X-MEN HUMOR
Television News: ...and the resulting blast, knocked the Earth from its
orbit.
Cyclops: I COULD make a decision, but I'm afraid that it will be the
wrong
one!
Beast: Well, -I- could fix the problem, since I'm one of the smartest
guys
ever. Plus, I know Reed Richards. Beast: Okay, I'll just go back to curing the Legacy Virus. Beast: One of the greatest plagues of all time?! Beast: Morons. Cyclops: So.. back to the problem.. what to do.. oh WHAT to do? I'm such
a
wussy..
Jean: Don't worry, Slim. I bet I could move the planet back into its
orbit,
if I tried really hard. Cyclops: "Slim"? What the..? You obviously haven't been reading the book
for the past seven years. Every artist since Whilce Portacio has drawn
me
looking like a bodybuilder... Jean: at any rate, back to saving the world. Cyclops: Oh yes. Jean: (uses her allpowerful telekinesis) all done. Cyclops: I'm glad I married you. It only took me 30 years to do it, too. Jean: true. I wonder if we've shagged, yet. Cyclops: This is a family book. I doubt we even sleep in the same bed. If
you want to see sex, read some of the McFarlane-era Spidermans.Jean: Bummer. Cyclops: Well, its time for me to go and be injured for a little while.Jean: I'll go with you and pointlessly drag up and old plotline. Cyclops: Cool.
Angel: If only Apocalypse hadn't ruined my life, we wouldn't be in this
mess.
Psylocke: Actually, we would. And he didn't ruin your life. In fact, you
just
got your original wings back. Angel: The metal ones looked cooler.Psylocke: Yep. They worked better, too. You flew faster and you could
shoot things out of them Angel: True. Now I'm back to being one-dimensional and stupid Psylocke: Actually, you always were. Angel: Oh yeah. Psylocke: Don't worry, though, so am I. Angel: I love you. Lets go away together. Psylocke: Okay, but not for too long. We have to be back next issue to
annoy the readers some more.
Rogue: Where are you guys going? Psylocke: To go be in love together. Angel: Yeah. Bye. (They leave) Rogue: ah was in love once.. actually I was in love twice, if you count
Magneto. Three times if you count Joseph. Rogue: Oh yeah. ANYway, ah wish ah hadn't left Remy to die. That was
terribly stupid an' pointless of me. Plus, it was not in mah character
to do
so. Ah'll just explain it away by saying that it was Gambit's psyche
telling
me to do so.
Gambit: Sure. I wanted to stay there and die. THAT'S believable. Rogue: REMY? Aren't y'all supposed to be walking back from Antarctica?
That should take six months or so. Gambit: Oh yeah. Bad continuity, I guess.
Cannonball: Mah accent is more annoying than yours Rogue. Rogue: No its not. Why don't y'all go back to fighting with Storm and
then
pouting. Cannonball: Well, frankly, ah'm tapped out of things to say. I'm just
not as
interesting since ah left X-force. Rogue: true.
Storm: By the goddess! Did someone mention me? Cannonball and Rogue: Yes, but it wasn't important. Who's "The Goddess,"
anyway? Storm: Nobody knows. It was just a stupid thing some writer decided to
do
to make me seem more "african." Cannonball and Rogue: we're leaving. We're sick of talking to you. Storm: I understand.
Marrow: Look! I'm not dead. I'm real mean, though. Storm: By the Goddess! I hate you! Marrow: I know you're a wussy, so why don't you just make someone come
fight me already. Storm: Very well. Wolverine!
Wolverine: I'm the best at what I do. Storm: I can't watch this. (leaves) Wolverine: You should know that I can't be killed by anyone. Ever. I'm
invincible. Believe me. Marrow: I believe you. I've been reading the back issues. Wolverine: Now lets have a pointless fight in which nothing is resolved. Marrow: No, lets save it for next issue. We have to make it a
cliffhanger,
you know. Wolverine: Good point. Marrow: I have to get back to my Angel-worship, anyway. Where is he? Wolverine: He went to go be one-dimensional with Psylocke. Marrow: Oh. Back to the basement for me, then. Wolverine: Okay. I'll send Sam to go stare at you in a little while. Marrow: Oh boy. (leaves)
Maggott: Hey, look, Wolverine! Since nobody cares about your "mysterious
past" anymore, they introduced me! Look how mysterious I am! Wolverine: Where are you from, anyway? Maggott: Thats the best part! My accent and dialect are completely
undecipherable by anyone. Ag. Wolverine: Any chance you're from the future? Maggott: Maybe! A lot of people are, you know! Wolverine: Good point. Well, I'm leaving now. Maggott: Have a cigar for me. Wolverine: Okay. Cigars make me cool. I'm glad I didn't quit them back
in
Wolverine #75.
Dr. Reyes(appears from nowhere): You can't say smoking is cool! Think of
the children who read this book! Wolverine: I don't care. I'm a loner. I'm mysterious, too. Bye. (leaves) Dr. Reyes: I really don't want to be here. I am leaving. Maggott: Me, too. Ag.
Iceman: Hey! Doesn't anyone care about me? Iceman: But I have cool, upgraded powers and an irreverent outlook on
life! Iceman: No. Iceman: I'm kinda bluish like Maggott, though. Iceman: They appreciated me in "Spiderman and His Amazing Friends."