I hold you in my arms as the band plays
What are those words whispered baby as you turn away
I saw you last night out on the edge of town
I wanna read your mind to know just what I've got
In this new thing I've found
So tell me what I see when I look in your eyes
Is that you, baby, or just a brilliant disguise?


Now look at me, struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart when out go the lights
I'm just a lonely pilgrim I walk this world in wealth
I wanna know if it's you I don't trust
'Cause I damn sure don't trust myself


So when you look at me, you better look hard and look twice
Is that me, baby, or just a brilliant disguise?
	--Bruce Springsteen



CHAPTER 4:  DISGUISE

	Angel stood silently in Theo's office, his hands clasped behind his back.  Miryam stood just 
in front of him, equally silent.  They were both looking into Theo's Glass.  The Glass could show 
you anything or anyone you wanted to see, anywhere and anytime.  It was quite a useful little 
toy, but at the moment they weren't looking at anything more exotic than the Rotunda, just a few 
feet past the office doors.  The picture in the Glass centered upon the Doctor and Ace, who were 
standing in the Rotunda waiting to be seen by Angel.  The Rotunda was bustling with normal 
morning activity, and the Doctor and Ace were constantly greeting and chatting with various 
Guardians as they passed by.  It had been only the night before that the Stronghold operation had 
ended so dubiously, but the Doctor was on his feet and seemed fully recovered, at least physically. 
 Angel had gone to his room that morning to check on him and found them both asleep, Ace lying 
next to him on top of the sheets, their arms around each other.  Angel's mind was cast backwards
 by the sight of them in the Glass standing together, for the Rotunda had not seen lovers since...his 
memory was filled with images of Theo and Seth walking in the gardens, conferring over her 
desk, leaving the office together...  Angel had felt like killing Seth many times for what he'd put
 her through, but doubted he'd ever have the chance.  Miryam's mind was controlling the Glass 
at the moment, and when the picture focused in on the Doctor and Ace's intertwined fingers 
Angel knew that her thoughts were running in the same vein.
	"Remember?" he asked quietly.
	"Oh yes," she whispered.  She watched them for a few more moments and then turned 
slightly to him.  "All right," she said.  The Glass winked out and became a regular mirror.
	Angel moved to the desk and signalled the Guardian that was seated at his own desk outside. 
 A few moments later the Doctor and Ace entered, and Angel motioned them onto the couch.  
Miryam remained standing, silent and somber.  Angel tried to keep up a cheerful demeanor but 
was having a hard time of it.
	"What's going on?" the Doctor asked.
	Angel sat down opposite them.  "I called you here to inform you that Theo is still missing." 
 The Doctor sighed and Ace put a hand to her mouth.  "We've had hundreds of Guardians out 
searching for her to no avail."
	"Could..." Ace began, and had to stop and clear her throat.  "Could Seth have...killed her?"
	"That possibility is exceedingly remote....but it's something we have to consider."
	"Can you handle this?" the Doctor asked bluntly.
	Angel shot him a glance that the others missed...and the Doctor had a hard time believing 
what he saw.  It looked like amusement...but he blinked and Angel's face was set in the same 
expression of concern and anxiety that had been there before.  "Yes, I can," he said.  "I can do
 her job, but I could never replace Theo nor would I ever try.  It'll be very bad around here for
 awhile if she...if anything has happened to her."
	"That's not the only reason you called us here," said Ace quietly.  "What about the Doctor?"
  Angel looked to Miryam, who moved to sit next to Ace.
	"Doctor, you're physically unharmed...but the conversion process and its sudden interruption
 will have residual effects on your brain."  Ace stiffened, but the Doctor didn't look surprised.
	"How bad?" he asked matter-of-factly.
	"Well...it's hard to say.  We called in an expert last night, a Guardian specialist in conversion.
  Well, 'expert' might not be the right word for it...when it comes to Seth's process we're all 
dancing madly on the head of a pin anyway.  This Guardian, Banner, has spent her life studying 
the process, those who have succumbed to it, and those few that have recovered from it.  She 
spent last night probing your brain while you slept, Doctor."  Miryam paused.  "She determined 
that you will not experience any behavioral consequences from your experience, it was simply 
too brief.  In other words, you won't suddenly start sympathizing with the Legion or planning 
betrayals.  But there is...a presence in your mind that doesn't belong there.  Your brain will fight
 it, the only way it knows how.  You can expect to experience some physical consequences...probably
 in the form of seizures or blackouts."
	Ace sighed and leaned back.  It appeared as if she were distressed about this news, but a
ctually she felt immensely relieved.  She'd been afraid that it would be much worse.  The Doctor
 looked at Miryam.  "Is this a permanent condition?" he asked.
	"No, that's the good news.  Banner can treat the symptoms and minimize the effects.  Also,
 the extent of the conversion is so small that it can be removed."
	"Great, then let's remove it!" Ace exclaimed.  Miryam and Angel exchanged a look.
	"That's the bad news," Miryam continued.  "To remove it, a Guardian must mentally extract
 it into their own mind and then destroy it.  Unfortunately, there is only one Guardian with a mind 
powerful enough to manage it."
	Ace shook her head.  "Theo?"
	"Yes.  And she's...missing."
	"Well let's find her!  Get us the TARDIS and we'll find her ourselves!"
	Angel spoke up, moving back to the group.  "That would be an exercise in futility, Ace.  
We've got Guardians combing the cosmos for her.  There's nothing that you and the Doctor could
 contribute.  At any rate, I can't allow you access to the TARDIS."  The Doctor nodded as if he'd
 been expecting this, but Ace stood, outraged.
	"What?  You can't hold us prisoner here, Angel!  You've no right to keep the Doctor from 
his TARDIS, you've no idea what that means!"
	Angel held up both hands in a gesture of supplication.   "I'm sorry, Ace.  I can't let either 
of you leave here until the Doctor's mind is fully restored.  It's for your protection as much 
as ours."
	"It's a back door, isn't it?" the Doctor asked softly.
	"What?" Ace asked, confused.
	"Angel's afraid that the little piece of Legion left in my brain would give Seth an easy way
 in there.  He's afraid that he might use it to control me...the way he controlled you."
	Angel nodded.  "Quite right, Doctor.  That's a very distinct possibility.  So until Theo is found
 and can remove all Legion influence, you'll stay right here."
	Ace's jaw worked and she appeared on the verge of a full-blown tirade, but in the end she 
just thumped back onto the sofa, crossing her arms over her chest.  The Doctor laid a reassuring 
hand on her knee and leaned over.  "I don't like it any more than you do, but it's for the best...and
 we really don't have a choice," he murmured.  She looked at him dubiously, but nodded.
	Miryam stood with the air of someone wrapping up a meeting.  "Doctor, I need to take you 
down to Banner's lab so she can examine you awake, and begin your treatment."  Ace and the
 Doctor stood and moved to the door with her.  Ace hesitated.
	"Why don't you two go on ahead...I, uh, want a word with Angel for a minute."  She looked 
at the Doctor and squeezed his hand.  "I'll be there shortly."  He nodded and started to move 
away, but was stopped short.  He looked back to where Ace still gripped his hand, not moving.  
She had a strange, speculative look on her face, mixed with worry.  He smiled and stepped back
 to her.
	"Go easy on him," he whispered.  She grinned, her familiar make-my-day Ace grin.  He 
winked and kissed her.  She let him go and watched as his slight frame hurried to catch up with 
Miryam, his brolly swinging.  The grin faded from her face to be replaced by a thoughtful guile...
she was now far older and wiser than that young girl who'd destroyed a Dalek with a rocket 
launcher.
	She turned to face Angel, who was looking at her questioningly.  "Well, Ace, what do you
 want to talk about?"
	She strolled back towards the desk, which he'd darted behind.  "How long have you worked
 for Theo?"
	Angel sat down in Theo's desk chair, a blank look on his handsome face.  "Since Seth left.  
I can't really put a temporal figure on it...we don't figure time here the same way you do."
	"I see.  Do you care about her?"
	Angel's brow creased in puzzlement.  "Of course.  She's my closest friend."
	"What about me?  And the Doctor?"
	"Ace, I care for every living thing...that's my job."
	She nodded.  "That being the case, I'm just curious as to why you waited so long to help us
 at the Stronghold."
	The crease in Angel's brow deepened.  "I helped as soon as I got there.  You saw me arrive."
	"No, I don't think so.  I saw you enter the throne room, but you were *there* long before that."
	"What?"
	She stood up and began mock-casually strolling about the office.  "When I first started 
struggling against the Legion in my head, the Legion guards tried to charge the dais...and imagine
 their surprise when they found they could not mount the stairs.  They were held back by some 
force.  What could that have been?"
	"I guess you're suggesting that it was me."
	She suddenly planted her hands on the desk and leaned in towards him.  "Come on, Angel.  
Guardians have teleportation capabilities.  You should have been there no more than a second 
after Miryam called for help...and you were, weren't you?  Watching, and keeping those Legion 
from overwhelming me.  Which naturally begs the question, why didn't you step in and help me?  
Why didn't you free Theo and Miryam sooner?"
	Angel stood up, his face darkening.  "Ace, if you're suggesting that I'm some sort of 
collaborator..." he began.
	Ace straightened up and looked him right in the eyes.  "Actually, I'm not.  I know that 
you're loyal to Theo...and I know that you'd never aid the Legion in any way.  It's just...puzzling,
 that's all."  Angel stared at her, his eyes quivering in their sockets, and Ace knew she was 
right.  He didn't deny it, and for a moment seemed on the verge of becoming angry, but at the 
last second suddenly turned away and went to the window, clasping his hands behind his back,
 his face expressionless.  Ace stared at his profile, not moving from her spot by the desk.
	"Who are you, Angel?" she asked quietly.  "Who are you really?"
	He didn't answer, nor did he move a muscle.
	"You're not really a Guardian, are you?"
	His head slowly swiveled slightly towards her and he regarded her out of the corners of 
his narrowed eyes...but she could still see the flickers there and the slight smile that played 
around the corners of his mouth.  She didn't expect an answer, nor did she get one.  She walked 
to stand at his shoulder.  He looked back out the window.
	"Angel, I'm not accusing you of anything, which sort of surprises me...and I do trust you.  
It's just that I'm real good at spotting mysterious figures whose aren't what they seem to be...
you see, those are characteristics you share with the man I'm in love with.  No one knows who 
he is, either.  Just be careful that your secrets don't become a prison...like they have for him."
  She turned then and walked out of the office.  As the doors closed behind her she let out her
breath in a relieved whoosh and sagged against the doorjamb.  Shaking her head to clear it, she
 took a few deep breaths and started off down the hall to find Banner's lab.


	Angel waited until he heard the doors thump softly closed after Ace, then he closed his 
eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had the beginnings of a headache.  He turned and 
eased himself into Theo's ultra-comfy desk chair, resting his chin on his hand.  That young 
woman was immensely perceptive, he thought.  Good thing she's on our side.


	After asking a few Guardians for directions, Ace managed to find Banner's lab in a remote 
corner of the Guardian medical complex.  An attendant directed her to a small room, where she
 found Miryam standing and looking through a one-way mirror into the laboratory.  Ace came up 
next to the willowy Guardian and looked through into a medium-sized pastel room which contained
 a number of comfortable-looking reclining chairs and some machinery that was apparently 
computers, but which was so high-tech as to be almost unrecognizable.  The Doctor was lying 
in a chair in the center of the room, his jacket and hat hung over a nearby console, his eyes open. 
 But Ace wasn't looking at him...her attention was captivated by the other occupant of the room.  
	Banner, the Guardian scientist, was nothing if not striking.  She was most definitely not 
humanoid.  She was...well, she was blue.  Her skin was a deep royal blue color,  her four arms a
ttached to a powerful, masculine-looking torso, each one ending in a flexible handlike appendage 
with too many fingers for Ace to count.  Her lower body possessed no limbs, but instead tapered
down into a long, muscular snakelike tail, upon which she glided upright in a smooth, flowing 
motion.  Her facial features were basically humanoid, but her face was so long and narrow that 
they were distorted.  She had no visible hair, but wore an elaborate turban-like headdress that 
matched her clothing, which mostly consisted of draped fabric.
	Ace couldn't stop staring at her.  "That's Banner?" she breathed.
	Miryam's small feline mouth curved into a smile.  "Yes, that's Banner.  Her species are
very gifted telepaths, and they are also excellent scientists."  As Miryam spoke, Banner looked 
up from her study of the Doctor towards the mirror, as if sensing a new presence.
	"Doctor, your companion, what is her name?"  she asked.  Ace gasped.  Banner's voice was
 the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard...low and melodic, it seemed to wash over her like 
warm water.  The Doctor seemed only half-aware of his surroundings.
	"Ace," he said slowly.
	Banner looked back towards the mirror.  "Hello, Ace.   I will be in to speak with you shortly." 
 She turned back to her examination of the Doctor, which seemed to consist largely of staring 
down at him, her fingers playing over his skull.  Her speech was slow and deliberate, and Ace 
felt half-hypnotized by it.
	Miryam grinned and elbowed Ace.  "Hey, wake up."
	"Whatever you say, just as long as she keeps talking."
	"Amazing, isn't it?  You haven't lived until you've heard Banner sing opera.  It's a truly transcendental experience."
	Ace jerked herself out of this reverie.  She turned half away from the window to speak to
 Miryam.  "How long will this take?"
	"Who can say?  She'll make a thorough examination and then probably hypnotize him to 
prevent any blackouts or things of that sort."
	Ace looked at the floor, shuffling her feet, trying to look casual.  "Miryam...what did Angel 
do here before he was Theo's assistant?"
	Miryam glanced at her briefly before answering.  "He was one of mine, actually.  Counterintelligence.  Very good at his job, too.  Before that...I don't really know.  He worked for 
me for a long time, and had worked for my predecessor as well."  Her whiskers twitched.  "Why?"
	Ace looked at her, trying to decide how much to confide.  Miryam's feline features were 
extremely difficult to read...but her vertical-slit eyes were very expressive, and Ace thought 
she saw curiosity there.  After all, Miryam was a spy...she knew when to keep her mouth shut.
	"Who is he, anyway?" she asked.
	Miryam gave her a strange look.  "Well, Ace, he's the chief deputy Guardian, and also 
directly responsible for..."  She trailed off as she saw Ace's face.  She sighed and turned back
 towards the mirror.  "Ace, I learned a long time ago that there are certain things one doesn't 
ask about Angel.  He's just Angel, and he'd give his life to protect Theo or anyone else.  That's 
all that's important."
	"I wonder," Ace said.  Miryam said nothing.  "I...I think he's an observer."
	Miryam cocked her head, thinking.  "Yes.  You might be right about that."
	The door to the viewing room opened and Banner glided in silently.  Ace turned towards her,
anxious.
	"Well?  How is he?" she asked.
	"He's all right for now...but I think the degree of invasion was a bit worse than we had   
first thought.  Still not enough to cause behavior modification, but the physical consequences 
will be more severe than I had hoped."
	Ace sighed.  "Can you help him?"
	Banner shook her head sadly.  "Only Theo can help him.  What I *can* do is place telepathic commands in his brain, like post-hypnotic suggestions, that should prevent any neural episodes 
for awhile.  Unfortunately I can't prevent brain trauma forever.  Eventually his brain will rebel
 despite my efforts.  If the Legion presence isn't removed, in time his cerebrum will hemorrhage
 and he'll die."
	Ace's eyes widened.  "How long?"
	"I'd say no more than a month."
	Miryam made a gesture of dismissal.  "Oh, no worries then.  We'll find Theo long before then."
	"But dead or alive?" Ace whispered.  She hated her own thoughts...she hated that the 
primary reason she wanted Theo found safely was not because she was concerned for Theo, 
but for the Doctor.
	"It doesn't matter," Miryam said softly, seeing through to Ace's real concerns.  "If she's
...if she's dead, then Angel will be immediately promoted to her office and he can take care of 
it at that time.  The Doctor will be fine."
	Banner spoke up.  "I need to keep him here for a few hours to complete his therapy.  When 
he's done he'll be quite normal, and he'll feel fine.  He shouldn't experience any seizures or 
other brain episodes."  Ace sighed as Banner left the room, and Miryam took her arm.
	"Ace, why don't you let me show you to your quarters?  There's no reason for you to 
stay here."  Ace started to protest, but then didn't see the point.  She nodded tiredly.


	When the Doctor returned from Banner's lab, Ace was curled up on the sofa reading.  The 
quarters that Angel had assigned them were very nice, almost posh, and she was surprised to
 find that Angel had arranged for some of her things to be brought here.  After taking a much-
welcome shower, she'd found a few interesting books on the shelves and had ensconced herself
 on the couch and tried to banish all thoughts of Legion, Angel, death by brain hemorrhage or 
Theo's whereabouts.
	When the door opened she sat up.  The Doctor entered, looking quite like himself, and hung 
up his hat.
	"Nice place," he commented, looking around.  He came forward a few steps and stood 
there.  They looked at each other uncomfortably for a few moments, unsure what to do next.  
Finally the Doctor held out an uncertain hand to her.  Smiling, she went to him quickly and 
hugged him tightly.
	"Look at us," she chuckled, feeling his arms go around her.  "We're like a couple of 
teenagers on a first date wondering if we should kiss on the front porch."
	He laughed softly.  "I suppose that's not too far from the truth."  He pulled back a little 
and looked at her.  "We've got a lot to talk about, haven't we?"
	She nodded.  "Yes."
	"Well, no time like the present," he said, and led her to the couch where they sat down
 facing each other.  Neither of them seemed to want to start.  Finally, he did, looking 
excruciatingly nervous.
	"I just want..."  He bit his lip and started twisting his handkerchief in his lap.  "I don't
 want you to feel obligated to...uh, to stay."  He looked away and then back at her.  Ace 
frowned.
	"What are you talking about?"
	"Well, I know that you have your life and I have mine, and in the past you haven't always
 been too eager to...well, participate, and I just want you to know that...even though our 
relationship may have, uh, changed, I...I uh, won't hold you to it."  He swallowed hard.
	Ace shook her head, stunned.  "I can't believe I'm hearing this," she said.
	"Ace, I'm trying to give you an out!" he exclaimed, exasperated.  "I'm trying to tell you
 that I don't expect anything!"
	"An 'out?'  What makes you think I require one?" she asked, then stopped abruptly as a 
thought occurred to her.  "Do you want me to leave?" she said quietly.
	He jumped up.  "No!  I want you to stay more than anything in the world!  But...I..."  He 
didn't know how to go on.  Ace cracked her knuckles...never a good sign.
	"Doctor, I know what you're trying to do, and I'm trying to understand why it's so difficult
 for you to believe that I'm not going anywhere this time."
	"Oh, I've heard that before.  Plenty of times," he said, getting himself worked up.  "But 
they always leave!  Even you!  No, *especially* you!  They find greener pastures and they 
leave me!  Why should this time be any different?"
	She stood also to look him in the eye.  "It's different!  This time you *are* the greener
 pastures!  Some of your companions left you because they fell in love.  They had a life with 
you, but they found someone they wanted to join their lives with so they left you to be with 
them!  Don't you get it?  I'm doing the exact same thing!  I had a life of my own...but I'm leaving
 it to be with you because that's what you do when you find someone you want to spend the 
rest of your life with!  That's what you do when you make a committment to someone!"
	He regarded her quietly.  "I don't recall a committment," he said, then wondered what 
had come over him.
	Ace looked as if she'd been slapped.  Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she 
managed to speak.  "You don't recall a committment because you don't know the *meaning* of 
the word!" she hissed.  "I am no longer that selfish, angry young woman who hated you for 
allowing her boyfriend to be killed, which incidentally was probably unavoidable...and I'd hoped,
 perhaps stupidly, that you had changed as well.  But you never change, do you?  How do I even
 know what you meant when you said you loved me?" she shouted.  "You've never loved anyone,
 and maybe you never will!"  She hated the feeling of the words in her mouth, and even more 
the tears that threatened.  Now it was the Doctor's turn to look as if he'd been struck.  "You're
 so much thought and so little feeling, you can't even comprehend real emotions.  You have 
these friends, and these companions, and maybe even lovers for all I know, but you never 
really love anyone because you never let them near you!  Now you're trying to push *me* 
away!  Are you really *that* insecure that you can't accept that I might want to stay with 
you?"
	His face was dark with anger to match hers.  "Those are pretty words coming from you, 
Ace!  How many times you said 'I'm never going to leave you' and 'you're the only home I have'
 and you'd mean it, too, at least until the next...the next local young Lothario came along and 
then you couldn't shack up with him fast enough!"  He wanted to take it back the moment it was
 out of his mouth but it was too late.  Ace sucked in her breath as if she'd been burned and shut
 her eyes tight.  He wanted to apologize but found his mouth clamped tightly shut.  She tried to
 speak but couldn't, so she turned and started for the door. "I suppose you hate me now," he 
said, and she stopped at the door, her back to him, her shoulders shaking with rage.  "I suppose
 you'll leave and never come back."  He couldn't help the hysterical quality that was creeping 
into his voice.  She abruptly turned back and strode quickly towards him.  The Doctor steeled 
himself, expecting to be slapped, but to his shock she grasped his head in her hands and kissed
 him firmly.  She stepped away, her face just as furious as it had been a moment before.  "I'm
 so confused," he said quaveringly.
	"Part of you wants me to hate you," she said, low and intense.  "And part of you wants 
me to leave.  But I'm not gonna do that.  I may be very angry at you right now, but that doesn't
 mean I don't still love you."  She went to the door, pausing as she put her hand on the knob.  
She spoke without looking at him.  "I'm going out for a little while.  At the moment I find you 
unpleasant to be around, and I don't want either of us to say anything more that we'll regret 
later."  She turned her head so she could just see him, standing near the windows, leaning on 
the back of the sofa.  "But I'll be back, because it's taken us almost twenty years to admit 
how we feel about each other, and I refuse to let it go."  She opened the door and left, shutting 
it quietly behind her.  The Doctor shut his eyes and sank into a rocking chair next to the big 
picture window, cursing himself and feeling the unfamiliar sting of tears.