__/\/\______
_(_¬ ¬)_
\__\/__/Suddenly, a black cloaked figure approaches you from a dark
from a dark and abandoned alley. His shifty eyes continuously dart
nervously back and forth, not trusting a single shadow around him.
"Pssst. Code Name D here. So, I see that you are after some bootleg
Ranma 1/2 stories. Why else would you be here, eh? But we in the
underground prefer to call them fan fics," he said. But his train of
thought is abruptly cut off as he turns his attention to check inside a
dumpster. Only then does he returns his attention back to you.
"But it wasn't easy. You see the great and mighty mistress Rumiko
Takahashi; she owns Ranma and all his friends. It's copyrighted you
know."
The sinister looking visage stops once more to check inside a broken
window to an abandoned warehouse.
"To get more stories, I, Code Name D, your trustworthy spy, had to
smuggle Ranma, Akane and a few of their friends here to the good old US
of A. But I found out too late that it's really a ruse. Someone...
or... something... wants to use the Saotome School of Anything goes
Martial Arts to trigger Armageddon."
He then looks up and down both sides of an empty street, and then looks
behind an old billboard.
"I don't think they can stop them on their own. But luckily, some of
our boys, and girls, and... some that are both boys and girls, are
there to lend a hand. Namely, the brave boys and girls, and some that
are both boys and girls, of the Clearwater School of Any Thing Goes
Indian Fighting."
Finally, he approaches you, and hands you a manila envelope. It says,
"Ranma 1/2: Curse of the Ghost Dance."
"Shhhh! Don't read it here. She'll know. Rumiko's spies are
everywhere."
The figure bends down and looks under a small rock. A rather friendly
looking Japanese copyright agent looks up at him.
"Moshi moshi!" he says with a smile.
The figure drops the rock back down, and smoothly recoils in horror.
But he quickly recovers.
"Then again, maybe you should just buy some of her stuff. Nothing like
a few yen in the pocket, to dull the yen for revenge, if you know what
I mean. He he he. Enjoy."
+----------------------------------------------+
| Code Name D presents: |
+----------------------------------------------+
| Ranma 1/2 |
| The Curse of the Ghost Dance |
+----------------------------------------------+
| Act I |
| The Invitation |
+----------------------------------------------+
| By Code Name D |
| Edited by Deric Wilson |
| Version III |
+----------------------------------------------+
"Please, come this way, Mr. Chairman," Genma Saotome said, leading
their important guest into the main room.
"Make yourself at home, sir," Soun Tendo said with a wide a smile as
his face could accommodate, "As you can see, we have prepared for you a
meal fit for a king. One worthy of your presence."
Genma and Soun both stood to one side to allow a short, but smartly
dressed individual into the Tea Room. He wore a western style suit
with a red power tie, but his posture and demeanor practically dripped
with money and power.
The Chairman stepped confidently into the Tea Room, and then saw the
feast that was prepared for him.
"Ohhh, so I see," the chairmen said, gleefully eyeing the table, "A
home cooked meal is so hard to find for a business person like myself.
But tell me, how did you manage this, Mr. Tendo?" The chairman lowered
himself down, and sat on the floor at the head of the table, chopsticks
already in hand.
"Courtesy of one of my daughters," Soun said, sitting down as well.
Genma, still beaming with a smile of his own, moved to the far side of
the table, and lowered himself into his pillow.
"Would you like to meet them?" Soun offered.
Soun's question caught the chairman off guard with his mouth full of
octopus. His face was contorted in obvious culinary bliss, and could
only nod eagerly, while shoving down his meal.
"Kasumi! Nabiki!" Soun called out.
The door gently slid open to reveal Kasumi kneeling upon the floor,
dressed in her finest formal kimono, and a smile that was nearly as
wide as her fathers. Standing over her, dressed in a smart looking
dark blue, western style business suit, and red neck tie, was Nabiki,
holding a brown leather document caddy. She too, also wore a genuine
smile.
Nabiki stepped inside. Kasumi stood up as well, but only long enough
to move to the other side of the door, then to slide it closed. She
then repositioned herself to face the Chairman. So did Nabiki, who was
still standing.
"Welcome to our house!" both said in musical unison as they each gave a
deep respectful bow in greeting.
"My goodness!" the chairman said in delight, "You certainly have two
beautiful daughters Mr. Tendo."
"Why thank you. Kasumi, my oldest, is the chef whom you were
complimenting earlier," Soun said.
"I'm happy that you like your meal, Mr. Chairman, "Kasumi said, "If
there is any thing else I can get for you, please, do not hesitate to
ask."
"And my middle doughtier is Nabiki. She is the financial brain of our
dojo, and is as masterful with numbers and accounts as Kasumi is in the
kitchen."
"Pleased to make your acquaintance," Nabiki said, bowing again, "I look
forward to presenting my dissertation to you. I think that the
potential for our training hall will be humble, but promising."
The chairman nodded eagerly.
"Yes, I was most impressed with your presentation thus far. Most of my
would be clients focus on the earning potential, but then throw other
peoples yen around like water. But this training hall, I can see the
passion, the dedication."
"You can!" Soun said joyfully. His hands were clasped in front of him
like a kid out of school, and his eyes bright and laughing, with just a
hint of a tear in the corner.
"Of course I can," the chairman said excitedly, "Even a blind beggar
can see the blood, sweat, and tears that have been poured into this
dojo. The spirit within these walls may be young, but I can feel the
courage and vitality glowing from the very wood itself. Such heart and
dedication demands that I put all of my financial muscle into this
operation. I would be honored to represent this dojo and the Saotome
School of Any Thing Goes Marshal Arts!"
"You would!" Genma said. His eyes were teary as well, with joy that he
could hardly contain. "Oh Mr. Chairman!" Genma cried, breaking into
open sobs of joy, tears pouring out from his eyes, "I'm so happy!"
"You don't know how honored we are, sir!" Soun said, no longer able to
control his emotions either, and the two fell into each other's arms,
weeping uncontrollably with joy, and shedding a virtual river of tears.
Even Nabiki looked on with a wide smile on her face, although a bit
more dignified, as she knelt down next to the table, her document caddy
in hand.
"It is I, who am honored. To be a part of the founding of a discipline
that will stand for all time." With that, the Chairman stood up, and
struck a dramatic pose as the Japanese flag waved behind him in the
breeze, and Japan's national anthem blaring proudly in the background
him as he continued, "Perhaps the very first such discipline to rise
with Japan as a new fledgling democracy. This school shall serve the
ideals of freedom and justice. One that is keeping to the time of
today. With the world an unstable place, this school will be our first
and finest line of defense to guard and protect the Japanese way of
life, and the Japanese Dream."
The Chairman's speech only amplified the tears of joy that were being
shed by Genma and Soun and even widened the smiles of Kasumi and
Nabiki.
Then, without further fanfare, the Chairman sat down, and continued his
meal.
"But there is just one matter that we need to discuss," the chairman
said, "About this founder, Happousai."
Soun and Genma instantly stopped sobbing and fell deathly silent. Both
far too shocked to register any emotion at all.
Nabiki's smile disappeared as well, and sarcastically, she leaned into
the table, resting her chin in her hand in defeat while she looked on.
"Tell me, how did you learn about him?" Nabiki asked, apparently
already knowing the answer to her question.
"Well, it's funny that you should ask me that," the Chairman said. He
then fished around in his document caddy and pulled out a wretched
scroll that gave off the unmistakable odor of women's panties. And for
good reason, since a pink and filthy undergarment was stapled to the
parchment.
"I must say that I found it impossible to read. So I turned it over to
my resident hand writing expert. He thought it was kind of secret code
used for the war, or something. I must say, I was mortified to find
this... dreadful thing, with such a thoughtful presentation. I hope
this person doesn't work for you or....."
"Come back here you freak! Akane, cut him off at the pond!" shouted an
unseen male voice.
"I'm on it Ranma!" a girl said.
"Come get me if you think you can, you little pukes," said yet another
unseen voice. This one clearly belonged to an elderly male.
"With pleasure, you pervert!" the girl said, "Ranma! Look out! He's
going to....."
"... knock you into the fish pond.", she finished.
"Why you!", came yet a another voice, that of a brash woman.
"Ha ha, a sucker for punishment I see."
Suddenly, the courtyard doors to the garden burst from the railings,
and a pig tailed, red headed girl, wearing a yellow blouse and red bow
tie flew across the room, and collided, face first into the wall,
missing Kasumi by only a meter or two.
Then in dashed Happousai, a miniature little monster who landed
skillfully on top of the derailed door. In one hand, he held his pipe,
which was a deadly weapon when he wielded it.
Soun and Genma, still in each other's arms, surveyed the destruction,
and their masters eyes slowly turned to fall upon then. They then
began to weep open once more, this time, in sorrow.
"Stop you're whining, you two pathetic little turds. Enough of this
mambey pambey paper baloney. Let me show this economic nerd what
martial arts are really about! Where is the little loser any way?"
"You're standing on him," the chairman grunted from under the door and
Happousai.
Instantly, Happousai leaped from the table and onto the floor, finally
allowing the chairman to begin to crawl out from under the door.
"So, you think you can represent my school, eh? Let's see if you're
man enough."
"Not so fast you pervert!" Akane shouted. She charged in, and landed
on top of the door, once again, squashing the chairmen underneath. She
whirled her bokuto around nimbly within both hands in preparation to
use it. Her eyes burned with determination.
"Akane Tendo! Out of my way, or I'll...."
"Your you'll do what, you little freak!" Akane said, "Hit me like you
hit Ranma?"
"Akane, you forced this upon yourself!", Happousai said, "Now face the
wrath of my lighting voyeur attack!"
Suddenly, he was in a blur of motion, literally zipping around the room
so fast that he seemed to bounce off the walls. Then, he landed in
exactly the same spot where he leaped from. On this time, his hands
were not empty, but held Akane's gi.
Akane still stood on top of the door, her bokuto held before her just
as she held it moments ago. Her stand had not changed at all. The
only difference was that she was now completely nude.
It took her a few seconds to connect the garments in Happousai's hands
with the sudden chill. But this only made her mad.
"Hey! Give that back!", she ordered.
"No, no, I don't wan'na! Na na na!", Happousai taunted.
"Ahhhh!" the Chairman suddenly shouted as he burst out from under the
door, and throwing Akane to the floor in the process. He was so panic
stricken, that he proceeded to sprint about the room in a great circle,
as if he was looking for the exit ramp, screaming and waving his arms
as he went.
"Ah yes, my true opponent!", Happousai said, tracing his target with
his eyes to where ever he fled.
"Master! NO!!", Genma and Soun cried out.
"Don't distract me boys, not when I'm so close to.... -WHAM-
Ahhhhhh....."
Suddenly, in a mindless panic, the Chairman ran directly into
Happousai, and sent him flying straight towards the stratosphere.
Then, apparently having given up on finding the exit ramp, the chairman
decided to make one himself, and plowed straight through the paper thin
walls. (And even the thicker walls as well.)
Then, the room was silent.
Genma and Soun were still holding each other, too shocked for words, or
expressions.
Ranma-chan had finally managed to free herself from the wall, only to
find that a section of it was still stuck around her neck as she
dizzily stumbled about in a confused daze.
"Oh my," Kasumi said, having not moved from the spot where she sat,
still kneeling next to the ruins of the door though which the chairman
had fled. It was at that moment that a piece of wall decided to fall
to the floor.
Akane had more important concerns to consider, like her modesty, and
she had already snatched two pillow cases and was tying them off for a
makeshift outfit.
Nabiki was the most reserved of all. She still looked on at the spot
where the chairman had once sat. Her head was still resting in her
hand, as if nothing else had happened.
Then, Happousai returned from his low orbit. Never the less, he was
still chipper, and landed with a bounce in his step.
"That was a close one," Happousai said, "Boy, imagine my shame if a
real weenie like that were to represent my school."
"Hey!", Akane snapped, just as a still wobbly Ranma-chan weaved in
front of her. "That's the third one you've scared away this month!",
she shouted.
"I know, and this one was close too," Happousai said. He then turned
his attention back to his "students." "You two are going to thank me,
aren't you?!"
Soun and Genma exchanged glances, then they both began scraping the
floor.
"Thank you master!" they both said in unison.
"My my, ", Nabiki said, her head still resting in her palm, "That went
over pretty well didn't it." Suddenly, Nabiki casual expression was
finally broken as Ranma-chan fell over onto the table, and splattering
a piece of squid into her face.
+ + +
Once again, Ranma Saotome (after a quick dousing of hot water to turn
himself back into a boy) and Akane Tendo (now warring something a
little more modest than a pair of pillow cases) found themselves
kneeling on the floor of the dojo, with their father's kneeling
opposite them. It was a rare occasion that found Akane and Ranma in
this position, and it usually involved the fate of the dojo.
Even before they were born, Ranma and Akane's destiny had been linked
together by their fathers intentions to preserve the dojo. With Ranma
the heir to the school, and Akane, to be the heir of the dojo, it
seemed perfectly logical to see the two in an arranged marriage.
Unfortunately, the matters of love rarely followed the terms of logic,
and it was not necessarily an easy destiny for the two young kids to
accept. Ranma's "condition," only made matters more complicated.
The one sure thing that Akane and Ranma did have in common, however,
was the fate of the dojo. So the shame in their failure was genuine,
and the level of their bow showed it to their elders, as they glared
on.
It was a long, tense, silence, while their shame seemed to pool around
them. Then, their elders finally gave voice to their disappointment in
their progeny.
"The both of you failed," Soun said, "You both knew how important
Chairman Coatobuki was to our dojo. He was out best, last, and perhaps
only opportunity to finally receive some financial backing for the
school. With no money, we can't open."
"All you had to do, was keep the master occupied long enough to close
the deal," Genma said, "So what do you have to say for yourselves?"
"We're sorry," both Ranma and Akane said together, "We apologize for
our failure."
Then, silence once again permeated the hall, and the expression on
their fathers faces softened.
"Your apology is not accepted," Soun said, "Why don't the two of you
retire, while Saotome and I discuss your penance."
Both Akane and Ranma gave another bow, and then rose to their feet.
They then unceremoniously wandered out of the dojo.
+ + +
Nabiki and Kasumi stood by the entrance of the house that exited to the
covered walk that led to the dojo. They both strained to hear what was
being said inside. Then, there was silence, and a rather sullen Akane
and Ranma appeared under the walk, and slowly walked past them, and
into the house.
"Poor Ranma and Akane. I hope father was not too hard on them," Kasumi
said, "After all, it wasn't entirely their fault. And I think they
really did want this to work out."
"We all wanted this to work out," Nabiki admitted, "But at least the
fire department didn't show up this time. Come on Kasumi, I'll help
you clean up the mess."
Suddenly, the two of them heard a terrible racket outside the front
door.
"Hey, howdy! Is any body in there! Land sakes, you think that these
people would have door bells, or a gong, or something."
Both Kasumi and Nabiki peeked from around the doorway from the kitchen.
Who ever it was that was outside was very loud indeed to be heard from
the kitchen. And they were rude too, constantly pounding on the door
and shouting.
"One of Ranma's friends?" Kasumi suggested.
"Sounds like a woman," Nabiki said. "Possible another one of Ranma's
suitors that we don't know about yet," she added with a tone of her
usual sarcasm.
The two of them finally moved into the entry foyer, and opened the
front door, and found themselves confronted by a most unusual sight.
There were two women standing outside, dressed in cowboy outfits. One
thing was certain, they were definitely not Japanese, explaining the
rudeness.
One was dressed in a truly loud and gaudy outfit. She had on a blue
blazer that sparkled in the sunlight from countless rhinestones. Her
pants appeared to be made from leather, with fringes hanging out from
the seams, a pair of alligator skin cowboy boots, and a large bleached
white, ten gallon cowboy hat. As if her outfit wasn't outlandish
enough, she was also the larger of the two, with a significantly more
pronounced muscles than her companion.
Her companion was more conservatively dressed, and had more of a
feminine build. She had on a pair of hiking boots, blue jeans, and a
dark blue shirt with a few rhinestones that traced out a few swirl
patters. And her short brown hair was unadorned by any hat.
"Howdy!" the larger woman said with a voice that could bend steel if
applied. But she also wore a smile that looked as if it could swallow
a bus.
"Say their ladies, were looking for some kind of training hall. You
perhaps wouldn't know where we can find some martial artist, would
you?"
It was then that her smaller companion jabbed an elbow into her ribs.
"Kelley, remember your manners. Were strangers here," she said.
"Manners! Little lady, we Texans invented manners," Kelley said,
turning to her friend.
The smaller woman cleared her throat, silencing her friend. Then she
smiled at the two Tendo girls.
"Excuse me. My name is Cindy Darenger. You will have to forgive my
friend here. We've only been in your country for a short time, and I'm
afraid we are less than familiar with your customs. We're looking for
the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. I don't suppose you
know of them, do you?"
"Why are you looking for them," Nabiki said. She then folded her arms
before her, and looked at the two strangers with suspicion.
"Nabiki?" Kasumi said in protest, "We should be hospitable, even if
they are rude."
"Dou!" Kelley said with a flinch.
Kasumi then turned to two strangers, and knelt down onto her knees in
traditional greeting. "You've come to the right place. Welcome to our
home," she said, and then she bowed in greeting, leaving the two loud
strangers to blink in confusion.
"What's the mater? Lose a contact lens or something?", Kelley snapped,
and winning another stab in the ribs from her friend.
"Okay, so you found the right place," Nabiki said, still unpleasantly
frowning, "Now would you mind telling me why you're here?"
"Why, most certainly," Kelley said, "We've come to invest a couple
thousand smackers into your dudu."
"That's 'dojo'!", Cindy snapped.
"Two thousand yen," Nabiki said, "Why bother?"
"Two thousand yen?", Kelley said, "What the hell is a yen? Were talking
greenbacks here."
Nabiki's expression suddenly changed.
"Greenbacks? As in dollars? As in US Dollars?" Nabiki said.
"Yep. Got it right here, in my pocket. All you got to do is ask,"
Kelley said, patting her buttocks.
Nabiki blinked, with visions of yen signs appearing in her eyes. She
blinked again, with the sound of a cash register ringing in the
background, then seeing dollar signs.
"Well," Kasumi said, "I don't think that..."
Nabiki suddenly pushed her more demure sister to one side, and offered
the strangers a wide beaming smile.
"Kasumi, why are you just standing there for, let's see our guests in!"
+ + +
Soun and Genma sat on one side of the table, and watched the two
foreigners, Cindy and Kelley, struggling to make themselves comfortable
on the floor. The two of them definitely didn't look impressed.
"So," Soun said, finally growing tired of watching them try to squat on
the pillows, "You've come all the way from, where did you say you were
from?"
"Dirt Hill, Texas," Kelley announced proudly.
"Texas?", Genma said, "I thought you said you were from the United
States?"
Soun then gave Genma a jab in the ribs.
"She did say the US. Texas is one of their states, stupid," Soun
corrected.
"Oh, yeah. I knew that," Genma said, scratching the back of his head.
"Ahem, ... from Dirt Hill... Texas... to invest some money in our
dojo?"
"That's right sugar pie," Kelley said with a wide smile.
"Actually, it's not so much as an investment, as it is a business
venture. A chance to go international," Cindy said, "You see, the two
of us run our own training hall. We teach The Clearwater Dude Ranch of
Anything Goes Indian Fighting. We're like you, just struggling to
survive."
"No kidding," Kelley said looking around, "And its looking like your
even worse off then we are. You fellas can't even afford chairs."
Cindy cleared her thought.
"The Japanese don't use chairs," she stated for her friend, "Any way,
we're struggling, just like you. Then a few months ago, this really
eccentric millionaire by the name of Goldoil came to our ranch, and
said he wanted to invest some money in an international chain of
regional health spas around the world, and wanted ours to be his US
branch. He then sent us to you, to see if you're willing to sign on to
be the Japanese branch. He offered two thousand dollars, just as an
incentive to get you to consider the offer."
"Us, go international?", Genma said, "I don't know Tendo, sounds a
little too good to be true."
"Yeah, you ain't just whistlin' Dixie there," Kelley said.
"But I ain't... err... not whistling Dixie at all?", Genma corrected.
"What my friend is trying to say," Cindy said, "Is that we were just as
skeptical as you are. But the money is in cash, and he even prepaid
for eight round trip tickets to Texas for you and some of your
students, so you can inspect our operation in person, as well as to
meet Mr. Goldoil and to review some of our, uh, students."
Cindy then reached into her purse, and pulled out eight, genuine
looking plane tickets, and offered them to Soun.
"Us? Go to America? Why that's ridiculous!", Genma said.
"Saotome's right. We don't speak a word of English."
"Hah!", Kelley said, jumping to her feet and placing one foot on the
table, "Ain't that just a quwinky-dink. We can't speak a word of
Japanese either!"
"B-b-but that's impossible," Soun said, "If you can't speak Japanese,
then how are we talking?"
"It's the work of this really weird shaman we know," Cindy said. She
then reached under her shirt, and pulled out a tear drop shaped piece
of turquoise that looked like it was attached to a silver mounting with
strange etchings on it. "This one is hexed for Japanese. As long as I
wear it, you can understand what I'm saying. The Shaman also gave me
eight more that are hexed for English."
Cindy dug into her purse once more, and pulled out eight small boxes,
and placed them on the table.
Soun and Genma stared uncertainly at the boxes that were placed on the
table.
"I don't Know, Saotome?", Soun said.
"I don't know ether Tendo. Perhaps we had better think on this for a
while. Why don't you two ladies give us a couple of days to think this
over, and we'll get in touch with you."
"Sure thing handsome," Kelley said, "But we ain't going to be here much
longer. We got a steel carpet wait'en to take us back to the states.
Our passports aren't exactly right as rain, if you know what I mean.
But take your time, and give us a call when you decide to come over,
that way we can roll out the red carpet for you all."
The two Americans said their good-byes, and then saw themselves out,
leaving Soun and Genma to stare at the boxes still sitting on the
table.
"What do you think, Saotome?", Soun said, "Could this be a trick of
some kind?"
"She did say it was hexed," Genma said, "I can tell you from experience
that you don't want hex on you. And even Cindy and Kelley said they
don't really know who this shaman is, and that he's really weird."
"You think this is a trap of some kind then? How are we going to know
for sure? Saotome, why don't you try it on."
"Me?! I already have a curse, remember? Why don't you try it on?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Saotome. I have no intention of being turned
into a panda."
The two of them stared into each other's eyes, trying to get the other
to back down. Then, with an evil grin on both of them, an alternative
came to mind.
They then turned towards the exit to call out into the hallway.
"Ho Ranma, Ranma my boy!", Genma said.
"Akane dear, your father would like to see you," Soun said.
+ + +
Ranma and Akane sat next to each other, staring blankly at the TV,
frowning as deeply as it was possible. On the screen, they saw an
absurd looking red head crying in front of a strange looking man who
was apparently talking sternly to the woman.
"/Lucy? What have you done now?/"
"/What makes you think I did any thing, Ricky?/"
"/Lucy?!/"
"/Whaaaaaa!!!/"
"I don't get it pop. What the big idea, making us watch this," Ranma
said.
"Yeah, no kidding," Akane, "It's the English only channel. I can't
understand a word they're saying. There aren't even any of those
annoying subtitles. Can't we change the channel or something?"
"No you can not!", Soun said, getting into his daughter's face.
"Ranma! This is your penance," Genma said, getting into his son's
face, "The two of you are to watch this for the rest of the night. Is
that clear!"
"Huh?? Sure, pop?", Ranma said.
The two fathers than stood up like ruling titans over their progeny.
"Count yourself lucky, Akane, that we aren't going to do any thing more
harsh," Sound said.
"That's right Ranma. Take your punishment like a man," Genma said.
The two then marched out, only to dash once they were out of sight to
observe the two's reactions.
Ranma and Akane continued to blankly stare at the TV.
"/Lucy!/", the funny looking man said, placing his hands defiantly on
his hips.
"That's all I hear, is 'Lucy'," Akane said, "Just what dues that mean
any way?"
"I don't know. Maybe he's telling her to stop whining or something,"
Ranma said.
"Whining? Is that what you think she's doing? I thought she had to go
to the bathroom."
Then, when Akane and Ranma decided that American TV couldn't get any
worse, it got worse. Each program seemed to become more demeaning and
stupid as time went own.
Finally, the TV was showing an old movie of some kind that had three
odd looking guys strutting around, stopping only to smack and hit each
other.
"/Hey Moe, what is this black thing with a candle sticking out of it?/"
"/Yangyangyang! That's a bomb stupid, get rid of it quick!/"
"/Oh, it's a Bomb. A BOMB!! Here Curly, you get rid of it./"
"/Well sot'noly. Wouwouwou./"
It was then that Ranma happened to look at the table.
"Huh?", he said as he spied two tear drop looking pieces of turquoise
that were mounted on silver chains, laying on the table.
"What is it Ranma? Have you seen this one already?"
"No. It's some kind of jewelry," Ranma said, taking the pendant from
the table. "You don't suppose it's one of Nabiki's is it?"
"Why would she leave it here?", Akane said.
"You know, it's kind of pretty," Ranma said, "Do you want to try it
on?"
"Why do you want me to put it on, Ranma?!", Akane said with
supposition.
"I don't know. It's ether that or watch this stupid sitcom with that
wiry kid with the glasses and suspenders," Ranma said.
"Give it to me, already," Akane said.
He handed the pendant to her. Akane raised it to eye level to get a
better look at it.
"You know, I've never seen this before. You don't suppose dad left it
here for us, do you?", Akane said.
"Why would they give us matching pendants for a penitence. Man, you're
un-cute. Fine, don't put it on then," Ranma said.
"Gerrr. Fine then. I will."
With that, Akane pulled the chain around her neck, and allowed the
pendant to come to rest under her neck.
Behind her, their two fathers watched, peeking out from behind the
doorway, and keeping their fingers crossed.
"There, are you happy now? Huh?"
Akane then looked strangely at the TV, leaving Ranma to blink in
confusion.
"What happened, did they suddenly change format or something?", Akane
said.
"Or something? What are you babbling about, Akane?" Ranma said.
"The TV, can't you hear?" Akane said.
"The only thing I here from the TV is a bunch of monkeys yapping away,"
Ranma said.
"No, they're specking perfect Japanese!" Akane said, "But why aren't
they lip syncing?"
"Akane, don't be stupid, their still speaking English, unless...."
"Unless it has something to with the pendant," Akane said.
She then took it off.
"Now I can't understand them any more. You try it."
Ranma frowned. But he took the pendant, and donned it, just as Akane
did.
"Hey, that's so weird," Ranma said.
Behind them, Soun and Genma were nodding to each other, and smiling
widely. Suddenly, they burst into the room, cheering and dancing.
Akane and Ranma listened patiently, when their fathers had finally
explained the situation. It was Ranma who broke the silence.
"So, this shaman guy cooked up these pendants, so we can speak English,
so we can go into business with another school in Texas? Far out. Way
to go, pop," Ranma said.
"Yeah dad, that's great. But what about the other students?", Akane
said.
"Huh? Auu," Soun said, scratching the beck of his head, "I don't know.
We can safely say that you two are students of the school. But that
still leaves four tickets."
"Hey, why don't we take Ukyou and Shampoo. We can pass them off as
students, right?", Ranma said.
"Hey, why do you want to bring those two with you!", Akane shouted.
"Now what is that supposed to mean?!", Ranma said.
"Fine then. While we're at it, why don't we invite Kuno and Ryoga!"
"Grrrr! Fine by me," Ranma said.
Ranma and Akane then folded their arms, and turned their backs on each
other. Meanwhile, Soun and Genma did a double take.
"Why not, Saotome? They would fill out all the tickets," Soun said.
"They may not be students, but they do represent the Anything Goes
attitude. The big question is, will they come?"
Suddenly, the wall burst open, and all four afore mentioned persons
charged in, running over their four hosts, and burying them under an
avalanche of bags and suitcases, each garbed in outlandish Hawaiian
stile tourist outfits.
"WHEN DO WE LEAVE ? ! ! !", they all shouted simultaneously,.
"Akane Tendo, what a romantic gesture to insist upon my presence on
such a grand adventure. I, Kuno Tatewaki, here do by pledge myself as
your escort."
"Ni hao Ranma, Shampoo ready."
"Akane, You know I would follow you any where," Ryoga said.
"Thanks for inviting me along, Ran-chan," Ukyou said.
Within hours, the plane that would take our heroes aloft could be seen
gaining speed along the runway.
"Ah yes," Kuno waxed, "America. Land of the free, and home of the
brave. A mighty nation inspired by the great empire of Rome itself.
And I will bathe among the glory and power of Washington D.C. and drink
in the aura of the most mighty nation upon the earth."
"Hiya, Shampoo can hardly wait to take picture of Statue of Liberty
home to Chinese Amazon. They be so proud of Shampoo."
"I can hardly believe It," Ryoga said, "The wonder and splendor of
getting lost in the Grand Canyon."
"Just a imagine, a whole continent that hasn't tasted my okonomi-yaki,"
Ukyou said, seeing dollar sign in her eyes. "I'll make a killing."
"I can hardly wait to go skiing down the Rocky Mountains," Akane said.
"Ha ha ha, Imagine us, Saotome, getting to spy on girls clad in scanty
bikinis on the beaches of California."
"You're a man after my own heart, Tendo."
"We'll, the only thing I want to see is....," Ranma said.
Suddenly, our heroes are left behind by a rickety bus as it pulls away
along a lonely dirt road.
"The Great American Desert," Ranma completed without fanfare.
Our eight heroes suddenly found themselves in the middle of a vast,
dry, and brown wasteland. The screeching of buzzards could be heard
overhead as a lonely tumbleweed rolled across their path, followed only
by a cloud of dust.
Across the road, was indeed the most run down ranch to ever have been
noticed upon the face of the continent. It's perimeter was marked by a
rickety and rusted barbed wire fence that contained one sickly looking
skinny cow, who seemed perfectly contented to watch the tourists from
Japan while chewing on it's cud.
The cow then stopped, swallowed, and then spoke.
"Moo."
It then promptly regurgitated a new wad of cud, and returned to
staring, and chewing.
The main house looked like it was decades overdue for a new paint job,
if not outright demolition. It was painted with a faded and weathered
blue color, with a large open air porch that surrounded the house on
three sides.
It was at that opportune moment, that a rain gutter decided to lose its
grip on the eve, and plummet with a twang to the ground.
Standing on the road leading to the main house, were three natives.
Two girls, and one boy. All three of which were staring blankly at the
students from the Anything Goes school, just as our eight heroes stared
back.
The first girl was had medium length blond heir that was done up in a
short pony tail. She ware a simple loose gray pullover and a pair of
tan colored slacks.
The girl standing next to her was clearly the tallest woman present.
In fact, standing at seven four, she was the tallest person present.
She wore what appeared to be a course fiber cross over garment over her
bust, and wrapped around her torso as a make shift skirt.
The only guy in the group was a tall, but stringy fellow dressed in
vertical gray and black striped coveralls that were adorned only with
numerous grease spots of various color, and a lonely patch that said
"BOB". From one pocket, poked out a greasy red rag, and from the
other, a lonely wrench. The fellow briefly flashed a smile at the
school, before allowing it to return to his blank expression.
"Ranma,", Shampoo said, blinking in disbelief, "This not Statute
iberty."
"Hmmm, it seems that we have neglected to concede the true scale of
this great continent," Kuno said with a frown, and placed his fingers
to his forehead.
"Tendo!", Genma said, "Are you certain this is the right place?"
"I don't know, let me check the brochure," Soun said, burying his nose
in a pamphlet. "It looks like the right place, but it looks nothing
like the brochure. According to this, there should be grass."
"Why am I not surprised there would be a catch," Ukyou said.
Meanwhile, the natives continued to stare at the travelers.
Finally, the blond poked the giantess in the ribs.
"Area, the sign. So they know this is the right place," she said.
"Ahh, si," she said with a nod and a hint of Spanish in her voice.
Area then produced a faded sign that was illegibly written in English.
The blond quickly slapped the giantess in the arm.
"Stupid, the other sign. The one we wrote in Japanese, you dolt."
"Oops, Area correct at once." the giantess said. She then quickly
flipped the sign over, and it read with primitive and barely legible
characters, "Welcome, Saotome School of Anything Goes Marshal Arts."
(And just below their feet, the subtitles appeared.)
"Well, this looks like the right place," Soun said, "Let's go introduce
ourselves."
Then, the ice was suddenly broken, and all now wore bright smiles of
friendly greeting. The three led the eight up the lonely driveway, and
up to the main house.
But all was not entirely well. Far beyond the vision of our heroes, a
pair of pale red eyes peered through gray smoke, in the shadows,
observing, and smiling. A quiet, dark and haunting laugh echoed from
his throat, and he spoke to the rising smoke around him.
"At last, grate spirits. The moment I have promised you, and to my
people, has come. The ends of the earth have met, and bitter enemies,
now stand united as friends. Soon, great spirits, very soon, I will
deliver to you what I promised to you. What you most desperately
desire. To feed on the hearts of those who posses true love.
+ + +
"Well howdy sugar, I'm so glad you all decided to come on down and
enjoy our hospitality," Kelley said, "Especially you, big guy," she
said, looking right at Genma. "I keep seeing you in my dreams. You
just keep reminding me of a great big teddy bear."
"Ha ha ha," Genma said, "You may be closer to the truth than you
think," he said. His comment won him a jab from his friend, Soun.
"Saotome, remember that we can't let them know about our curses. Or
this whole venture will be doomed," Soun whispered into Genma's ear.
"Jumpin' Jehosephat,", Kelley snapped, "Where are my manners, come on
in. Make your selves right at home."
Kelley stepped aside, and held the door open for every one to pass
inside. Then all found themselves in an impressively sized living
room. Compared to their own home, this one was filled with furniture.
There were two large couches, several rocking chars, and a recliner.
All situated to face a single small screen TV set with one of the knobs
missing, and a plain pair of pliers standing taking it's place. There
was a fireplace, with a thick wool rug covering a portion of a hard
wood floor. At the far end of the room, was a staircase that
disappeared up into the ceiling.
"Well, it's certainly...," Ukyou began, but then began a lose for
words.
"Western looking," Akane finished. It was evident that neither of them
found what they were expecting to see.
"Akane,", Soun said, leaning over towards his daughter, "Remember your
manners. We're guests in a strange land, and with customs we don't
understand."
"Ha ha ha," Kelley blurted, "Never you mind him Akane, we ain't much
for ceremony here. Speak your mind, I always say. Heck, you couldn't
offend me, even if ya tried." With that, Kelley turned away from then,
and walked over to the foot of the staircase. "Hey, every body! The
company's here! Get you saddle warmers down here and say howdy
already!"
There was a clamor that sounded like a herd of buffalo that came down
the stairway. It was an impressive family, even if it was obvious that
not every one was related to each other.
"All right every body!", Kelley began as she started the round of
introductions, "My name is Kelley Clearwater, but you can call me Kell.
And this here is my best friend, and the owner of this fine house,
Cindy Darenger, her three sons, Dusty, Cash, and Redd."
Already, Shampoo, Ukyou, and even Akane noticed Dusty. He was tall,
and ruggedly handsome with a clean shaven face that was neatly framed
by well combed black hair. He was dressed in simple pink shirt and
faded blue jeans and cowboy boots. But some how, they simply looked
better on him. He was not so beefy as to be obvious or anything, but
still, his musculature was clear, even fully clothed, ready for work as
he was.
Cash was a another matter. He was still clean shaven and neat. But he
wore a polo shirt, slacks and actual shoes. In all, he looked like he'd
be more comfortable playing golf than playing cowboy.
Then there was Redd. Clean and shaved as his two brothers, but with a
more boyish appearance. Still, something about him set him apart.
Maybe the apron around his waist, and the used spoon in his hand.
It was just at that moment that Redd's mother spotted the spoon, and
rudely snatched it from his grip. Redd's reaction was to sigh in
defeat.
"And over here,", Kelley continued, "The gal in the gray pullover is my
only daughter, Tarry. She's the little lady who's going to carry on
the school after I go ridin' off into the sunset. Then of course, you
all met our resident Amazon from the hills of Argentina, Area. The guy
wearing the oil stained pajamas is Bob, The best mechanic in all of
Dirt Hill, if not in Texas, and an all around nice guy to boot. Then
lastly, but not least, there's Marry Lou, our first and only student
for the school."
Marry Lou had the same affect on the boys, as Dusty had on the girls.
For one thing, she was busty, very busty, with plenty of cleavage
showing through her tightly drawn blue and white checkered blouse. She
also had on a skirt that hung just above the knees, giving a good show
of some worthy legs.
"Whanana..," Ranma rambled, a small dribble of drool dripping from the
corner of his mouth. He was completely oblivious to the stabbing
glares from Akane.
"Wow," Ryouga said most artfully.
"Indeed, the Gods are artists, and their masterpiece thus stands before
me. Beauty in flesh, and Grace giving life itself," Kuno waxed, "So
fair even to rival that of the pigtailed girl."
Kuno's words struck Ranma like an invisible hammer.
"Pinch me, Saotome, I must be dreaming," Soun said, his tongue hanging
out.
"Pinch you?! Thanks for running the moment, Tendo."
"Well now, since we are all introduced, why don't we all grab some
grub. Compliments of our young Redd Darenger," Kelley said.
"Sure, rub it in why don't you," Cindy said.
"What? Come on Cindy, your son is a great cook," Kelley said.
"Sons are not supposed to be great cooks," Cindy snapped. She then
marched into the other room, leaving Kelly to shrug in defeat.
The Saotome School was let into the next room, the dining room, which
was dominated by a long and large dinning room table that was covered
with a white cloth. Plates for all were set, forming a perimeter
around bowls and platters heaping over with food. Placed next to the
plates, were set the most alien thing yet encountered. Silverware. A
bizarre setting indeed since there were two forks, two knives, and
three spoons.
Every one soon found a chair, and stood behind them, waiting to take
their "cultural" cues from their host. Until some one made an unusual
discovery.
"Hey, what's this?", Ranma said, eyeing the meal closer, "This is
Japanese food."
"Yes," Redd said, beaming with pride, "I thought that after you long
trip, you might appreciate something from home. It was also a perfect
excuse to play around with some new recipes."
Cindy placed her hands on her hips and eyed her son.
"You say that as if it was a good thing,", she said. Cindy then let out
a long and sad sigh as she shook her head in disappointment, "If only
you were more like your brothers."
"Mother," Redd said in protest.
By now, Genma leaned over, and snatched a piece of sashimi from a
platter.
"Well, you certainly didn't go wrong in the kitchen. This tastes
terrific."
"Nay, I say!"
Suddenly, all eye's were turned towards Kuno, who suddenly took up an
over dramatic pose over his chair. "I, Kuno Tatewaki did not travel
half way around the globe and to this exotic foreign land to taste the
fruit of home. A fine meal it may be, but A meal I may enjoy once upon
a normal day. Certainly, it is not fit for such an occasion as this!"
"Shhh!", Tarry Clearwater said, "Quiet, he'll hear you."
"Nonsense!", Kuno said, "Let I be heard. I am a man of bold courage,
with the heart of an explorer. And I strive to explore the culinary
delights of this great land."
"No no no," Tarry said trying to keep her voice down, now waving her
hands to word Kuno away from his self imposed course. She then looked
to either side of her. "You don't understand, the Cajun will here you.
And you don't want the Cajun to cook for you."
"The Cajun! Who this may be your chef," Kuno said, his voice now
louder. "If indeed he be a master of fine cuisine that is indicative of
the Biue itself, then I hunger for this man's art. To the Cajun! I
implore you, I beg you, bring me your masterpiece, so that I may
consume the flavor and spirit of the great land!"
"Yay, gie somone cul Cajun!"
Suddenly, a white blur entered the room. And there he stood, at the
entrance. The Cajun. He was a big fellow, who was definitely wide for
his still rather tall height. But it was evident that under his snow
white chef's outfit that he wore, that his bulk comprised greatly of
le. He placed his hands on his hips as if he was going to throw his
head back in laughter, a wide handlebar mustache that covered his
mouth, but made it seem as if his smile expanded well beyond his ears.
He eyed the new comers with an almost evil like glee, like a kid in a
candy store, ready to gobble every thing in sight.
At this point, all the natives had recoiled away from the odd fellow,
who was wearing a white apron, and two guerilla style spice holders
slung over his shoulders. Then, his eyes fell on Kuno, who swallowed
nervously from within his gaze.
Suddenly, the Cajun throw open his arms with a gleeful gesture, as if
to hug Kuno from a distance, and bellowed with a laugh that echoed off
the walls, and shook the windows. He then snapped into a blur of
motion. Several logs, a large black pot, and a sphere of water flew
across the dinner table, and were piled neatly in the giant sized
fireplace that lay at the far end of the room. The logs landed into a
neat pile, perfect to receive the pot and the pot landed perfectly to
receive the water.
The Cajun then produced what looked to be a fire extinguisher of some
kind, and he handed it like a gun slinger, twirling it around his
finger. Then it locked into position, and he pulled the trigger, and a
tongue of flame shot across the room, and across Kuno's bow, as he
looked on in a daze. In an instant, the fireplace was a blaze, setting
the water to boil.
The Cajun was then upon the pot, and tossing ingredients and critters
of all sort into the pot, singing happily as he tended to his work.
Something squealed, and leaped from the pot, only to be snatched in mid
air, and put back into the boiling water. Vegetables flew across the
air, and were instantly shredded and diced along their trajectory into
the pot.
Then, he paused. Stuck his finger in the pot to taste test. He was
impressed.
Before Kuno knew what hit him, a knife and a fork flew though the air,
and lodged themselves into the table with a . A plate spun
through the air, and was caught by the knife and fork. A spoon was
then thrown into the air, and smacked against both the fork and knife,
dislodging them and being knocked into the air, and finally coming to
rest on ether side of the plate. Only the spoon was out of place by a
mere few degrees, when the Cajun whooshed over in a blur, straightened
the spoon to perfection, then returned to his pot. All the while,
loudly humming his nameless tune without missing a beat.
Then a large blob of grayish goo flew across the room, and landed
squarely on Kuno's plate. Then, in a flash, The Cajun zipped in behind
Kuno, shoved the chair in under him, and then tied on him a bib that
said, "I want to kiss the cook. Even if he is ugly." He then stood
back and beamed with uncontainable pride, to observe the results of his
obvious labor of love, his hands clasped before him as if in
anticipation.
Kuno looked down at his plate, and his eyes became wide with horror.
The stuff was thick, just barely liquid enough to slowly ooze across
the plate.
Kuno began to turn a sickly shade of green.
Briefly glancing up, he saw his fellow Japanese, and even the
Americans, staring at him with shock and horror. Them, as if they
feared the wrath of the Cajun, then dove into their own meals. Even
the Americans, taking in cuisine that would normally turn their
stomach, seemed to unusually relish the flavor and texture of octopus,
and squid.
Only Ranma and Ukyou, who just happened to be sitting at either side of
Kuno had the courage to lean over, and survey the contents of Kuno's
plate.
"Say Ran-chan,", Ukyou said, "You don't suppose those things are
suppose to move, do you?"
"Is it my imagination Ukyou, or is this thing turning color?", Ranma
said to Ukyou.
It was then that Kuno's resolve began to weaken, and he slowly leaned
further and further back into his chair until it fell over, only
revealing Kuno's nervously twitching feet.
Apparently, the Cajun misinterpreted Kuno's fainting, as a rousing
endorsement of his food. He took Kuno from the floor, hugged him,
kissed him on both of his cheeks, vigorously shook his hand, hugged him
once more, then propped the limp Kuno back into his chair, just in time
for a second helping of the Cajun's masterpiece to fly onto his plate.
All Kuno could do, was to fall under the table.
+ + +
There, hidden only by distance and thin gray smoke, a pair of red eyes
observed the meal. A cold and warped smile appeared on an wrinkled
and hairless face, as a dark laughter again erupted from his throat.
But it was not the chuckle of humor that tickled him, for this
vestigial mode of humor was far darker.
His laughter increased slowly, and with wicked persistence.
"Eat, brave warriors. Eat well, and eat heartily. For more than you
can possibly know may rest upon the bounty of your final meal."
The dark soul could speak no more, for his voice was consumed with his
loud cackle. Soon, his cruel laughter would be heard at the ends of
the earth. And it may very well be the last thing that they shall
hear.
--To be continued in Act II: A sole's unresst.--
_________Closing Credits_________________________
-->Insert the them song for Get Smart here..<-----
--------------------------------------------------
Story by: Douglas E. Kulp
Based on stuff by: Rumiko Takahashi
Edited by: Deric Wilson
Transportation and lodging by: Code Name D.
Note to foreign guests: Motel 8 doses not have public bathing areas.
__/\/\___________________________________
_(_¬ ¬)_ Code Name D
\__\/__/ Beware of the spy
http://www.oocities.com/Code_Name_D
code_name_d@my-deja.com
Ranma 1/2: The Curse of the Ghost Dance
Act 1: The Invitation
(
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