Okay,
so everyone has me on their e mail list for jokes. Thank-you
very much for all your contributions, some are even funny,
others are real bad!(sound familiar hawkwolf ?) The better ones are
listed below and I hope to change them every week. At the
bottom of the page you can see the previous ones. They're
numbered, with #1 being the oldest one. If you have something
you would like to submit, please e-mail it to me, I'll check it out
and if it's up to my standards (yeah, like I got standards),
I'll post it, and give you credit.
As we all know, it takes 1
calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade.
Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat
a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large
part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert
to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally
sucks the calories out of the only available source, your
body fat.
For example, a dessert served
and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will in a short
time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C
(98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process
takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average
dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by
operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1
cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat
as the dessert's temperature is normalized.
Allowing for the 1,200 latent
calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is
approximately 5,000 calories.
Obviously, the more cold
dessert you eat,the better off you are and the faster you
will lose weight, if that is your goal.
This process works equally
well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each
ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036
calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature
normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of
beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to
calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are
extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of
beer.
Frozen desserts, e.g., ice
cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to
melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37
cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The
results here are really remarkable, and it beats running
hands down.
Unfortunately, for those who
eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with
latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an
opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should
have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot
of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls
of ice cream.
We could all be thin if we
were to adhere religiously to a pizza, beer, and ice cream
diet.
Happy eating!