Happy Holloween
By now you know that this has nuthin to
do with holloween just thought I would lure
you here.
NOTICE TO ALL PERSONAL
It has been, and always will be, the
management's policy to assure it's
personnel that they are adequately
trained to perform thier jobs. And
with our Special High Intensity Training
(S.H.I.T.) program, we are doing just
that. So if any of you feel that you
not had enough S.H.I.T. ,or that you
need more S.H.I.T., contact your supervisor
immedially. Our management is specially
trained and more than willing to give you
all of the S.H.I.T. you can stand.
OUR MISSION
is to analyze the situation and,
through forsite and advance planning,
avoid or circumvent problems before
they arrive. Should the unexpected occur,
then our aim is to swiftly and efficiently
arrive at a workable solution.
However....when you are up to your ass in
alligators, it is difficult to remember that
your initial objective was to drain the swamp!
TO ALL TAXPAYERS
from the Internal Revenue Service
Dear taxpayer:
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed is your pecker.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around
unemployed; 30% of the time it is pissed off; 20%
of the time it is hard up; and 10% of the time it is employed,
but it operates in a hole. Futhermore, it has two
dependents and they are both nuts.
Accordingly, after January 1st, your pecker will be taxed on
it's size, using the "PECKER CHECKER" scale below. Determine
your category and insert the additional tax under "Other Taxes"
page 2, part V, line C-1 of your standard income tax
return (form 1040).
10-12 Inches.......Luxary Tax.......$50.00
08-09 Inches.......Hole Tax.........$25.00
06-07 Inches.......Privelege Tax....$15.00
04-05 Inches.......Nuisance Tax......$5.00
NOTE:
Anyone under 4 Inches is eligible for a return.
DO NOT APPLY FOR AN EXTENISON!!!
Males with peckers in excess of 12 inches should
file under "Capital Gaines".
Very Truly Yours
W.E. Cutchapeckeroff
Director, IRS
QUESTIONS ANSWERED HERE
SIMPLE................$1.00
GUESSES...............$5.00
INTELLIGENT...........$10.00
HONEST................$25.00
DUMB LOOKS.............FREE!!!!
QUOTES
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the person
who doesn't have to do themselves.
Rodger's Rule: Authorization for a project will be
granted only when none of the authorizers can be blamed if
the project fails, and when all of the authorizers can claim credit if it succeeds.
Truman's Law: If you can't convince them, confuse them
Vile's Law: No one is listening until you make a mistake!
It is impossible to make a mistake foolproof because fools
are so so damned ingenious.
Anyone who boasts that they never made a mistake is admitting
that they never had tried anything new.
Citizen view on Congress: Trivial matters are handled
promptly. Important matters are never solved!
Citizens View on thier jobs:
We, the willing
led by the inknowing,
are doing the impossible
for the ungrateful.
We have done so much
for so long, with so little,
we are now qualified
to do anything with nothing.
RETURN