The Road To Salvation Act VI: Sub Plots and Broomsticks
[Yeah... here I am, and nervous as a little boy in the Vatican.]
My teeth chatter, my hands shake, and every now and then I get that weird tingly feeling like something is crawling on the back of my neck. What's worse is I'm driving. The damn civic is going all over the road and I keep wondering why we don't contact UWA and just get a damn plane ticket already.
. . .chatter chatter chatter. . .
See what I mean about the teeth chattering?
[Damn I hate chattering teeth... but sometimes your teeth gotta chatter, like when your in shit this deep.]
However, that might have something to do with the damn cold in this car. Minions 2 and 3 in the backseat are pissing me off by seeing who can last the longest without a jacket with the windows open while the car is traveling at a speed of about 65 to 70 miles per hour & with the AC on full blast. God it's fucking cold. If one of them had ANY balls they would be up here in the front seats with me taking the full impact of the air conditioning. Bastards. But that's not what's got me on edge right now. Not for a long shot.
[You see I'm in some real deep shit, waist deep.]
Oh by the way that bracket thing? That's a narrative voice over. You know those things where people dub on their voices after filming a segment. Just connecting the dots for anyone who hasn't seen me use those brackets before in dialogue, which would be, everyone in the known universe... anywho...
[Shit so deep, shit so thick, shit so shitty that for a second I shared Lou Forigno and Stan Lee's grief at the horrid reviews the Hulk movie got. But hey at least it wasn't as bad as Daredevil.]
You know a lot of you have heard us bitching about a lot of movies and I'm sure at least one of you are thinking. What movie does this guy even like huh? Well it's time to set the record straight. Constantine or Hellblazer like the real name of the comic is... fucking rocked. But all in all that doesn't matter because I still feel those damn 'tinglies' on the back of my neck like I've suddenly got a Peter Parker spider sense, but I know what it really is; fear.
[So how did I get in this bone chilling car with this immense feeling of foreboding creaking into the depths of my throat which may well be the onset of strep throat?]
. . .chatter. . .
[You see it all began yesterday...]
While I continue to chatter away the scene begins to lift away from my lack of driving skills and transition to another locale. Washington D.C. to be exact, the Andorran Consulate to be even more exact. There we see the former UWA mainstay Doc Placebo resting on the left side of a love seat still wearing his business casual attire from whatever a former Commumentalist figurehead happens to do while enjoying an early retirement. While we watch this particular scene and the Artisan of Agony (copyright pending) sips some white wine from a glass and then places it back onto the table adjacent to what would have been a sofa if it had possessed the faculties to seat three instead of two, the phone rings.
Brrriiiiinnngg!! Brrriiiiinnngg!!
Doc looks like he's getting irritated. He takes another sip of his wine and suspiciously eyes the cordless phone on the end table next to him.
Brrriiiiinnngg!! Brrriiiiinnngg!! Brrriiiiinnngg!!
Doc Placebo, "Here we go again..."
Brrriiiiinnngg!!
He picks up.
Doc Placebo, "If this is another telemarketer calling about Direct TV service... you should pray."
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumble..."
Picking up that phone and engaging the individual in conversation on the other end of the line brings us to an interesting crossroads. I'm sure you've noticed it previously. This is called a "sub plot". Yep, I've been running a sub plot all this time. A sub plot as described in the comic whom gave me the inspiration to create this angle "Cable & Deadpool" is a plot which is run in the background until it is brought to the foreground and becomes the primary story. That happens today.
Doc Placebo, "No, not at all... I threatened your last telemarketer just 2 hours ago, need I remind you about the do not call list?"
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumble..."
Doc Placebo, "What? Who is this?"
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumblemumbemumble..."
Seriously, you have to have noticed. The whole thing going on in the background with Erica keeping Doc in the dark? What is her motive for bringing in the Minions anyways? Why does she want a Morelez defeat? And what will happen now that Freedom pulled a Saddam and disappeared once Minion troops stormed UWA HQ.
Doc Placebo, "Rilo? Hmm... If it is you it certainly took a long time for you to call to discuss our tag match strategies in NEW... we lost by the way."
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumble..."
Doc Placebo, "The Minions... got in YOUR WAY? Now, granting there are quite a few of them, I cannot concede to you that they would provide Rilo Thornsfeld an impasse at any junction... unless someone is not whom they claim to be?"
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumble..."
Doc Placebo, "No not recently... I've been spending time in Paris enjoying the riots... but back to the previous matter, before you can make any further accusatory statements I would like to know something. Did I forget to lock the door to the Chameleon's cell?"
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumble..."
While the leader of the ex-UWA faction, "The Koven" speaks the camera pans backwards slightly and inhabits a low point of view within the confines of an doorframe. A pair of feminine feet walk into frame standing just inside the door frame where the camera has settled situating our point of view between her bare legs which we can only see up to her sensuous calf muscles. The Doctor smiles acknowledging her presence and rolls his eyes while pointing towards the telephone.
Erica, "Who?"
Placebo shrugs his shoulders in reply.
Doc Placebo, "Quality over quantity, 'Mr. Thornsfeld'. But isn't that quite Machiavellian of you regardless... however before I engage in anymore of this idle chit chat I want proof. Are you Rilo? I doubt it. I didn't even know you had a phone... prove it to me."
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumble..."
With the mentioning of the name "Rilo" Erica's calf muscles tense up. The Doctor must see it too but more than likely her shock at the name of their mystery caller was evident on more locales of her form than just her lower legs. Taking note of this reaction Placebo quickly braces the phone with his shoulder and his ear while freeing his left hand too...
SKNIT!
The balance of his unsheathed Spanish Rapier is perfect. Flipping it in the air he is able to catch the blade with three fingers just above the hilt. Lowering his hand quickly to maintain balance and slow the weapon's descent he then pushes his right hand upwards quickly flipping the weapon again into the air but this time his right hand grasps the edged sword below the hilt with a firm grip and in another motion he throws...
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Erica, "Hmph!"
While this "Rilo" continues to speak the Doctor's sword splits through the air and impales a wall adjacent to Erica. This time she does not show any signs of stress or tension in her muscles. Perhaps a sign of trust... or something else entirely. Placebo furrows his brows and shakes at his Minioness while mouthing the words, "Don't go yet".
Doc Placebo, "Exactly, and you don't.."
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumblemumble..."
Doc Placebo, "Fantastic... a stalker, I told Erica we should have bought the other drapes ."
Inaudible Voice, "mumble!"
Doc Placebo, "Unfortunately."
Inaudible Voice, "mumble... mumbleMUMBLE!"
For reasons unknown the Doctor's eyes diverted from Erica's stance now settle on his wine glass. For a few short seconds there is nothing but silence then... a sharp popping sound as the glass cracks as if on it's own accord. Then again, and again, and AGAIN! Popping and cracking the glass shatters into several pieces spilling the few remaining droplets of white wine the Andorran had not yet consumed onto the table and subsequently the carpeting. Thankfully we have already established the fact that the Consulate has a supply of Oxyclean handy for just such occasions. Placebo sighs softly as the glass pieces themselves continue to shatter and shattered shards shatter until where there had once been a perfectly useful glass now only a small pile of glass tid bits remain. Placebo is satisfied with his answer.
Doc Placebo, "Well... Rilo, hello there... wait a second... you went BACK to UWA?"
Inaudible Voice, "mumblemumble... mumble..."
Doc Placebo, "So then... why do I get the feeling the Minions have done something worse than break your window with a baseball?"
The conversation continues as Mr. Thornsfeld fills the Doctor in on all of Erica's activities as of late. His eyes do not avert from her while he listens to this account of her activities from a former ally. What had been a somewhat amusing call quickly turns into a much drier affair, the goodbyes are short and the conversation is ended tersely. He stands and moves towards his mistress...
Doc Placebo, "I hear you've been busy."
Erica, "I guess I've been a bad girl."
Our point of view is still settled within the door frame. Her legs have not budged and we are still gazing through them and directly at the Master of the Koven.
Erica, "You'll have to deal with me."
With those words spoken Erica does begin moving... she drops a large golden belt. The UWA European Championship. A black satin nighty glides down her shapely legs and collapses around her feet, followed by the tail of a long, black, leather whip.
Doc Placebo, "Lets..."
The scene quickly vanishes and is replaced by a pure black slate while every standards and practices censor breathes a collective sigh of relief. I'm thankful for the quick transition too because that means that I can start talking in First Person Narrative again and add my own thoughts into this bag of Chex Mix. So the story doesn't end there. And thankfully since most of the UWA's creative minds are also perverted minds it never will. But, since we've been plagued with an array of queries pertaining to the sexual relationship of Placebo and Erica I think it's about time that I finally set that down in stone. To everyone (mostly Nicky Mills) who wondered what was going on here the answer is, "yes". But even I cannot fathom what they're planning on doing with the Euro belt in there too... let's switch scenes...
Let's wrap this up ok?