This Text file is old! In a 🏛️Museum, an unsorted archive of (user-)pages. (Saved from Geocities in Oct-2009. The archival story: oocities.org)
--------------------------------------- (To 🚫report any bad content: archivehelp @ gmail.com)

Little Girl Dreams
by Nic (stardestiny@bigfoot.com)
January, 1999

My first story for 1999!  This one is for BG, who asked so nicely;
and for all J/Aers everywhere.  This story was inspired in part by
the wonderful fairytale movie "Ever After".


Disclaimer:  The characters and situations contained within are the
property of Universal/Amblin Entertainment.  No copyright
infringement is intended.  


                       LITTLE GIRL DREAMS

Slowly, Julia opened her eyes.  She smiled.  Alonzo's strong arms
were wrapped around her and a gentle stream of sunlight filtered
through the open slit at the front of the tent.  Dawn was breaking
and the entire world outside seemed to be holding its breath. 
Julia was at peace, content, happy.  She felt safe.  Wanted.  

And then a tiny frown creased the corners of her mouth.  Today was
the day, today was the day that she would tell Alonzo.  Julia
didn't want to.  It would change everything.  She knew without
question that this morning would be the last morning Alonzo held
her in such a manner and a deep pang of regret shot through her
body.  Yet she had to hold fast to her decision.  Things couldn't
go on like this - she cared far too deeply for Alonzo to do that.

Every day, Julia thought as she snuggled deeper into Alonzo's
embrace for the last time, every day Alonzo did something else to
make her love him even more.  Love.  There was that frightening
word again.  The word that was so hard to say and really mean it. 
Anything could be cried out during moments of passion, anything
could be said in jest or as a sweet endearment.  Those kinds of
love didn't frighten Julia the way this one did.  

After all this time, Alonzo still hadn't told her, really, from the
bottom of his heart in a moment of absolute sincerity, that he
loved her.  Julia hadn't said it either, even though her heart told
her otherwise.  And she knew that Alonzo most probably did love
her, or at least care for her more than anyone else he'd ever met. 

He was the sweetest man, Julia reflected.  Constantly they were
becoming closer, with every gesture, every word, every look.  He
had been her lifeline these past few weeks, through their illness,
through the loss of Devon and her futile struggle afterwards to
find a cure.  Alonzo was the one who kept her alive.  Alonzo was
the man she loved.

And that was why it couldn't go on.  It was wrong, all of it, built
upon a lie of herself.  Julia sighed sadly and this time Alonzo
heard the sound.
"Good morning," he whispered into her hair before gently nudging
her face into a more kissable position.  It was several long
seconds before Julia was able to whisper a, "Good morning,"
herself.  

"Are you okay?" he asked.  Damn him, Julia thought.  Why did he
have to be so sweet and endearing?  His heavily lashed eyes looked
up beseechingly at her and she fell in love with him all over
again.  

"I'll be fine," Julia lied.  "I was just thinking...of how
different things could be."

He looked at her, a question in his eyes.

"If you hadn't broken your leg in the crash, do you think we'd be
here now?"

"Julia," Alonzo replied firmly, "From the moment I saw you on the
Advance Ship I knew you were something special.  Nothing would have
stopped me getting to know you, even if I'd been fit enough to run
all the way to New Pacifica myself."

~No, that was the wrong thing to say!~ Julia's inner self
protested.  It only gave strength to her decision, the one that she
hadn't wanted to make.  

"Are you sure about that, 'Lonz?" she asked, her voice shaking just
a tiny bit as she half sat up and pulled herself out of his
embrace.  Alonzo frowned and gently reached up to trace her
jawline.

"What's wrong, Julia?"  He knew her so well.  "You know I'd do
anything for you."

~But do you love me?~ she wondered.  "What if I'd responded to your
advances right away?" Julia asked instead.  "What if I'd flirted
back and thrown myself at you?"

Alonzo smiled.  "You wouldn't have, Julia, because that's not you. 
I *know* you, I know that you're true to your beliefs.  You have a
pride in following what you believe is right."

Tears appeared in the corners of Julia's eyes as his words cut
deep.  "I wasn't true to myself, Alonzo."  Her words were barely
audible.  "That's why I have to tell you this.  It's one of the
hardest things I've ever done in my life, please believe me." 

Suddenly very worried, Alonzo nodded.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you," continued Julia.  "But
I have to leave."  Her eyes met his again and mutely pleaded for
understanding.  "I can't live with you anymore.  I need space for
a while, to think, to-"  She broke off, seeing the anger cross
Alonzo's face, but not before she saw the hurt.  He sat up and
scooted away from her, the shades slamming down fast over his heart 
which had always been so open to her.

"I want to stay," Julia protested, "but I'm betraying myself. 
Please listen, Alonzo.  Please."

He sat there in stony silence, and upon realising that was the only
response she would get, Julia began to explain.

"Ever since I was a little girl, maybe even a baby, my life was
planned out for me.  I was going to be a doctor and bring pride to
my family.  I was going to grow up in a well-off family, having the
best education possible, meeting all the right people and paving
the way to a stellar career.  I was to be my parents' little
darling, perfect for public displays.  All of this happened,
Alonzo.  It wasn't necessarily for the best but it did happen.  It
followed the plan and I was happy with all of this, so ingrained
into my psyche had it been.  My earliest memories are of my father
calling me "Dr Julia, his little star"."  Julia paused to take a
deep breath.

"There was more to it than that.  Either at medical school or
shortly after, I was supposed to meet another brilliant young
doctor or someone similar.  My parents didn't care if we fell in
love or not, they just expected me to find someone suitable. 
Someone who they approved of and someone who would bring pride to
the Heller family name."

"And that's not me," Alonzo suddenly cut in.  "Is that what it is,
Julia?  After all this time, you suddenly feel like you have to
fulfil your parent's expectations?  Or is it you, you've suddenly
decided that I'm not good enough?"

"No!" Julia protested vehemently.  "It's not like that at all. 
Alonzo, I'm trying to tell you about my childhood.  About my little
girl dreams.  Please listen!" she begged.  

He was already pulling on his clothes.  "I think I've heard
enough," he muttered.

"You haven't heard the full story.  Listen - I admit I agreed with
my parents - that I would marry someone from my social class and
have a brilliant future and children when the time was right.  But
I also believed that I would fall in love with this mystery man. 
We would start out by smiling at each other in halls.  He would ask
about me and I would ask about him.  Slowly, we would begin to
talk.  And then one special night, he would ask me out to dinner."

Julia was losing Alonzo, she knew it.  He didn't want to hear about
her childhood fantasies of which he was never a part.  She began to
speak even faster.

"He would bring me flowers and we would spend days together,
walking, talking, laughing - it was to be a true courtship of old-
fashioned times."

Alonzo paused.  "You, Julia, a romantic?  I never would have
guessed."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Alonzo," she
replied sadly.  "Just because my chromosomes were tilted it doesn't
mean all the romance was erased from my soul.  I had just as many
fantasies as the next, normal teenage girl.  I wanted my prince
charming.  A man who would ask my father for permission before he
proposed.  A man who'd be happy with a long engagement and he would
buy us a wonderful unit and our first night together would be one
of wedded bliss."

Finally, Alonzo understood.  "I'm not him," he said bitterly.  "I
could never be your prince charming."

"You could have been," Julia replied hesitantly.  "It just all
happened so fast.  I was out of my mind the first night we were
together...God, Alonzo, you should have realised that!  And then it
was like it was inevitable that we would get together, that we
would end up *here*!"  She punctuated her sentence with an angry
gesture at their surroundings.  

"Do you know what my mother would say if she knew I was living with
a man who'd never made any kind of commitment to me?"

"I thought you didn't even care about your mother, she was the one
who got you into the Council!" Alonzo shot back.

"How dare you," Julia replied angrily.  "I loved my mother.  She
might have been hard but she was my *mother* and nothing she ever
did will take that away.  I always wanted to please her but if she
could see me now...."

Alonzo held up his hands in a sign of defeat.  "Okay, if that's the
way you want it, then leave.  Go find your prince although on this
rock I don't think you'll have much luck!"

Throwing on her day clothes, Julia fought back tears.  Alonzo had
missed the point *entirely*.  She wanted *him* to be her prince,
she wanted him to realise that.  She wanted a commitment. 
Obviously, he wasn't ready and maybe he didn't even want it at all.

"I'm going, Alonzo," she said, fighting to keep her voice steady. 
She threw a few things into a bag, realising she could come back to
get the rest later when Alonzo was gone.  It was time to move back
to her med-tent, a safe, comforting haven where she could be the
Julia of old.  The Julia who was true to her childhood dreams which
were still so much a part of her, even now.

He didn't bother saying goodbye as she crawled out of the tent,
keeping her head low so that no one could see the tears streaming
down her cheeks.  

The day passed slowly for Julia, another day on the road that took
them closer to their destination, but further from their heart. 
Wounds were still fresh from the tragedy at the old spacecraft and
the growing summer heat did nothing to improve anyone's mood. 
Julia walked with Danziger that day, both silent as they wallowed
in their own deep thoughts.  

Despite her own sadness, Julia did not regret her actions that
morning.  What she had said needed to come out between herself and
Alonzo, and better sooner than later.  Later, there might have been
even more hurt.  Nonetheless, she knew she would miss him terribly
and cry herself to sleep for the next several nights.  The price
she paid for her own sense of self-worth was very high indeed.

When the long shadows came and Danziger broke his silence long
enough to call a halt, Julia found herself setting up her med-tent
alone.  It was something she hadn't done for a long time and the
rest of the group hadn't yet realised that she and Alonzo had split
for good.  They probably all assumed it was a lover's tiff that
would be fixed in no time.

Not this time.  Julia wearily dragged her bag inside (they
travelled light in summer, most supplies were tightly bound to the
transrover) and sank onto her bed.  She was exhausted.  Thankfully,
she wasn't rostered to make dinner that night.  Instead, Julia
could sit alone and think.

There was a knocking sound.  Julia looked up, wondering where it
had come from.  It repeated itself and Julia pinpointed the noise
as to having originated just behind the med-tent opening.  She got
to her feet and cautiously approached the entrance.

Her prince was standing there, one hand uncharacteristically behind
his back as the other knocked on a large metal case.  He smiled and
Julia felt her heart melt.  She smiled back at him, a little
hesitantly, but a smile.

"Julia," he began, and then changed his mind as he brought his hand
from behind his back and thrust a bunch of flowers towards her. 
"For you."

Golden daisy-like flowers, the type that were scattered few and far
between in this desert-like terrain, made an exquisite offering. 
From the size of the bunch, Alonzo must have been collecting them
all day.  

Shifting from foot to foot like a nervous young beau, Alonzo
cleared his throat twice and Julia suppressed a giggle.  Where was
the suave pilot she had met so many months ago?  She didn't really
miss him.  

"I was wondering, Julia, if..."
"Yes?"  She rewarded him with a pleasant, promising tone.

"Would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?"

She held her breath for a moment, staring deep into her eyes.  And
finally, her smile blossomed full and true.  "Alonzo, I would love
to."  Holding the flowers close, Julia stepped back inside her tent
and bade him farewell.  There would be no kiss of parting, there
might not be for quite some time yet, but Julia didn't care.  It
was time for a new beginning and this time, they would do it right.


--- 
END.

Feedback most welcome to destiny@wwdg.com