The Road To Salvation Act II: Puttin the Band Back Together
click, CLACK.
The cellar door creaks open ever so slightly but my mind fades away for the gazillionth time since I've woken up in my own filth and I wonder. How the hell I got back into this cellar lying in a pool of my own blood seeping out of a wound from the back of my head? Then it hits me like a lead pipe... no wait... HE hit me with a lead pipe. It was Freedom Moralez, backstage, with the lead pipe. Tryin' to take me out like a fuckin' ghetto fabulous Colonel Mustard. What a bitch.
GrrAAARRRAAAAAAHHHH!
What the shit was that? I wish that poor bastard would quit screaming, that damn noise is murder for my headache. I should probably get out of this pool of blood I'm lying in, but that would take effort.
Erica, "Get UP!"
Ahh... it's my daily wake up call, I must put in a complaint with the concierge.
Gaaahhh!
Did I say that out loud? Probably not, I cant really make a coherent sentence with the tearing pain of a thousand midgets playing dodge ball with my medulla oblongata. But that's me screaming alright, I should shut up. It's hurting my head. Did I say that already? Who knows. Not me. Anyways, she's mad. Again. I guess she didn't get any last night since Doc's not in the country... prolly means I'm even more fucked. I'm kicked again but this time not to hurt me but to move me out of that pool of blood, vomit, and... when did I eat that corn? Anyways, Now I'm laying on my back looking straight up. My eyes are blinded by a bright light; a raven black silhouette is staring down upon me. I cannot see who it is but I know it to be her. She's mad. I flinch anticipating for a kick that doesn't happen.
Erica, "You failed."
Erica, "You failed so badly you didn't even make it to the ring conscious."
She uses that high heel of hers again to dig into the flesh just under my sternum. Doc sure knows how to pick 'em. I want to say something, anything, about how Professor Plum went spastic but I lose all my breath as she stabs at me again with that damnable heel of hers.
Erica, "Explain, now, or I'll feed you to Renfield."
Aw fuck, shit just hit the fan. No way I'm letting that mother fucker chomp into me like I'm a bucket of KFC. Gotta talk. Now, do it.
Minion 1, "Mmerrrraaallleesszzzz... Heeeeeee..."
Through my slurred narration I am flung backwards in time through my mind's imagination. I'm standing there behind stage. My match is coming up in a few minutes and I'm eager to start kicking some Hall of Famer ass and add another notch to the Minion warbelt.
gurgle, gurgle, gurgle
I grab my stomach with one hand and lean on some equipment with the other. Dag, I'm hungry yo. Must have been 'cause I just ran into Rilo backstage and he wouldn't give me a spicy chicken sandwich. So what if it's Wendy's... Burger King's chicken sandwiches do something vicious to my digestion system which can be equivalent only to a war crime. He didn't even give me a frosty. Some wizard... can't make a shake... I should have asked Michael Jordan. At least he wouldn't have chased me around with a friggin' quarter staff afterwards. But I'm still hungry... holy fucking shit... a SNACK BAR! It's just behind the stage next to a curtain, I walk up to it and survery the array of snack foods at my disposal.
Worker, "What can I get ya?"
A UWA employee behind the bar asks me what I want. Giddy with glee I point towards a pack of sour patch kids and promptly pay the worker an outrageously overpriced $5.75 for my newly acquired bag of plastic wrapped delights. I tear open the bag and put on into my mouth hoping to get a sugar rush for extra strength during my match. My face winces at the sour taste but it quickly dies down as my mouth dissolves all of the sugar is dissolved leaving me with nothing but what would seem like a tasteless gummy bear being mashed between my teeth when all the sudden...
WhAnG!
Pain, and then darkness... my narrative tale ends. Although I cannot see her expression Erica looks down upon me with disdain.
Minion 1, "...that's all I remember..."
Erica, "...Pathetic..."
Minion 1, "But I didn't fail!"
Erica, "Oh? How is that, you don't look like a winner from here."
Minion 1, "Morelez still doesn't work for UWA, he did not get a contract!"
Erica, "Not yet he hasn't... you have been booked once more. Once more against Morelez. But this time two newcomers are joining the fray. I want you to forget them, tear Freedom apart with tunnel vision! But you won't do it alone... not this time."
Erica, "I want you to find Minions 2 and 3 and recruit them for this match."
Erica removes her high heel from my sternum and I struggle to my feet. Wiping the blood and other disturbing fluids from my face I stare back into Erica's eyes knowing that I shouldn't. I just don't care anymore. Let her hurt me again, it's nothing new. I'll just get up again and do what I have to.
Minion 1, "I'll destroy Freedom Morelez and every other UWA wrestler until that Contract is null and void!"
With my piece spoken I power walk out of the cellar with defiance. I've got my mission, I know where I have to go, and I know who needs killing. It's time to get the job done. I'm long gone from the room so I cannot hear Erica's final command whispered just under her breath...
Erica, "Yes little pet... destroy Morelez."
With my silent decree given to me following my exit I now move to begin gathering my forces. During my incarceration in the Cellar following my match I had learned that Minion 2 and 3 were exiled following their betrayal. Only I, as leader of the troublesome trio had been kept in confinement since our last UWA appearance. Now it will be the second of Minions whom I shall re-recruit back into our assembly.
Recruit Minion 2