The Road To Salvation Act V: A New Hope
"Why did you take that relic with you?"
"To Paris? You must be kidding... I might as well have been the World Champion over there with this..."
click/clack
With a quick clickity clack the lock on the heavy wooden double doors in the center of our vision keeping outsiders from entering this house of diplomacy is undone, the door is opened revealing within it's frame the Omega Sin himself; Doc Placebo. The former UWA Wrestler is seen standing in business casual attire underneath of his trademark black leather trench coat. However... on his shoulder rests the golden reflective plate of the title he retired... the UWA European Championship. At the Artisan of Agony's side is his mistress Erica. The pairing takes a few steps into the foyer before their eyes are diverted to something just behind the camera which allows us our point of view. Placebo cracks a smile.
Doc Placebo, "Well... look at that... home sweet home."
Erica, "Aw... not again... I'll get the oxyclean.."
Apparently stomping off in disgust Erica strides off into the Consulates interior while the Doctor merely takes a few steps forward while looking at something low... probably on the floor and behind our point of view. Opening his jacket slightly the Andorran unsheathes his Spanish Rapier... a deadly blade of which the UWA has not seen in some time. The camera pans backwards slightly revealing the decaying blood and insect ridden mess which had become of the butler Minion 1 killed while in a Trinatas Serum induced frenzy. With the killing edge of his blade Doc prods the body of his dead Minion examining the wound...
Doc Placebo, "Good... shouldn't be long now... not long at all.."
With the scene fading to another location within the walls of the Consulate we lose sight of the former UWA World Champion however, his image is quickly replaced by three of those who serve his will in the capacity of Minions 1, 2, and 3. With their arrival into the scene we also see a quick change of pace and writing style.
-FIRST PERSONVISION-
Aw CRAP! Here we are, all three of us looking out this damn window. What is it we're looking at? Well that's pretty obvious to anyone with a set of eyes and perhaps a shred of gray matter between their ears. A horde of other minions assembled outside carrying luggage from the Rolls. Doc and Erica are back. We've had a brief reprieve from Erica but Doc hasn't been here in MONTHS! He doesn't even know we're in UWA now trying to take care of his unfinished business. Great. That's just fantastic. I don't really have a clue what to do but my hand keeps yanking on the curtain here beside me... gotta keep my skills up to par after all I hear UWA wants me to open the curtain again... AGAIN! This time I'm up against the whole roster and a... legend.
Minion 2, "Shit."
Minion 3, "We... we should not be here when he finds out..."
Minion 1, "Gee... brilliant detective skills there Sherlock."
Minion 3, "Hey..."
Minion 2, "Doc kicked our asses last time UWA booked us... but then they were smart enough to book us against him."
Minion 1, "Uh... ex-squeeze me? Fuck you guys, Erica tortured me for 3 months straight after that. She gave up on you guys after a day!"
Minion 2, "..."
Minion 3, "...but..."
Minion 1, "Fucking Holy Omega Sin shut the FUCK UP!"
swwiiiiissshhh-
Ouch. Fuck that word doesn't do shooting excruciating suffering justice. It's been a few weeks but Erica's back. I don't need to turn around, I just collapse to the ground and twitch a few times while I feel my saliva pour out of my mouth and pool onto the hard wood floors beneath me. I can just imagine the "Oh shit... we're fucked" looks on Minion 2 and 3's stupid faces. I bet anyone watching this 5 bucks at least one of them is pissing their pants right now! Any takers? Anybody? What? Nobody?! What are you gonna do with that 5 bucks anyways huh? I'll bet Rilo is gonna go get a Spicy Chicken Sandwich.. Oh wait... that's Wendy's. Yeah... not even a Wizard can make Burger King's food not taste like crap between two pieces of bread... not that I've tried eating crap between two pieces of bread mind you... ah who the hell cares. Nobody reads my inner monologue anyway. Anyways, I think I was just whipped right in the back. It hurt. As you can probably tell.
Erica, "Shhh that mouth!."
A trickling sound catches my ears. I knew it! Lucky huh? Lucky for you! That you didn't take up a betting Minion. The sight of Natas gassing a horde of poodles or MindsEye standing tall within a torrent of dead rats are not sights to which can frighten a Minion as quickly as the one standing before Minions 2 and 3. Erica, Doc Placebo's enforcer on Minion affairs and we can't escape this crazy bitch like those specters of UWA's past... cause she lives here. I don't know which Minion lost control of what was probably some Wild Cherry Pepsi only a few hours ago but I could have had five bucks. I really wanted that Spicy Chicken sandwich. The damn thing has become an addiction.. although not as good as the Denny's French Toast Club. Wendy's is just like a cheap pack of smokes from 7/11 while the Toast? Well that's a Cuban cigar my friend.
Erica, "Good."
Minion 2, "Hey we didn't lose last week!"
Erica, "So what? I don't care about Kenji Yamamoto nor does the Doctor... Now be QUIET."
Erica, "It looks like this will take longer for you to deliver Doc my present... a Freedom Morelez defeat. This week your up against... almost everybody that the UWA can scrape off the street."
Erica, "Most of those in your way are of no consequence... like Dust Pan. Focus your efforts on these men; Jeremy Cundiff, Qball, Reagan, and the Clean up Brigade."
Minion 3, "Wait a sec..."
With a quick movement of the wrist I listen as Erica reminds Minion 3 why exactly she has the floor this afternoon. Well I suppose you could say I have the best claim on the floor since I'm laying down on it and claiming it with my drool... however, she is the one with the weapon so I'm just going to stay down here while the battle plan is laid out. That's prolly the best plan of action.
Minion 3, "...Eep!"
Minion 3 shuts up faster than Kenji Yamamoto after he's had his fill of alphabet soup. Don't get that reference? Well then you're probably one of the many UWA fans who don't read about my misadventures so get crackin!
Erica, "Now... I want you three out of here. Doc cannot find out your in UWA yet, got it?"
Erica, "SCRAM!"
I hear a flurry of footsteps as Erica leaves the room and quickly lurch to my feet wiping away any excess slobber from my face in order to quickly make myself somewhat presentable for the troops. The objective was clear. We have to get out of here without being caught and we have to do well in our match next week in order to justify another shot at Morelez in an as of yet unannounced match. So... how. I survey my surroundings. A series of blankets in a nearby closet... pillow cases, a clothes hanger... I have a piece of chewing gum (partially chewed) in my pocket. I frown as I place my hand back in before mentioned pocket and realize I forgot to wrap the gum before placing it there. I think to myself...
Minion 1, "What would MacGyver do..."
I ponder the question and can only think of what an earlier 1985 version of Michael J. Fox would think of my current predicament. He'd think it was "heavy" for those of you that haven't seen Back to the Future. And although Christopher Lloyd will wonder he'll never figure out the slang but it still does not answer my question...
Find out what MacGyver would do! Screw A-Team!