------
M: Scully, this is a troll. Not anything like a weather balloon or a person dressed in a troll costume. A real, live, poofy-haired troll.
S: Actually, I was thinking Queequeg survived the alligator and someone found him. Then whoever it was shaved him and dyed his fur purple. Then the person taught him to walk upright, and then Queequeg grow a lot...
Queequeg'sCool | January 2, 1999
--------------------
S: "You know, I heard that Rogaine could stunt your growth, but Skinner, this is ridiculous!"
M: "Nice threads!!!"
--------------------
Mulder: "It's a troll"
Scully: "Mulder! I know you hate scut work but that's no way to talk about Ms. Tripp."
Mulder: "She's probably wired right now..."
Scully: "Mulder! You going to get us sued!"
Tri--errr, Troll: "Oh, you betcha, lady, you betcha."
The Grocer | January 2, 1999
--------------------
Mulder: I have tried to tell you for years to quit smoking, Scully!
CSM: See what it did to me?
Scully: That's it! I quit!
Ramoth | January 2, 1999
--------------------
Mulder: What is it?
Scully: A troll doll.
--------------------
Was it a girlie scream?
Girlie scream? I can't even tell what sex it is!