From: Myrmidon 
Newsgroups: rec.games.miniatures.warhammer
Subject: Re: THIS POST IS ALL WRONG

KATHLEEN SORGELER wrote:

<< A LOT OF MORONIC MALARKEY IN ALL CAPS!! >>

    Dear Kathleen,

          I can tell you meant well, but you missed the mark a bit.  If you
want to express your true feelings to this news group, you must follow the
examples set by our more well known and highly successful (or is that
suck-cesspool, I forget..) members.  Their success can easily be judged by
their "warm" reception and the numerous 'quick and timely' replies they
received.  Here's what you did wrong.

1.  While you did use ALL CAPS in your post, which is definitely a good way
to make your name familiar on this news group,  you must realize that you
could have done better had you simply followed l33t D00d's example and
posted using eLiTe CaPs instead of simply all caps.  L33t C4Ps Lez' De ReSt
oF D4 H4cK3rs Kn0\/\/ d4t U r00lz.  Elite Capitals are used only by the most
advanced hackers such - as Kevin Mitnik - whom everyone knows all work from
AOL accounts.  Go AOL.  So if you want to command some respect, get an AOL
account and learn some eLiTe CaPs.

2.  Next is your spelling and grammar.  In short, they're just to good.
You'll never make a name for yourself here if you don't take a page from the
famous HOW RUYD's book cleverly entitled "WAT HAV I DUN RONG?"  You must
learn to make your posts  even more annoying (though I do believe you're
enjoying some suck-cess on that score) and difficult to read through the use
of an indiscriminate and total lack of regard for  proper grammar, spelling,
and punctuation.  Here's an example.

    WAT HAV I Dun Rong?  Beccause just some Of posts My dp not sence got id
no reason To mak Funny of me.  U all SucK!  YOu should all be kiked off a
cliff!  Pleaz help me.  I haTez all Of yoj

It's very important to remember to both insult your audience and then beg
them to help you learn things you should already know before posting. (
H.R's "You should all be kiked off a cliff" is perhaps an all time favorite
of mine. I wish I had saved a copy of the 'gibberish to english' translation
skit that someone did of H.R.'s scholarly work - I nearly cracked a rib I
laughed so long and hard. )

3.  You should always present your sales pitch, point of view, or moronic
rant in a serious, professional, and polite way to make the best impression
on your fellow news group denizens.  For this I point you to the "Ron
BoneYank school of sales".  Ron was such a wiz at this, the guy could
practically sell you the shoes on your own feet.  Here's an example...

    "Hey everyone,

       Ron BoneYank here, buy my over priced crap.  You all suck!  I'm
selling rocks on www.ebay.com for $10 each.  Buy my stuff - bid high.  You
all suck.  Did I already mention that you all suck?"

Now there's class and negotiating skills at their finest!

4.  Nothing improves a presentation of one's ideas like graphics (ask any
engineer, they'll tell you transparencies and overhead projectors are the
key to advancement.)  And, on the news group, the key word here is binaries,
binaries, binaries!  "Plastic skeletons are Cool!" was a very popular
presentation.  Porn is also a good choice, full frontal nudity preferred
(What was the stoner moron's name again?  Ah well, so many fools and so
little time to catalog them all.)  If you happen to post 20 or 30 large
files in a single evening you can become an overnight sensation.

5.  Last but not least, it is important to remember that the news group is
made up of many diverse people with vastly differing outlooks.  The
watchword of the news group is tolerance and understanding.  Our foremost
experts in this area are the beloved R.O.B. CPW (Robotic Online Bigot) and
Alex "My ego is big, my I.Q. is small.  You all suck - I know it all."
Peters.  Be sure to mention their names often when you want to improve your
standings in this news group. (Or be associated with phobic behavior and
child molesting, but hey, after all what are a few small flaws among
friends?)

6.  And last but not least, always remember that Evil Homer "Fucking owns
this news group."  Any and all concerns complaints about the content of this
group should be forwarded to him.

    Well, I hope that helps.  Bye for now.

                        Later,

                                (the ever helpful) Myrmidon.

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