YIN YANG  by Lori Summers




There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer
The last truce we ever came to in our adolescent war
And I start to feel the fever from the warm air to the street
You come regular, like seasons...shadowing my dreams


The Mississippi's mighty, but it starts in Minnesota
At a place that you could walk across with five steps down
And I guess that's how you started, like a pinprick to my heart
But at this point you rush right through me and I start to drown


And there's not enough room in this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost and time past makes it plain
Of all my demon spirits, I need you the most
I'm in love with your ghost.
	--The Indigo Girls




Chapter One:  DEMON SPIRITS


	Benny strolled with forced nonchalance along the hills behind her home, 
enjoying the twilight air and the setting sun and telling herself that she wasn't really
 out here looking for her moody houseguest.  She just about had herself convinced
when she spotted the woman in question sitting on the grass, hugging her knees.  With 
a sigh, Benny changed course to intercept.
	She slowed as she approached, half expecting an angry glance or the cold 
shoulder.  Instead, Ace looked up at her with a smile.
	"Hi, Benny."
	Benny smiled back uncertainly.  "You okay, Ace?  You seemed a little down at 
dinner."
	"No, I was just thinking.  Sit down with me.  Isn't this a fab sunset?  It's stuff 
like this that I missed when I was in Spacefleet."
	Benny sat down.  "Yes, we always get great sunsets here.  It's the dust from 
the volcanoes in the western hemisphere.  Bad for the greenhouse effect, great for 
Kodak moments."
	"That's funny," said Ace softly. 
	"What's funny?"
	"How something violent and dangerous causes something so peaceful and 
beautiful."  She smiled vaguely.  "I guess that's what's called an 'extemporaneous 
consequence.'"
	Benny said nothing, and they sat in companionable silence for a few moments.  
	"So," Benny finally said, after it became clear that Ace was not going to bring 
it up.  "You still seeing that guy...what was his name?"
	"Rosen?"  Ace chuckled.  "No, he didn't last any longer than any of the others."  
A trace of bitterness crept into her voice.
	Benny cleared her throat, simultaneously wanting to pursue this topic and 
change the subject.  Ace saved her from having to decide by changing it herself.
	"You seen the Professor lately?"
	"Um...about a month ago he stopped by."
	"Alone?"
	"Yeah."
	Ace shook her head with a sigh.  "He shouldn't be alone."
	"C'mon, he can take care of himself."
	"That's not what I mean.  He doesn't like it."
	"How do you know?  He'll probably welcome some peace and quiet after all this
 time."
	Ace was silent for a moment and then spoke softly, looking at her shoes.  
"Benny, he's afraid to be alone.  He needs a companion, someone to be brave for.  
What good is all the speldor of the universe if there no one you can turn to and say
'isn't this cool?'"  Benny wondered if Ace was talking about the Doctor or herself.
	"Ace...what are you doing here?"  she asked, trying not to sound rude.  The 
question had been nagging her since Ace's unexpected arrival three days ago.  Ace 
didn't answer right away.  "I mean, I love having you here and you're welcome to 
stay as long as you want, but why now?"  She cleared her throat and forged ahead.  
"Is there something wrong?"
	Ace looked away.  "Course not.  I"m free and clear.  What could be wrong?"  It 
sounded like an oft-repeated mantra, clutched tightly to ward off the demons.  "I
know that's not what you meant, though."  She stood up and walked down the hill.  For 
a moment Benny was afraid she'd dash off into the woods and never return, and she'd 
never know the real answer...but Ace only went a few feet and turned back towards 
her, her eyes on a level with Benny's.  "You only asked about Rosen to make 
conversation but...it's got me a bit wigged out."
	"I didn't realize you were that attached to him."
	Ace made an impatient gesture of dismissal.  "I wasn't.  It's not about him, it's 
about me.  I mean, think about it.  Practically everywhere I go Imeet some bloke,
some generic guy, and at the time he seems like the greatest thing since nitro nine.  
More often than not I end up shagging him and then inevitably we get separated.  I'd be
 devastated and all upset, but after a few weeks he fades away and it's like it never 
happened.  Then it all starts again, and I think this time it's real...but it's always the 
same."  She flopped back down into the damp grass, crossing her arms over her face. 
"What's wrong with me, Benny?  Am I that shallow and cheap that I can't ever love 
someone for longer than a bloody planetfall?"
	Benny's brow creased.  "What about Jan?"
	There was a long pause, and for a moment Benny wasn't sure if Ace was going 
to answer.  Finally she did.  "I thought I loved him at the time.  I really believed it.  I 
didn't care about nothing but him.  I wanted to die when he died.  And then what 
happened to me and the Pr...well, it was a bad rap for everyone."
	"So you're saying you didn't really love him?"
	"I don't know!" Ace shouted suddenly, her fists clenching.  Benny jumped.  
"Don't you get it?  It felt real then, but now it's like I read about it in the paper!  He 
was different, he was dangerous...but now I think that maybe I only went after him 
because he didn't want me to!"  She trailed off. Benny waited for more, but none 
came.  Finally Ace's shoulders slumped and she sat up, hunched over her knees.  "I 
think about these lovers I've had, and I wonder what I saw in them.  In hindsight they 
all seem so bloody boring...it's like whenever I ran into  some available guys I'd 
think, okay, I'll fall in love with whichever one of you is the least like him."
	Now we're getting down to it, Benny thought...but Ace appeared to consider the 
topic closed.  She sighed, smiled, and started to talk about her last trip to Australia.  
Apparently True Confessions time was over, but Benny was left with more questions 
than answers.


	Later as Benny sat up in bed trying to read, her mind kept turning back to Ace. 
Jason was dozing next to her.  She'd recounted her conversation with Ace to him, but
 he hadn't been able to offer any more insight than she had.  
	"She never did tell me why she'd come here," she said suddenly.  Jason's eyes 
opened.  He hadn't been sleeping...he'd known that Bernice would need to hash this out 
further.
	"I think she probably needed a stable environment to work some things out," he 
said.
	"Stable?  I can't imagine why she'd come to me.  'Stable' is not a word I'd 
choose to describe our relationship."
	"She still thinks of you as older and wiser than she is...when she needed support 
and friendship, naturally she came to you."
	"I'd think that I would be the second choice as far as wise friends go."
	Jason smiled.  "Somehow I don't think that would be the best option for this 
particular problem she seems to be battling."
	"I keep thinking about what she said...about how she'd pick the guy who was the 
least like him to fall for."
	"Denial is a powerful and influential thing."
	Silence.  Benny felt goosebumps rising on her flesh.  "Jason, are you thinking 
what I'm thinking?"
	"I think so, but where are we going to find hipwaders at this hour?"
	She elbowed him.  "Be serious."
	"Oh, I think we both know what we're thinking."
	Benny frowned.  It was just too foreign a concept to even comprehend.  "No," 
she finally said.   "It's impossible."
	"I don't see why."
	"You don't know her like I do.  I don't believe it for a second."
	"It bears repeating:  denial is a powerful thing."
	Benny considered this.  The more she thought about it the less impossible it 
seemed.  "What if it's true?" she breathed.
	"Why Benny, all matter will explode simultaneously at the speed of light and it 
will be the end of life as we know it."  He sat up on his elbows, looking at her for the 
first time.  "What if it is true?  It's not like it would be the first time in the history 
of the universe."
	"You might be wrong about that."
	He lay back down and rolled over.  "If it is, be careful.  When friends get in the 
middle of stuff like this they often find themselves no longer friends.  Best to stay 
out of it, really."
	Benny sighed.  She shook her head as if to clear it, put her book aside and shut 
off the light.


	The next morning Ace shuffled downstairs, looking sleep-ruffled and drowsy.  
Benny was seated at the kitchen table, making lists and plans for the day ahead.  Ace 
sat down next to her and Benny wordlessly slid a cup over to her.  Ace murmured 
something that might have been "thanks" and the two sat in the sun-drenched kitchen 
for some minutes, drinking their coffee.
	Ace stood and rinsed out her empty cup.  "Well," she said, "I've made a 
decision."
	Benny put down her pen and turned to face her, not sure what to expect.  
"What?"
	"I'm going to go see Theo."
	Benny frowned.  "Who is Theo?"
	Ace grinned.  "Just a friend.  Well, more than 'just' a friend.  She's almost an 
Eternal."
	"How does one be 'almost' an Eternal?"
	"She works for the White Guardian.  She's sort of...well, when I met her she 
told me to think of her like the guardian angels that people on Earth tell stories about.  
That's what she does.  She watches over all the universe like a guardian angel.  Not 
personally, of course.  She's got like billions of angels that work for her that actually
 do the legwork."
	"You're telling me that you're friends with the Commander in Chief of all 
guardian angels?"  Benny laughed.  "You're not someone to make an enemy of, Ace."
	Ace grinned.  "Theo's cool, though.  She's not immortal herself, she's actually 
human.  The White Guardian picked her personally out of all the mortals in the entire 
universe to do the job."
	"That's quite an endorsement."
	"Yeah, I'll say.  She sure is powerful, though.  Basically she can do anything she 
wants.  I met her when I was a DK...once in awhile she'd lend a hand.  Anytime she'd 
decide to help you out you were assured of total victory.  There's no way even
frigging Daleks could hope to stand up against her.  But you'd never be sure when 
she'd show up and when she wouldn't...she likes to say that if she saved everyone 
from everything all the time no one would ever learn anything."  Ace snorted cynical 
laughter.  "That's a philosophy that certain others I could mention might wanna 
learn," she said under her breath.  "Anyway, when you just talk to her you'd never 
guess she's omnipotent and all.  And she's got this way of making you understand 
things that...well, she's just really really good to talk to.  So I think I'll go round and 
ring her up."
	"Is this about what you mentioned last night with the men?" Benny asked, 
knowing full well that it was.
	"Yeah."  Ace ran a hand through her hair.  "Lately it's really started to bother 
me, I can't say exactly why.  Well, if anyone can help me sort it out it's Theo."  She 
suddenly walked over to Benny and hugged her.  "But it's sure been great to be here 
with you for a few days.  Just what I needed...a breather."
	Benny smiled up at her.  "Anytime, Ace."


	Later that afternoon Benny and Jason hugged Ace good-bye and watched as she 
shouldered her rucksack and set off.
	"Did she figure out what we already know?" he asked.
	Benny paused.  "No...but I think she's about to."


	The Guardian sat at her mammoth desk, gloomily contemplating the impressive 
stack of work in front of her.  She knew she shouldn't have skipped her usual four 
hours in the office yesterday, but damn it it's not every day of the week that a friend 
wins free Pet Shop Boys tickets from a radio station.  Ah, yesterday, when I was 
mad.  How true.
	She rubbed her forehead, tired.  If only she could find a good place to start this 
would be done in no time.  She finally picked up a stack of requests from Daniel's 
office and was just starting to make inroads when Angel, her assistant, poked his 
head in.
	"Theo?" he called.
	"What?" she snapped.  Angel recoiled slightly.
	"Okay, it can wait."  He started to leave.
	"Angel..."  She took a deep breath and set down the requests.  Daniel's bullshit 
could wait, he was overly attached to bureaucracy anyhow.  "What is it?" she asked 
in a more normal tone of voice.  Angel came into the office.  He no doubt knew what
was troubling her, he could practically read her mind.
	"There's a friend of yours here to see you, says it's just to talk."
	Theo smiled.  "Good.  A talk with a friend might give me enough good spirits to 
last me through last week's incident reports.  Send 'em in."
	Angel left the room as Theo stepped from behind her desk.  She had a large, 
comfortable office with a desk at one end and a grouping of chairs and sofas at the
other.  She was about to sit down to receive her guest when the door opened.
	"Hello, Theo," said the Doctor, smiling.
	"Doctor!" she exclaimed.  She hugged him enthusiastically.  "I haven't seen you 
in ages.  How've you been?"
	"Well, with the general chaos in the cosmos and the constant demands upon my 
time sometimes I get tired but generally I feel surprisingly spry," the Doctor 
answered as Theo sat him down in a chair.
	She grinned as she poured him some tea.  "All right."
	The Doctor chuckled.  "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.  When humans ask how you've 
been, they don't usually want a truthful answer.  I should have just said 'fine, thank 
you' and let it go at that."
	"On the contrary, Doctor, I'm most interested in your condition, and that's the 
truth."  She handed him his cuppa and sat down opposite him.  "You're alone, I see."
	A brief flash of something passed across the Doctor's face.  Theo wasn't sure 
but it looked like regret.  "Yes, quite.  Benny got married, as you know, and both Roz 
and Chris have left me.  They always do, I'm used to it."  He looked aimlessly about 
Theo's coral-colored walls, hung with paintings and mementos.  "Truth is I've been
rather enjoying the peace.  No one to look out for, no one to answer to...no one 
always asking me 'What's that, Doctor?'  My companions, they're wonderful people 
but they do tend to get themselves into scrapes."
	"Well...most of them do," Theo added.
	The Doctor nodded slowly.  "Yes, some of them don't get into scrapes.  Some of 
them get out of scrapes.  Some of them get me out of scrapes."  He looked at the 
floor, seeming reluctant to continue.
	Theo looked at him speculatively, wondering what it was that had brought him 
here, either consciously or otherwise.  She extended a gentle mental hand and 
stroked it unobstrusively over his mind, peeking at thoughts he didn't know he had.  
The Doctor didn't notice, but that one peek was most revealing.  She withdrew the 
hand.
	"Have you seen her recently?" she asked.
	"No," he answered immediately, then looked up at her sharply.  "Very sneaky, 
that was," he commented, realizing that she'd tricked him into revealing who'd been 
on his mind.  
	"You must have been thinking about her."
	"Maybe."
	Theo waited.  He didn't continue.
	"Why now?  You parted friends, right?"
	"Oh yes."
	"So...what's happened?"
	"Why should anything have happened?" he asked sharply.  "Can't I remember one
 of my companions nostalgically without having it turn into another of your 
psychoanalyses?"
	"Okay," Theo said soothingly.
	"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."  He sighed.  "It's just the first time 
I've been alone in quite a while, and it's had me thinking about my past companions.
Why they went with me, why they left me...*if* they remember me."
	"That's quite normal, Doctor.  It's called loneliness."
	"I'm not lonely, Theo.  I am a Time Lord, and I..."
	"Oh, stop with the 'I am a Time Lord' routine.  As long as I've known you, that 
has always been your excuse for getting around any emotion that's uncomfortable.  
Just tell yourself that you're a Time Lord and you're not affected and it'll go away.  
You know, it occurs to me that Time Lords outdo even humans when it comes to 
denial."
	"And precisely what am I supposed to be denying?" he demanded, standing.
	"The same thing you've been denying all your life!" she answered, also standing. 
 She towered over him.  "That you don't have total control over your own mind.  
You'd like to think you do, wouldn't you?  You'd like to believe that you experience no 
emotions that are not appropriate, desired or carefully calculated.  But that's not the 
case.  I don't care what you tell me about Time Lord mental discipline, an organic 
being with a living mind as complex as yours cannot have total control over that 
mind."  She sat back down as the Doctor began idly pacing.  "And you're not just a 
Time Lord, are you Doctor?"  He went to the window and looked out, putting on his 
"I'm not listening to you" face.  Theo continued.  "You've struggled with this before.  
 How about Tegan?  Did you want her to leave?"
	"No," he said softly. 
	"And you felt bad when she did.  You missed her, didn't you?"
	"Yes."
	"But you could probably rationalize that, couldn't you?  After all, that was 
when you were a sensitive soul.  So how about Jamie and Zoe?  How does it make you 
feel that they don't remember their journeys with you?  Susan, your granddaughter? 
 And Romana...your, ahem, friend of almost two hundred years.  Were you happy 
when she stayed behind in E-space?  And I'm sure you had total control over your 
feelings as you watched Adric die."
	He pursed his lips but said nothing.
	"And then there's Ace," she said, going in for the kill.  She walked over to stand 
behind him.  "Whenever you cast your mind over your own past and those who've 
shared it with you, it's her you think of first, isn't it?"
	He nodded slowly.    "Why is that, Theo?" he asked softly.  Theo blinked.  He 
sounded like a little boy asking his mother to chase away the monsters under his bed. 
 "It's as if she never did leave...she's still with me, inside my head.  Everywhere I go 
I hear her voice, commenting on what I see and what I do.  When I'd hear footsteps in 
the TARDIS and the door would open, I'd turn expecting to see her but it would be 
Benny or Roz or Chris.  She's gone, but why doesn't my brain believe it?"
	Theo smiled.  "She did something that no other companion did, Doctor...she hated 
you.  She saw through the comfortable illusion to your disturbing reality...and she 
stayed anyway."
	"I never quite understood what turned her against me."
	Theo almost choked.  "What?  Tell me you're not that blind, Doctor!"
	He turned towards her.  "Blind?  I knew she wouldn't forgive me for Jan's 
death, but there were other times, before that, when she was so resentful...I tried to 
make her understand, but I don't think she ever did."
	Theo walked back towards the chairs, rubbing her forehead.  God, he could 
really be hard work sometimes.  An idea formed in her mind, and she smiled.  She 
looked back at him, standing by the window, and with a slight narrowing of her eyes 
extended once again the hand of her mind.  Instead of a light probing like before, she 
reached out and decisively grasped the Doctor's brain.  He couldn't feel this intrusion, 
but suddenly he turned and walked across the room.  The look on his face was quite 
priceless.  "Theo, why am I walking?"  He stopped.
	"Okay, why don't you have a seat?"
	"I can't move and you very well know it.  I fail to see the point in this little 
demonstration."  At that, he walked over to the tea counter, poured a cup and handed 
it to Theo.	
	"Why thank you, Doctor.  That was very helpful for my plan."
	"You might just as well have gotten it yourself."
	"Yes, but then I would have exposed myself as wanting tea.  By having you do 
it, my Grand Scheme is undetected by anyone who might be watching."
	The Doctor looked at her disdainfully.  He couldn't control his body but his facial 
expressions were his own.  "Are you enjoying yourself?"
	"It's not a question of enjoyment.  This is all necessary.  Can't be helped."  He 
still didn't get it.  He turned then and went to the floor-to-ceiling window he'd been 
standing at.  He flung open the 5-foot lower sash and leaned out over the sill.  Outside 
there was a ledge, past which there was a 10 story drop to the flagstones in the 
gardens below.  
	"You can stop anytime," he said, his voice edgy and annoyed.  The Doctor knelt 
upon the sill and swung his legs over the ledge so he was sitting on it.  Theo came up 
behind him and spoke into his mind.
	*I could have you fling yourself off this ledge, Doctor.  You'd fall to your 
death.*  He said nothing, but she could feel anger coming off him in waves.  She 
smiled, and withdrew her hold on his mind.  He immediately clambered back inside the 
room and slammed the window down.
	"If you ever do something like that again," he began, adopting his best wither-
the-enemy, Doctorlike tone of voice.  Theo was unimpressed.
	"You'll what?  Hate me?  Never come back?  Can you hear yourself, Doctor?  
Who might you be sounding like right now?"
	His face was a study in mixed emotions. 
	"How did that little exercise make you feel?" she asked.
	"That's a stupid question.  Being out of control is what I hate most in the 
universe as you very well know."
	"Were you afraid when I threatened to push you off?"
	"No."
	"Why not?"
	"I knew you wouldn't let me fall," he said, sitting down again, the anger bleeding 
out of him quickly.
	Theo sat next to him.  "Now imagine being in that position...but not knowing if I'd 
let you fall or not...or if I even cared if you did."  His head swiveled around and 
looked at her.  "If you can do that, then you might come close to approximating how 
Ace felt most of the time."  She stood up and went to her desk.  "Doctor, the reason 
that you and Ace often clashed is because you're far too much alike for your own 
good...and you knew each other too well to ever be really comfortable in each other's 
company."
	"But we worked out our differences eventually.  How is that possible if what 
you say is true?"
	"Well, that's the real question, isn't it?"
	He stood up.  "I came here for a friendly chat, Theo...and as always I go away 
with more questions than when I came in."
	"A common occurrence when one chats with a Time Lord, Doctor."
	They smiled at each other, and the Doctor doffed his hat and left the office.
	Theo sat down behind her desk again.  Now all she had to do was wait for Ace to 
show up.  Her mind reeled at what she'd have to say.