Doc Placebo vs. The Minion Army Act I Scene I
Doc Placebo, "Wait a second you worthless..."
Too late, he's already gone. Out of here faster than Micheal Jackson's first nose. But I'm going off on a tangent arint I? And perhaps somewhat transgressing the only reality to which I am presently aware. I, am Doc Placebo; Andorran, wrestler, political spokesperson, philosopher, artist, and I'm in a bad mood. Why am I in a bad mood? Dinner was nice, I had some fine spanish cuisine. And I don't mean taco bell, I mean pealla. Thats some good stuff. It wasnt dinner that was stroking my anxiety like a violen, it was this damn memo.
Doc Placebo, "You've got to be kidding me..."
Doc Placebo, "Dear Mr. Placebo.... *ahem*...
Changing his voice somewhat the Doctor tries to make light of the situation through sarcasm.
unfortunately we could not fulfill your request for a match at this week's upcoming Rampage to your specifications. However, UWA management did note that your Minions, more specifically Minions designated one through three are cleared to wrestle. Therefore, Management has decided to place you in a match against those Minions as all other active superstars have been booked.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Simmons
UWA Reporter/Office Assistant"
My hand falls to the side of my chair. Instinctively it grips the handle of my specially crafted Spanish Rapier which I aquired during my service to the Andorran government. My own personally paper shredder. My hand samples the texture of the deadly blade's handle to the hilt as my mind pictures how easily the weapon would slice through this insulting business communique.
Erica, "Should have expeceted what?"
Erica entered the room, probably while I was contemplating shredding up the paper into a million pieces of confetti and then force feeding them down the throat of the nearest available Minion. Her entrance masked by my immense displeasure. She now stands within an open doorway looking in at me. Light surrounds her on all sides and from my vantage point she looks as if she were an angel sent down from above yet I know she hails from a locale in the opposite direction. Smiling at my fallen angel I motion with a single finger for her to enter.
Doc Placebo, "First, before I show you this memo, picture in your mind some of the most embarassing, ludacris, and down right demeaning matches UWA, TPW, or even NEW has asked me to participate in."
Erica, "Rage is back!?"
I can't believe it but she actually managed to make me smile. Thats what I love about this woman. I'm just a sucker for a girl that can make me smile and shares my sadistic hatred for the human race. Its a rare combination.
Doc Placebo, "No he's not but its close enough..."
Erica, "So whose on the chopping block now that your back? X-kal?"
Doc Placebo, "Nope, too high on the card for ME apparently."
Erica, "Ok... how about Big Boss?"
Doc Placebo, "Not even close."
Erica, "Rilo? Spitfly?"
Doc Placebo, "No and no."
Erica, "Qball? Nightmare? Ratliff? Cameron Sloan? Mike Gloon? Adamn Little? Steve Anderson? Jayson Compton? Wall2k? Rollin Thunder? Vetalo? Mike Graham? Corey Beardwood?"
Doc Placebo, "No, no, no, no, no.... who the hell are half those people? No, no, no, no...."
Erica, "What do you mean no? I just went through the whole roster! I got it right here!"
And she did have it right there. She printed it off of the internet. Although it didnt look like it was formatted too nicely. The old roster was nicer cause everyone could fit on one page and everyone's favorite moves werent listed. Why list your repitourie of wrestling techniques anyways? Its like screaming at your opponent. HEY! Lookie here! Its a list of moves I'll probably use against you at Rampage! Hope you dont read them on the internet where everyone can see and then follow through by practicing the appropriate counters! I'm not going to do that. You want to learn my moves, watch some tapes or face me in a match. Then you can see my wrestling techniques first hand. This time you don't get to cheat, this time you can't just fill in "C" as your answer. Cause it very well might be "D". Or hell it might be an essay test and those suck ass.
Doc Placebo, "Well I dont think this little trio was ever on the roster very long."
Erica, "Trio?"
Doc Placebo, "Thats right, the UWA has seen fit to have me, Doc Placebo...
...the Artisan of Agony...
...the Omega Sin...
...Second to the Alpha...
...face...
...my own Minions."
I sit there in the confines of my chair watching my little fallen angel's expression go from playfully inquisitive to a deep agonizing resentment. The features of her face contort with anger at the vile treachery of the Minions who now seek to rise up and usurp thier masters seat of power. Usurp the authority of the voice that commands. Such arrogance.
Erica, "Those little bastards."
Erica, "What are you going to do about it?"
Doc Placebo, "Thats the question isnt it... this farce cannot be permitted. Send word to all remaining Minions in the Konclave, I want a search conducted, find Minions 1, 2 and 3. Thier treachery will NOT stand!"
Kneeling before her master Erica bows her head.
Erica, "Thy will be done."
Doc Placebo, "Good, now see to it. They cannot escape our grasp."
Dutifully Erica retreats to the door so as to fulfill her orders. The Minions however, probably have already orchestrated thier escape. The chance, however, to catch them prior to thier raising a hand to me may not yet be out of the question. Taking up my Rapier I drape the elegant weapon across my legs and fiddle with the sharpened blade. Its edge cuts slightly into my flush inciting just a droplet of precious hemoglobin. The blood flees my body through the cut in my skin just as the three Minions have fled the Konclave. In a low tone I speak to an unseen auidence acknowleding them in rare occurance. Those that remember me know I usually do not play for them, should I speak of UWA matters it is usally in passing. Tonight I address those matters directly.
Doc Placebo, "So UWA, this is the card to which I am dealt? A joker? Well, I know full well there are more cards in that deck and once I've finished this hand I'll have a new hand."
Doc Placebo, "Tonight I will be putting my Minions on notice. Treachery will not be abided. However, at Rampage I will be putting the entire Roster on notice.
Doc Placebo, "The Koven is back."
Doc Placebo, "We aim to retake what was ours, UWA. It shall be mine again. Its only a matter of time. In my absence from UWA the Kovenant has dominated two tag divisions in two feds within 2 matches of our debut. They had no chance against us."
Doc Placebo, "It was our destiny to win. And as it was our destiny to win, it was thiers to lose. It will be thus in UWA, you cannot help it. You cannot escape it."
Doc Placebo, "You"
Doc Placebo, "Will"
Doc Placebo, "Lose."
The scene begins to collapse in on itself as darkness protrudes from all angles of the scene. Light is abolished from your sight piece by piece with only the cent of the scene remaining. Through that little hole of light punching through the darkness Placebo sends one last sentence before he is consumed.
Doc Placebo, "Just sit back and take it."
The scene is consumed.