I Love You...I've Killed You
Faye awoke sore, that morning. Her muscles were still tense from the events of the night before.
She and her boyfriend Kendrick had gotten into another one of their fights. Their arguments seemed to
be increasing in frequency. The two had begun to fight almost every evening, and over the most trivial
matters. Faye tried to ignore the fact that Kendrick had been suffering severe moods wings. However,
when the champagne glass came sailing across the room, and struck her in the back, she began to have her
doubts that any of this would change.
She tried to pull herself off of the ground, but every movement shot an acute pain down her spine, which
spread to every muscle, bone, and tendon that she was aware of her body having. Any that she hadn't
known of before hand, the pain made her conscious of now.
The air was cool and the sun was high over the ocean. Faye finally forced herself to open her eyes and
stand up. The room, elegant only a matter of hours prior, now stood in shambles. She was in compassed by
shards of broken dinner-ware, furniture, and other objects strewn about. The spot in which she had slept in
for the night (or more was knocked unconscious and had just come to her senses in), was coated with a sticky
solution of blood, glass, and champagne.
Faye ran her hands through her hair, and drew them back, almost afraid to look, when she found a spot that
was sticky and damp.
"Why me?" Was Faye's question to herself, as she made her way to the broken mirror on the living room
wall. Her reflection met her eyes in hundreds of different directions, as though she were a many-eyed
insect looking upon her self. She dimly recalled having flung a vase at Kendrick, which he dodged easily,
but the mirror behind him had been unable to avoid.
In the many images reflected to her in the crumbling, silvered glass, she was swollen, bruised, and bloody.
Her normally fair complexion was marred by sickly, purple-black flesh. Her blonde hair was matted
against her scalp, and stained a dark, reddish-brown color. Her turquoise-gray eyes were swollen and
bloodshot.
"Why do I let him do this to me?!?" Faye called in a hoarse whisper to the draft that was in the room. It
wasn't until then that she realized the front door swung boldly open, almost in defiance of the stillness of
everything else surrounding her.
She stumbled towards the door wanting to shut it, but lost the energy after getting half-way there. She
collapsed against the stair rail, and slid to the floor. Faye groped her way to the bathroom, bent her head
over the toilet, and released a burning combination of bile and blood.
She lay down in the shower, still wearing a tee-shirt and pair of jeans, both stained crimson. She turned the
warm water on, letting it flow over her weakened body. It felt so good against the dull ache of her bruises,
even though it did intensify the sting from the cuts she'd received.
She moaned as she pulled her wet clothes off, and dropped them in a sopping heap next to her. After
working the presence of the blood away, she dried off. Feeling a little better, Faye pulled her hair up into a
pony tail, (brushing it would have been torture), stepped into a pair of huge jeans, and pulled one of
Kendrick's old shirts over her head.
It made her feel so good to have a part of him, or what he used to be, next to her. "This is all a phase," she
whispered to herself. "If he didn't love me, he could have killed me......He would have if he didn't.... Oh God,
for all we have shared, let him still love me....." A solitary tear inched its way down her inflamed cheek as
she crouched on her knees, shaking.
When her thoughts cleared, Faye remembered the open front door. She opened the door to the terrace as
well. The breeze was not at all an unwelcome companion as she cleaned the living room. All the time she
worked, Faye wondered what she had done to anger Kendrick, and to receive such retribution.
* * *
That night, Kendrick returned to the house. He found Faye asleep in the middle of the floor, with a few
small droplets of blood on the collar of the shirt, and a mop still in her tiny hands. Her already small frame
was dwarfed even further by the gigantic clothes she wore cinched at her waist. Kendrick took her, gently,
so he would not wake her, into his arms. He carried her up the stairs, into their bedroom, and lay down
beside her.
He kissed her forehead gently, and whispered, "I love you, baby.... No matter what I may say or do, I love
you..... But I can't be trusted anymore....No, not now, but maybe someday soon. I don't know who.... Or
what... I am, anymore. Don't let me hurt you. I don't mean to......."
Kendrick stood over her, and took one last glance. Even in this battered state, she was gorgeous. He knew
he was lucky to have her.
Kendrick walked through the living room, on his way to the kitchen. To his amazement, the room was
nearly spotless. The only evidence of the previous nights happenings were a shattered mirror, and a dark
stain on the gray sofa. He was amazed that she had withstood a beating of that magnitude, and awaken
the next morning to clean the mess. It made him feel more guilty than he had before.
He walked over to the mirror, and looked at his own reflection. It too appeared broken, with all of the
cracks in the glass. He saw his own eyes staring, many times, back at him. They were the color of a
moonless midnight. His dark hair was pulled behind him in a tight braid, reaching all of the way down to
his waist. His six-foot, muscular frame was obvious beneath the black tailored suit he wore. He opened his
mouth, just a little, and examined the sharp points of his canine teeth.
Kendrick smelled the rose at his lapel, and was momentarily lost in thought. He recalled that Faye had
sunken her nails in, deep, across his face. He remembered being kicked, bitten, burned with boiling water,
and receiving other blows with sharp or dull instruments. He contemplated the fact that not a single mark
was still visible on his skin.
Kendrick continued his venture to the kitchen. He felt that he'd best have something prepared for Faye, if
she awoke. He doubted that she had consumed anything, at all, that day. She didn't eat much, she always to
worried about her appearance. Her figure was a little too gaunt, at 5'7 and only 100 pounds, but she was
beautiful, anyway.
He made a large salad, some rice, and put water on the stove for tea. He set the table with the crystal
plates that had been passed down for several generations, in his family. Then Kendrick added tall black
candles, and his signature black, thorned rose.
After making sure that the food would remain warm for her, he walked out onto the boardwalk. An icy,
breeze swept strands of his hair loose, and sent chills down his spine. He opened the gate, and followed the
stairway to the beach, anyway.
* * *
Faye was stirred from a dream of snakes and silver clouds, as she heard the gate close behind Kendrick. She
smiled to herself, knowing that this meant he still loved her.
She made her way downstairs. The place set at the table made her realize how hungry she was. She shut
off the lights, and ate by candle light. She held the rose, expertly, to her chest, wishing it was Kendrick
himself.
* * *
Kendrick watched the lights come on and then go off. He knew she now sat at the table, eating the meal he
had prepared. He sensed that she clutched the rose he'd left her. However, he was not ready to face her,
yet.
He continued on, down the beach. The path he followed was all that still remained familiar to him. It
hadn't changed much since his childhood. He'd grown-up in that house, and walked this path nearly
everyday of his life. That was what brought him comfort when his parents were both found slain on the
sand, and it seemed to be all that could stop the fear now.
"What do I do, now?" Kendrick asked himself and his peaceful surroundings. Everything he had known had
become very foreign. Even his own house seemed foreboding. He no longer knew his own limits. Nothing
was real for him any longer, and it had become hard to distinguish fiction from reality. After the changes
he had undergone, everything seemed lost in a dream like clarity.
When Kendrick reached the point at which he could no longer see the house, or the candlelight in the
windows, he stopped. He was engulfed by the ethereal beauty of the night. A chilled breeze flowed over his
frame, biting at his flesh, teasing his senses, but not making him uncomfortable. If anything, he considered it
hypnotic. The moonlight danced in silver flames upon the waves. The sea, as though it were afraid the
moon would disappear at any moment, seemed to slow its churning ebb and flow, in order to devour every
metallic drop of light. This far south of the city, everything was pretty much abandoned, so there were no
lights to dissolve the serene beauty of the stars. Kendrick breathed in the salty-sweet air, letting it linger
within him, like he was savoring a glass of fine wine, then exhaled.
He turned to continue walking, and sensed another presence. He made out the silhouette of a child he did
not recognize, standing on the rocks. He opened her mind, and allowed himself to read her thoughts. As he
walked closer, he noticed the sparkle of a tear on her cheek. "Constance?" Kendrick called.
In a soft voice she replied, "Who are you?" She couldn't have been any older that 15, but she seemed to
have an inferno of pain with in her. The type that had to have been being built up for many years, and
even then was still too great for such a child's life time.
"My name is Kendrick. I can help you, if you'll let me. I know that you are in much pain right now. Your
parents threw you out, didn't they?....." He stopped, not wanting to frighten her too badly.
"Yes, but how did you know?" Constance was wary, but had sense of adventure and curiosity burning
inside her. She walked closer to the man.
"I am, well, we could say.... your guardian angel."
She smiled at that comment, wanting to believe, but not able to do so fully. "Tell me something about
myself....Something that will let me know that what you say is true."
"How's this?....At this particular moment, you are wondering why I never appeared to you before. That is
your only doubt of me. And you want desperately to believe this beautiful stranger who stands before
you. You want him to take away the pain. And you wonder how anything so lovely could lie to you...."
She blushed, realizing that he could indeed read her mind, and quickly thought of the ocean (to block his
telepathic abilities). "Alright, I trust you..." She moved boldly towards Kendrick.
"Your parents said bad things about you, didn't they? They've been doing it all your life, haven't they?"
Kendrick wanted to make her cry again. It was part of his game...Part of the hunt. It hurt him to see her
like this, but he it was necessary for his survival.
Constance fell into his game perfectly. Two small streams trickled from her eyes. She bit her lip, wanting
to say yes, to tell him everything. Her only hindrance was the pride her parents had been unable to take
away, in spite of their threats and beatings. Kendrick moved to embrace Constance, but she stepped away,
embarrassed.
"It will be okay," he said, again reaching to hold her. This time, Constance did not move away.
He kissed her forehead, then her cheek. In her mind, she questioned her own emotions. She had a desire for
this stranger, but at the same time she asked what chance she had to love an angel.
The moment was perfect, Kendrick realized. He moved his mouth to her neck, knowing that she would not
fight against this. Constance found a pleasure in this, which she could not hide from him. Then, he sank his
teeth in, and began to draw her life out.
The pain was great, yet very sweet to her. It was then that she realized how he meant to help her with
the anguish locked inside. She'd always wanted to meet a vampire, now she had. It cost her life, but she died
knowing something that none of her friends ever would; and most of all, she died happy. For the first time,
that she could remember, she was happy.
When Kendrick was almost done with the feast, he pulled away. He removed the black rose from his lapel,
and placed it in her hands. With half closed eyes, she used what little strength she had left to say, "Thank
you, my guardian... angel.... and devil...."
* * *
Kendrick finished his feast, and made his way back to the house. By this time, it was getting late. He had
plenty of time to make-up to Faye, but sunrise would be coming too soon for his taste. He hurried his pace.
Faye......the thought came to him like the last, sweet, lingering trace of incense. Incense burned on an alter
in a temple long, long ago. Just enough to touch the senses in a manner that hinted towards a memory, but
he knew that memory was a dream.....not his own.
As Kendrick opened the door to the house, Faye was just setting her dishes in the sink. He gazed at her,
unconsciously reading her thoughts. Guiltily, he tried to block them. He let his eyes linger on her, holding
her stare, perhaps a few more moments than necessary. Faye began to take on a slightly defensive posture.
He closed his eyes and looked down at the floor. Faye finished rinsing the dishes, her eyes, secretly,
remaining on the god-like figure in the living room.
She looked, worriedly, at his pale skin. Faye couldn't think of a time, since their fights had begun, that she
had seen Kendrick during the day. Hell, she doubted that he'd even seen the sun since then; his skin was
nearly transparent. He looked fragile, almost old. She knew he retained an incredible strength, but he
looked worn. His eyes appeared a little too crystalline.
As Kendrick began walking towards Faye, her thoughts cleared. All except one insistent drone in the back
of her head. She wondered how she would tell Kendrick that she was carrying his child.......
* * *
He stopped dead-in-his tracks. "There's no way! That's impossible!"
Faye looked at him, bewildered. She wondered if he had read her mind. She did not know, for sure, what he
spoke of.
"How?" Kendrick demanded scornfully. "We were so careful....."
"I'm sorry, " she said realizing that Kendrick had, indeed, known exactly what she was thinking. She
wondered how he could have done so, but stopped when he hugged her softly.
"How far along is it?" Kendrick pulled her tightly against himself. He held her firmly, yet gently,
lovingly, concerned.
Surprised by his readiness to accept this as fact, Faye kissed the only part of Kendrick she could reach. She
kissed his neck, just at the collarbone. "I.....I don't know for sure," she stammered; aware that he seemed to
withdraw from her touch. "I haven't gone to find out yet. I just got a small home test."
"You've got to tell me!" Kendrick sank to his knees on the floor, his arms still latched around her waist. He
dropped his head onto her thigh. He knew that if the child was as recent as his change, the delivery would
kill her. He had to know, and if so, something had to be done.
He pressed his head tighter into Faye. She ran her fingers through his long soft hair, releasing it from the
braid. Her movements were so tender, they were like a mother's in their soothing abilities. She let Kendrick
know that she understood his fear. Not sure of why it was so great, but aware of it none the less.
The two remained like this for a long period of time. Neither of them moving. Both afraid to disturb the
other. Both terrified to think that every thread that held them together would unravel if this moment were
to be lost.
* * *
As the first rays of sunlight crept into the still bedroom, Faye awoke to find herself alone, again. The
curtains were drawn back, displaying an orange flame slowly rising over a gray sea. The clouds were of
many different hues. They were stains of yellow, pink, orange, and purple scrolled across a background of
a dark, but fading blue. The water was streaked with the sun's reflection. It was an orange so bright it
was blinding. The sky looked like the canvas of an artist trying to depict the war between good and evil,
but unable to create characters beyond the vivid scheme of colors.
She sighed, rolling over. There it was, the black rose, a note, and a box. She took the rose, and brought it to
her nose. Faye blinked her eyes open, and read the note aloud, blandly. "Faye, I'm sorry I cannot be there
with you this morning. Please go to the doctor today.......The gift is for you. Please open it right away. You
should be pleasantly surprised. The money is for the doctor."
Kendrick did this nearly every morning. He would leave a black, thorned rose, a short letter of apology for
his absence, and a gift. Sometimes, he did it to ask forgiveness for a fight. Other times, it was "just-because."
Faye unwrapped the present, then opened it. Inside, there was the velvet robe she had been looking to order
from a magazine. She thought about how good Kendrick usually was to her. She put the robe on, and
noticed that there was something in the pocket; a small box.
Inside the box was a large diamond mounted on a gold ring. The inscription inside the ring asked, "will you
marry me?" With an exuberant smile, she slid the ring on to her finger.
Faye took a shower, and got dressed. Skipping both breakfast and make-up, she got dressed and went to her
car. She drove to her parent's house, stopping in the drive way. She was about to go in, to tell her mother
the good news, but decided not to. She would wait until later.
Faye drove towards the doctor's office, in town.
* * *
Faye entered the house, undressed, and showered again. She put on the velvet robe she had received that
morning, and watched television in the living room. She drank a cappuccino, as she sat there. It didn't help
to keep her awake. She fell asleep, curled up into a ball. Her feet were tucked into the robe, making it
obvious that she had been trying not to touch the blood stain on the cushion, while she was awake.
Faye awoke to Kendrick opening the front door. She had been asleep for a while; it was already dark
outside. "Well?" He prompted her to tell him the news.
"Come sit beside me."
"What did the doctor have to say?" Kendrick was sitting on the couch beside her. He held her hand to his
lips, and kissed the ring he had left her. He knew that this meant yes to the question engraved inside.
"The kit I got was wrong. The doctor told me, flat-out, that it is impossible for me to have children at all. I
don't have enough body-fat."
Kendrick wasn't sure whether to be angry, or grateful that she would live more than nine months. He was
relieved at the news, but his new temper flared. He slapped her. "What do you mean. Why would
you.....How could you let me think that, and then......You stupid little....!...." He flew at her.
"Kendrick please, I truly though I was! How could I help it? It isn't like I came out and said it directly or
anything!"
Faye's pleas were not enough to subdue his anger. His fists swung at her. He threw her against the
mirror, cracking it in another place. He picked her up, off of the floor, and flung her at the coffee-table. He
walked towards her, and she struggled to run. Kendrick held several of his crystal service pieces in his
hands. She couldn't move, and he took advantage of this fact.
"No," she sobbed at barely more than a whisper. Barely audible against his soft curses.
"How," he cast the first plate at her fragile figure. "Could......You.....Do....That..... To me?" He flung more
plates between his words.
"I didn't know!" Faye cried out, with all of her remaining strength.
"Not good enough," Kendrick muttered through clenched teeth. "Not good enough!"
Faye didn't scream as he brought the final blow down, upon her face. She reeled with pain as she felt the
flesh splitting apart on her forehead. She stared straight at Kendrick with unblinking eyes, until a loss of
blood finally overtook her. She welcomed the dulling of her senses as the initial darkness covered over her.
She smiled up at the fading apparition of a man above her, as she passed into the full effects of
unconsciousness over took her. "I love you....I've killed you," she heard him whisper.
As he looked at her, sprawled across the table, he thought of the chorus to a song. "Blood on gold, blood on
gold. Love's battle rages on. Blood on gold, blood on gold. Against all we've been told..." There was blood
dripping off of the ring he had given to her. The diamond was bright red.
* * *
She awoke in a hospital many days later, with Kendrick by her side. It was late. There were tubes attached
to her body, connecting her to machines. She thought that it couldn't be bad enough to warrant so much
trouble.
Kendrick walked over to the bedside, and kissed her. "I'm so sorry." He picked Faye up, and carried her out
of the building, past a fleet of shouting nurses. She pulled the I.V.'s from her arms.
They arrived home, with Faye slipping slowly back into unconsciousness. Kendrick set her down on the silk
sheets of their bed. He lit candles, and burnt tropical incense. He dressed her in a burgundy gown, made of
crushed velvet. Laying her back on the bed, tears began to stream down his face. He ran to the ocean.
"What do I do?" He whispered it over, and over, into the wind. He stood, staring wildly at the ocean. His
hair was loose, and swirled around him. Kendrick walked, fully dressed, into the water. If he was drenched,
he felt that Faye would be unable to guess that the water on his face was, in fact, tears.
Kendrick walked back up to the house. Being careful to clean the sand from his feet, so as not to dirty the
interior, he entered. Slowly, he made his way to the upstairs bedroom, where the love of his life awaited
him.
She was too young to die, he thought. She was 23. He was 26. She should have had a mortal lifetime ahead
of her. He had an eternity. He could give her an eternity, but that meant dragging her into the life of evil,
that he led. He didn't have to interfere, but that meant being alone until the end of time.
* * *
She recognized the blurred figure as it entered the room. Faye did not, however, realize that she was about
to die. It hadn't crossed her mind, and even if it had, it would not have mattered. He was here now. He
loved her, and she knew it. Again, Faye thought of how good he was to her.
"I love you," she whispered as he kissed her. "I love you," she whispered as he sank his teeth into her neck.
She whispered it again as he drew the entirety of her life force from her body.
"I love you," she whispered as his blood flowed into her mouth.
* * *
"I love you," she whispered at the alter, and many times thereafter.
"I love you," he whispered to her on countless nights of the eternity they spent together. He never again
gave her any reason to doubt those words.
-Midnighte
