I'm sure you've all heard of King Zarkon.....

Zarkon:Of course they have!! My reputation precedes me!!

*Michelle rolls eyes* Er...yes...*clears throat* All bad right....? Unfortunately it's true!

Zarkon: HEY!! I resent that!!There's plenty good about me!

Tamy:Like what....?!

Zarkon leers: I'm sure you could name at least twenty things my dear Tamysan!! *BONK!!* OW!! You didn't have to hit me that hard!!

Tamy:Yes I did..damn perv!!

AHEM!! *Michelle clears throught*

Tam:Sorry...

Zarkon mutters: Ditto

You've heard of his life work's, the total annihilation of all good in the galaxy, and the suppression of all people...

Zarkon:One rule, one nation!!

Tamy: Whatever!!

....Now unfortunately it's time to get to know the man behind the tyrant...

Zarkon looks anxiously behind his back *sighs* Oh! You meant that as a metaphor right...?

Michelle sarcastically: Right...

Tamy:So without further ado, we present to you, his getting to know you survey..*hands several sheets of paper to Hagger* We're out of here!!

Zarkon *frantically*: Where're you two going....?!

Tamy: As if we'd willingly hang around you for any amount of time!!

Michelle:Hagger has graciously offered to take over reporting duties from us. Ta!!

Door slams shut

Zarkon looks disappointed, but makes an amazing recovery to be his usual annoying self for this interview.

Hagger:Now!! Let's get this thing started!!

Zarkon: Make it quick..I..uh...I got women to oggle!! *LEERS* among utter things!!
FULL NAME: Now that's a pointless question!!
Hagger:Just answer the damn question!!
Zarkon: *rolls eyes* King Zarkon
NICKNAMES:Zarkon the Mighty, Big Papoo,*points to his crotch* And of course, Mr. Happy!!
SEX: ::grin:: heh. female!
BIRTHDAY: I celebrate every year with an orgy!
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Planet Doom, where else?
DESCRIPTION OF SELF: I'm - ::glances down:: VERY well endowed!::leers::
FLIRTY: I believe the direct approach is best
FIRST CRUSH: *scratches head* Gee...it's been so many years...so many planets destroyed, lives ruined...What are you laughing about....?!
Hagger: Nothing!! nothing!! *hides face behind paper*
Hmph!! Well...After all this time...I really can't recall who I crushed in my first bid for power....*Sound of muffled laughter*....though I'll never forget the first planet I oppressed...
Hagger bursts out laughing: You idiot!! They meant first crush as in love!!
Zarkon blushes: Oh..uh..I uh...I knew that!! I was just playing along!! *face darkens as Hagger continues to laugh* Never mind that!! As me the next question!!
FIRST BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: *groans* Next question please!! Hagger grins, shaking her head vigorously: Uh-uh!! You're *adoring* public has a right to know...
Zarkon: But...*Lower lips trembles* All right! ALl right, it's...MKHJJKJI!!
Hagger: What was that? I couldn't quite hear you...?
Zarkon: Hagger!! It was you, Hagger, ya happy now!!
Hagger:Very!! *cackles*
PARENTS: They were idiots
RIGHTY OR LEFTY: Both depending on whose body part I'm groping..
HOBBIES: Sex, chasing Scribes, conquering the universe, sex, terrorizing people, sex, sex, oh and MORE sex!
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN: "Will work for SEX"
FRIENDS THAT LOOK LIKE YOU: HA!! No one could come close to the perfection that is Zarkon the mighty!! I'm one of a kind!! BWA Ha..HEY!! What did you mean by Thank God.....?!
YOU GO FOR ADVICE TO: I'm all knowing! I don't NEED advice!
YOU'VE DREAMT ABOUT: Sex with numerous Scribes!
YOU TELL YOUR DREAMS TO: ANyone willing to listen!! You never know when you might find someone willing to help you act out those dirty little fantasies...*drool* Besides you Hagger!! *Hagger pouts*
YOU TELL SECRETS TO: Any Scribe who is willing to act out my fantasies!

---ON GIRLS

BOY SHORTS OR BIKINI UNDERWEAR: How 'bout neither?! Okay..okay..bikini underwear, the skimpier the better!!
PAINTED NAILS OR NOT PAINTED: Painted!!
BRA OR SPORTS BRA: Bra..the skimpier, lacier, and frillier te better!!
SORTA DRESSY OR CASUAL: Dressy!! Want my *women* looking their best for our *dates*
EARS PIERCED OR NOT: Pierced. I like to see them wearing my gifts!!
DARK OR BLONDE: Any color will do
DARK OR LIGHT EYES: Any color will do as long as they got nice jaboobies.
HAT OR NO HAT: Don't care as long as they're having sex with me
GOOD GIRL OR BAD GIRL: *heh* Bad girls are fun! Into that unusal kinky kinda sex....*Hagger leers* *Zarkon yelps* Then again..good girls tend to be just as.... sexual.....*drools* Librarian fantasy....
TALL OR SHORT: Don't care as long as they got the stuff!
CURLY OR STRAIGHT HAIR: The more I can run my fingers through the better
SKIRT OR DRESS: Prefer neither but a skirt would be easier to tear off her body!
TAN OR FAIR: As long as she's got silky skin, I don't care!
FRECKLES OR NO: No peference there!
PRETTY INDOOR CHICK OR SPORTSY CHICK: A combo! Yeah, they'd HAVE to be pretty and definitely INDOOR (unless we go outdoor for kinky sex) and sportsy because ya gotta be VERY athletic with ME, if you know what I mean.::leers::
ACCENT OR AMERICAN: As long as they speak SEX..

--ON PREFERENCES.........

CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Neither, tho I am fond of females dipped in chocolate jello that I can lick off!
LEADER OR FOLLOWER: BAH!! Who do you think I am....? I am king of Doom, ruler of the vast Drule Empire..Of course I'm THE Leader!!
MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING: Burger King...Home of the Whopper!! *burp* Only fast food joint fit for a king!!
MARRY PERFECT LOVER OR PERFECT FRIEND: Friend....?! What do I need friends for....?! I got Hagger!! HA! I'll take perfect lover anyday!!
ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER: I drink Fizzy Doom cola when I'm in the mood
TEA OR COFFEE: Nah.
SAPPY/ACTION/COMEDY/HORROR: WHy isn't porn an option.....?!
CATS OR DOGS: Dogs are decent for a meal although cats are fine as an appitizer.
COOLER RANCH OR NACHO CHEESE: As long as I can lick it off a Scribe, any flavor will do!
MUD OR JELLO WRESTLING: Yes!
W/ OR W/OUT ICE CUBES: Yes
SHINE OR RAIN: Heh...wet T-shirt time!! Rain baby, rain!!!! Sun's good too. Hey, you KNOW we have manditory NUDE sunbathing here
WINTER/SUMMER/FALL/OR SPRING: Winter. It's an excuse to generate some BODY HEAT..::leers::
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Chocolate...you can do so many delightful things with it..*grins* I have many a fond memory of a certain ice cream sundae I made with my wives..*drools*
SKIING OR BOARDING: Boarding on Scribes? YES!
BIKING OR BLADING: Hey, the only sport I do is sexual olympics!
CAKE OR COOKIES: Hmm...Cake!! Cause unlike others, I CAN have my cake and EAT it too!! *chuckle* How many men can boast that?!BR> MUSIC GENRE: I only listen to the music of lust!
NIGHT OR DAY: Day.....? It's never daylight on Doom!! Night of course!!
GLOVES OR MITTENS: Not with MY kittens!
BUNK OR WATERBED: WATERBED!!
CHEWING GUM OR HARD CANDY: Scribe candy..::leers::

---YOUR FAVORITES.......

COLOR: red, gold
NUMBER: 69
SUBJECT: Sex!
CLOTHES BRAND: Victoria's Secret.....before Merla bought it out and renamed it Merla's Secret...>_<
SHOE BRAND: I'm King of Doom!! I don't need to wear shoes!! Just give me some footies or my pink bunny eared slippers and I'm happy...Wait...leave out the part about my bunny slippers...they don't need to know about that!!
SPORT TO PLAY: .Juggling bazooms, indoor sex events
DRINK: Tyrusian wine
ANIMAL: Yeah sometimes I AM an animal, but you know you LOVE it! Grrr, baby!
HOLIDAY: The Annual Orgy Day on Talos 5!
TV SHOW: I only watch porno
FAVORITE LINE FROM A MOVIE: Ohhh, baby, give it to me..you're sooo huge! (I hear that all the time from MY women)
SOUND: See above
BAND: Rubber baby..
SONG: Get It On, Sexual Healing
MOVIE: Debbie Does The Universe
SCENT: The scent of a beautiful unresisting woman!
FOOD: Just slap that meat on the plate
FABRIC: Silk, satins - on my babes

---IN THE FUTURE.......

WHAT'S YOUR HOUSE GONNA LOOK LIKE? House! I LIVE in a freakin' PALACE!
HOW MANY KIDS: As many as my ladies can put out! Gotta keep the Empire going you know.
ANIMALS: Eh, I got some robeasts - oh and Hagar.
JOB: Eternal King of the Universe and Big Papoo to my Scribes which my son STOLE from me!

---ON RELATIONSHIPS....

WHAT DOES YOUR IDEAL B FRIEND/G FRIEND LOOK LIKE: Like I said, WHAT friends?
HOW DO THEY ACT: If I had em, they'd be respectful!
DO YOU LIKE TO CALL OR BE CALLED: I like to call because I'm the MAN..
MAKE PLANS OR GO ALONG W/ THEM: I make plans, others follow them!
MAKE THE MOVES OR WAIT: I'm a mover and a shaker!! Yeah baby, yeah!!
WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN A GUY/GIRL: Boobies!! *drool*
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Yes. Oh thought you meant 'lust".
PUPPY LOVE: I'm not INTO beastality!
SOMETHING THAT ANNOYS YOU: Hagar!
THAT TURNS YOU ON: You got a few hours to spare.....? This could take a while. *frowns* WHAT!?! You want me to list only one.....?
THAT TURNS YOU OFF: *smirks* Hagger!! *BONK* DAMN WITCH!! You didn't have to hit me that hard.....
WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET UP: Look to see whose lying next to me.....*shudders* Unfortunately, more often than not it's Hagger.......

~*~ARE YOU A...~*~
Zarkon:Sex machine?! Hagger: Stick to the questions!!
WUSS: Whose been calling me that?! I'll kill the rotten bastard who said that!!
CLASS CLOWN: Neither! I'm the hottest thing around! Haggar: With emphasis on 'thing' Zarkon:Shut up!
GOODY TWO SHOES: I wouldn't be caught dead doing the speed limit,let alone helping foil the forces of evil!! *smirks* After all, I am the number one advocate of chaos, destruction, rape, and slavery!!

~*~FRIENDS.....~*~

Funniest: Hagger!! She actually thinks I love her!!
Craziest:Those Scribes for not realizing what a god's Gift to women I am!!
Smartest: Those damn Scribes! They're TOO smart!
Coolest: Scribes, ALWAYS those Scribes!
Cutest: Scribes, specifically MY two wives. You KNOW who you are!
~*~This or That...~*~

MTV,VH1,BET, or CTN: Actually it's the PORN network
WWF or WCW: Neither
Ocean or Pool: Wherever I can handle wet, slippery Scribe
Love or Lust: LUST!! LUST!!
Silver or Gold: Gold
Diamonds or Pearls: Diamonds
Taco or Burrito: Both
Sunset or Sunrise: There's no wrong time to bang a Scribe!
Crushed or Cubed: I love to thoroughly CRUSH my enemies into oblivion!!
Showers or Baths: Why don't we just find out, shall we? Waddya mean you're allegic to water?

~*~My Friend With The Best....~*~

House is: MINE is the BEST
TV is: same as above
Stereo System is: same as above
Room is: dammit! Read the top!

~*~Misc. Questions....~*~

Do you like school? I have a Ph.D in Sexual Positions!
Do you like to talk on the telephone? I prefer in person!
Do you have your own line? Hagar: He has several LAME ones!
Zarkon: SHUT up!
Hagger frowns as she sees the next line: What possessed them to ask this question...:BR> Can we have your number? Baby, you can have MY number..
Do you like to dance? I'm an expert at the horizontal mambo!
Are you scared to ask someone out? Hell no!! Thought they seem to be scared to ACCEPT my proposals....*shakes head* Can't understand why.....
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Countless times. Unfortunately the Scribes are always kicking me out of their baths.
Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Yes, when I look at Hagar.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals? *leers* What do you think.....?
Have you ever broken/fractured a bone? More times than I care to admit!!
have you ever been hit in the head with a 4x4? Does a bonk stick count...?
Do you have any piercings? Nipple piercing.....don't ask...one too many drinks cause you to get strange things done to your body. You DON'T want to know where I got Hagger's name tatooed...
Did you ever wear braces? Heck no!
Do you consider yourself a good listener? eh.....? Speak up!! I can't hear you!!
Can you Swim? Wanna see me spawn, baby?:leers::
Do you sing in the shower? I think the question should be....do I even shower!! Hey!! It takes a lot of work to get this smelly!!
Do you think cheerleading is a sport? OOOOOOH YEAHHHH!! Best Spectator Sport in the UnIverse!! Next to Mud Wrestling that is!!
Have you ever stolen anything? Many a young girl's hearts!! Oh, and some planets, kingdoms, and most oppressed people's hopes for salvations...just the usual things.
What's on your ceiling? Mirrors and still pictures of Tamy-san and myself during our honeymoon..
What color is your toothbrush? What the hell is toothbrush?
What's your worst injury ever? *sobs* Mr.Happy!!!!!! T_T
What's the hardest thing about growing up? *frowns* Losing all my hair!! ....Wait... don't write that down...I know....when your son gets old enough to take away all your women!! *grimaces* Damn upstart!!
Do you believe in love at first sight? Oh yeah!! (Hagger whispers in his ear) Oh! Love!! I thought it said Lust at first sight...love's a bit more tricky...care to take my love challenge....*leers* if ya satisfy me, then I'll know if I can love ya!!
Favorite place to be? A strip joint!!
What do you wear to bed? *leers* Wouldn't you like to know!!
What's the best feeling in the world? Finally getting some!!
Do you think looks are important? Hell yes!
Zarkon:Are we done?! Cause I got planets to pulverize, and skirts to chase....
Hagger: I guess so...
Before she can even finish, Zarkon disappears in a cloud of dust.

Written by Tamy and Michelle