Disclaimers and notes and the end. My Muse is usually a bright and cheery (if condescending) woman, but for some reason she compelled me to write this. You may want to read the TAPSLAUGHT round robin over at CFAN first, but it's not a necessity.

Keep 'em coming, Bartender. 'S not like I can get drunk, anyway.

Plus, SHE's the one paying for all this.

Heh.

What's your name again? Oh, right. Major Mapleleaf. Sorry.

Strange name, even if you are an Alpha Flight fictive. I know, I know. I'm a fine one to talk -- I'm called the Captain, for Zeus' sake. Other Muses get names like Lyssie and Corin, but my Writer calls me "the Captain".

No, I don't mind all that much. It's not even close to my real name. The reason for the name? Because I wear these flightsuits from "Space: Above and Beyond". The gel's nuts about the show, and the rest is history. At least she lets me keep the sword from my past Writer. That's something. Not all Muses are that lucky. I've heard stories you would not believe.

You know, this is the first time I've ever been assigned to a fanfic writer. I wouldn't even set foot in the Fan Fiction and Art Department if it wasn't for That Incident.

Hmm? Oh, my specialty's war stories. I think that I must have accumulated a lot of bad karma to end up with a Writer who can't write action scenes to save her life, let alone something rated NC-17 for violence.

Of course, it could be that I just pissed Calliope off.

Let me tell you something: we may have a Matriarch Queen, but the Muse hierarchy is less a royal court and more like a particularly bloody-minded office. Inter-department bickering, brown nosing, petty gossip... the works. The Historical Romance Subdepartment is still on frosty terms with the Historical Fiction Department. You'd think that deities who inspire Writers to lie about the past could get along fine, wouldn't you? But nooooo...

Still, it's not too bad. At least, it wasn't. Not until I realized I was going to be stuck with my current Writer for a long, long time.

Immortal vendettas suck.

Don't get me wrong, comics fanficdom is a great place to visit. Subreality Cafe is fantastic. I've never been to a place where fictives can hang out between chapters -- hey, look! There's a Gambit playing poker with the Devil. A Magneto in kingly raiment. Lots of blue-furred kids hanging around, and Deadpool in a serious lip-lock with Siryn. Sara Pezzini sharing a table with John Constantine. All these, plus excellent service. Where else can you find its ilk?

But...

By Hera, the martinis must be stronger than I thought for me to babble on this way.

Sigh.

Never mind. I'm just supposed to provide inspiration, right? I am inspiration personified.

And therein lies the problem.

Humans are strange creatures. Not content with with a vague hand-waving and "Oh, it came from somewhere", they gave inspiration form and face. They gave inspiration life. When they did that, it didn't just stop with a fleshy shell to house pearls of ideas. Evolution happened. I've been a Muse for more than two thousand years. At first I was barely more than a bimbo clad in a skimpy toga, dancing around with flowers and whatnots. But living beings grow, and I am a living being. Now I have a personality and a mind to go with it.

"I am more than the sum of my parts". Sui generis, or whatever they call it.

In Subreality, Muses can teleport and create little things like martinis -- but not much more than that, and never out of Subreality. Outside this place, we almost constantly accompany our Writers, giving them flashes of ideas at any given time. I've been doing that sans Subreality since I was "born". Do you know how frustrating it gets after a hundred lifetimes? At times like this I can almost symphatize with the Tapcoterie for leaving their Writer.

But if there's one word that will never describe me, it's "irresponsible". Even if I didn't like my Writer -- and I sorta like Yasmin, she lets me have fun -- I would never shirk my duty, never allow wishful thinking to get the better of me.

Muses tend to absorb aspects of their Writers. My past Writers, toiling away at their penned battles, taught me the courage to honour my obligations.

You've probably heard how annoying I can be, Major. How stubborn and uncooperative I am. How I have my little quirks, and how I keep my Writer's nose to the ideas grindstone.

How else can I be more than mere inspiration?

THE END

Disclaimer: Mainstream version of the comic characters belong to their respective copyright holders. I did not make any profit off this story, please don't sue me. Alpha Flight belongs to Marvel. Space: Above and Beyond belongs to Glen Morgan and James Wong/Fox.

The concept of Subreality Cafe belongs to Kielle aka the Lady Scribe.

Major Mapleleaf was made into the Cafe's bartender by Falstaff. The Major is actually a REAL comic book character. Ask Falstaff about him sometime.

Lyssie is Ana's Muse. Hope she won't mind me borrowing her for a while. ;) Corin and the Tapcoterie (from the TAPSLAUGHT round robin) presumably belong to Tapestry.

The Gambit playing with the Devil is from Amanda Sichter's "Dealing with the Devil". High King Magnus is from my story, "Once Upon an Avalon". Deadpool and Siryn are from Indigo's "The Tannenbaum One Thousand". John Constantine's from Jason Kenney's excellent "Shadows on the Wall" and its sequels. The blue-furred kids are, of course, various versions of Sikudhani McCoy from Darqstar's "X-S" series. I'm very sorry if borrowing the fictives offends any of these writers. Sara Pezzini, however, is Ye Olde Generic Fictive, and not from any story in particular.

The Captain more or less belongs to herself. I just exert a little influence over her.

I still can't believe I wrote a serious SC story.