One hundred years from now.
The University of California, San Diego, Warren Lecture Hall.
"Students, today we will discuss the role of Upright and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda in forming the text of the Galactic Hero Corps, the defining text of that old school of thought, Postmodernism...
"Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yad -
"Brent Johnson, AKA Upright, cannot be described adequately by simply listing off his attributes. Perhaps if we look to the model provided by medieval Jewish scholars to describe God - by decribing what he is not - we can get a picture of him:
Brent Johnson is not God.
Brent Johnson is not mortal.
Brent Johnson is not gay.
Brent Johnson is not a homophobe, either, so nyah-nyah!
Brent Johnson thinks he's not a hateful person, although he hates the drivers of San Diego.
Brent Johnson is not a woman of color.
Brent Johnson is not a bad writer, though he tends to think he is at times.
Brent Johnson does not have a specific political agenda.
Brent Johnson is not a spy for North Korea, or any nation, for that matter.
Brent Johnson is not registered with any political party.
Brent Johnson does not think that the Liberatarian Party and platform is totally devoid of good ideas, but does feel most of them are stupid.
Brent Johnson doesn't remember being born (Thank God!).
Brent Johnson is not the most intelligent person in the world, but is in the upper echelon.
Brent Johnson is not humble.
Brent Johnson is not being educated in the intellectual meatgrinder known as the University of California, San Diego.
Brent Johnson is not proud, either.
Brent Johnson doesn't feel that daily reporters and columnist know jack shit.
Brent Johnson does not care what you think when he's laughing.
Brent Johnson is not the Void - or Chaos, for that matter (although sometimes he likes to think he is).
Brent Johnson does not like the Dallas Cowboys.
Brent Johnson is not God, dammit! Leave him alone.
Brent Johnson doesn't really care when you come to him and say "I feel so bad, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda..." although he might say things that make you feel otherwise.
Brent Johnson is not your huckleberry either, unless he specifically tells you that he is.
Brent "I'm your huckleberry" Johnson
