Title:   Made glorious summer
Author:  Veronica Jane Williams
Contact: xkhoi@iafrica.com
Series:  Voyager
Parts:   5/5 NEW
Rating:  NC-17
Codes:   C/P

SUMMARY: Voyager has returned to the Alpha Quadrant and Chakotay
has to come to terms with his feelings for Tom Paris.

Date Posted: 15 November 1999

Archive info: ASC, ASCEM

The first part of this story was posted on 26 September 1999.

It is the PREQUEL to my first C/P story, "Suddenly Last Summer"
which was written a while ago as a response to the very interesting
"Soothin' Summer Shower Challenge."  

Those who have read "Suddenly Last Summer" will know that the 
events in that story take place a year after "Made Glorious Summer".
This new story, really, marks my first attempt at m/m fanfic.

As many readers asked about the story, I promised to post all the 
parts. So, here it is. 



MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER

"Now is the winter of our discontent,
made glorious summer by this sun of York."

	[Richard, in Richard III - Shakespeare]


They were all at the official function to welcome home the crew
of Voyager. All who wanted to see, touch, and speak one or two
words to the intrepid crew of an intrepid ship, made their way to 
this prestigious event. Two weeks after their return, and after one 
week of intense debriefing, Kathryn Janeway wished they could just 
offer the Maquis members of her crew unconditional pardons. Which 
they did, but not before Commander Chakotay had been grilled about 
his role as one of the cell leaders of the Maquis. 

"After all," Kathryn had whispered under her breath as the two of
them faced the Judge Advocate General, "I was supposed to capture
you and bring you to trial."

Chakotay glanced surreptitiously at her, then whispered equally
softly, "you did, didn't you?"

"For a while, at least," she murmured. Their attention had been
drawn to the droning voice of Admiral Gray, who cleared his throat,
then delivered his words:

"Captain Janeway, it is the finding of this court that all former 
Maquis are to receive an unconditional pardon." The admiral 
emphasized the word *former*, which to Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay 
signaled more than actually pardoning them, the sentiments of 
Starfleet Command. They were no more Maquis. There had been no more
Maquis for two years. And after the sweating and fighting and
justifying and motivating, Kathryn was exhausted. But Command was
more than forthcoming when Chakotay had been invited - more like
begged, Kathryn thought privately - to rejoin Starfleet.

They had both given long sighs, and were glad that their latest
ordeal was over. For ordeal it was. It was no fun being debriefed
for an entire week, and having to answer and justify a hundred
and one decisions she had made on Voyager. Chakotay had taken her
arm and given her a reassuring squeeze.

Now, the function was in progress, and the more adventurous
escapades of Voyager and her crew recounted with great relish.
Kathryn had moved around with some ease, her smile becoming tighter
as the afternoon progressed. From time to time she was accosted by
some admiral or captain who wanted her to relate all their
adventures, and of how the two crews united and worked together.

"Chakotay," she breathed at last when she could get hold of him,
"rescue me."

He held out his arm, through which she gratefully linked hers,
and they proceeded outside, to the lush gardens of Starfleet
Command.

In the late afternoon sun, her hair shone golden brown. She looked
beautiful, Chakotay thought. She moved with such grace. Queen
Kathryn. He smiled. They walked in companionable silence for a few 
minutes. Then Chakotay stopped and looked at her. There was a smile 
on his face, one that deepened his dimples. She smiled back, and
her eyes held a query in them.

"What?"

"What's on your mind, Kathryn?"

"You know that I'm thinking something, Chakotay?" she asked, her 
own smile sweet and knowing.

"You're too quiet, I know you, Kathryn. Come on, what's up?"

She was quiet for a few seconds - seconds in which the smile
left her face, turning attractive features into some austereness.

"Chakotay," she said, sighing suddenly, "why don't you tell him?"

"You know."  It was a statement. It was futile to deny it. He gave
a sigh of capitulation.

"Chakotay," Kathryn said softly, touching his arm with great
tenderness, "we've known each other for five years, and for a while 
we were even lovers..." She gave a gentle smile when she said that. 
"But we were friends first, and that means a great deal more to me. 
We are friends now, and I'm deeply concerned that my best friend is 
unhappy..." 

"You know me too well, Kathryn," he whispered.

His smile of earlier was gone now, replaced by a drawn look. He 
stood, hands on his hips, and Kathryn thought how handsome he looked 
in his dress uniform.

"I know you are in pain," she affirmed. "You have been for months,
you know."

"That long, huh."

"That long, Chakotay."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn, that - that -"

"Chakotay, don't be sorry about anything, or regret what we had. It 
was good while we had it, but in retrospect, we needed comfort from 
each other. Comfort. And that is what I gave you and you gave me..."

"That should make me feel a whole lot better, right?" he said,
the dimples forming again as he gave a smile.

"A whole lot better, Chakotay. A whole lot better, because out
of what remained, we have something invaluable, something some people
mistakenly think they can buy: friendship. As your very concerned 
friend, I'm telling you to go to Tom and tell him how you feel."

"He - " Chakotay paused, and looked over the spacious green lawns
of Starfleet Command, "he... I don't think he..." Chakotay
stopped suddenly then looked at her again. "I can't do this
Kathryn. I - " He didn't want to tell her that he already tried.

"Chakotay! Why are you giving up, for heaven's sake? At the very
least, I think you should give it a try, and confront him about your 
feelings. It's very, very obvious you know, even though both of you 
have tried not to show it."

His eyes widened at her words.

"Yes, my friend. You tried to hide it, and Tom, the master of the 
mask, has not been very successful either. Although, in all 
fairness, it's been obvious only to me and B'Elanna and a few
others..."

"They know?"

"They know, Chakotay. The rest of the crew, they suspect, mostly."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn with new eyes, it seemed. How could
he deny her words? 

"It's very strong you know, Kathryn," he admitted quietly, suddenly
not afraid of being embarrassed to talk about his feelings for the
helmsman of Voyager. 

"There were very few in our boardroom meetings who didn't sense
the chemistry, my friend," she said kindly, her hand reaching to
touch his cheek. "It was there, the air bristled whenever Tom 
entered the room. I could sense how your whole body stiffened 
then..."

"He - he doesn't want it, Kathryn. He's fighting it, and I - "

"You have given up fighting it, Chakotay. You gave up fighting it
a long time ago. I could tell you almost to the day when you did 
so."

She didn't have to tell him, he thought with some pain. It was the
last time he and Kathryn made love. The last time he tried to, 
anyway. Even now, he felt the acute embarrassment of that night. He 
imagined he was making love to Tom, God help him. And Kathryn... 
Kathryn withdrew quietly from him when his erection suddenly and 
inexplicably became limp inside her. That was in that instant he 
realised it wasn't Tom, but Kathryn he was making love to. He was 
filled with instant disappointment, followed by deep mortification 
and guilt. She assured him she was fine, and actually managed to 
smile.

"Let's not regret what we had, Chakotay," she had told him 
afterwards. "I know where you heart lies. Don't feel guilty..."

But it had taken him long to come to terms with what happened that 
night. Kathryn had known and miraculously understood. If anything,
the disastrous ending of their lovemaking served only to entrench
and deepen that other facet of their relationship: friendship. She
became remarkably protective since that night, shielding him many 
times from potentially embarrassing situations by hooking her arm 
through his, like she always did, or inviting him to join her in 
their holodeck programme, sailing on Lake George. How many times 
didn't he look gratefully at her for her understanding and the way
she shielded him? 

He sighed. He knew how it must have looked to Tom, for on more than
one occasion he had seen that spark of what...jealousy? in Tom's
eyes. There was something reciprocal in Tom's eyes. He was certain
that Tom wanted him the way he wanted Tom.

He thought of their last night on Voyager, when he made one last,
and rather pathetically desperate attempt to approach Tom. Tom
had probably thought it was Harry or B'Elanna or Joe Carey
who rang the chime on his cabin door, for his 'enter' sounded as if
he expected one of them. It was in the sound of Tom's voice, a
light, jovial sound that made him almost jealous that he, Chakotay,
could not elicit from Tom that happiness in the way Tom's friends 
did.

The smile that was on Tom's face froze the moment he saw Chakotay 
where the Commander stood just inside the door, which slid 
noiselessly close. Tom remained rooted where he was standing, but
he paled a little. 

"Chakotay." 

Chakotay stared at the pilot. He wished fervently that the growing
bulge in his groin would slow down as he took his fill of the 
younger man. For Tom stood there, dressed only in his trousers. His 
hair was still wet from a recent shower, Chakotay surmised. Already 
Chakotay could feel his own breathing a little erratic and shallow. 
Tom was truly magnificently appointed, he thought. He had a finely 
toned musculature, muscles that didn't seem to compete for 
individuality, but combined to form a harmonious shapeliness that 
was as breath-taking as it was well-formed.

Chakotay took one step forward, then stopped. He was about a metre
away from Tom, and he could hear Tom's breathing. Tom's eyes gave
nothing away, and Chakotay felt like decking him, just to get
some reaction from him. 

"We need to talk, Tom," he said quietly, yet firmly. He kept his
eyes on Tom, as if he dared Tom to drop his gaze.

, he
told himself. 

"There's nothing to talk about, Chakotay," Tom said, his voice tinged
with defiance. 

"We can't deny what is happening, Tom," Chakotay countered. He took
a short step forward, and now he could see the tiny, tiny specks
in the pupils in Tom's amazing blue eyes. 

"And just what is happening, Chakotay?" Tom asked, his voice low,
yet clear and yes, Chakotay thought, insolent. What was he doing?
, 
Chakotay bristled inwardly, wanting to give in to the impulse of 
following that thought through. 

"This," he said quietly, reaching out with his hand to touch Tom's
left nipple. He heard Tom's swift intake of breath, an action which
gave Chakotay courage as he caressed the nipple with the base
of his thumb, all the time looking at Tom's face. 

"Damn you, Chakotay," Tom breathed softly as Chakotay continued
to rub the nipple that sprang erect. Chakotay sucked in his breath 
as he saw the effect his touch was having on Tom. The nipple felt 
hard under his thumb, and the little circles he traced round it 
created tiny, delicious frissons which seemed to travel throughout 
his body.

"And this," Chakotay continued as his thumb very briefly brushed
across the pilot's lips. He watched Tom close his eyes, and gasped
when Tom pressed closer, as if he didn't want to break the
electric connection. 

Emboldened, Chakotay moved closer until he stood against Tom, his 
thumb still grazing Tom's lips. Chakotay smiled as Tom opened his 
mouth to lick the gently roving thumb, nipping it and finally 
drawing it into his mouth to suck greedily. Chakotay moaned as Tom's 
tongue licked around his thumb, and he heard Tom groan the moment 
his free hand claimed Tom's right nipple, rolling it between thumb 
and forefinger. 

"Chakotay..." Tom croaked as his mouth released the Commander's 
finger, and he looked at his XO with blazing eyes. Tom's lips were
parted, his cheeks flushed as he waited for Chakotay's next move.

"And this, Chakotay said finally before he grabbed Tom's head 
between his hands. He brought his lips softly against the helmsman's
lips, the touch so soft, so infinitely gentle that Tom sighed 
in capitulation and closed his eyes.

Chakotay felt Tom's mouth open under his, and groaned as Tom pressed 
against him. Tom was gasping, his pleasure evident as he allowed
Chakotay's tongue to invade his mouth. Chakotay gave a soft sigh 
as Tom surrendered to his touch. A great peace came over him; it was 
a feeling of such rightness that it left him wondering how he could 
have survived touching Tom with so much freedom. He nipped at Tom's 
lower lip, and allowed Tom to return the erotic action. Their breaths 
mingled as they held on to one another - hot breath and roving hands
that incited them. They became frenzied as each tried to melt into 
the other, drowning in the delirium of desire that overpowered them. 

Tom ran his fingers through Chakotay's short cropped hair, and 
moaned against the Commander's mouth as he felt again Chakotay's
fingers work delicious little circles on his nipples. He arched 
his neck, an action which broke the kiss, but gave Chakotay the
opportunity to latch his mouth in the little hollow beneath Tom's
Adam's apple. Tom groaned loudly as he felt Chakotay bite and
suck.

"God, Chakotay..." he murmured, desperately clutching the 
Commander's arms. For the next few minutes they reveled in kissing. 
They explored each other's mouths, licked and kissed and nipped,
gasping when one found an extra erotic spot, or when the other's
earlobe was nipped sharply. Soft cries and moans that sealed a long
denied attraction, that became a benediction of what they could
possibly have together. Not a word was spoken, and the only sounds, 
their occasional gasping, groans and cries as they held on to each 
other like drowning men.

Chakotay saw strangely, almost surreal in its very movement, the 
tears squeezing from Tom's closed eyelids. In dazed wonder he 
realised that his own eyes burned and burned and burned with tears 
that threatened to roll down his cheeks. In that moment of strange
bemusement, every sublime touch of the past, every glance, every
quickening heartbeat whenever he was near Tom, came together in one
single sentence:

He loved Tom. 

There was something completely and utterly final in that admission. 
It dispelled at last, and forever, any doubts he harboured that what 
was happening between him and Tom, was not meant to be. It was meant 
to be, was the thought that insinuated itself in his mind - his 
bemused wonderment that Tom was returning each and every touch. It 
was right, his heart rejoiced. It felt right, it felt good and it 
felt awesome. And somewhere, somewhere in his dazzlement, his giddy 
feeling of floating on a cloud of happiness, he realised that Tom 
had stopped kissing him and even pushed him away. 

"Tom...?" he whispered the pilot's name hoarsely, confused that
the raging tide had suddenly receded.

"I - I'm sorry Chakotay. I can't do this..." Tom whispered, looking 
as distraught as Chakotay. His eyes had a bleak look, a dead look in 
them, Chakotay noticed absently. He didn't realise his own mirrored 
Tom's distress.

"You can't deny what we feel, Tom," he repeated again his words of 
when? an eternity ago, when he touched Tom's nipple. He looked at 
Tom's crotch and saw the bulge there, his erection straining against 
his trousers. He felt his own erection so painful that he gave an 
involuntary cry. 

Chakotay felt his life draining away slowly.

"Fine, Chakotay. I won't deny it." Tom gave a derisive laugh as his
hand touched his bulge. "How can I?" 

"It's what we both need, Tom."

"Maybe, Chakotay, maybe. But right now, it's not what I want."

"You can't be serious, Tom," Chakotay fielded, his whole stance one 
of disbelief. 

"Oh, but I am," Tom said with such a finality in his voice that
Chakotay felt his heart gave a great big shudder. It was clear to him
that Tom had recovered from this storm of passion that overtook them.
Chakotay tried again, not wanting to belief that Tom was rejecting
him, in spite of his evident response.  it throbbed
through Chakotay. . 

"You once said my life belongs to you, Tom." Chakotay's voice shook
with emotion as he said these words, remembering the day Tom saved
his life.

"I believe I've given it back, Chakotay."

With every word Tom uttered, Chakotay felt how the blood drained 
from his face. Little by little, he was dying. He swallowed 
painfully, the pain forcing the tears to fill his eyes. He gave
Tom one last look, nodded, then quietly left the pilot's quarters.

****

"Come back, Chakotay," Kathryn Janeway's voice broke through his
reverie.

"Kathryn?" he said as he stared at her in some confusion.

Kathryn Janeway didn't speak. Instead, she raised her hand and
gently wiped the tears from his face. His lips trembled as he 
stammered:

"I love him, Kathryn..."

"I know, Chakotay, I know," she consoled him, then threw her arms
round his waist. 

He clutched convulsively at her, holding her tightly.

"I love him," Chakotay whispered again.

*****

Tom Paris stood at the entrance of the doorway through which he
had seen Chakotay and Kathryn vanish about an hour ago. He wanted
to speak to Chakotay. 

He stopped dead in his tracks as he watched Kathryn Janeway touch
Chakotay's cheek, then hug him close to her. He saw Chakotay's
arms enfolding the Captain, holding her so close that his lips
rested against the top of her head.

Tom's face contorted with pain as he looked at them. He suppressed
it savagely, succeeding only in those few seconds to let it register
as a bitter twist of the mouth. 

He gave a snort of disgust.

By the time Tom Paris joined the rest of the throng in the hall,
he was smiling again.

****
END PART ONE
TBC PART 2


MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER
PART TWO

“I’ll be flying the Salamander, B’Elanna,” Tom told her as they 
stood outside the hall. 

He had wanted to forget what he had seen outside in the garden,
Chakotay hugging Kathryn to him. Now, he prepared to leave, go
to his flat and drown in some well mellowed brandy from the family
cellar. He looked at B’Elanna and saw the sceptical expression on
her face. He swore under his breath. He could never fool her,
and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to hear any stab-in-the-heart
truths from her. She could be so maddeningly direct sometimes.

He just knew it when she twisted her mouth in that way that always
made him think she knew everything but wanted him to come out
and admit it.

“What, no Voyager?” 

He sighed. The look was in her eyes, he knew it was pointless trying 
to fool her with his usual wise-cracking. He tried, though.

“No, I need the change. I look forward to the challenge of flying
another ship - “

“Liar.” 

“Huh?”

“You heard me.”

“Come on, B’Elanna. We’ve been on Voyager, what, five years. I’d say
that’s long enough.”

“Tom, why don’t you just come out and say it?”

He tried to avert her gaze, but this was B’Elanna, with whom he 
shared a bed for a long time. She kept her gaze locked to his. She was 
not letting him get away. 

“There’s nothing to say, except I’m flying a new ship - “

“If you’re looking for sympathy, you’re not getting it from me, Tom.”

“B’Elanna, I - “

“I’ve told you a hundred times not to worry about me.” 

There, it was out. She had thrown down the gauntlet. He could only
respond with the truth. The truth? What was that? That he felt
one hell of a lot guilty that he didn’t love B’Elanna anymore?
The truth that what they had, however wonderful it was in the 
beginning, and fraught with making up and fighting and supporting 
and fighting and making up, was no more? He felt guilt that he 
could so easily, so smoothly drift away from a wonderful woman who 
had, he admitted, given him back his life.

He owed her so much that not loving her anymore, made him damned 
and one hell of a lot guilty. Yeah, he sighed inwardly. B’Elanna 
hit right on the mark. Moreover, she hit on that other, even more 
painful truth. One that he wasn’t ready to admit to, one that he 
wasn’t willing to give any credence to. He hated himself. 

“You know I am, B'Elanna. You know how - “

“Guilty you feel?”

This time, Tom did look away. He stared at the ground, frowned 
heavily as he realised she was waiting for him to speak. 

“I - don’t know what to say,” he lied.

“How about, ‘B’Elanna, I’m running away from the truth’?”

“Yeah, how about that?” he asked bitterly.

“You are, you know.” 

He held her arms, held her quite close to him.

“Look at me, B’Elanna. I’ve lived with you for a long while. We’ve
had some earth-shaking sex - no, scratch that - some earth-shaking
lovemaking. My life was so entwined with yours, I’ve never 
considered, even for a second, that I could - that I could - ”

“- want another man in the same way that you’ve wanted a woman?”

Tom looked at her, and in the late afternoon sun, his eyes were
deeply troubled. He looked away again.

“Dear God, yes,” he admitted softly. “I’m not proud of it, 
B’Elanna.” 

“Then how about it being a normal thing, Tom? Normal!”

He looked at her again, this time he spoke with great emphasis:

“Listen, B’Elanna, first, I have these feelings which are so 
totally alien to me, it’s as if I’m another person. I - my life has 
turned upside down. I don’t know who I am, or whether this is 
‘normal’ for *me*. I just know that this is what I feel. I feel it 
deep, in here,” he said as he pointed to his chest. 

“How, Tom? Like you’ve felt towards me, like the way we’ve made
love sometimes that made me cry?”

“I - I never t-thought that - that he could evoke these feelings
in me, B’Elanna. I feel - I feel like my body is incomplete,
there’s a part of me - half of me! - that needs fulfilment. When
I see him, hear his voice, his footsteps, every nerve in my body
is awake and vibrating. It’s totally terrifying and at the same
time the most exciting thing that I feel. I don’t know how to
explain it - “

“No, you don’t, Tom, because I understand. You need Chakotay. 
Period.”

“Maybe, B’Elanna - “ Tom said, then added when he saw her fierce
expression that told him to be honest with her, “Okay, I need
him. Yeah, I need him.” Tom paused, his eyes very blue, yet
so troubled, “I don’t know if it is me, you know. Whether I should
follow my instinct - “

“Then act on it, Tom. You are right now the unhappiest man I’ve
seen, and so is Chakotay. Why are you punishing yourself so?”

“Because, even though I feel it, I don’t know if it is what I want,
sweetheart.” B’Elanna smiled when he used his old endearment for
her. She didn’t mind, to Tom she would probably always be 
‘sweetheart’ It established in her mind the fact that even though 
she and Tom were no longer lovers, and no longer in love, she would 
always be his friend, and strangely, someone he still cared deeply 
about. She felt immeasurably good about that. She smiled for the 
first time at him, a gentle, kind smile. 

“Tom, you’ll never know until you face him.”

“He’s still in love with the Captain, if you must know.”

“Bullshit.”

“I - I saw them, B’Elanna, out in the gardens.”

“Have you ever thought, you nitwit, that Chakotay might be crying
on her shoulders? He’s in love with you, Tom,” B’Elanna said 
quietly, seeing how distressed Tom looked. 

“B’Elanna,” Tom sighed, “it’s not for me...”

“You can’t deny your body’s need, Tom. You cannot deny yourself.”

“I - “

“You once, in your sleep, called his name, did you know that?”

Tom appeared shocked.

“No lies, Tom. This isn’t the time for it. But we were already 
becoming just too comfortable with one another, and not nearly as 
passionate as we used to be.”

“B’Elanna, for God’s sake - “

“It’s true. I accepted that a long time ago, and I’m sorry if it’s
taking you so long, but he’s on your mind all the time.”

"It's not - "

“You were caressing me - you must have been dreaming - and you 
called his name.”

“Dammit, B’Elanna.”

“Your body is screaming for him, Tom.”

“No!”

“Yes, Tom. Admit it and accept it. It’s a part of you, and will 
remain so forever.”

“B’Elanna,” Tom said finally as he pulled her into his embrace, “I 
don’t know why I’m fighting this. Perhaps it’s because I’ve seen 
them together. I wanted to talk to him, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s why you looked so pale and bitter and hauled me out
here so you could make him think it’s still me you want.”

“Dammit, B’Elanna.”

“Don’t damn me, Tom,” she said quickly. He had the grace to look
apologetic. “And for the sake of great Kahless, don’t feel guilty!”

“I’m sorry. I’m just in knots inside, you know that.” 

“You love him, Tom.”

He looked into the distance, unwilling to meet her penetrating
gaze. It came out, the finally admission, soft, a whisper really:

“Yeah...”

Tom felt how the admission left him drained, how all the tension 
flowed from him. He hadn’t wanted to give in to his feelings, 
hadn’t wanted to acknowledge any of it, and that last night, on 
Voyager, when Chakotay came to see him, the kiss had been the most 
exhilarating he had experienced. He tingled even now, just thinking 
about it.

“What are you going to do about it, Tom?” she asked.

“I don’t know, B’Elanna. I don’t know. At the moment, I just want
to be away from him. There are too many things I need to think 
through...”

“Look, if it will help, I’ll keep an eye on him for you - “

“B’Elanna! You’re no one’s nurse-maid. He doesn’t need looking 
after.”

“Good. That’s at least something you acknowledge about him, other
than that his life belongs to you...”

“Oh, that...”

“Yes, that, Tom.”

*********

Chakotay waited for B’Elanna to enter the hall again, before he
moved outside to where Tom was still standing, apparently deep in
thought. 

 he thought as he approached the pilot,
who looked so resplendent in his dress uniform that Chakotay
swallowed, his eyes riveted to Tom’s physique.  Tom appeared a little pale, 
his hair just slightly blown from the light breeze that had 
sprung up. 

Tom looked at him when he heard Chakotay’s footsteps. Somehow he
had just sensed it was Chakotay. Every fibre and nerve seemed to
be tuned to the Commander’s presence.

“Chakotay...”

“Tom, if you’ll listen to me - “

“There is nothing I want to say, Commander,” Tom said, addressing
him by his rank, a clear indication that he wanted to keep whatever
contact there was between them, on an official footing. It wasn’t
lost on Chakotay.

“All I ask, Tom, that you at least consider it.”

“Consider what, Commander?” he asked bitingly, “that I whore myself
to you?”

Chakotay closed his eyes and felt a stab of pain. That Tom should
reduce what was happening - what he couldn’t deny happening - to
something obscene and base... He felt all his resolve slipping,
a look of resignation in his pain-filled eyes.

“Don’t demean what I feel for you, Paris. It’s - “

“Oh, beautiful and compassionate and loving?”

“Dammit, Paris!” 

Chakotay gave up. It was no use. He stood close to Tom, taking in 
the way Tom’s hands shook, the angry look of denial in Tom’s eyes, 
the unwilling attraction he knew he could sense in the younger man.

Sighing, Chakotay finally acquiesced. 

“Okay, Paris, I’ll not bother you again.” 

He walked closer to Tom, touched his arm and made Tom look at him. 

“Don’t feel any guilt, Tom. I had those feelings too, until I 
realised it was futile to fight it.” Black eyes stared into the 
bluest pair of eyes. Tom’s lips trembled slightly as he witnessed 
the passion with which Chakotay spoke. “Whether you will ever stop 
fighting it, Tom, is up to you alone - “

“I’m not interested, Chakotay,” Tom blurted quickly. 

“Fine, then let me tell you something, Tom Paris. Somewhere, 
sometime, I fell in love with you - “ Chakotay stopped as he 
watched how Tom’s eyes close at his admission, but he bore on, 
“yes, I love you, Tom Paris. There’s nothing I can do about it. I 
just know it’s eating into me, and it’s so much a part of me that 
I shall probably never, ever be free of you. I’m telling you this 
now, so that you know, Tom. You have in many more ways than just 
saving my life that day in those damned tunnels on Ocampa, my life 
in your hands. My life in your hands. Do you understand?”

Tom stared in mute shock at Chakotay, at the Commander’s 
impassioned plea. He was rooted to the spot and any movement he 
wanted to make, any move at all that would have been spurred by an 
unbearable desire to cry in Chakotay’s arms, stilled through his 
own inability to move from that shocked state.

“Do you understand, Tom?” Chakotay repeated, then said finally,
before he turned on his heels to enter the hall again:

“My life belongs to you.”

*************

END PART TWO
TBC PART 3

MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER
PART THREE

“She’s yours, Tom,” Admiral Paris told his son. “The girls haven’t
shown any interest after they married.”

“What, they never felt the urge to hoist the sails?”

“If they did, they’re not in the mood for it now,” the old man
said. “They see off-world travel, and most particularly Risa, as the 
tourist havens.”  Admiral Paris said ‘Risa’ with a great air
of distaste, as if he couldn’t understand why Eileen and Penny
could enjoy something else more than burning on the open sea.

Tom wanted to laugh at his father’s indignation. Try as he might, 
when they were children, the girls had minds of their own, and 
surprisingly, in this age of gender equality, his father’s attempts 
to draw all his children into sailing, didn’t rub much on his 
daughters as it did on Tom. 

“I see,” Tom said, trying to stifle his laughter. He was getting 
to know a different Admiral Paris, one who was willing to admit 
that he had made mistakes too. 

“She needs a little work, Tom. Some painting and the like.” Tom 
felt delirious with anticipation at having the family yacht, and 
using some genuine elbow grease to potter around on it, gave him 
goose bumps. 

“Don’t worry, Admiral - “

“Tom...”

“Okay... Dad,” Tom said, smiling. 

He wasn’t going to ask whether the family yacht was a peace 
offering. He was certain it wasn’t. His father had never been into 
buying affection. He had never been into buying anything, Tom 
thought ruefully. His father spared him as little as he spared 
Tom’s fellow cadets. With hindsight, Tom realised that his father, 
always austere, always too much the officer, could never bring 
himself to be as open as his children wished. It wasn’t a strength, 
he thought, but rather a failing, one which created dissent between 
father and son for too long. It was good to know that Admiral Owen 
Paris was indeed a man with failings. 

He didn’t realise his father had been staring at him until he
heard the older man speak. 

“You can ask your First Officer to crew for you...”  

Tom felt his neck hair rise. He turned a little cold, and he
was aware that the warmth that crept up his neck to his face was
showing as a blush. A blush that had to signify to Owen Paris 
that he had hit on some sensitive spot. The old man could have
said any other names, like B’Elanna, Harry and Seven, Kathryn
Janeway. But the way he said ‘First Officer’, that stood out
as if it had to mean something special. 

“What’s that supposed to mean, Dad?”

“Just what I said,” Admiral Paris replied. “Chakotay looks a very
capable man, son. A man who could hoist the sails with you. He
looks like he would be keen to join you...”

“Dad...”

“I’m not blind, Tom.”

“You know.”

“Do you expect me to stand in judgment?” Admiral Paris asked, his
blue eyes so much like Tom’s, not missing anything. He could see
Tom’s startled reaction, although he admitted that Tom showed very
little of it. But he knew in the way Tom’s hands clenched and
unclenched, that his son was doing some serious denying.

“No, but - “ 

“But what, Tom?”

“It’s not what I want, Dad.”  

Owen Paris looked at his son, his youngest child, and wished for
once that he could knock some sense in Tom. Instead, he sighed. He
had done enough meddling in Tom’s life before, creating what he
thought was unbridgeable chasms. What he had with his son now, 
was too precious to throw away. He didn’t want to ruin anything,
he didn’t want to lose Tom again. What made Tom happy, made him
happy, he realised belatedly. And Chakotay - Commander Chakotay,
very soon to be Captain Chakotay if the latest boardroom grapevines 
could be believed - was the key to Tom’s happiness.

“It’s your life, Tom. All I can tell you is that right now, I see 
you are unhappy.”

“You’re right, Dad,” Tom said stiffly, then less angered as he saw
his father’s pained expression, “it is my life, and at this moment, 
it’s not what I want.”

Admiral Paris looked penetratingly at Tom before he said finally:

“Well, good luck then, and congratulations on your commission, son.”

Tom rose from his chair, took the proffered hand of his father. It
was a firm handshake, one that held the promise of a new phase in
their relationship. 

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll be back in two months to work on the yacht.”

**********

"How is he, Doctor?" Kathryn Janeway asked as she looked at her 
desperate ill First Officer lying on the biobed.

"He's allowed it to linger, Captain. I'm sorry," the doctor
apologised. "He never reported to sickbay, Captain. He was found
in his quarters, unconscious," the CMO added.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay, and she could see his flamed skin
tremble virtually with heat as the fever ravaged his body. He
had been drifting in and out of consciousness since he was
beamed into sickbay from his quarters. Now, he lay in a 
semi-conscious state, hardly breathing. 

To which the Doctor added a further distressing prognosis:

"He's not fighting, Captain, in spite of all the medication
that should have broken the fever earlier."

 Kathryn thought
as she looked at her friend. He had once called out Tom's name,
then slipped quietly into unconsciousness again.

Two days later, Chakotay opened his eyes again, looking at 
Kathryn after struggling for long minutes to focus on her face.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” Chakotay said where he was lying on the 
biobed in sickbay, looking ruefully at the Captain. 

“You are not normally a careless man, Chakotay,” she said with 
concern in her voice, “but this virus has lingered for a while. 
Why didn’t you see the Doctor earlier?”

“Hey, I had work to do,” he said, trying to look away, but her 
hands cupped his cheeks. He had a raging fever, drifted in and out 
of consciousness the last few days. She held him, he couldn’t move. 
Chakotay closed his eyes.

“You’ve been neglecting a lot of things lately, you know. You’ve 
lost an alarming amount of weight, and if I didn’t know you better, 
I’d say that you were on - “

“A diet?”

“Yes,” she said firmly.  

“No way,” he said weakly.

“Chakotay...”

“Forgive me, Kathryn. I sound like a tired old man who - “

“misses someone he loves very much?”

“I’m that obvious, huh.”

“That obvious. Don’t be surprised, Chakotay, if - “

“I know B’Elanna called him, Kathryn. She was in here earlier. I 
don’t know...” Chakotay coughed painfully, his face contorting as 
he heaved. 

“Well, short of having to give him an order... But I’m not his
captain, you know.”

“Don’t you dare do that, Kathryn Janeway,” Chakotay pleaded, his 
eyes suddenly bleak. 

“Then fight this, Chakotay. I need my first officer on his feet.”

But Chakotay had slipped into a coma again. Kathryn looked at
him, and was glad he couldn’t see the compassion in her eyes.
He would hate it, she knew. But the virus he picked up when they
were shipping medicines to one of the Darkin System’s outposts
deep in the Gamma Quadrant, had all but depleted his strength.

The illness rocked him, and he gave up fighting. She wished Tom
were here to see what he had driven this once strong man to. She
wished Tom were here that he could see how Chakotay suffered. 
Her first officer had in the last months become quiet, retiring,
speaking very little of his troubles with her. Not that she
didn’t know or understand, but Chakotay had begun to suppress
every instinct he had when it came to Tom Paris. For a while
it looked as if he succeeded. Then he became ill, and every
wall he built around him, every iota of longing that was in him
for Tom Paris, surfaced again with thunderous force. 

Chakotay had been unable to fight his illness. She sighed. It
was terrible seeing this strong man so very ill.

“Perhaps he should take a long vacation,” the Doctor ordered.

The doctor was unaware of Chakotay’s personal problems, and 
Chakotay’s lack of will to fight and get better, baffled him.

*********

The sickbay was at 20% illumination. The doctor had given his 
patient his medication and was preparing to go off duty, leaving 
Nurse Greer with Chakotay. 

He had just reached the sickbay doors when a person barged through.

“Hey, watch where - “ The Doctor looked at the stranger who strode
right past him without greeting, and followed him to Chakotay’s
bed. “Who are you?” the Doctor asked swiftly.

“Lieutenant-Commander Tom Paris, of the Federation vessel 
Salamander.”

“How did - “ the Doctor attempted again, but Tom merely asked:

“Could you leave me with the patient, please, Doc?” There was a 
note of authority in Tom’s voice, but the Doctor thought it sounded 
more like a note of desperation. He sighed, knowing that he’ll get 
the answers from the Captain.

“Nurse...” Doctor Meissner beckoned her, and the two of them left 
the sickbay to leave Tom with Chakotay, who happened at that moment
to be the only patient in sickbay.

********

“Come on Chakotay, you can do it,” Tom coaxed. He was sitting in
a chair next to the bed, and leaned over the sick man, with 
Chakotay’s hand held firmly in his own.

Chakotay stirred slightly, and tried to move his head towards the 
voice, a voice that kept on crooning and comforting and coaxing him 
awake. Tom heard his moan, relieved that Chakotay was regaining 
consciousness. 

He had been slightly demented when B’Elanna informed him via
subspace that Chakotay was so ill. 

“Tom, he’s dying,” she said desperately, herself on the point of 
angry tears. "He’s longing for you, and he’s never said anything. 
He would walk away every time your name came up in conversation. You 
told me once his life belongs to you, Tom. He - “

“B’Elanna, I’ll be there.”

She had given him an angry look and said:

“You’d better be here, Tom. Even if afterwards... if things still
don’t - “

“Sweetheart, don’t worry,” he has said firmly, still a little in
shock that Chakotay was so desperately ill. It was the watershed
moment Tom thought, when he heard the news. He knew that whatever
he wanted to do for his future, whatever he wanted to be, was 
impossible if he couldn't share it with the one man whose image 
burned in his memory since that day at Headquarters a year ago. 
Chakotay stole quietly into his life and gave him little peace.

He had no peace, and in the past year, fighting and losing against
his body's need, he gave in. He thought Chakotay didn't want him 
anymore, especially after his cruel words...

“Hey, Chakotay...” he breathed softly to his former first officer, 
“I missed you...”

Tom’s heart thudded as he watched Chakotay’s eyes move under the 
closed lids. The Warrior was about to wake up...
 
****

His mouth felt dry, he was thirsty, and so his voice, when he tried
to speak, came as a croak.

“Tom...”

“Shhh...” came Tom’s voice again. Chakotay thought he was dreaming.
Then he felt a cool sponge pressed again his lips. He sucked at it
and felt the balm of the water, soothing and quenching. 

“Tom...” he croaked again, and this time Chakotay opened his eyes
very slowly. He struggled to focus and after a few minutes, stared
into Tom’s blue eyes.

“Good, you’re awake at last,” Tom said softly as he held Chakotay’s
hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 Chakotay wondered, at the same time the happiness
bursting through his fever ravaged body. 

Tom looked at his friend - for that’s what they were, at least - 
and noted Chakotay’s fevered eyes, the lips that moved as he 
struggled to speak. Tom gripped the sick man’s hand even harder as 
he himself was overcome. Chakotay looked very ill, and he had never
seen the great man so weak.

“Chakotay...” Tom groaned as he bent over and brushed his lips 
against Chakotay’s lips. It was a soft, feather-light like touch, 
yet it ignited a spark in Tom so quickly that he could feel the 
fire rage through his body.

 Tom thought 
with agonising insight. The entire journey here, flying in one of 
the Salamander’s type 9 shuttles that could reach maximum warp, 
was a harrowing pilgrimage to the man lying here, a man with whom
his life had become entwined. Inextricably so. Tom had been deeply 
distraught, worried out of his mind that he might be too late, or 
that Chakotay might not want to see him. 

His hand moved without volition to the tattoo on Chakotay's 
forehead, caressing the lines softly, willing the Warrior, as he
he come to think of Chakotay, to open his eyes again.

Chakotay sighed as he felt Tom’s lips on his. How he had longed for
this, how he had longed to see Tom as last. Now Tom was here, and
he wondered... 

“Why...have...you...come, Tom?” he asked with some difficulty.

Tom looked long at the sick man, then kissed him tenderly again,
reveling suddenly at the freedom with which he could do so. He felt
an immense boulder lift from him, and almost laughed with happiness.
Then he graced Chakotay with his most beautiful smile.

“Did you think I could leave you, Chak?” 

“I stopped hoping, Tom, yet... I longed for you...”

“It wasn’t easy, Chakotay,” Tom admitted slowly, never taking his
eyes off Chakotay, and he caressed the sick man’s cheeks, grazing
Chakotay’s lips with his thumb, in a gesture so intimate that
he could not prevent his eyes from misting over. 

“I know, Tom. I understand. I - I am glad you are here...”

“Get better, Chak. We have things to do...” Tom said enigmatically,
then smiling at Chakotay’s confusion.

“What - “

“I must get back to my ship, I’m afraid, I can’t stay - “

“I understand, Tom. You don’t need to apologise...”

Chakotay’s disappointment was so acute that Tom kissed him 
fiercely, feeling the exhilaration as Chakotay’s mouth opened under 
his. He deepened the kiss, and sick as he was, Chakotay sighed
as Tom's tongue moved and probed his mouth.

“I love you, Tom,” Chakotay croaked at last when they broke off the 
kiss. Chakotay managed a smile that made Tom’s heart thud wildly.
How he had dreamed of seeing those dimples again. 

“Chakotay," Tom said tenderly, "it’s my life that belongs to you.”

************

END PART THREE
TBC PART 4

MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER
PART FOUR

When Chakotay opened his eyes again, Kathryn Janeway was looking
at him, a relieved look in her eyes. 

"Good to see you awake, Commander," she said, smiling as she rested
her palm against his shoulder. 

"Tom, he was here, Kathryn," Chakotay responded, not replying to her
statement. 

Chakotay's eyes were clear, the fever had broken and he had slept
fitfully for several hours. Although he still felt clammy and
quite ill, he was able to half raise himself. But Kathryn pushed
him gently back again.

"Hey, take it easy, Chakotay. You're not out of the woods yet,"
came her admonishment.

"He was here, Kathryn. I - I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Kathryn's face broke into a generous smile as she gave him the
assurance he so needed.

"Yes, he was here, Chakotay - "

Chakotay's eyes closed again as he took in the news, the assurance
that he didn't dream of Tom's lips resting on his, that he didn't
imagine his own mouth opening under Tom's insistent tongue. He felt
like crying. Everything he dreamed of in the last year, everything
he hoped, must have come true. He was feeling as if he wanted to 
float somewhere; he could feel every burden, every boulder that
rested so heavily on him, roll away from him. 

He thought of his despair that he could never find fulfilment with
Tom Paris, his despair that he would die a lonely man, not alone,
but lonely. It ate at him, every minute and nanosecond of every day
he was serving on Voyager in the last year: the great loneliness. 

Most of the time he remembered Tom's bitter words:

"Are you expecting to whore myself to you?" 

Most of the time those words were the deterrent that brought him
up short whenever he thought to contact Tom again. He couldn't
help himself. He had little pride in the last year. Little
pride, little hope and a lot of anguish and despair. 

Now he remembered a feather-light kiss against his lips, a thumb
grazing his lower lip, he remembered a hand clasping his so tightly
that he thought it would never let him go. Mostly he remembered
Tom saying:

"It's my life that belongs to you..."

"He said - he said his life belongs to me, Kathryn," Chakotay
whispered hoarsely, unable to keep the tears from seeping
through his closed eyelids. 

Chakotay felt Kathryn's hand brushing away the wetness from his 
cheek. When he opened his eyes at last, Kathryn breathed a sigh of 
relief. His eyes were different, not overly happy and overjoyed, 
not bursting with a bright sheen of tears. It was something that 
was a rare privilege to witness. Almost, almost she felt jealous 
that she could never put that look there. Perhaps those 
opportunities were lost because she had been too busy to notice, 
because she had been too absorbed in being the Captain of Voyager. 
No, never had Chakotay graced her with such a look.

It wasn't so much that she could count the dark flecks in his 
already dark pupils, or the slight dilation of those pupils. It
was not the colour, but the texture. If one's eyes could ever
have a texture, Chakotay's eyes had it now, in these moments. 

There was a deep sense of peace that rested there that she could
almost touch. It was as if he looked at her with different eyes. 
She could literally see how the restfulness settled in him, how 
peaceful he became.

Her own eyes welled with tears as she looked at him. She squeezed
his shoulder, bent over and kissed his cheek. When she straightened
up again, she said softly:

"Then you know he will never leave you again, Chakotay."

"No, he won't this time, Kathryn. I guess he had some demons
to wrestle too."

"Well, Commander, I order you to take it easy. You have a full
three months leave due to you, before Voyager is all yours."

"You'll not reconsider, Kathryn?"

"It's time I'm based at Headquarters, Captain," Kathryn said
easily, reminding him that he would be Captain soon. 

"And who's going to keep you company while I'm not there?"

"I have my little pleasures, Chakotay."

"Yeah...yes... a certain someone who happens to be ship's 
engineer?"

"Captain's prerogative, Chakotay."

"I know you too well, Kathryn."

"Sleep, Chakotay. Tom will be calling you on subspace soon." She
did not seem in the least put out that he knew of her pending
liaison with B'Elanna. 

"Thank you, Kathryn. For everything."

"Hey, I did nothing. But I'm glad Tom saw some sense."

"He did, didn't he?" Chakotay said, before he closed his eyes
and drifted into sleep again. Kathryn bent over and kissed his
forehead, glad that Chakotay has finally found his life's mate.

********

The first person Chakotay saw when he beamed down from the Orbital
Station, was Tom Paris waiting at the edge of the transporter
pads. The large hall where transports were in progress every half 
minute was not too big for Chakotay's eyes to fix instantly on Tom
as he rematerialised.

Tom smiled broadly, but he did not move from where he was standing.
He wanted to see Chakotay walk towards him, wanted to take in the
image of the man who had been deadly ill not a month ago, who 
walked with such purpose in his direction.

Chakotay had lost a considerable amount of weight, he noticed,
but the beloved face did not change. The smile was there, and
those damned dimples that was Tom's undoing every time he thought
of Chakotay.

"Tom."

"Hey, Chak. I'm glad you're here," Tom said with a jovial air, but
the passion, his incessant desire was lying just beneath the 
surface of that joviality.

Chakotay threw his duffel down and stood for a few seconds taking
in Tom's physique, his familiar smile, the eyes that shined. 
Tom held out his hand, and thought immediately what a foolish thing
it was to do when all he wanted was to...

Chakotay did it. The Warrior hugged him, and mindless of curious
bystanders, Tom thought for a second he wanted to lay his head 
against Chakotay's incredibly strong and broad shoulders. 

"You may, Tom," Chakotay whispered as he read Tom's intent.

Tom sighed as he felt Chakotay's arm embracing him, a contented
sigh that soon turned his body on fire as he took in the Warrior's
cologne, his aftershave, his masculine smell.

"Oh, God, Chak, I want to make love to you..."

Chakotay pushed him away, looked around him and asked:

"Here?" His eyes creased with merriment he felt in these moments.

Tom laughed, a clear, bright laugh that Chakotay hadn't heard in 
years. Tom, he could see, was relaxed... happy. 

"It can wait. But just barely, I warn you, Chak," Tom laughed
as they, arms on shoulders, walked from the transporters towards
where their hover-car was waiting.

Chakotay felt the relief flow through him. Tom was his, his alone.
The former pilot of Voyager had taken a long time to come to terms 
with what he always felt was an illicit love for another man. But 
the intervening weeks after Tom had been to see him on Voyager, 
when the pilot communicated regularly via subspace with Chakotay, 
he talked long and hard, open and intimate. He opened up to 
Chakotay and admitted things he never would have before. Once Tom 
had accepted that his mind had to listen to his body, he became 
suave, inventive, a lover such as Chakotay had dreamed of. 

He smiled. They had often, when they talked - ship to ship on
subspace bands, made love. It sounded strange, but Tom's voice
and his coaxing words often had Chakotay stroking himself,
frustrating himself no end as Tom talked him into an orgasm. He 
would scream Tom's name, then sigh deliciously as he imagined
Tom licking him. And Tom. The great spirits be with him. Tom
quivered whenever he talked in soft, suggestive tones, allowing 
the pilot to imagine Chakotay right there with him on the 
Salamander. They were lurid and suggestive images that had Tom 
quaking with pleasure and in turn screaming Chakotay's name.

"We'll be good together, Tom, you'll see," he would tell Tom
over the light-years, as beads of perspiration settled on his
brow after both men had worked themselves into orgasms.

"I want to kiss every line of your tattoo, Chak."  Tom had taken
to calling him Chak soon after he had been on Voyager, his voice
alone enough to give Chakotay the will to fight his illness.

They were quiet in the hover-car though, not talking, each
occupied with his own thoughts. Chakotay wondered at the surprise
Tom had for him. It was one thing he could, in the last month,
not get out of Tom. But that was Tom. He had plied B'Elanna with
surprises when he and B'Elanna were still lovers.

They stopped at the Bay. Chakotay knew Tom's parents had their
apartment here in San Francisco. He wondered whether he was to be 
introduced to them, although he knew the Admiral in his official 
capacity. 

"Well, here we are," Tom said, looking at Chakotay. They alighted
from the craft, and Chakotay looked pensively at the vanishing 
vehicle, then turned his gaze to the promenade and jetty. A large 
fleet of yachts lay anchored there.

"Don't tell me. We're taking a vacation on one of those?"

Tom looked at him, pulled his head closer and kissed Chakotay 
fiercely. Both were breathing hard as they broke off the kiss. 
Chakotay could feel his body instantly responding, every nerve in 
readiness as they waited to be assuaged by Tom's lovemaking. He 
groaned as he looked at Tom's mouth, the way Tom's tongue snaked 
out to lick his lower lip. He was teasing, teasing, and it drove 
Chakotay mad with need. What was he thinking? On the way here, the 
air crackled with electricity between them, and a touch alone 
would have ignited a small spark into a bright flame of passion. 
It was difficult to keep his hands off the helmsman.

"Yeah," Tom said lazily, his eyes heavy with desire, yet he kept 
his passion in check long enough for him to pull Chakotay closer 
again, just to feel the big man's body melt against his.

"You know, Tom, for someone who denied his - "

"Shhh..." Tom admonished softly, "not a word, Chak."

"I love you, Tom," Chakotay threw that in, just to watch Tom's
eyes blaze with passion again.

With magnificent restraint both men looked at the jetty, walking 
slowly to the small walkway where Tom stopped eventually.

"Here she is, Chakotay."

Chakotay stared and stared and stared. If he thought that Tom
had just rented one of these yachts for the two of them to have
their vacation on, then all thought fled as he looked at the
yacht's starboard bow. There, on her side, painted in glorious
ice-blue, the yacht's name.

"It's your boat, Tom?" Chakotay's words, soft, filled with awe, 
sounded at once like a question and a statement.

"No, Chak. Not mine. She's ours."

"Tom?"

"I mean for us to be together always, Chakotay," Tom whispered
as his arm went round Chakotay's shoulder. He felt Chakotay's
hand go round his waist, pulling him tightly closer to him.

"She's ours?" Chakotay, still bemused, asked.

"What, my beloved, you don't believe me?"

"God, Tom..."

"Ours, Chakotay. I want to share everything with you. Including
this fine lady," Tom said, smiling again as he leaned in to kiss
Chakotay. "It's why I called her the - "

"Sky Spirit..."

*******

END PART FOUR
TBC PART 5


MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER
PART FIVE.

"Love me..." Tom pleaded as Chakotay's mouth found a hard nipple.

He shirt had been removed with excruciating slowness by Chakotay,
whose large hands blazed along Tom's fair skin as the shirt fell 
from him. Already Tom's erection pressed against Chakotay, and he
pushed into the Warrior. The Warrior held him still, warned him
not to be impatient.

"Shhh... let me love you..." Chakotay whispered as he trailed his 
tongue all over Tom's skin, the salt tingling as his tongue roved 
and found every spot where he knew Tom would groan his pleasure. 

They were in the cabin below the deck, and Chakotay would always
wonder just how Tom had managed to get the large bed in there.
Chakotay pressed his mouth over the hard nipple and rolled
his tongue over it, making Tom squirm deliciously. Tom's head was
thrown back, and he was breathing short, low gasps that sucked
suddenly as Chakotay bit into the nipple.

"For God's sake, Chak..."

"Soon..." Chakotay promised as his hands cupped Tom's bulge. Tom 
cried out, wanting Chakotay to relieve him from the pain of his 
erection. 

"Feel here, Tom," he commanded, guiding Tom's hand to his crotch.

It was rock hard, causing Tom to gasp loudly, before he sank down 
to his knees, pulling Chakotay's trousers down. Tom moaned as 
Chakotay's cock sprang free, bobbing heavy and thick, the tip 
engorged and burning. 

Tom's mouth found his mark as he covered the tip, moaning again as
he enjoyed the heat of it. Chakotay stood still, his hands 
caressing Tom's fair head. 

"Yes, oh, yes..." he coaxed as Tom suckled delicately at first, the
glistening drops rolling down the pilot's tongue. "Yes..." Chakotay
breathed again as he threw his head back and allowed Tom to suck 
him. Tom's hands grasped his cock, and he held it away from him, 
only to aim it towards his mouth again.

"You can do it, Tom..." the Warrior encouraged as he felt his cock
sliding into Tom's hot mouth, the tip lying for a second on the 
pilot's tongue. And oh, so slowly, Chakotay thought he'd die of the 
intense sensations of needle-sharp shards of pleasure, he felt Tom 
pushing his cock deeper and deeper into his mouth. Tom's hands 
pulled against Chakotay's buttocks, and the Warrior could hear Tom's 
groan of pleasure as his flesh slid down the pilot's throat. He 
had dreamed too many nights of doing just this to Tom, but the
reality exceeded the dream by far as every vacant inch in Tom's
mouth clamped around Chakotay's erect shaft. He filled Tom's
mouth so perfectly, so perfectly... Tom caressed Chakotay's thighs, 
then pulled suddenly hard, his nails digging into the warrior's 
hammies. Chakotay gave a cry of victory as Tom indicated to him to 
thrust. 

"I love you, Paris," Chakotay cried hoarsely as tears spilled from
him. He held Tom's head, and started thrusting into Tom's mouth,
feeling the pilot's lips enclose the base of his cock, rubbing over
the skin as the Warrior pulled out almost all the way, then slid in
deeply. 

It was the most erotic lovemaking he experienced, his flesh moving
in and out of Tom's burning, moist mouth, feeling the teeth grazing
over the ridges of his penis. He wanted to go on forever, and he
did thrust slowly in and out for long, endless minutes, with his
whole body moving against Tom's head. He sighed and gasped and
moaned with pleasure, and all the time the tears seeped through
his closed eyelids. Tom held on to him and with the shifting 
pressure of Tom's hands, he knew when to thrust harder, go slower, 
pull out all the way and ram in again. 

He stood like that, his cock lodged deeply in Tom's mouth that 
seemed to work its own wonder on the tip of his cock. Tom would 
take little swallows that squeezed to tip into agonisingly 
delicious thrills that made Chakotay quiver as he moved. Tom's head 
was raised at such an angle that Chakotay moved smoothly, but the 
movements, as the Warrior built towards his orgasm, became frenzied 
as all he wanted to do now, was ram all the way down, in and out. 
Tom went all the way with him as the Warrior started pounding 
wildly, given the freedom to do so as Tom grabbed his buttocks and 
dug his nails in Chak's flesh.

Chakotay moved with Tom, who caressed him, touched him all over 
with his hands as the older man's movements became so synchronised 
that Chakotay really had difficulty defining where he ended and Tom 
started. 

He was perspiring profusely as he grabbed Tom's hair finally in a 
painful tug, and released himself, his semen squirting from him
in agonising bursts, hot and creamy down the back of the pilot's
tongue. Chakotay pushed a few more times against his lover, every 
drop of fluid wanting to find a way down Tom's throat.

Chakotay gave a final hard, painful thrust, screaming Tom's name
as he found his mighty release. Seconds later, his hot tears 
dripped on Tom's hair as he held Tom against him, his cock still 
hard in Tom's mouth. He pulled out slowly, and Tom looked almost 
bemused and bereft as the organ left his mouth. He rose and stood 
against Chakotay.

His mouth found the Warrior's mouth, and Chakotay needed no 
invitation as his mouth opened under Tom's. He groaned loudly as he 
tasted his fluid on Tom's lips. They gasped, nipped and bit, cried 
and groaned as they kissed. Tom's hands were on Chakotay's arms as
he held his lover to him. 

Only then he looked into Chakotay's eyes. Tom ran his fingers 
through Chakotay's hair, brought his face close to the Warrior.

"My mark," Tom said as licked all along the lines of Chakotay's 
tattoo, a slow, slow movement that had the older man weeping with 
love for Tom. 

"I love you, Tom," Chakotay whispered brokenly as Tom licked his 
face, his tears, trace the tattoo again with his tongue.

"Shhh... my beloved, my warrior," Tom whispered as he continued
caressing Chakotay in ways he never thought he'd have the courage
to do. 

"I want you, Tom," Chakotay murmured as he felt himself hardening
again. "I want you," he said again as Tom pressed Chakotay down,
his hands pulling down his trousers.

Chakotay looked at Tom's rock hard erection, the glans shining
purplish. He stared for long moments, opened his mouth and took
Tom with him to the heavens.

Tom gave a long, long drawn out keening wail as his cock sank deep
into his lover's mouth. He threw his head back, cried brokenly
as the Warrior sucked him. 

"Chakotay!" came his agonised scream as months and months of pent 
up need burned through his body and found its outlet in the 
Warrior's hot, moist mouth.

Minutes later Tom lay gasping on the bed after he spent himself.

He floated for several more minutes languorously, Chakotay's large
hands still caressing his penis. He was certain he had passed out,
he didn't care.

"Chakotay, I have never - "

"Shhh... my love, there's more, Chakotay whispered dangerously
as he flipped Tom on his stomach and raised him on his knees
so that his buttocks presented themselves to Chakotay's already
lube-filled hands.

"Yessss!!!" came Tom's cry of joy as Chakotay's cock sank into 
him...

*****

"Chakotay..."

"Hmmm...?"

"When will you get back?" Tom asked lazily where they lay together
on THE IMPOSSIBLE BED, as Chakotay came to dub the air bed that 
filled up most of the cabin on the Sky Spirit.

"As soon as I can, Tom," he assured his lover. It was a hot day,
the typical hot, steamy days of summer, and their vacation had 
drawn to an unwilling end. "I'm taking Voyager into the 
Badlands -"

"I know, Captain," Tom groaned. 

Chakotay smiled at his new designation. He badly wanted Tom with
him on Voyager, not only to make love to him night after night,
but to pilot the vessel through the raging plasma clouds the 
typified the Badlands. Still, Tom had wanted to make his own way. 
He was glad, in a way.

He leaned over to kiss Tom, his mouth lightly brushing Tom's lips 
before the kiss deepened. Chakotay knew before many seconds were 
over, they would be making love again.

Out on the open sea, crewing with Tom on this fine yacht had 
brought altogether new pleasures, and opened a new side of Tom to 
him. A carefree Tom who could dunk him into the ocean, dive in 
after him, then press his cock just where he knew Chakotay liked
to be made love to. Chakotay had stopped counting the number of 
times he or Tom had clung to the overhanging ropes, while the other 
would press the buttocks wide and enter quickly, making love in the 
water while the warm waves lapped at them.

They swam, ate meals from the Sky Spirit's state-of-the-art
replicator, make furious love on the deck, not stopping until they
were down in the cabin on the Impossible Bed, crying and biting,
one gripping the other's hips and sometimes, not taking time
to lubricate the sensitised anal rose, would charge up fast and not 
stop until both were spent.

It was a glorious three months.

"Hey, Chak..."

"Hmmm..."

"You're worried..."

"You know."

"Yes," Tom sighed. He knew every inch of Chakotay's body, knew
what made the Warrior keen with intense and unbearable pleasure.
He knew Chakotay. Period. And something bothered him.

"I won't leave you, Chakotay," Tom said softly as he rested his 
head against the warrior's shoulder, idly twirling Chakotay's
chest hair between two fingers.

"I don't want this to end, Tom. I - I don't want *us* to end..."

Tom raised himself on his elbow, and looked at Chakotay. The older
man had a worried frown, and before Tom spoke again, he kissed 
Chakotay right on that frown. He elicited a smile, a wan smile that 
made Tom give a little sob of concern.

"Chakotay, I love you..."

"Beloved..."

********

END

    Source: geocities.com/area51/crater/6253