It's my fault.
I'd just given blood when the idea came to me. Wouldn't it be funny to do
a selection of GW releated lightbulb jokes. A small voice said "It Isn't
Funny. IT ISN'T FUNNY" but I ignored it a posted the first collection of
lightbulb jokes.
People kept adding to them. So here it is, the collected lightbulb jokes
of rec.games.miniatures.warhammer. I hope you like them.
NOTE: Jokes refering to members of this newsgroup are not meant as personal
attacks (Except the one about AOL members).
GW Universe Jokes:
Q How many Space Marines does it take to change a lightbulb.
A None, only Tech Marines can perform such a task.
Q How many Tech Marines does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 3. 1 to change the bulb, 1 to chant the litany of the new bulb and 1
to perform the rites of passage on the old bulb.
Q How many space marine terminators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A 3+ on 2d6.
Q How many Khorne Beserker Terminators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1) 3+ on 2D6
A2) 2+ on 2D6
A3) Taken literally it should be 2+ on 1D6!
A4) Stop it, stop it all of you NO MORE!!!!!
Q How many Eldar does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 1, as long as they have choosen the path of the lightbulb changer.
Q How many Eldar does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One to change the bulb, and three others to stand by in case he breaks a
nail in the process.
Q How many Eldar Farseers does it take to change a light bulb?
A Does it matter? We'll all be dead in a millenia, anyway.
Q How many Mekaniks dose it take to change a lightbulb
A 1 but the squig filament ignighter keeps biting off the hands of the
gretchin ordered to turn it on.
Q How many Inquisitors does it take to change a lightbulb.
A None, They can't do it but are very good at getting OTHER people to do it
for them.
Q How many Inquisitors does it take to change a light bulb?
A Wrong question, Heretic. [click]
Q How many slaneesh worshippers doies it take to change a lightbulb?
A 5. 1 to change the bulb and 4 to celibrate the role of the socket.
Q How many Squats does it take to change a light bulb?
A Four. One to carry the stepladder, one to change the bulb, and two to dress
up on each others houlders in a Guard uniform so no-one notices.
Q How many Squats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Two. One to do it, and the other to scream "Look! One engineer! That's
all you need - and no goddamn singing, either!" at any nearby Adeptus
Mechanicus.
Q How many Zoats does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 1, but half way through changing the bulb he disapears as he realises he
doesn't exist in 2nd nor 3rd ed Household Chore.
Q How many dwarfs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A 7. 1 Bulbsmith and a 6 dwarf-pyramid (he's got to get up there somehow)
Q How many Lizardmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A None, a new bulb will spawn nearby and reply to its telepathic order from the
Old Ones as soon as the old bulb expires, as foretold in the Old Ones' World
Plan. (BTW, lizardman light bulbs last much longer than all others since they
have an unmodifiable 4+ saving throw against damage)
Q How many Bretonnian Knights does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Changing a lightbulb is not chivalrous.
Q How many Dark Elves does it take to change a lightbulb?
A 1, but DEs don't actually *change* lightbulbs, they take it out, bath it in
blood which repairs and rejuvenates it and then screw it back in the socket.
Q How many Dark Elves does it take to change a light bulb?
A 4. 1 to take out the old bulb, one to perform a sacrifical dance of depravity
to Khain and two to plug in the high elf.
GW Employees Jokes:
Q How many Mike McVey's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Seventeen. One to change the bulb, and sixteen to form a human shield so
you can't see what monstrosity it's been turned into.
Q How many Gav Thorpes does it take to change a light bulb?
A 1, but it's alway more powerful than the socket.
Q How many Jervis Johnson's does it take to change a light bulb?
A None, but you can let a candle stand in for one...
Q How many GW Employees does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 1, As long as it's an official GW bulb(TM) going into an official
GW socket(TM).
Q How many GW employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A None. They are too busy screwing their customers.
Q How many GW employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A One, because they are all efficient, pleasant and extremely competent
Q How many GW salesmen does it take to change a lightbulb.
A Hey don't just buy a bulb, buy the bulb conversion kit, the new bulb regiment
and also Codex: Lightbulb.
Q How many independent retailers does it take to change a GW light bulb?
A You have to buy 5 light bulbs at a time. What do you mean you only need one
light bulb? You obviously aren't using the light bulb correctly. Our market
research indicated that you will need at least 5 light bulb a day, so we're
really doing you a favor by making you buy 5. Your neighbor down the street
bought 5 light bulbs. He obviously is more commited to the GW light bulb than
you are and he'll be the one to capitalize on the GW light bulb sales.
Q How long will this lightbulb be supported?
A "Forever"...CHUCHING(sound effect of making sale... the sucker, er customer
walks out door..clerk waits until suck..I mean customer notices all sales are
final sign then sales clerk speaks up)
"Hey just wanted to keep you up to date newcomer, next month our new light
bulbs will be released...they wont be quite as bright and are slightly more
expensive and even easier to put implace....although you just bought that one
and it is in perfect working order aside from the odd question of wattage
occasionally you will be required to update that product for the new ones...no
I'm sorry we dont have any sort of exchange program or anything...but hey...you
get some extra bulbs...well no you wont actually be able to use those old
untouched bulbs anymore...at least not out of your basement....but you can
practice painting on those and use up all the old colors because you can't have
your new bulb tinted with those old icky formulas!"
Roolzboyz Jokes (Quite popular for some reason):
Q How many RoolzBoyz does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 2 but neither of them can agree on which way to turn it.
Q How many GW Roolzboyz does it take to change a light bulb?
A Only one, but he'd rather take out the entire SOCKET, wires and all, refuse to
admit the old lightbulb existed, and put in a new socket that will still burn
out its bulb after a while...
Q How many roolzboyz does it take to change a lightbulb
A1) ====>One
A2) ====>Yup
A3) ====>The lightbulb should still function
A4) ====>None of the above
A5) ====>Nope
A6) ====>3.1415...
(Etc...)
"Unfortunatly, we are no longer supporting our lightbulb (MkII) The new and
improved lightbulb (With 20% price raise for a smaller bulb) will be an
immediate sell! And to those of you who have a stock of our older lightbulbs,
Lightbulb Workshop will generously buy these back from you! (At 35% price)."
R.G.M.W Jokes:
Q How many AOL members does it take to change a lightbulb.
A Hay thus id a flukong kool lIGHT BuLb but yosd dsjks mfng .
Q How many Evil Homers does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 1. Because face it, your way of changing the bulb is wrong.
Q How many Evil Homers does it take to change a light bulb?
A Fanboy.
Q How many Ds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A None. The bulbs been changed by other members of the group.
Q How many Ds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A She doesn't have to, everyone wants to put their's in her socket.
Q How many Ds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A She doesn't have to, everyone HAS pu...
Q How many Alistairs does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 1, but people don't realise he's being satirical about the way other people
change the bulb and flame him.
Q How many Chesire Cats does it take to change a light bulb?
A Two. One to change it, and the other to claim he wasn't the actual one who
did it.
Q How many Navigators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One to do it, seven to correct him.
Q How many Caliburns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Shut up! I've already got a lightbulb!
Q How many Caliburns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A 2 One to change the light bulb, and the other to tell everybody he did.
And 1 RGMW to throw out that dimbulb.
Q How many DarkAngels does it take to change a light bulb.
A 1, But he thought it was alt.binaries.playboy instead.
Q How many DJ Raiden2Ks does it take to change a light bulb?
A 1, but he complains about light bulb manufacturers being racist, because
the bulbs are all white.
Q How many Commizars does it take to change a lightbulb?
A In the interests of peoples sanity, this answer has been ommited.
Q How many Meridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One to do it, one to think how the fuck you can make a sarcastic comment
about a light bulb.
Q How many Alien164s does it take to change a lightblub?
A None, even with a ladder, he's to short.
Q How many St. Jasons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One, but nobody notices.
Q How many Asmodeus' does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One, after he realises you don't put it in the wall socket.
Q How many Alisters does it take to change a light bulb?
A 1, but he wants to screw it into Justins socket.
Q How many Maggios does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One to do it, one to lead the conspiricy, one to lead the
anti-conspiracy, one to lead the anti-anti-conspiricy, one to...
Q How many Inifnitys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One, but he's already done it and nobody noticed, he broke the bulb
in an attempt to draw attention to himself.
Q How many Alec Peters does it take to change a lightbulb
A 3. Alec, Mageworks1 & Rickshott
Q How many ROBs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A This bulb obviously has a genetic defect, you want me to change it?
Tough shit.
Q How many Power Gamers does it take to change a lightbulb.
A 1, as long as the lightbulb is 500W and has the Filament of Strength (100 pts
Wattage +20%) and Reinforced Bulb (75 pts 2nd saving throw against shatter).
Q How many Newbies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A They all try to do it, but find out somone did it three months before
them.
Q How many Bible thumpers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Only god can bring light, so they refuse to accept the concept of a light
bulb.
Q How many satisfied GW customers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A None, the rich bastards get their butler to do it.
Q For each of the 3 40K editions, how long does it take their players to
change a lightbulb?
A1:Rogue Trader players need 3 hours, and about 150 bucks.
A2:2nd Edition Players need 2 hours, and about 200 bucks.
A3:3rd Edition Players only need 5 minutes, since the lightbulb does not
even need to be screwed in, just pushed till it clicks.
Turning a lightbulb is just too darn complicated and time consuming!!! But
The easy slide in socket is made out of our new White Metal, and the bulb is
20% smaller, but is brighter!! Honest!! Would GW lie to you? Of course
quality does not come cheap:
300 bucks.
Q How many R.G.M.W. posters does it take to change a light bulb.
A One, but they keep complaining about it.
Q. How many R.G.M.W. posters does it take to change a light bulb.
A. 87.
1 peson, who actually changes the bulb and writes a sarcastic post about it.
5 people will miss the sarcasm and flame the guy who changed the bulb.
This will evolve into a thread, where...
15 people say that the old bulb was good enough, GW is just screwing people
by making their old bulbs obsolete.
10 people argue what's the roll needed to change the bulb, (11+ on 8d6,
assuming you have the right Wargear card)
7 people want to know what's the best light bulb, 8 people say it's the light
bulb that they use themselves and 9 people who respond by saying that
everyone's bulbs are cheesy.
1 person who says that GW makes the best bulbs and 28 who flame him for being
a fanboy, and say that it's better to boycott GW bulbs, and buy used bulbs
instead, or duping the GW bulb.
1 person who makes a rude joke about killing light bulbs, and
2 people to start a flame war over light bulb pornography.
Q How many light bulb jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Depends if they're the type that go over peoples heads.
Q How many RGMW-ers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Probably only one or two, but they're too busy screwing each other!
Q How many 40K Listees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One, but it had damn well better not be an RGMW bulb...
The Setzer Sub-Section :
Q How many Setzers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A This ISN'T funny! MY DAD was KILLED in VIETNAM by a LIGHTBULB!
Q How many non-Setzers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A None, they dont have the INTELLEGENCE to screw in a lightbulb.
Q How many Setzers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A One and he did consider using 'one of those' lightbulbs
Q How many Setzers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Two, but it takes them 20 years to do it.
Q How many Setzers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A GW authorised ME to screw their LIGHTBULB in on my SITE, which
they SAY is THE BEST in the UNIVERSE.
Q How many Setzers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A I INVENTED the lightbulb 20 YEARS ago but THOMAS EDISON stoll it off my
WEBSITE, I have PROOF!!
Rogue Trader Cult Jokes:
Q How many RTC members does it take to change a lightbulb
A Well, my socket doesn't take the new GW lights and any way my old bulb is far
more interesting. I think I'll just sit here in the dark.
Q How many Rogue Trader Cultists does it take to change a light bulb?
A One, but he'd rather just stick a glowstick inside the old lightbulb,
and paint it up in luminescent colors, to show that the old lightbulb still has
a lot of merit and should be preserved!
Q How many Navigators does it take to change a Rogue Trader lightbulb
A One, except he doesn't really change it, he just smears it with lipstick
instead
The blame for these jokes can also be laid at the doorstep of:
Molly Peyton, Jerry The Slightly Mad, Tom Beliech, Anon, Ville Kiveks,
JasonALang, Travis Baumann, Stephan Meissl, Shim, Tiamat6, One of the Loyds,
Rabid, Geekum, Duo Maxwell, Infinity, Vampyre, Jimi, Big Al, smitdoerr,
Blank Dave.
Feel free to e-mail me more jokes at huttona@dcs.gla.ac.uk
If you saw your joke and you don't have an attribuation please e-mail me.
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