mINon WArcaMp!

The scene opens up to a traffic ridden street in Washington DC. Horns are blaring fiercely as well as random obscenities as an out of place stopped ice cream truck blocks traffic in the middle of the road. It’s not the ice cream truck itself per say that causes it to stick out but the random Minion standing on the roof fully decked out in a leather trench coat, pants, combat boots, and… electric guitar? Several speakers are duct taped to the truck’s sides and top while another Minion is busy setting up a drum set? A small green Toyota Corolla is a few cars back from the ice cream truck lets loose an extremely loud honk of the horn as the owner seems furious as his older car has stalled in traffic. A third minion pops his head out of the driver’s side window and yells… Minion 3, “Damn man we gotta get this show on the road ok?” Minion 1, “Yeah yeah I hear ya… yo two, you set man?” The Minion on the drums who is also wearing all black and a black leather trench coat nods to his brother in slavery as he dons on a black motorcycle helmet and picks up his drumsticks. The first Minion nods back and also dons on a helmet as he gives the thumbs up to his fellow slave/musician. Minion 3, “Time to send out the call…” Minion 2, “…lets rock these motherfu.ckers.” The first Minion looks down at his guitar through the tinted view through his helmet and grips it with his hands. He pauses for a few seconds while the second Minion begins to play a slow drum beat and the ice cream truck begins to slowly move forward going maybe 5 mph. dum DUM dum DUM dum DUM dum DUM! The guitar comes in with an equally slow start but a distinctively heavy metal sound. DO do do do do dododo… DO do do do do dododo… The two jam for a little bit at a leisurely pace as the truck begins to make its way down the road while many people walking on the sidewalks and crossing the streets look on at the display with dumbfounded expressions. Soon from the speakers the sounds of people chanting can be heard softly… OOoooohh ooooOOOHH OOOhhhhh OOOOooh oooOOOOHhhh OOOOOOH OOOOH! OOoooohh ooooOOOHH OOOhhhhh OOOOooh oooOOOOHhhh OOOOOOH OOOOH! With a microphone no doubt inside his helmet the lead Minion set to face Stewart Ratliff begins to sing, his voice amplified by the speakes. The ice cream truck slowly drives down the traffic congested street. Washintonians look on in utter amazement. Minion 1, “Here our Soldiers stand from all around the World waiting in a line to hear the battle CRY all are gathered here Victory is near The Sound will fill the hall bringing Power to us all While Minion One sings you notice something odd. Random mothers getting out of their cars leaving their children to follow the melody’s call while they march behind the ice cream truck. Businessmen and women dropping their brief cases and news papers to follow the soccer mom’s as they also join the enlarging force following the truck. The Minion sees his and smiles underneath his mask as he continues his verse with enthusiasm. Minion 1, “We alone are fighting… …for metal that is true we only ride to live the fight we're here for all of YOU Now swear the blood upon your Steel will never dry stand and fight together beneath the metal SKY.” The guitarist Minion pauses for a moment and turns towards the growing phalanx of people… of other MINIONS following in his wake. He continues playing and looks directly at the ever increasing masses. Minion 1, “Minions everywhere raise your hands into the air we're warriors…” The Lead Minion vocalist points to the Minion horde following the ice cream truck who all raise their fists and answer his call in unison. “WARRIORS OF THE WORLD!” Minion 1, “Like thunder from the sky… swore to fight…” “AND DIE!” Minion 1, “We’re Warriors!” “WARRIORS OF THE WORLD!” As a taxi cab is driving by its occupants hear the sound of the music being sung by the mass Minions and the passenger doors fly open while the car is doing about 35 miles per hour. A man and a woman dart out of the moving vehicle and tumble into the crowd of Minions who help them take their places within the continuously growing force. Minion 1, “Many stand against us but they will NEVER win We said we would return and here we are AGAIN to bring them all Destruction suffering and pain We are the Hammer of the gods we are Thunder wind and RAIN there you wait in fear with swords in feeble hands with dreams to be a King First… What should be a man I call them out and charge them all with a life that is a lie and in a final hour they…” “…SHALL CONFESS BEFORE THEY DIE!” The chants from the Minion army grows louder as more join their ranks while several cars of incoming traffic come head on into what is now literally several columns of Minions marching in formation. The cars come to a stop and honk their horns. Some protest with curses and various gestures but none are prepared as several slaves break away from the main group and charge at the cars making sure to block all doors to prevent the escape of their occupants. To the driver’s horror the Minions work together to flip each car. The Minion army continues on while the drivers struggle to free themselves of the wreckage only to be beaten down and then trampled by the army sworn to follow Placebo’s voice. Minion 1, “Minions everywhere raise your hands into the air!” “WE’RE WARRIORS!” Minion 1, “Warriors of the World!” “Like Thunder from the SKY…” “…Swore to FIGHT and DIE!” Minion 1, “Warriors of the World!” The guitarist and drummer Minions continue to play for a moment while the van comes to a stop. The Minion army is now amassed to hundreds of people following behind in the ice cream truck’s wake which now moves to surround the vehicle… Continued… The lead guitarist slave on top of the ice cream truck drops to one knee as the song’s beat slows and the song’s music decrescendos slightly to fit a more somber mood. Minions gather around the truck flanking it on all sides. By now many UWA veterans recognize the ice cream truck as the very same one that had once been a mobile chemical science laboratory for Doc Placebo in his early days before he came to live in the Consulate in this very city… The Minion still on his knees begins to sing again, this time his tone no longer bold but sad. Minion 1, “If I should fall in battle…” The Minion grabs at his heart dramatically and falls backwards somewhat as if he were shot through the heart and clutching the bleeding organ as his life blood drained from his body. Minion 1, “My brothers who fight by my side… “…gather my horse… and weapons…” …Minion One offers up his guitar to the sky… Minion 1, “Tell my Family… how I DIED…” Minion 1, “Until then I will be strong…” “…I will fight for all that is real…” Now standing tall the Minion stares defiantly ahead. Minion 1, “All who stand in my way will DIE BY MY STEEL!” “MINIONS EVERYWHERE RAISE YOUR HANDS INTO THE AIR!” Minion 1, “We’re warriors, WARRIORS OF…” “…THE WORLD!” The camera angle begins to pull away from the mass army of Minions that has been raised in the middle of the United States Capitol. As the camera pulls back we still hear the Minions singing together as one and we see several fires that have sprung up in their wake as a result of those cars that had been flipped; their drivers still lying still on the pavement… “MINIONS EVERYWHERE RAISE YOUR HANDS INTO THE AIR!” Minion 1, “We’re warriors, WARRIORS OF…” “…THE WORLD!” As the camera continues to pan further away from the gathering you are presented now with an aerial view of the area. Masses of people are emptying entire building flocking to join the Minion army. Hundreds more pour out from the Roslyn Metro Station as the camera continues to pan away the voices of the now thousands minions grow dull in the distance… “Like Thunder from the SKY…” “…Swore to FIGHT and DIE!” Minion 1, “Warriors of the World!” “Minions everywhere…. RAISE YOUR HANDS INTO THE AIR!” “WE’RE WARRIORS! “Warriors of the world!” Although the Minions continue singing the camera has now pulled too far away from their position so that you can no longer make out their words. The scene fades away to darkness as shadows encompass the entire Washington Metropolitan cityscape that you see before you and you are left with nothing but blackness. However within that dark umbra of shadow a brief message fades into being… Stuart Ratliff, Died September 25th 2005 The message quickly fades from your sight leaving you once again in the cold of nothingness of the dark. pRomO doNe NOW!