OOC Note: The Following is Co-Written by Doc Placebo & Ariana
When Fools Fall in Love
Minion 3, “What the HELL are you doing?”
Minion 1, “Hmm?”
Minion 2, “Umm… anyone got a napkin?”
Totally unconcerned with his fellow Minions squabble Minion 2 raises his hand as a waitress walks by however his expression turns from desperation to utter hatred as his pleas for assistance are unheeded. The waitress hurries past the trio heading into the back while attending to someone else’s order.
Minion 2, “The fuck…”
Minion 3, “Man… you did NOT answer me… seriously… what the HELL?”
Minion 1, “Dude! What is your problem? Didn’t realize it was that time of the month…”
Minion 2, “Guys… this isn’t getting me a napkin… so… deal with it on your own time… whoa! Whoa! WHOA! waitaminutehere....”
Minion 3, “…what are you doing… are you disrespecting Denny’s by not eating that scrumptious French Toast?”
Minion 2, “That’s what I’ve been saying! How in the hell can you possibly turn up two sausage links, two plentiful strips of bacon, two eggs, and two quote fabulous slices of French toast unquote!?”
Minion 1, “I dunno… I’ve just been thinking… well… it’s just that lately… I’ve been wondering… err… considering… maybe…”
Minion 1, “…ordering something else?”
Minion 3, “BULLSHIT MAN! THAT IS BULLSHIT!”
Minion 1, “You asked!”
Minion 2, “Ok, ok… but we always order the French Toast. Always. I don’t think your telling us the whole truth… what’s this about? And don’t tell me it’s cause they didn’t let us compete the Iditarod…”
Minion 3, “Man don’t even get me started! That SUCKED… I really, really wanted to pull the sled!”
Minion 1, “It’s just that… well… …Ariana wasn’t in the crucible.”
Minion 2, “What?”
Minion 1, “Ariana wasn’t in the Crucible and then all the sudden some prick goes and hacks the site so if she missed it she can’t see me fight anymore even if its some crappy webcast!”
Minion 2, “And?”
Now deprived of his napkin for several minutes Minion 3’s attention is no longer on that of his need to clean the now drying syrup splattered across his face. His mind has become enchanted by the charms of a Denny’s color by number placemat which he is currently staring at as if his mind were completely ensnared by its promise of at least several minutes of artistic amusement. Looking up Minion 1’s jaw drops and his eyes go wide as he stares at a young lady who has just entered the restaurant. Turning around to figure out what his fellow Minion is staring at with such intensity he is shocked to see Ariana has just entered the very Denny’s in which they were eating which shouldn’t be too shocking as Alaska is her home state. Lost to the world Minion 3 is feverishly attempting to create orange by shading his yellow and red colors together so that he can continue working on his masterpiece with only his 3 free wax crayons provided to him by their waitress.
Minion 2, “Shit… that’s her… we’re in a tight spot!”
Minion 1, “…”
Minion 2, “We’re in a tight spot….”
Standing there for a brief moment, a waiter came by and took Ariana to her booth. She approaches the Minion infested table…
Minion 2, “DUCK!”
As they walked past the table where the minions were seated minion 1 and 2 both ducked, while the 3rd just sat at the table coloring again. The waiter sat her about three tables away from where the group of minions sat, she didn't even pay attention; she was lost in her own little world.
Waiter, “Just a triple triple coffee, right Ari?”
Ariana, “Yeah, that's it for today.”
Back a the Minion table only a few tables away from where Ariana has been seated Minion 1 and 2 both continue to duck trying to remain out of her site. Minion 1 has practically hidden himself entirely by the use of a fold out display for various breakfast items involving a multitude of French Toast items such as the French Toast Slam, Platter, and while not a breakfast item; the All American Slam. Minion 2 has hidden himself by sliding low in his seat and creating a small wall of salt and pepper shakers. He has also added the plastic container of Sweet and Low to his fortifications. Minion 3 looks at his artwork apparently vexed over how to correct a mistake he made while accidentally colored the wrong section blue in his color by number game.
Minion 2, “Dude… just go over there and introduce yourself.”
Minion 1, “Yeah right! Like that’s gonna work!”
Minion 2, “Look, you gotta do this… we didn’t win the crucible… we couldn’t even get IN to the Iditarod… but we keep trying! Now you just want to give up?”
Minion 1, “… but what am I gonna say? I can’t just go up and say… Hi there! Saw you on Bloodzone, I’m Minion 1, slave to Doc Placebo & Erica. You know the new Supreme Tag Champ whose reffing a match on the next Fallout between Kevin Cosmos and Donny Downfall?”
Minion 1, “Not really the best first impression!”
Minion 2, “Hmm… you need some kinda reason…”
Not taking his eyes off of his ever evolving work of art Minion 3 interjects.
Minion 3, “howsabout you ask for her autograph… she is famous afterall…”
Minion 2, “Holy shit… Three that could work!”
Minion 3, “Shhh… I’m creating!”
Minion 2, “There ya go man… this is your shot.”
Minion 1, “I dunno… should I?”
Minion 2, “If you don’t I will!”
Minion 1, “Goddamnit…”
Minion 1 got out of his seat and slowly and cautiously walked over to Ariana, who was now sipping on her coffee going over some notes. Shortly after placing the cup down, she noticed a shadow over her. Looking up, she saw Minion 1 standing over here smiling at her.
Ariana, “Um… Can I help you with something?”
Minion 1, “Uhh… yeah I was just wondering if…”
Suddenly getting nervous Minion 1 looks back to his table where Minion 2 gives him the thumbs up from behind defensive wall.
Ariana, “Come on, answer the question. I don't have all day.”
Minion 1, “Huh? Oh yeah… I was wondering if I could have your autograph?”
Ariana, “Uhh… Alright.”
Ariana went into her bag and pulled out an large envelope that contained her pictures. Placing it on the table, she pulled out a black sharpie marker.
Ariana, “Alright, who am I making this out to?”
Caught off guard Minion 1 resorts to his only option available…
Minion 1, “*COUGH*minion 1*COUGH*”
Ariana looked up at Minion 1, not quite hearing what he said.
Ariana, “Huh?”
Disappointed his ploy had failed Minion 1 thinks to himself…
Minion 1’s Thoughts, “Damn, I’m in one hell of a pickle here… just gotta THINK! Ya know I think I really need to get a damn name, Visa wouldn’t even let me have that damn gold card with a name like Minion 1 anyways… FUCK! What to do what to do what to do…. Damn I’m hungry… should have eaten that toast… what to do what to do what to do… hey doesn’t Bruce Willis have a movie coming out soon? Shit the Minions wanted to see that too, and here I am up here trying to ask Ariana out and dragged them all the way up to try out for the Iditarod under false pretences. Hey… Alan Rickman kicked ass in Die Hard… now… I just gotta think, what Hans Gruber would do if he were here right now…”
Remembering the classic scene from Die Hard when Hans Gruber finally comes face to face with John Mclane Minion 1 looks around for a name to steal for his own in order to conceal his identity. His eyes quickly dart to the name tag of a waitress “Bertha”, then to a waiter’s name tag who appears to be suspiciously named “Crystal”. Oddly the waiter’s nametag has a series of rainbow and unicorn stickers surrounding it making Minion 1 wary… ultimately he decides to lie.
Minion 1, “Uh sorry about that, had something in my throat. I’m Hans… McLane.”
Ariana, “If you're sick, take a couple of steps back because I just got over the flu. But anyways…”
Ariana took the cap off the marker and signed her picture to Hans. Placing the marker down on the table and handed the picture to "Hans".
Ariana, “There you go. Anything else I could do for you?”
Meanwhile back at the Minion table Minion 3 takes a break from his coloring and examines his latest work. While looking up he sees Ariana signing a picture of herself and handing it to Minion 1 and shouts…
Minion 3, “Attaboy Minion 1, YES! That’s how we do it back in the Kovenant Klub SON!”
Minion 3, “Doc Placebo is gonna be so proud!”
“Hans” blushes and sends Minion 3 an accusing look and then looks back to Ariana. Considering his options he tries to run but his legs now feel like they have been weighted down with Al Roker’s excess body fat after his liposuction operation and he remains motionless. Ariana looked at "Hans" and carefully studied him. She gasped and chuckled to herself.
Ariana, “Oh my god, I thought you looked familar. Oh god, man. This is pathetic, you came all the to Alaska to meet me? For what reason? Huh? My god. Oh such a waste of time.”
Minion 1, “But… but…”
Ariana, “I hate liars. You know, I'm tired of wasting my time.”
Ariana stood up from her booth and began to walk away. Minion 1 glares at Minion 3 while pointing in his direction violently. Motioning for 3 to butt out Minion 3 simply shrugs and goes back to critiquing his latest masterpiece. Turning his attention back towards Ariana who is walking away from him Minion 1 hurries to her side and falls to his knees in front of her begging..
Minion 1, “Wait! Don’t walk away yet! I’m a good guy! I brush my teeth 3 times a day, I bathe, I really do! I can name all 50 states and most of the capitals too! And I can spell the word apostrophe backwards!
Minion 1, “E…H… uhh… P…O…R…”
Ariana stopped and turned around and looked at Minion 1.
Ariana, “What the hell do you want from me?”
Minion 1, “Uh… would you…. like to go to the movies or something?”
Ariana, “WHAT?! Do you realize that I'm getting married? The answer is NO!”
Minion 1, “Married?! It’s 2005, nobody does that anymore! Just look what happened to Harry Stonecipher, that boeing CEO! You’ll be married for years and then he’ll cheat on you with some sexy 50 year old from Accounting and he’ll be fired from his major defense contractor executive position and you’ll divorce him or… something like that… anyways I’m part of a Minion army, I’m automatically way cooler than Harry, he sucks!”
Ariana stood and looked at Minion 1 with displeasure on her face. Chuckling a bit, she slapped him hard across the face.
Ariana, “Never and I mean NEVER insult my soon to be husband. You are a slave to someone. Me, I'm swimsuit and lingerie model, I'm rich and famous all over the world. Face it, it won't work. I'm too good for you.. Now leave me alone.
Ariana turned away and walked out the building pissed off and rolling her eyes at what just happened. Minion 1 just simply stays put rubbing the side of his cheek with his hand left hand and clutching his signed picture of Ariana with his right while Minions 2 & 3 walk up to him.
Minion 1, “Married… wait a minute… YOU CANT BE GETTING MARRIED, NEW’s ROSTER HAS YOU LISTED IN ‘SINGLES!’ Hah! I still got a chance!”
Flicking Minion 1 off Ariana quickens her pace just a little bit hoping to get away from Minion 1 just that much faster. Meanwhile Minion 3 is still holding onto his color by number drawing, his crayons are now only about half the size of what they had been before and dull from all the coloring.
Minion 2, “Dude! How’d it go?”
Minion 1, “…”
Minion 3, “Yeah, you getting laid or what?.”
Minion 1, “I think I’m in love.”
With that the camera quickly retreats from the Denny’s Family Restaurant while the scene slowly begins to dissolve to nothingness. Before the scene completely fades from your view you catch a glimpse of the Bloodzone Star speeding off in a black Chevy Silverado SS with silver trim. The scene fades to darkness.