Do you ever feel like a stranger in a world you know that you must belong in? I feel that way a little too often...I want so badly to reverse time so that I could correct all of my wrongs... But I know that's impossible. I regret so many of the things I've done in the past, even though I know that I should be living in the present and looking towards the future.
I am around a bunch of people whose faces and names I know, but they all seem to be mere facades. There is no substance to these people...nor is there any to that which they allow me to know about themselves.
I am a stranger in this world that I know and long to, again, be a part of...If I could just understand what makes me long to be a part of it, this knowledge alone could set me free... But it never seems to come...I do know that I need to start letting some of this go. But I wander around in circles through a desert that I long to rain (reign) over, once again. Would it not make more sense to fit- into a world that I don't like, but am accustomed to, than to be a foreigner in a land that I despise and fear the meaning behind, and yet still have my own private desires to fit into...to embrace.
Why my love do I stare into the eyes of these strangers with approval and emotion, when I know that my opinion means as much to them as a reflection in a fun house mirror would to unknowing eyes...
A flower, a petal I unwillingly draw my hands away from at the sight of vengeful thorns. Or is so fragile that it wilts at my lightest breath and crumbles with the weight of my sight. Just to caress those leaves that have been held by a thousand loving hands, without the slightest show of wear...
A kiss that disintegrates before it even crosses the path of my lover's lips to mine...
A candle that melts so quickly one cannot but glimpse it before it becomes a puddle of lost, meaningless tears
A flame that extinguishes because of its fear of being just one more shade of brightness
when confronted by a roaring fire.
A hand to hold that pulls away at the last moment...
But all the while, I long for the chance to grasp this entity that seems to flee from me
at every turn...that dodges behind every corner, leaving for me only a small glimpse
of the shadow it makes...
