Song Parodies
Ok, everybody sing along. This song is set to the tune of the
Theme from Gilligan's Island.
Oh, sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of
a fateful trip, that started from Los Angeles to film a pilot script,
to film a pilot script.
The producer was a mighty surfing dude, the director brave and
sure, with two actors they set sail one day for a three week shoot, a
three week shoot.
In Los Angeles forests were hard to find and production costs
were high, if not for Canadian locales and the Vancouver crew, the
series could be lost, the series could be lost.
So the show settled down for a successful five-year run in
Vancouver, B.C. with David & Gillian, the Vancouver crew, Bob
Goodwin and his wife, the on-site staff, the directors and local
talent.... Thank you, Vancouver, B.C.
********
They're the Top
<Cathy clinks on glass with fork>
<a-HEM>
Happy VCAP, everybody!
As a a token of my appreciation for the years of hard work by the
various members of the Vancouver X-Files crew, I humbly offer this
little song, shamelessly ripped off from one of the greatest
lyricists of all time, Cole Porter. No infringement of any kind was
intended. May his relatives not decide to sue me.
To the crew: I wish you guys all the best. You poured your souls
into this little series, and it showed. You will be missed - and at
the same time not missed, because we have all the eps on tape, after
all. :)
Sung to the tune of "You're the Top," by Cole Porter
Vancouver crew, we'll so miss you
For you've given us five great years
When you weren't filling our hearts with fears
You were moving us to tears and cheers
Dave and Gill are quite a thrill
But they're only one part of the show
So if you don't mind, we'll take the time
To tell you we love you before you go
You're the top
You're a twist so clever
You're the top
You're Krycek in leather
You're a "Paperclip," an alien ship in flight
You're a seed to eat, you're little feet, you're Emmy night
You're the PLAM
In the Mulders' sha-ack
You're the dam
In "The Red and the Bla-ack"
We're a moldy goat drenched in a coat of glop -
But if Van crew, we're the bottom, you're the top!
Vancouver crew, so much to do
From painting rock quarries red
To making extras look creepy and dead
To polishing Mitch's head
Thanks to you, the "Files" has come so many miles
It's knocked us off our socks
Days of "It won't last!" are now long past
It's no more just a low-budget show on Fox, 'cause
You're the top
You're Deep Throat's wisdom
You're the top
You're a Mulderism
You're David's mole, a delicious bowl of crickets
You're the Rolling Stone cover, you're Scully's mother, you're
Expo tickets
You're the best
You're a BBQ dinner
You're the chest
On that A.D. Skinner
We're the guys on the farm that Krycek's arm did chop -
But if Van crew, we're the bottom, you're the top!
Vancouver crew, we're almost through
With this song whose tune I stole
From a guy whose name was Cole
(Though to be a troll was not my goal)
On ATX we don't write the checks
And your leaving gives us pain
But you've given us years of your careers
So we'll sing you now one more refrain
You're the top
You're that liver eater
You're the top
You're a Scullyrita
You're Jose Chung's tale, a tape of "Alien Probe"
You're Gillian's giggles, a fluke that wiggles, a Golden Globe
You're a treat
Just like Mulder's glasses
You're as sweet
As the Gunmen's asses
We're a prison pox, a Klutzy!Fox gun drop -
But if Van crew, we're the bottom, you're the top!
You're the top
You're a killer dolly
You're the top
You're an UberScully
You're a yellow Peep, a Manners "bleep," oh gee
You're a Pendrell martyr, a Twinkly Carter, you're monkey pee
You're the smile
Mulder almost misses
You're a pile
Of "Redux II" kisses
We're possessed tree soil, a splooging boil to pop -
But if Van crew, we're the bottom, you're the top!
Yes, if Van crew, we're the bottom, you're the top!
Cathy, tripping over my ball gown on the way back to my seat
********
"So Long, Farewell"
Note: the parody below represents MY personal feelings about the
move to L. A.: feel free to disagree, but know that no offense is
intended.
"So Long, Farewell" - sung to the tune of the annoying song from
"The Sound of Music"
(Enter the cast members dressed in geeky little
sailor suits.)
Chorus: So long, farewell, we're moving to L. A.!
DD: The crew is screwed, but oh well, what the hey!
(imagine for yourself the cutesy twisting and turning to
advance the line; my prose ain't THAT good!)
Chorus: So long, farewell, we'd rather work with slobs!
GA: Though to be fair, we wish you had new jobs.
Chorus: So long, farewell, L. A. has plastic grass!
Nick Lea: When we return, I'll kick some Mulder ass!
Chorus: So long, farewell, and thanks for all you've done!
Mitch P.: (wistfully) I wonder if we'll still be number one?
Yes? the fans: (resoundingly) NO!
Chorus: So long, farewell, that's just the way it goes.
William B. Davis: Please God, don't make us wear those L. A.
clothes!
Chorus: So long, farewell, what will you ever do?
Tom Braidwood: Can L. A. wranglers get a kangaroo?
(TB is jostled to one side by Martha Little)
Chorus: So long, farewell, this song is much too long!
Dean Haglund: But then again, this move is just so wrong!
Chorus: Just one more verse, and then we'll hop a plane!
Bruce Harwood: We're off to where the whole town is insane!
(Chris Carter comes out in his P.J.s, sucking his thumb, and
sits down center stage)
CC: The cast has gone away and so must I.
I made my money, now it's time to fly.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!
(CC is dragged off, sniffling, by Fox executives)
The fans, sniffling: Goooooodbyeeeeeee!
This piece of triviality is fondly dedicated to the men and women
who have helped make TXF a visual, audible feast for five years.
We'll miss your handiwork.
*******
Better late than never
I was following the party last night, but couldn't contribute
right away because I wasn't entirely prepared, plus I had to, like,
help people here at work. Anyway, here's my little tribute. If I got
anything wrong, someone please just e-slap me.
Sung to the tune of "Drink With Me," from Les Miserables
Drink with me
To days gone by
Can it be
This is goodbye?
Will we all remember you when you're gone?
Will we look for your names, will we see you at all?
Have we thanked you all enough?
Come and see
Vancouverites
On the screen
For one last time
At a tourney of chess set in their own town
Oh, if only the show had just stuck around
Here's to all who played a role.
Toast with me
Canadians
Who have worked
For 1013
Sing of Gullett, in charge of Mulder's ties
Speak of Maier, who brought us a sub on the ice
And don't forget
Lots and lots of files.
Is this really how it ends
Now the move's on to L.A.?
Life without this crew just won't be the same
Will The X-Files gather any more fame
Where their name is just one more name?
Drink with me
To times gone by
Let us toast
Them one and all
To Mayrs with casts that had local flavor
To Bemben, charged with Scully's coiffure
Now her hair looks more mature.
Sing with me
Of days gone past
Could we hope
That they would last?
To Morelli, always hit in the face
Pittson and Gradnitzer, they would pick out the place
That would be the scene of angst.
Drink with me
To days gone by
Sing with me
The songs we knew
Well, Bob Goodwin says he won't come along
Says he needs to take it easy for once
Who will keep the new crew in line?
Isn't this the way the story goes
When success is sweet upon the lips?
Let us hope our show stays true to itself
Let Vancouver not be put on a shelf
Let the spirit
Of that crew
Live on.
******