My Turn To Get Inspected - OR The First Bonk On Da Head...

Gina started it! Heheheheh..no, it's not her fault, really But y'know,Zarkon WOULD probably want to see what his son is gettin' - the ol' horny toad..


One of Zarkon's guards - Tamy KNEW he was one of Zarkon's guards by his uniform - took Tamy by the arm and started to escort her out of Lotor's Harem. She had only been there a few days and so she dragged her feet, struggling with the idiot Drule guy that dragged her.

"Lemme go, ya big blue idiot! I ain't goin' nowhere until you tell me where you're takin' me!"

The Drule glared at her. "You're feisty for a little human female, but you better learn to keep that pretty mouth shut. I'm taking you to see King Zarkon, himself."

"King Zarkon!" Tamy exclaimed. She forgot that there wasn't just Prince Lotor
to deal with here. She figured that his father was some doddering old man who
didn't really care what his handsome son did. Lotor DID seem to have the run
of the place.

"What's he wanna see me for?" Tamysan still stood still, much to the Drules
consternation and fear. When his King wanted something, he wanted it now!

"He's the king, wench! He doesn't need a reason! Now come along or I'll carry
you in there!"

Tamy didn't want to embarrass Lotor, so she agreed to go along with the big
blue smurf-guy. Tamy noticed that on the way to the throne room, that the
hallways became more darker. Even the air seemed stale or something.
~Geez, you'd think this was Emperor Palpatine's place, it's so icky..~

Finally they reached the throne room, and the guard said, "I'd keep a civil
tongue in your head, wench if I were you. Better yet, be silent. The king
likes pretty wenches like you." he leered.

Tamysan didn't say anything. She just hoped the ol' boy was asleep or
something. The guard opened the door and lead her inside. She saw that there
was a blood red carpet on the floor and it lead to -

The ickiest thang she had EVER seen!

He was very tall, massive like Lotor was. His eyes were kinda of like Lotor's
and his color was like his too but darker. He was old but not decrepit, for
his eyes were lively with something she couldn't define. His ears, well they
reminded her of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. He wore this big ass
crown on his head and Tamy couldn't tell, but she figured he didn't have any
hair. He was all duded up in his royal finery and he held this gold staff
that had a pointing hand on it.
~Probably wears that big crown to make up for whatever he's lackin'~ she
thought.
The guard left her there and Tamy stood in her Harem attire, looking at the
old geezer.

"Come here, wench! Don't be shy.." the Zarkon-guy wheedled.

Tamy came forward until she was about roughly three feet away from his
throne. She felt a little uncomfortable. She'd NEVER been around royalty
before - especially alien royalty. Didn't folks bow or curtsy or something?
Unsure of herself and trying to ignore his stare, she did a quick graceful
curtsy to him.

He chuckled. "My, my..how charming! My son has picked a fine one that shows
respect! What is your name, my dear?"

"Uh, Tammy - I mean Tamysan, uh - Your Majesty."

"Ah, I see.." Zarkon grinned at her. Tamy thought he grinned like a shark.

"Why don't you come closer, dear Tamysan? Better yet, come sit in my lap. I
am a lonely man.."

Tamy's eyes widened. Sit on his lap? He was a dirty old man! Then she saw
something - something REALLY big sort of jump under his robes - right between
his legs.
~Oh hell! There CAN'T be two of em THAT big!~ she recoiled and took a step
backwards.

"I ah - well." Tamy stammered.

"Don't be afraid my dear. I am the KING you know. I MUST see that my son's
wives are fit to be with him."

"I know I'm fit to be with him, Your Majesty - and he does too. He said so."

"Really? I'll be the judge of that. Now come up here. I want to see you."

"You already see me..what are ya, blind?" Tamysan was getting annoyed.

"Wench! You DARE insult the King of Doom? Get up here with me right now!" he
lunged forward suddenly with his arm and yanked her sleeve. She landed
headlong towards his lap, and her head made contact with his chest.

"Ow!" she exclaimed. "What are you wearin', armor?"

He grinnned down at her. "You'll find out soon enough, my dear."

She happened to peer downward and saw that big 'thing' moving about again.
She shuddered and hoisted herself up, but he kept a grip on her. She caught a
whiff of his smell right about then too.
~Lord, and I thought the ship channels in Galveston Bay stunk! Whooo!~

She felt his fingers in her hair and grimaced.

"Hmm..blond hair. How predictable! My son's fascination for that princess
knows no bounds. I prefer Drulean women but I admit you human females are
very nice.." he started to run his hand down her back. "Very nice indeed.."

Tamy jerked up. King or no king, she wasn't gonna tolerate this fish-faced
old man groping at her! She pushed at his chest and stood up.

"Look, buddy..I don't care if you are the damn king. I ain't gonna have NO
fish-faced, trout-smellin' , yaller-eyed, fin-earred old pervert gropin' ME!"

Zarkon's eyes narrowed in anger. "YOU dare order me, wench? I'M the king here
and you WILL do what I want, WHEN I want it!"

"I'm LOTOR'S!" Tamy yelled back.

"What Lotor's is MINE wench!" Zarkon growled and then he suddenly chuckled.
"My, such spirit! You're almost like a Drulean woman. I like that." he
grabbed at her again.

"Dammit! What part of NO don't you understand?" Tamy struggled with his Royal
Sliminess.

"There is no "NO" with me, wench.." he purred.

Tamy figured he was right. It was time to switch tactics. Hm. Maybe since he
wore that big ol' crown on his head, he was pretty big-headed about himself.
She'd try it. You could catch more flies with honey than vinegar, they always
said. She stopped fighting him and relaxed.

"That's better, wench. I'm glad to see you have some sense."

Tamy affected a wide-eyed look and drawled out her best Texas belle drawl.

"Oh, it 's just that - oh.." she affected a blush.

Zarkon, being the ass he was, said, "Tell me, my dear.."

"I've NEVER been around such a great king like you! Why it jus' makes my head
spin!"

"Really?" His eyes brightened.

"Oh yes..why you're MUCH bigger and stronger than even the mightiest Texas
men back home, and they say everything's bigger in Texas!"

Zarkon chuckled. "Sit on my lap and I'll show you something really big.." he
leered.

~Euwwwww..~ Tamy hid her disgust.

She said, "Of course, Zarkon, honey. "

He smiled in anticipation and leaned his gold staff against his throne.

Tamy said, "All right now..oh I'm so shy! Could ya close your eyes for me?
I'm so nervous!"

"Eh, all right, my dear. But only this once!"

He closed his eyds and Tamy crowned him good with his scepter, clonking him
out for the count. He slumped in his throne, looking like he was asleep. Tamy
ran out with the scepter before she even thought about it. She passed a short
(for a Drule) man with no pupils in his yellow eyes. He yelled, "Hey, stop!
Where are you going with King Zarkon's scepter?"
She stopped and looked at the scepter.
"Oh, this?"

"Yeah! I demand you tell me! I'm General Cossack and I'm the LAW here!"

"Oh really? She said sweetly. She grabbed him suddenly, gave him a big wet
one and clonked HIM in the head, knocking him out! She put the scepter in his
hand and said, "Sorry buddy, I'm sure you'll give this back to fish-breath in
there.."

Tamy hightailed it to the Harem where she told Lotor the whole thing. He
soothed her frazzled nerves - and boy did he - and he made sure that his
father didn't go after her for it. In fact, Zarkon only remembered that she
had been there, but not that he'd been clonked on the head. He thought he had
fallen asleep. Cossack returned the scepter shortly after he came to. He was
fortunate that Zarkon didn't know HE had it!
All in all the inspection wasn't bad, but Tamy was thankful that she wouldn't
be running into HIM any more!