Audra's Quotes, Part I

Lt. Tim O'Neill, "SeaQuest":

I'm Catholic, Captain, I believe in anything that makes me nervous.

Rebecca West:

I myself have never known what feminism is. I only know that people

call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a

doormat.

George Carlin:

I worry about my judgement when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.

Tony Martin, "The Late Show":

"My mothers' obsession with the `good scissors'always scared me a bit:

it implied that somewhere in the house, there lurked...the evil scissors"

Neil Gaiman:

"There's a tale in the Caballa that suggests that the Angel of Death is so beautiful that

upon seeing it (or him, or her) you fall in love so hard, so fast, that your soul is pulled

out through your eyes. I like that story."

Eric Johnson

"The communication of music is a heartbridge gateway to all people; not just the music

of instruments, but the music everyone can play and hear, the music of humanity through

the instruments of love, sharing, giving, friendship, and peace. Hopefully, we can all tune

in our sonic and spatial radios together!"

Jaka Johansen:

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede

jacket. You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I

replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses.

Now I'll have to kill you too."

Salvador Dali:

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.

William Clayton:

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when

you kill them.

Mark Twain:

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I

repeat myself.

Oscar Wilde:

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it

every six months.

Homer Simpson from "The Simpsons" searching through the couch cushions:

HOMER: "Ooohh... Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut."

HOMER'S MIND: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

HOMER: "Explain how."

HOMER'S MIND: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Apu from "The Simpsons":

"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a twinkie!"

Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson):

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't

realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson):

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."

everything under the sun is in tune

but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

-Eclipse--Roger Waters, Dark Side of the Moon

Tim Rice:

"We all dream a lot

Some are lucky, some are not

But if you want it, think it, dream it

Then it's real

You are what you feel."

Sanskrit proverb:

"A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times."

Carrie Snow:

"You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate."

David Letterman:

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham

Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?

1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.

2. Advising the President.

3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.

David Letterman:

USA Today has come out with a new survey ..... Apparently

three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

Matthias Borbonius: Deliciæ Poetarum:

Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis (All things change, and we change with them).

Marie Curie:

There is nothing to be feared; it is only to be understood.

From Persephone and the Pomegranate:

"The narcissus was still there, luminous in the light from the full moon.

Persephone forgot her fear and bent to pluck it...."

The litany against fear which Frank Herbert wrote in Dune(page 8):

I must not fear

Fear is the mindkiller

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration

I will face my fear

I will permit it to pass over and through me

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing

Only I will remain

Micky Dolenz:

Not bad talking for a long-haired weirdo, huh Mr & Mrs America?