The Road To Salvation Act II: Puttin the Band Back Together

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WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN HERE? I found Minion 2 sitting in the parking lot of a worthless staffing agency pondering how to best apply his experience spent as a slave over the past 2 years to our Lord Doc Placebo... but now I find myself in an office whose manager has diverted far too much of the budget towards works of art, plush leather furniture, and a signed photo of Adam West in full batman regalia. Yet the oddest thing about this office is the executive sitting behind the desk; Minion 3. Right now he's tapping his fingers together like he was Mr. Burns on a power trip.

Minion 3, "Gentlemen, so we meet again..."

Minion 3 grabs hold of a joystick on his leather chain and pulls backwards on the stick. His chair whirrs to life working tiny little wheels which scoot his chair backwards allowing him to stand up without hitting his knees on the desk. I look on as Minion 3 with suspicion wondering how Minion 2 could have lived in squalor while Minion 3 has a motorized leather chair, minion 2 simply scowls. To my astonishment Minion 3 then proceeds to sit down onto a jazzy. For the few people who have yet to see a jazzy advertised on tv it is basically a mobilized tricycle for old people to get around. Watching Minion 3 drive his Jazzy around his desk to meet us and shake our hands I silently curse the company who produces these devices.

Minion 3, "What brings you to X=3 Marketing Solved?"

Minion 1, "Waitasecondhere... this is YOUR company!?"

Minion 3, "Yep."

Minion 1, "And you wouldn't give two a job?"

Minion 2, "The friggin bastard."

Minion 3, "Hmm.... yeeeeaaahhh... about that..."

I put my arm up to block Minion 2 from savagely attacking Three while Minion 3 proceeds to take a few sips of coffee. My eyes are then diverted towards a poster that Minion 3 points to casually while still sipping coffee. It's a poster of a Denny's Restaurant. I'm confused... we used to eat there a lot. A Hell of a lot. Damn anyone reading this particular paragraph can just click on this link here to read about us eating at a Denny's establishment in the near past however I must caution any UWA judges that this particular RP is old and therefore should not be judged again. That would not be ethical.

Minion 1, "What about it...?"

I'm stopped before I can finish my question about the poster as Minion 3 holds up his finger while he continues sipping his coffee.

Minion 3, "You know all those promos we aired for UWA where we went to Denny's? Well they contacted me. Apparently... seeing us eat all those French Toast Clubs on TV caused a surge in the UWA fan base. Even though Denny's was not a UWA sponsor they got free advertising time and their market share grew as a result!"

Minion 1, "So..."

Minion 3, "So we created a whole new target demographic for them that's So! I built this firm to directly grow the Denny's brand and create a loyal customer base within UWA's fans."

Minion 1, "Why wouldn't you hire Minion 2 then!?"

Minion 3, "Yeah... about that, like I was saying... he was having some trouble with his TPS reports."

Minion 2, "The shit!? I TOLD YOU BEFORE THERE IS NO SUCH THING! THAT'S JUST FROM OFFICE SPACE! IT'S A DAMN MOVIE!"

Minion 3, "...Yeeeaah."

I never saw Office Space so I quickly change the topic to something more UWA related so that those judges I have aforementioned do not dock me points for making an already incredibly long RP. It's time to wind this bastard to a close, pronto.

Minion 1, "Look... whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm back and we got a mission."

Minion 1, "We're all going to Rampage next week to kick Freedom Morelez's ass. And no one is gonna stop us. Not Jeremy Heat, not Christian James, not even Christina James... you in?"

Minion 3, "You're kidding? Where else are you going to find an executive marketing manager willing to kick people's asses to promote French Toast Clubs on live TV?"

Minion 2, "Its about fucking time you did something right... that Hall of Famer is going down Minion Style..."

Minion 1, "One."

I reach out with my hand.

Minion 2, "Two."

Two puts his hand on top of mine....

Minion 3, "THREE!"

...Three joins the rest of us and places his hand on top of the pile.

I did it. The gang's all here. The Tri-fecta. This minion force is now the ultimate power in the universe... and if that dude that was talking shit to Darth Vader in Star Wars was here right now he'd suggest to me that I use it. Who was that guy anyway? I don't think he ever showed back up again in the movies. Did he die when the Death Star exploded? God only knows. At least he wasn't as lame as that dude in the white imperial uniform, that guy got to sit at the table with the big boys and talk about killing planets but he never even spoke! What's the point of being an evil doer as our President likes to say... if you never talk like an evil doer? Those questions and more will be answered... stay tuned.

Same Minion time, same Minion channel...

~fin~