The Krycek Klone Maintainance Station: Trouble Shooting?

UberKrycek, #2

::Now playing Depeche Mode's "Never Let Me Down Again"::

Here are some common problems you may run into while living with your klone and some suggested solutions. You can write Ellen to report further problems, and so that we may post further suggestions in the future on this page.

  1. Your Krycek klone invites a Mulderclone over and plots to amputate the clone's left arm.

    1. If it has already happened, the owner of the Mulderclone must deal with it. It's not your problem anymore.
    2. If you know your klone is plotting to do this [and you would like to prevent it], here are a few suggestions:

      1. hide all sharp objects;
      2. pop in an X-Files video, fast forward to a scene where Mulder is getting beat up. Or the scene where Scully shoots Mulder over Krycek. At least tell him that;
      3. use a different strategy: show him the scene where he kisses Mulder. You can both watch Mulder fake flinch. That should alleviate his psychotic tendencies.

  2. You've noticed your klone is becoming a kleptomaniac. He steals either the really small things or the big things. And maybe he likes to swap white roses with red ones. Here are some suggestions:

    1. Let him have the things. After all, you own him.
    2. Buy him a pet. That should take up some of his time. Unless he starts stealing things for it too.
    3. Cure his itchy fingers with some mutual scratching sessions.

  3. He starts speaking to you in Russian. You can't understand a single word he's saying.

    1. Ignore it. After all, the universal language is the language of love. You know he loves you. Let it go.
    2. Learn Russian.

  4. Your Krycek Klone is getting too attached to his Mulder clone. If you have no problem with that, then, well, you have no problem with that. If you do, here are some suggestions:

    1. Hope that problem number 1 happens.
    2. Have a sex change operation (if necessary). Then go to a plastic surgeon to make you look like Mulder.
    3. Wear leather. They're very fond of leather.


If these do not solve your problems, and you would like to trade in a klone or perform any other transactions, contact Ellen with your situation and proposed solution (or lack thereof).

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