What's similar between a male, and floor tiles?
If you lay 'em properly the first time, you can walk over 'em for life *s*
I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my ... genitalia
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
FEMALE BASHING
I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0(marketing name: Fiancee 1.0)
Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space: and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them,
Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and brotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcomming GirlFriend 4.0...
1. A "Don't remind me again" button
2. Minimise button
3. Shutdown featire
4. An installshield feature so that GirlFriend 4.0 can be
5. Completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
6. "Abort" button (OK, that one's pretty bad - but I had to say it)
I tried running GirlFriend 2.0 with GirlFriend 1.0 still installed, they tried
using the same Input/Output port and conflicted. then I tried to uninstall
GirlFriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program.
I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. (window's dir for PC's )
Another thing - in all versions of GirlFriend that I've used is that it is totally
"object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
BUG WARNING
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1
before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.
Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Partitioning or time-sharing is only a temporary solution as Wife 1.0 has extensive intruder detection
functions/procedures and Mistress 1.1 can put a high demand on system resources
if used too much.
5 REASONS WHY MISTRESS 1.1 IS BETTER THAN WIFE 1.0
1. Mistress 1.1 is a recent more up to date version of Wife 1.0
2. Mistress 1.1 regularly goes down on you
3. Mistress 1.1 has better features than Wife 1.0
4. Mistress 1.1 does not stay memory resident after termination
5. Mistress 1.1 will still attempt to cook her way to your heart!
By Alorria
She does not:GET PMS
She becomes:HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
She does not have:A KILLER BODY
She is:TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
She is not:A BAD COOK
She is:MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She is not:A BAD DRIVER
She is:AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
She is not a:PERFECT 10
She is:NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
She is not:EASY
She is:HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
She does not:HATE SPORTS ON TV
She is:ATHLETICALLY BIASED
She does not have:SEXY LIPS
She is:COLLAGEN DEPENDENT
She does not get:DRUNK
She is:ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED
You do not ask her:TO DANCE
You request a:PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
She is not:A GOSSIP
She is a:VERBAL TERMINATOR
She does not:WORK OUT TOO MUCH
She is an:ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER
She does not have:A GREAT BUTT
She is:GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS
She is not:HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
She is:MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
She is not:COLD OR FRIGID
She is:THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
She does not:WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
She is:COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
She does not have:GREAT CLEAVAGE (A GREAT RACK)
Her breasts are:CENTRALLY LOCATED
She will never:GAIN WEIGHT
She will become:A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She is not:A SCREAMER OR MOANER
She is:VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
She does not:SHAVE HER LEGS
She experiences:TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION
She does not have:A HARD BODY
She is:ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE
She does not:SUN BATHE
She experiences:SOLAR ENHANCEMENT
Her breast will never:SAG
They will:LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD
She does not:SHOP TOO MUCH
She is:OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS
She does not:CUT YOU OFF
She becomes:HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE
She does not have:BIG HAIR
She is:OVERLY AEROSOLED
She does not:SNORE
She is:NASALLY REPETITIVE
She does not:GET DRUNK
She becomes:VERBALLY DYSLEXIC
She does not have:BIG HOOTERS
Her:CUPS RUNNETH OVER
She is not:TOO SKINNY
She is:SKELETALLY PROMINENT
She is not:SHORT
She is:VERTICALLY CHALLANGED