An Interview with Eugene Victor Tooms



IWAXF requested an interview with the recurring X-Files anti-hero Eugene Victor Tooms. He agreed to meet with us at a location of his choosing which is how IWAXF found themselves hiking into the bowels of an underground catacomb away from all the light and sound typifying the outside world. The location was to be kept secret to protect the rights of a man who values his privacy and requires his beauty sleep.

IWAXF: Well, the question on everyone's mind is probably "How could you still be alive?", so I'll get that out of the way first. Do tell...

Tooms: That's an easy one. Anyone who watches the X-Files should know that just because they lead you to believe a character is dead, doesn't mean it's actually the case. My situation in particular...did anyone SEE the body? I don't think so. The fact of the matter is, Mulder thought I was dead because he saw what he thought was blood on the escalator stairs. Ketchup.

IWAXF: Ketchup?

Tooms: Yeah, ketchup. It was a mall, afterall, and the escalator was adjacent to the food court. I guess a careless patron dropped a packet or two on the escalator and since Mulder "wanted to believe", he just assumed I was a goner. I'm here to tell him it ain't so.

IWAXF: You know, Mulder didn't seem too happy when you came busting out of your nest.

Tooms: Man was he pissed. I think he was mostly ticked off that I got bile all over his nice Armani suit. You'd think he couldn't afford to get the thing dry cleaned. But I think I did surprise him. That's the funny thing about those two. Mulder is such a believer yet can be floored when he finally sees or encounters one of his "monsters". Scully, on the other hand, keeps her cool pretty well.

IWAXF: By the way, didn't Mulder say you were supposed to hybernate for 30 years between liver snacks? What gives?

Tooms: Well, they woke me up and I've been having a bit of trouble getting back to sleep. Add in the fact that I had to uproot from my previous home and that pretty much sums it up. The worst part is that I lost all my stuff.

IWAXF: Oh, yeah. I was wondering why you kept all those knick-knacks and whether you took the time to dust them.

Tooms: It's kind of fun to pick up a little souvenier of the kill, ya know? Other than that, I never took the time to make much of a selection. Just trinkets. And I don't dust them often. Just every 30 years or so.

IWAXF: You may not have taken much time in choosing trophies but what about the victims themselves?

Tooms: That was a bit more scripted. I usually just know. I see someone walking along and it hits me...this is the one. Something most people don't know or wouldn't guess is that I have real fashion sense.

IWAXF: Well, you can't blame us for questioning that seeing as how your work duds weren't exactly the pinnacle of fashion.

Tooms: But a uniform is a uniform. The only chance I had for individuality was my shoes and I was sporting Doc's. Besides, I don't have much use for fashionable attire but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it or be a critic. And I am quite the critic. I sometimes pick my victims based on bad fashion sense. It's the ultimate punishment for bad taste. In fact, if I had required another victim, Mulder and his silly ties would have been next. Why do you think I picked that one family man? Did you SEE that heinous blue trench coat he was wearing? That deserved some response.

IWAXF: What was it like engaging Mulder and Scully in the chase?

Tooms: It was great. The last time I had been pursued with such vigor was by that old man in the nursing home. He gave it the old college try, but he was shut down. Mulder and Scully, on the other hand, didn't let the brass put them off their pursuit. You've got to respect that.

IWAXF: It still must have been a bitter pill to swallow, being handcuffed to a bathtub by Agent Scully.

Tooms: Well, in other circumstances it might not have been bad! But I slipped their net in the end and, even though they think I'm a faint memory, WE both know I'm still out there.

IWAXF: So, what do you have to say to all those liver naysayers out there.

Tooms: If you don't like liver it's just because you haven't had it the right way. Forget the onions and other attempts to disguise the real flavor. Let me tell you, a freshly harvested raw liver is the way to go. Hey, are you okay?

IWAXF: Yeah. Sorry. Just a bit queasy.

Tooms: Well, not everybody is up to liver. Hell, I only do liver 3 times a century.

IWAXF: So what are your plans for the future?

Tooms: Actually, after I get some sleep, I was thinking of going into show business. I noticed that there are a lot of scifi/paranormal shows and movies and I think the roles offered will be right up my alley. I'm the perfect anti-hero and I could eventually see myself as the star of my own show.

IWAXF: Do you think the viewing public is ready for that?

Tooms: In 30 years? I think it's possible. I mean I do have leading man looks.

IWAXF: Well, you certainly had fans from The X-Files. You were a recurring case for the agents and fans seemed happy to see you back.

Tooms: Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that. When fans are rooting for the perceived badguy, that's encouraging. I think people realized that I wasn't really all bad. It's un-PC to be against a guy with a genetic defect so I scored allies there. I think that contingent will be happy to hear I'm still alive and well and ready to return when fully rested.

IWAXF: Well, thanks for inviting us into your domain. I have to admit, the smell is a bit hard to take but it's nice and cozy.

Tooms: I don't notice the smell myself but you're right about cozy. A nest is the way to go. And thank YOU for stopping by to talk and for bringing along your recycled newspapers. I was nearing completion of this new masterpiece in nestbuilding and this will help me finish up. And some parting advice...give liver another try. It's an acquired taste, but like art, I love it!

November 22, 1997