Thinking Things
Or is it nothingness? No, not nothingness... something begins to coalesce from the dark umbra of shadow which had dominated the stage seconds prior. The scene lifts slightly into the light from an unseen source of radiance. It's not enough for us to see anything more than a few shapes. These shapes or forms we recognize to be objects which we can identify even though we cannot see them clearly. We can identify these shapes because they have meaning which has been defined by others. Shapes like a chair. Another shape is seen in conjunction with the chair, it is the silhouette of a shadowy figure sitting within the confines of that very chair. The final shape appears to be a table, on that table there is an object we cannot yet identify as it could be anything from a mass of jello to a half eaten fly infested turkey.
??? ???????, "Good Evening TNT."
A voice from the darkness calls forth. UWA fans know this voice. As a result of their knowing this voice those whom have watched UWA television and may haps even a few who have witnessed the latest TNT event can assign this voice meaning just as we have done with the shape of the table moments ago. It is the Omega Sin, the Artisan of Agony, a member of the International Incident...it is Doc Placebo.
Doc Placebo, "Have you ever had a moment..."
"...a point in your life... where you simply had to take a step back and say to yourself these four words?"
Doc Placebo, "HEY!"
Doc Placebo, "THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!"
A smile hidden under the cover of darkness goes unnoticed by the audience. After a brief pause the Doctor continues his line of thought.
Doc Placebo, "All right, I confess... that was five words. But the meaning rings true."
Doc Placebo, "There are events in life that whence encountered we are taken aback."
Doc Placebo, "And just as Fabio couldn't believe, I too have found something which I cannot believe. However, in this instance butter is not the subject at hand."
Doc Placebo, "But what is the subject you think? The Good Doctor has not mentioned anything of substance to us, merely allusion to an event which he has experienced."
Doc Placebo, "THAT would be correct. And the answer to the question at hand is... can this be real... can reality be in fact reality?"
Doc Placebo, "Now your thinking... 'Greeaaat, I'm listening to a crazy man. Where is the remote, there must be a marathon of COPS on somewhere'..."
Doc Placebo, "Well before you would-be channel surfers of intellect I would implore you to stay with me for a while as we endeavor to answer this question of mine. As for the rest of you... especially the 'Great' Canadian... you can find your entertainment on SPIKE TV."
A few seconds tick by as time resolutely advances.
Doc Placebo, "Are they gone yet?"
Doc Placebo, "I'll give them a few more seconds to flip this promo off..."
More time passes and the Doctor begins to whistle to himself as he passes what his senses tell him and perhaps your senses tell you happens to be the passage of time.
Doc Placebo, "Still here? Yes? No?"
Doc Placebo, "Good, now, as Minion #1's idol Darkwing Duck says 'lets get dangerous'."
Doc Placebo, "Alright... now to the reason why my grasp on reality itself has been shaken."
Doc Placebo, "It's simple really. On the next show I face Andy Gorgadore for the TNT World TItle."
Doc Placebo, "That's great, actually that's fantastic. I can be the TNT World Champion and become the best in TNT on my second show. I would of course become the best in TNT after defeating the 'best' TNT has to offer in our champion... yet here is where reality begins to deconstruct before my eyes."
Doc Placebo, "Last week Andy Gorgadore maintained that he was the best in TNT and XWPA following his championship win on our last event. How then..."
"...can it be possible for a Minion Slave of mine to decisively defeat this XWPA-TNT PANGAEA-WORLD CHAMPION so decisively on the UWA Legends show?"
Slamming his hand against the arm rest of his chair the Doctor continues his line of rhetorical questioning addressed towards whichever portion of his audience did not elect SPIKE TV over this particular line of thought.
Doc Placebo, "HOW?"
Doc Placebo, "Does this then make Minion 1 master of all domains TNT, XWPA, and the former UWA? Did Minion 1 seize Gorgadore's Pangaea Championship powers a-la Highlander upon defeating him minus the swords, beheadings, and quickenings? I cannot and will not subscribe to this notion. Clearly then something is amiss with reality if Minion 1 is superior to me... so therefore..."
"...just as another great mind before me... I hereby discount all reality including myself unless I can solidly prove its existence."
With those words spoken the scene is removed from your vision abruptly. There is no fade or dissolve as those in attendance have grown accustomed to when attending the viewing of a Doc Placebo promotion. The startling and near violent removal of all things comes as a shock to some as their eyes are met with only a white empty canvas, their ears are also deaf as all background noises have ceased save the sound of one voice...
CONTINUE...