Copyright 1999 by NODA
noda@win.bright.net
I'm not terribly observant when it comes to relationships. Mark's commented on that more than once. He's even teased me, calling me a "romantic aphasic" because I'm so oblivious. But I think the stereotype of women being match-making busy-bodies is antiquated. I've known far more meddling men when it comes to getting two people together. Mark is at the head of the list.
I find it an endearing quality, actually. One of the things that drew me to him in the first place. His sensitive, romantic side. It isn't always obvious, but there's something of a poet's soul in philosophers. At least in my philosopher. Bearing that in mind, with Voyager's much heralded return, the last thing I was thinking of was who was paired-up with whom.
Of course we were at headquarters when the first of Voyager's crew beamed down. I think we would have been there even if we hadn't had a personal interest. Well, Mark did anyway. I was there because of him, but I have to admit, I was just as curious and excited as the rest of the population to see the lost crew's first reactions to home.
Friends and family occupied the standing area closest to the transporter pads. Although this was Starfleet Headquarters, and the transport area was unusually spacious, we were still packed in like proverbial sardines. I spied Gretchen and Phoebe near the front of the crowd. Waving to them, I pulled Mark's hand, leading him towards the Janeways.
It used to strike me as odd that Mark remained so close to his former almost-in-laws. But when I realized they had a life-long bond beyond Kathryn, it didn't seem so extraordinary. I was a bit surprised that both Phoebe and Gretchen had welcomed me so warmly. I expected resentment from the women who never gave up hope Kathryn would return. Whom I thought would have seen me as some kind of usurper, "stealing" Mark from their daughter and sister. Instead, they accepted me as a member of their family; happy that Mark had gone on with his life.
"Eris!" Phoebe called as I once again lost sight of them. Acknowledging her with a raise of my hand, I looked back to see Mark's expectant face. He looked nervous, but happy. I suppose he was wondering if his reunion with Kathryn was going to be joyous or awkward. I guess I was wondering the same thing.
I'd seen holos of Kathryn, of course, heard enough stories that I was probably an expert on the woman. But how was she going to react to seeing Mark again? How was she going to treat me? Had she received the message Mark had sent two years ago now? Had she accepted his decision? Moved on herself? My mind was swirling with questions as we joined Phoebe and Gretchen.
"Almost time," Gretchen said, squeezing both Mark's and my hands. Her face was lit up with a glow I'd never seen; the prospect of seeing her long-lost daughter rejuvenating her.
Phoebe smiled at us as well. "Nervous?" she asked, directed more at me than Mark.
"Yes," I breathed, sharing a small grin of my own. "I suppose that's natural though."
"Kathryn's going to love you just as we do," Phoebe said giving me a reassuring hug. I felt my throat tighten with a surge of emotion. I don't know what I did to deserve the love of this family, but my gratitude was endless. Even with my curt nod as the only acknowledgment of her sentiment, Phoebe knew what I couldn't seem to voice. She'd become one of my best friends; one more thing to be grateful to Mark for.
I looked over at Mark once more, and he rewarded me with one of his warm smiles. When I first met him, I never would have thought our story would have had a happy ending. I had just lost my husband of ten years to the war with the Dominion; he'd been recently informed of Voyager's official "missing" status. Neither of us were looking for love, merely companionship, a shoulder to cry on.
We met on Vulcan. I was working on refining a new energy source, he lecturing on the dangers of the same source. We weren't likely candidates for friends, much less lovers, but something drew us together. It's our differences that enrich our relationship as much as the common ground.
It wasn't like we hopped into bed first chance we got. In fact, I think we denied our feelings almost longer than anyone I know. It seemed disrespectful, somehow, to find I had feelings for another man when I loved my husband so. But I knew he would have wanted my happiness. I suspected the same would have been true of Kathryn, if she were still alive. I couldn't imagine her not having enough compassion to allow him to go on with his life. Mark wouldn't have become involved with her in the first place if she were that kind of petty woman.
The room suddenly hushed. Tell-tale flashes of light began to coalesce on the transporter pad, taking the shape of humanoids. It was only seconds, but it felt like an eternity as we waited for the people to materialize. I'm sure it was even worse for those expecting the return of their loved ones.
The senior officers remained still, frozen for a moment, waiting for the final phase of transport. In that moment, I had time to scrutinize the woman I'd come to see.
She looked a bit older than her holos, thinner too. The slight aging I'd expected, but the leanness of Kathryn's body spoke of the stress she'd no doubt been under. We were practically physical opposites, too, I noticed. Her pale skin a stark contrast to my own ebony. Straight reddish hair that was nothing like my own dark, curly locks. She petite where I am tall. Perhaps that's why it had been so easy for the Janeways to accept me. There was nothing of Kathryn in my physical appearance, but Phoebe's told me many times we have the same spirit.
There was a man next to her. Tall, with dark skin, lighter than my own and a marking of some kind on his forehead. I recognized him from his picture on the news when headquarters released the news of Voyager's "discovery" in the Delta Quadrant two years ago. Just that they were alive was big news. But the cryptic account of how the Maquis ended up on the ship, in positions of authority no less, was bigger still. It was the question on everyone's mind; Starfleet and civilian alike.
Kathryn looked up at the man, I couldn't remember his name for some reason, but the smile they shared lit up the room. All of the senior staff were smiling, but there was something that passed between the two leaders that even I noticed.
I nudged Mark in the ribs. "You didn't have to worry. She found someone."
"Huh?" Mark asked, barely breaking eye contact with the people now rushing forward to greet their families.
"Kathryn," I clarified. "She hasn't been alone." I nodded to the man who was standing slightly behind Kathryn, obviously emotional at the sight of her reunion with her mother and sister.
"She found someone," I repeated.
"Chakotay? You're crazy," he said. Chakotay. That was his name. From Dorvan something-or-other.
"Mark Johnson," I said, coming to stand squarely before him, my eyes challenging him along with my voice. "You can stand there and tell me you didn't see the look that passed between them?"
"What look? Eris, I swear you're seeing things." For a moment I wondered if I hadn't made it up, because now Chakotay was absent, searching the crowd himself for a familiar face. My heart went out to him. I knew of the Maquis' demise; the chances he'd find someone he knew, much less a family member was slim.
I was distracted from my musings as Mark pulled me forward. Kathryn was still clinging to Phoebe and Gretchen, the sight of the three of them, reunited at long last brought tears to my eyes.
"Mark!" Kathryn cried, leaving her mother's arms only to be encircled by his.
"It's good to have you back, Kath," he whispered. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew Mark was struggling for control. Kathryn wasn't fairing as well, raising a slim hand to wipe away the tears that had managed to escape.
"This is Eris," Mark said, drawing me closer, presenting me to her. I don't know if it were simply the emotionally charged atmosphere, or Kathryn's true sincerity, but I found myself on the receiving end of a warm embrace.
"It's good to finally meet you," she said, a genuine smile gracing her lips. I looked over to Phoebe at that moment who was giving me one of her best "I-told-you-so" looks. I couldn't help but smile in return.
"I'm dying to talk to all of you," Kathryn said, extending her hand to touch Gretchen and Phoebe once more, as if confirming their reality. "But Starfleet's insisting on de-briefing us. The first of many meetings, I'm sure. Have you seen Chakotay? I wanted you to meet him before we have to go." Kathryn tried to scan the crowd, but couldn't see over the throng. Having the advantage of greater height, I spotted him a few meters away.
"He's talking with someone, a relative maybe?" I offered.
"It must be his cousin. Supposedly he lives in Ohio," Kathryn informed us. "I'll go get him," Kathryn said, assuring her family of her immediate return.
I watched Kathryn's progress against the tide of people. It took her a moment, but eventually she reached her goal. Once more I saw the look that crossed Chakotay's face as he spotted her. I tugged on Mark's arm so he could be a witness as well, but by the time he'd turned, it was too late. Chakotay was looking at the shorter, stockier man, introducing his Captain to him. Or was he introducing her as Kathryn, I wondered? I know what I saw, whether the others were unaware of it or not.
Kathryn was maneuvering through the crowd once more and I noticed how Chakotay kept his hand on her back. I don't know if he were consciously steering her through the masses, or if it were an unconscious gesture of protection and affection. But when they reached their destination, his hand remained.
"Mother, Phoebe, Mark, Eris, this is my First Officer, Commander Chakotay." She said the words formally, but I could sense the warmth, the possessiveness of her tone. She was proud of him, and not just in an official capacity. I looked at Mark who was smiling, hand outstretched towards Chakotay.
"You had quite a task laid out for you, Commander, looking out for this one," Mark said with genuine warmth. "She's not the easiest person to get along with."
"Please, call me 'Chakotay,'" he said, removing his hand from Kathryn's back long enough to accept Mark's handshake. "And you're right about that. It hasn't always been smooth sailing." The men exchanged knowing smiles and a I froze for a moment. If Kathryn had to contend with that grin for the past five years, she was a lost cause!
Kathryn blushed as she put up her hands, hoping to end the good-natured teasing. "That's enough! Don't get me started on your faults. Either one of you!"
"Aye, Captain," both men replied at once. That started a round of laughter from everyone in our group.
Once the laughter had died down, Kathryn spoke. "I'm sorry, but we really do have to go. You'll be at the reception later?" she asked, her eyes touching each of us. "Mark? Eris?"
"We'll be there, Kath," Mark assured her.
"It was nice to finally meet you," I managed to squeeze in before Kathryn moved off with Chakotay. Kathryn simply waved her hand to all of us, mouthing an apology as she moved towards the exit. The whole event couldn't have been more than five minutes.
Mark sighed, addressing Gretchen. "She looked good, didn't she? I mean considering. . . ."
"She's too thin," her mother observed. "But she did seem happy."
"How could she not be," Phoebe added. "They just got home!"
"It's more than that," I said. "She's in love." That got three pairs of eyes trained on me. "What? You're going to tell me you didn't see it? There was so much energy flowing between them they could have powered up a warp core."
"Well, they're obviously good friends," Gretchen admitted.
"Phoebe! Come on! You're the incurable romantic! Back me up on this!" I cried.
"There did seem to be something there," Phoebe acknowledged, "but they've been serving together for five years, they're bound to know each other pretty well."
"Mark, you know Kathryn as well as they do! Didn't you think there was more than a command relationship going on there?" I must have looked desperate because Mark was struggling for words that didn't out-and-out dispute my claim. Mr. Articulate, at a loss for words.
"Fine," I stated adamantly. "We'll see tonight. I'm not wrong about this,"
What surprised me the most was Mark's refusal to acknowledge there could be anything going on. I knew he still had Kathryn on a pedestal, especially since the news she was alive somewhere, but that didn't explain his current attitude. He'd gone on with his life, was it so unreasonable to believe she had too?
It was our role reversal that I found the most ironic. Mark usually took every nuance of flirting as evidence of a deeper attraction, that there was a connection between the individuals involved. How was it that he couldn't see the bond between Kathryn and Chakotay? And how was it I did? I'm usually the most obtuse person alive when it comes to romance. It took a friend to point out Mark's interest in me. Even when I'm the party involved, I don't seem to have a sense of these things.
I was equally shocked that Phoebe and Gretchen had missed the signs. Perhaps they were so caught up in seeing Kathryn once more they didn't see what I did.
*********
The next time I saw the command team was about half-way through the reception. Both were dressed in their formal uniforms, looking slightly uncomfortable. I can't say a blamed them; the costumes looked terribly restrictive. I was glad I'd never opted for a career in Starfleet. I had enough protocols and regulations to abide by within the scientific community, without adding Starfleet's rules to the list.
It wasn't hard to pick out Voyager's crew among the crowd; they were always at the center of a knot of people, with everyone wanting to speak with them. Kathryn and Chakotay had been the last to arrive. No doubt Headquarters wanted to make sure they'd been properly debriefed and cautioned prior to their public appearance. The press had a lot of questions, many which Starfleet would consider classified.
I watched as the Captain and Commander gracefully fielded questions. There were holo-imagers everywhere. I was grateful that, as a scientist, I wasn't subject to that kind of attention.
Phoebe practically jumped from one foot to the next, waiting for Kathryn to finish up with her official duties.
"I can't believe they're making us wait like this!" she cried, looking at her mother. "How can you be so patient?"
"I'm not," Gretchen told her. "I've just lived through enough Starfleet posturing to know they'll be cut loose only after the Brass has gotten all the good P. R. out of them that they can." There was a slight bitterness to Gretchen's voice. I had a feeling she'd often dealt with this situation when the Admiral had been alive.
I heard Kathryn's voice raise above the questioners, the authority in her tone unmistakable.
"I'm sorry, that's all for now. I'm sure you've all received your press releases; there's nothing I can add." Lowering her hands, she moved out of the crowd of reporters to where we were standing. Chakotay headed off in a different direction, perhaps to reunite with his cousin, but I didn't miss the look he and Kathryn exchanged on parting. It was one of reassurance, that said he would join her again.
"Now tell me you didn't see that?" I whispered into Mark's ear. I could follow his line of sight and see his eyes hadn't left Kathryn. Funny thing was, I realized I wasn't jealous. Quite honestly, I didn't know how I was going to react to Mark's "ex" being in the picture. I was a little surprised to find I didn't feel threatened by her. I think now, that her memory was more of a threat than the actual woman. Perhaps it was the obvious devotion she had for Chakotay. Even though I was looking for it, I didn't see that expression on Kathryn's face when she spied Mark. I didn't realize what a relief that was until it wasn't there.
Mark turned to look at me. "You know, I think you may be right! I don't know how I missed it before!"
"You were a little preoccupied," I grinned almost smugly.
"Do you think they. . . ?"
"I don't know," I answered quickly, cutting him off. I didn't want Gretchen to hear the direction our thoughts were heading. Not that she wouldn't have speculations and questions of her own once she noticed what we did.
My gaze swept the room, looking for Chakotay. I spotted him speaking to the man Kathryn had earlier identified as his cousin. Although he was engaged in conversation, Chakotay's eyes rarely left Kathryn, and I found her looking in his direction more than once. It reminded me of the words from the Vulcan joining ritual: Always touching and never touched, parted from me but never parted. I'd always found that concept to be one of the most romantic in the universe, and now it was on full display before me. If those two weren't lovers, then they certainly should be.
Kathryn chatted with Mark and her family, occasionally calling me into the conversation as well. Speaking with her, it became obvious how she inspired such loyalty from her relatives and crew. I'd barely met the woman and felt compelled by her.
I heard the orchestra begin a slow number and saw Kathryn tugging on Mark's arm.
"Come on," she said. "We've been here for nearly an hour and you haven't asked me to dance. That is if there's no objections?" she asked me. Realizing she'd relinquish her hold on his arm if I did object, I merely smiled, motioning them to the dance floor. I wasn't alone for long when I heard a soft, yet masculine voice ask,
"May I have this dance?"
I smiled at Chakotay, surprised I hadn't seen him crossing the room. "I'd be honored, Commander."
We joined Mark and Kathryn, near the center of the large crowd that was swaying to the music. "I can't imagine what a wonderful feeling it must be to be home," I stated conversationally.
"Well, Earth's not exactly my home, but the Alpha Quadrant? I've never seen a more wondrous sight."
We moved smoothly around the polished wood floor. Although Chakotay was speaking to me, I could tell he was watching Mark and Kathryn from the corner of his eye. She, too, would catch his gaze from time to time; her smile so radiant it was making me grin.
We'd begun a second dance when Mark came up behind Chakotay, tapping him on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, Chakotay, but you seemed to have monopolized my wife long enough, and I can't put up with Kathryn stepping on my feet any longer. Be a gentlemen and switch with me?"
If I thought Kathryn's smile was illuminating, then Chakotay's was a supernova.
"I think I can help you out there," he said, taking Kathryn into his arms.
I smiled at my dear husband, who'd tactfully maneuvered Chakotay and Kathryn together.
Mark pulled me close, whispering in my ear, "what did you two talk about?"
"Oh, this and that," I replied nonchalantly. "And they haven't," I confirmed.
"Haven't what?" he asked, then the realization dawned on him. "Oh. That's too bad."
"That's what I thought, but I didn't say it!"
Mark pulled me closer, chuckling in my ear "I don't think it'll be a problem for long, though!" I looked over Mark's shoulder at Kathryn and Chakotay. He held her so tightly, I was wondering how she was able to breathe, but she must have, since there was a contented smile on her face, her eyes closed.
"I'd say that was a pretty safe bet," I agreed. Looking around the room, I saw many of Kathryn and Chakotay's crew observing their leaders. I had a feeling seeing them dance wasn't a surprise. No doubt they'd been watching them waltz around each other for years.
"I think they've got approval all around," I said, noting the happy looks Gretchen and Phoebe were casting their way as well.
"Well, If I know Kath, she's the one who insisted they wait. Her ship and crew always come first with her."
"That's the impression I got," I told him.
"Did he say something?"
"Oh, Chakotay wasn't very forthcoming with any details, it's just a feeling."
Mark stopped dancing and stepped away from me, looking me straight in the eyes. "Eris Johnson, you never cease to amaze me."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"You going on a gut reaction? You've always needed the facts laid out before you in black and white. You have that in common with Kathryn. She never wanted to make a decision without knowing all the variables."
"Well, it looks as though she's changed. I don't know of anything more 'iffy' than a relationship. She must be pretty sure of Chakotay," I commented, looking around Mark once more at the pair dancing near us. They'd pulled away from each other, enough so they could share a comment. I couldn't hear what she'd said over the music, but Chakotay turned to look at us. Feeling a bit self-conscious I pulled Mark close, resuming our waltz.
"They're talking about us," I said once he'd wrapped his arms around me.
"Probably wondering if we've 'done it,'" he teased me. I laughed at his joke; I guess I deserved that for all my speculation on their relationship. Suddenly serious, I looked into Mark's eyes, and realized I saw my life reflected there. I only hoped when Kathryn looked into Chakotay's eyes she saw her life as well.
The End
