I'm a Legend
Scrape! Scrape! Scrape!
...House of Pancakes. Yeah that's right. We're not at Denny's. Well... technically I'm not at Denny's. Minions 2 and 3 are sitting at another table because camera crews, cameras, sound equipment, and some conspicuous people under the employ of this failing company just happen to take up quite a lot of space. One of them even tried to take a strawberry off of the top of my Belgium waffle. In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger that was a... "Big mistake". I bit his hand. Nobody takes my waffles. Got that imaginary friends? Nobody eats Minion 1's Belgium Waffles with strawberry and whip cream and a side of 3 small pancakes saturated with old fashion syrup but Minion Numero Uno!
Minion 1, "MMmmmmm.....mmmm... MMMM!"
I chew a few bites of waffle mixed with strawberries and a glob of whip cream. My tongue screams for mercy as its taste buds overflow with a sensation of pure ecstasy which cannot be denied. The man behind the camera watching my every movement like a voyeur with a food fetish frowns. Wow... how many times do I string three words together starting with the same letter in my thoughts like that? Anyways I'm getting side tracked. They want me to do a promo... I don't know why they want me to rush; their on the clock. They should be thanking me for taking up their sweet time. My delay is their $$$ and I'm not the one that's going to be in the unemployment office come Monday morning. But I swallow my food and like a good Minion I start my promo so that UWA fans can have one last little douse of me before being denied forever.
Minion 1, "Ok, ok... promo time."
Minion 1, "So I'm facin Andy Gorgadore."
Minion 1, "He's the XWPA Champion... and as of last week the TNT Champion too. Or at least until the International Incident gets a chance to change that..."
Minion 1, "But seriously... big whoop, big deal, wanna fight about it?"
Scrape! Scrape!
Using raking my fork across my plate I rally the last of my syrup into a nice little pile and then skewer some of my remaining tidbits of pancake. Smothering my pancake into my syrup rally point I then consume the flavorsome treat before continuing my monologue concerning an affair most grievous.
Minion 1, "Mmmm... Actually I do."
Minion 1, "You see, as much as I never tire of my breakfast food addiction... I always seem to tire of this same old song and dance."
Minion 1, "You see... Doc laid this out for me once not too long ago. It was the reason why he stopped me from becoming the UWA Champion."
Minion 1, "Power corrupts."
Minion 1, "Yeah I know everyone's heard it but not everyone understood. Doc explained it to me the way he always explains something; with philosophy. He was talking about some Ring of Gyges or something by some Aristotle or Plato."
Minion 1, "Well even though I got the message I still don't like The Ring... or even The Ring Two. Plato was a little off on those movies... horror movies can sometimes has cheesy content higher than Chester the Cheetah's blood levels after a full night of doing cheddar. And he's dangerously cheesy."
Minion 1, "But I know who my audience is. Their all crazy people. They won't get philosophy and I know I cant dumb something down I barely get myself... so... I'll put this on the level for ya."
I pause for a second. This time it's not for a snack but instead to help move the pace of things along in this promo so I can get back to what's important; eating. I place a copy of The Justice League, Season One on the table and hold it up so that my viewing audience can see. I'm also thinking about it here so all of you voices in my head know what's going on. Now quiet down, I'm gonna start talking again you bastards.
Minion 1, "Anyone out there read comics? Chances are you probably know something about them. There's Batman, Spiderman, Superman... then there are the more obscure comics like The Book of Lost Souls or The Spirit. Today I'm going to talk about the Justice League."
Minion 1, "Why? Well because in the latest DVD collection released last week there was an episode that outlined that age old power corrupts angle perfectly."
Minion 1, "In this episode Green Lantern, Flash, Hawkgirl, and The Martian Manhunter are tossed into an alternate dimension."
Minion 1, "They don't know it but that alternate earth they're on has been destroyed in a nuclear war. The reason they don't know that it's been destroyed is simple. It doesn't look destroyed. In fact it looks torn right out of the golden age of comics."
Minion 1, "Think Adam West Batman and the 50's Superman TV shows if you don't know your comic history."
I take a hot second to put the DVD case down and use my fork to wrangle a quick bite. In seconds the taste of strawberries diluted by whipped cream dance in my mouth. I chew... and then continue my narrative into the realm of sequential art; comics for the uninformed.
Minion 1, "Fast forwarding to the end we find out that a kid was given terrific powers by the fallout of that nuclear war. Powers that allowed him to shape how everyone perceives the world and he could literally create heroes from the past as if they were real and alive again."
Minion 1, "That kid used his powers to trap every survivor of that nuclear war in his fantasy land until the Justice League stopped him. Once he was defeated the world reverted back to its true state."
Minion 1, "Yeah it sounds like the League really screwed these people. The world is totally destroyed... all the buildings are rubble... their city looks like shit, and I think there might have only been one or two women left to repopulate the human civilization. But they didn't screw them over. In the end you couldn't really blame the kid. If I had that power I'd probably be tempted to do the same thing.
Minion 1, "But the League new better... they freed those survivors from that kid on a power trip."
Minion 1, "That's Andy Gorgadore; a crazy kid with two titles and a magnifying glass trying to burn us ants up with his lies."
Minion 1, "I'm honestly tired of this shit. You want to talk shit about me? FINE! Talk shit you little bitch."
Minion 1, "Just quit with the making up stories and passing them off as facts routine just so you can talk a little longer and sound like you know more about what's going on than you do."
Minion 1, "And remember... you might be the best in TNT... because of that belt. But my Master is there now... and he is watching you very closely...
...see you tomorrow Gorgy, break a leg."
Finally that's done. I push the camera people away and get back to my meal. The remnants of my pancakes are cold but still taste wonderful. They are completely saturated in syrup. No part of them has escaped that old fashioned syrup deluge from earlier before the cameras started rolling. I dumped nearly half the bottle on these things. Omega Sin do I love that stuff. It's my crack. Eating up what's left of my breakfast I make sure to eat everything I can. It is the most important meal of the day after all and tomorrow I'll need all the energy I can get. The Doc had given me a tall order; take out Doc X. Well now I can't do that so I'll have to make Gorgatron extra crispy to make up for it or else it's Erica's whip for me. Now... where's my orange juice gone...