Haggar gets a man!

ok everyone! I know i normally write generally about Lotor exclusively, but i couldn't pass this up! I am having Haggar hook up with Mum-ra the ever living!
I am counting on everyone knowing that he is the bad guy from Thundercats. I hope this works!
"No,no, no! AAARRRGHHHH! She wins again and doesn't even know it!!!"
A very perturbed looking Moonie shoves the pot toward Dom. This evening the
harem, being particulary bored, decided to play regular poker (regular meaning
its not the usual strip poker with Lotor). Lotor was on a mission for Zarkon
and the man slaves were exhausted from the busy day they had with the harem
women! Playing poker was a change of pace. However Dom, who was still trying
to learn how to play, was annoying the hell out of those who already knew.
Dom,"So i won with a straight?"
Tamy(sighing), "No!" "You had a full house!" "Now i see why your not allowed
to play strip poker with us"
Dom," Well!" " I am SORR-Y!" "I guess i don't have a knack for cards"
Jenn,"She guesses!"
Christa,"Where is that book i gave you which teaches you the basics?"
Dom,"It's holding up the short end of the couch" "Look, i didn't understand
it!"
Michelle," By the gods!" "Why don't you take a break Dom?" "How about some
soda's?" -This was met in agreement by the players
Dom,"Okie dokie"
Dom leaves the table to the relief of the players. However their attention
gets drawn to the sound of the harem door opening. They begin to hear a
clicking sound and then a cat meowing. To the astonishment of everyone Haggar
walks through the door with her staff and Coba! Everyones mouths are open.
They know Haggar RARELY comes into the harem unless its with Lotor.
Haggar," hello ladies!" "May i join in?"
Part 2 is a comin!
Dom

Haggar gets a man 2

Christa,"Haggar, what are you doing here?"
Haggar,"What, a witch can't hang with you?" "Deal me in"
Tamy who was dealer at the time, looked around the table to see the
expressions of everyone else.They were confused and somewhat repulsed looks.
Tamy,"well,ok"
Dom who had her arms full of various kinds of sodas, walked up to the table
and sat down next to Haggar.
Dom," Hey Haggar whats shakin?"
Haggar," My thighs, my arms, my butt" "i didn't come to talk about that
though" "What i came here for was some advice from you scribes."
Jenn who was taking a swig of soda, nearly choked to death.
Jenn,"You take advice from us! what a trip! what do you need it on?"
Haggar," well as you know i'm getting on in years and to make it short, i'm
extremely horny!" I want to find a man.
Michelle,"a live one?"
Haggar,"Yes you fool!" i figured that since you scribes seem to be on your
backs most of the day, your doing something right. I want in. I need your
help."
Dom,"But Haggar, were all beautiful, thin and well endowed! Not to mention
were all, i don't know, about a 1,000 years younger than you!"
Haggar suddenly raises her staff and chants
She has insulted me, make it right
because a frogs ass is watertight!
In Dom's chair was(you guessed it) a little green frog!
Haggar," HAHAHAHAHA! that'll teach her! So how about it? Help me and i'll
change her back. If not i'm a steppin on her!
Tamy,"When will that girl learn to keep her mouth shut!!! what are we gonna
do?"
Sammie,"lets set up a pond in the bathroom for her"
Moonie,"No, no,no. She is our friend.We have to help Haggar."
Haggar,"Smart choice."
She raises her staff again and chants:
i have stopped fumin'
So change this frog into a human
In a puff of smoke, Dom appears back in her chair.
Dom,"Yuck! nobody be a frog if you can help it. Its a terrible feeling!"
Christa," A yeah Dom, will keep it in mind. Now who has any idea how to help
Haggar?"
Part three is a comin
Dom

Haggar gets a man 3

The scene is the harem living room. The Scribes are sitting on the couch and
on the floor. Haggar is sitting in the lounge chair next to the tv. Everyone
is thinking of ways to help Haggar find a significant other.
Christa,"So how about a makeover? We can do her hair and get her some new
clothes."
Haggar,"You moron! i don't have any hair and i like this robe. It hides very
well."
Jenn,"How about a paper bag over your face? The less he sees of you the
better!"
Haggar turns and points her staff at Jenn and says,
Insult she has done to me
Turn this girl into a bee!
Sure enough everyone heard a loud buzzing sound and there was jenn flying
around the room.
Haggar,"HAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEH! This should give you a little incentive to take
me seriously! Anyone got a swatter?!!"
Tamy," This is just freaken great. First Dom now Jenn. Somebody think of
something so we can get her the hell out of here!"
Dom," How about looking through the personals? You don't need to send
pictures-thank the gods-and there are alot of them. Look through your issues
of Horny evil doers monthly.
Haggar," yes! I think i may do that. Let me go get them."
Before she leaves, Haggar chants,
No wrong you have done to me
change back from a bee!
The bee which had been flying around the room, magically changed into Jenn.
Jenn," Oh my god! i didn't look at Johns picture today! I gotta go!" She makes
a quick depart to her room.
Tamy,"I can't imagine Haggar on a date, can you?"
Sammie," I can't help but feel sorry for her. I mean we get some action here
everyday. Do you know how sex starved she probably is?"
Michelle," I don't wanna think about Haggar and sex! Talk about thinking
unsexy thoughts!"
Dom," I think Haggar deserves a chance. Maybe once she gets laid she'll be a
happier person! I mean look how jolly we are! A nice rosie glow!"
With that last remark all the scribes take the nearest pillow and throws it at
Dom.
Christa," Alright here she comes! Lets pray for a miracle!"
Part 4 is a comin!
Dom

Haggar gets a man 4

Haggar has just arrived back in the harem. In her arms she is carrying the
latest issue of Horny evil doers monthly.
Haggar,"Ha! I found the latest issue! It's the special issue with all the
unattached studs!
Christa takes the issue from Haggar and starts to flip through it.
Christa,"Ugh! These guys are ugly with a capital U! You have poor taste
Haggar."
Tamy," Here we go again"
Haggar looks at Christa and says:
what she said made my stomach curdle,
turn this wench into a turtle!
And of course there is a turtle instead of Christa.
Samie,"This has got to stop!" -she picks up Christa who has retreated into her
shell-
I'm putting her in the tub!"-Sammie heads towards the bathroom
Michelle,"This is unreal! Alright, lets get down to business. Lets have a look
at the book.
Haggar places the magazine on the table in the living room. All the scribes
gather around it and start picking out potential canditates.
Dom,"How's about this guy...wow what a weird name ...Skeletor? Oh gross! He
has a skeleton's face! But he has a nice body. It says he has his own castle,
and army of devious side kicks. His archenemy is ...oh here's a name He-man,
and that he recently broke up with someone named Evil-lynn.
Haggar,"No! I want a guy with skin on his face!"
Dom- under her breath- picky, picky,picky! -she turns the page-.
Jenn,"Here's a real winner. His name is Cobra Commander. He commands an army
of mercenaries bent on world domination.You can't see his face under his
helmet. He mentions he has vast military knowledge and he likes women who will
hear him talk about his many defeats by some one named GI Joe.
Michelle,"Aw come on! world domination is so blase'. Pinky and the Brain are
trying to take over the world! Besides, you wanna kiss a helmet?
Haggar,"I don't want a soldier boy! Its bad enough i have to listen to Zarkon
and Lotor bitch and moan to me about Voltron.
Sammie-who has returned after making a makeshift pond for christa in the tub-
Well, those are the only two with pictures.After that you just have to take
your chances.
Haggar,"Well ok. i like living on the edge" "who's next?"
Guess who's add they find?!!!!
Part 5 is a comin!
Dom

Haggar gets a man 5


Tamy,"I don't know about you girls, i am sure getting tired of looking at
this! Lets just pick anyone!"
Haggar,"If you don't help me with this, you can kiss your supply of Big Red
Soda goodbye! I KNOW you don't want that.
Tamy(under her breath) "wrinkled old prune...
Haggar,"WHAT WAS THAT?!"
Tamy,"I said have you heard that catch tune?!-starts snapping her fingers-
Haggar,"Thats what i thought!"
Dom," Alright, alright! X-nay on the insult-say! Haggar, how about changing
Christa back, giving us a small break and then will get right back to picking
the lucky man!
Haggar,"Oh all right! i have to change my Depends"
Michelle,"Great, now i'm gonna have nightmares!"
Haggar starts to wave her staff when Jenn steps in the way
Jenn,"Oh come on Haggar,cut her some slack! She hasn't had her daily dosage of
Coca-cola and she missed Xena last night.
Haggar,"Enough! I didn't ask for her life story! I'll spare you this once
girlie!"
Michelle,"Thanks. I think...."
Haggar,"Now for your little friend in the tub:
I no longer have a bad vibe,
change that turtle into a scribe( am i good or what-wink-!)
A minute later Christa emerges from the bathroom asking what the hell she was
doing in the tub!
Sammie,"Long story. Join everyone on their break"
Dom", Smoke em if ya got em!"
A few minutes later the Scribes are in the kitchen munch'n and drinking soda
by the gallon.Haggar is in the bathroom break'n in a new Depends.
Michelle,"who'd have thought helping find a man for someone was so tough?"
Tamy(taking a hit of Big Red) This isn't just anyone, this is Haggar! The
only man i had hopes for her was a blind man! Obviously she wants more.
Jenn," I saw in the magazine there was an ad for a guy called Gargomel. I
thought it sounded legit until i got to reading who is archenemies were.
Moonie,"who were they?"
Jenn," He said they were tiny blue men called Smurfs! They live in the forest
in little mushroom huts! To top it all off, there is only ONE female in a clan
of all males! I realized then that this guy wasn't playing with a full deck!
Christa," What a loony!"
Michelle,"He must have been smokin' or tripping on those mushroom huts!"
Sammie,"You said it!"
Dom,"I hate to break up the party, but we have to get back. I'm seeing Haggar
coming out of the bathroom, and the way the plants are withering and dying
behind her, we shouldn't use the bathroom for awhile.
Tamy,"HAHAHAHA!"Don't sweat it girls. I read the last ad in the section and
its VERY promising!
Part 5 is a comin'!
Dom

Haggar gets a man 6


Jenn,"Haggar there is one ad left, but there is no picture with it!"
Haggar,"SO?! I like livin on the edge. Read it to me.
Jenn,"Ok, here it goes:
Evil incarnate seeks relationship with witch or sorceress. Must have only two
eyes and one head-"so far your chances look good Haggar!"- OWW!- I have my own
place and very powerful evil powers. I like destroying all that is good,
especially my archenemies the thundercats. I mostly sleep during the day, but
I CAN STAY UP ALL NIGHT! Contact me via crystal ball, black cauldron, magic
mirror, etc...
No men please!
Mum-ra the ever living
Dom,"Hey Haggar, this thing sounds like a real winner! Contact him, invite him
to dinner at your lab and your set.
Haggar,"But what do i wear, what staff should i use, what should i serve,
what, what......
Tamy,"Don't chicken out now Haggar. Wear what you always wear, don't bring a
staff, and i don't even wanna know what evil people eat."
Michelle,"First things first people! Call him on your crystal ball. Maybe he's
not available"
Sammie(who painfully elbows Michelle)"Don't worry, he is available. Go to your
lab now and give him a holler.
Haggar,"Oh all right. But if this doesn't work out, i'm changing ALL of you
scribes into, into.... something i can step on real easily!!!!"
With that last remark, Haggar exists the harem and makes a bee line for her
lab.
Christa,"Well i'm glad thats over.
Tamy," I don't know about you guys, but i'm curious to how this will all turn
out. Who's up for a little spying on Haggar's date?"
A whole chorus of me's answer Tamy and the Scribes get ready for a night of
sneaking and peeking
(note-its important to remember the way Mum-ra talks-you know he mostly yells
instead of talking..he also has that weird baaaaaahaaaaa kinda of villan
laugh.)
In Haggars lab, a very fuzzy, unclear face appears in Haggars crystal ball:
Mum-ra: WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?
Haggar: It's me Haggar the witch! I am the most evil person on Planet Doom! i
am responding to your add in Horny Evil doers monthly! So how's about you and
me getting it on?!
Mum-ra,"BAAAAAHAAAAA! I like the way you think Haggar! It's been 10,000 years
since I scored last! You better be ready for me! BAAAAHAAAAA!
Haggar,"I will be! Dinner at my lab now!"heheheheheheheeheh!
After this conversation was done, Haggar starts chanting:
I'm gonna get lucky, i'm gonna get lucky!
i'm gonna get lucky willingly! No tricks or nothing! hahahahhahaha!
Little did Haggar know that at the window to her lab was a group of very
curious scribes!
Conclusion coming later today!
Dom

Haggar gets a man 7

"Move your elbow dummy, i can't see anything!"
"Sorry! My bad!"
Tamy,Dom, Sammara,Jenn,Christa and Michelle were perched on the outside
window ledge by Haggar;s lab. They were there to see how Haggar's date with
Mum-ra would go. So far, as they could see, Haggar had set up a table with
candles and some evil delicacy brewing in some bowls. Haggar was pacing up and
down with anticipation of Mum-ra's arrival.
Haggar,"Where is he? what happens if he doesn't show? then i'm reduced to
waiting for Zarkon again! how pathetic!"

On the ledge:
Dom,"Move it or lose it Jenn! I can't see too well"
Jenn,"If this Mum-ra person doesn't come soon, i'm going back to the harem! I
got better things to do!
Michelle,"Come on guys! give me a break! This is better than watching Dom win
at playing poker all the time!"
Dom,"I still don't get it. When i reach 21 then i win right?!
Tamy,"I swear..........."
Christa,"Shhhhh. Somethings happening!"
In Haggars' lab a thin red smoke started to appear. It began to swirl, till
eventually it took the form of a shriveled looking mummy thing wearing a red
cloak and hood. The thing was covered in bandages from head to toe.
Murm-ra,"BWWWWAAAAAHAAAAA! I am Mum-ra the everliving! You must be Haggar!
Haggar,"heheheehehe! Yes i am! I am so pleased to see you! Won't you please
sit down?
Mum-ra,"BWWWWAAAAHAAAA! Thank you!
Mum-ra and Haggar sit at the little table across from each other. Meanwhile
the scribes are trying to hold back their laughter.
Tamy,"He's just a skinny little mummy man! Hahaahahahah!
Dom,"I bet his you know what shriveled up and fell off he's so old!
Samara,"yeah! he probably keeps it in a jar!"
Christa,"oh thats gross! I wonder if he has to dry clean those bandages?!
With all this humor going on, the scribes were only able to catch bits and
pieces of the conversation:
Mum-ra:BWWWAAAAHAAA!Your so hideously ugly! It turns me on.....
Haggar: So.. you wear depends too....
Mum-ra:BWWWAAAAHAAAA! You don't have any pupils either!...
Haggar: So do you still have a yang?!
This went on for some time until...
Part 8 follows!

Haggar gets a man...conclusion!

In Haggar's lab Mum-ra and Haggar are finishing dinner;

Mum-ra: That was most horrible my dear! I haven't had such awful food in
centuries!
Haggar: heheheehehe! I'm soooo glad you liked it! Are you ready for dessert
Mum-ra?
Mum-ra: Of course I am! Bring it on! BWWWWAAAAHAAAAA!
Haggar: OK! Here it is....!
With that "here it is" Haggar rips off her robes to reveal a leather lingerie
outfit complete with garter and stockings! To top it all off she is wearing
under a hood, a blond wig!
At the window sill over looking the lab all you can hear are the sounds of six
scribes letting go of their dinner over the ledge! When their dinner is gone
and they recover Tamy is the first to speak.
Tamy: Ohhhhh, my stomach hurts!
Christa: I'm never wearing leather again!
Dom:I don't know what bothers me more. The fact that Haggar's dressed like
that or the fact that she is going to copulate with that little man in there!
Samara: So that's what she wanted with Moonie's catalog....
Michelle(rubbing her stomach)I'm not gonna eat for a week.
Daring to peek into the lab the scribes look, wondering whether or not Mum-ra
has been blinded.
Mum-ra(looking suprised at Haggar) Well... I uh...(recoves initial shock and
then breaks into a smile) Oh baby that's what I like! BWWWAAAHAAAAA! I have a
surprise for you too..
Ancient spirits of evil......
Transform this decayed form...
To Mum-ra! The ever living..!
As the scribes and Haggar stare in disbelief, in the lab stands a tall, very
muscular, well formed eh.....person...thing.
Dom: wooo-hooo! That thing is built!
Tamy: You said it! If it wasn't so ugly..
Michelle: I don't know about you guys, but i'm kind of feeling
warm...eh....can we go find Lotor?
Jenn: Way ahead of you!
Christa: I got first dibbs!
So climbing down the ledge were six scribes as horny as toads aiming to rock
Lotor's world if possible!
Meanwhile in the lab, Haggar who had recovered from seeing Mum-ra transform
finally speaks
Haggar: By the gods! Come to Momma!
So Haggar and Mum-ra did the horizontal mambo in every square inch of her lab.
They were locked in the lab for about 5days with a note on the lab door
announcing that if this lab is rockin' don't come a knock'n! Mum-ra still
remains Haggar's man until this day!
Ps- All 6 of the scribes did get some from Lotor!
Hope you enjoyed readin'
Dom