YOUR EYES ARE OPEN. They are alert and sensitive to light. Your brain begins processing the many photons being reflected back between your greedily open eyelids. By the power of television, the gateway to the world for far too many of our viewers, or in this instance, my guests, are brought forth into my home. A primitive lot might acquaint this locale to a basement of sorts but it is of far grander design. Stretching far into mother earth’s depths and connecting to a lattice work of caverns both man and first mover made the catacombs stretches below the majority of the town which I, Doc Placebo, now call my own little slice of Americana. It is here that I am free to conduct much of my business without heed to those who pay me heavenly tribute. Dressed in workout pants, military style leather boots, and without a shirt my body is taught from exercise. Sweat beads across my body and blood pumps through my veins spurred on by the powerful thundering within my chest.
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
It is almost time. My usual regimen is complete and even in the darkness I can hear them. They try to disguise themselves; one of them is doing a good job; only taking a few steps when one of his comrades does so as to mask the sound. Mayhap he thinks I believe but one opponent stalks me from my left flank. But booted feet make a different sound on rock and dirt than do the bare variety. Only my ears can be trusted, my eyes see nothing but void as I peer into the deep shadow that surrounds me, I close them shut. Darkness now from all sides, I focus on the muffled sounds of those around me. Is it three? No… four.
“Are you prepared?”
A feminine voice to which you NEWcomers are becoming in tune with. Erica, my endarkened angel communicates from beyond the shadow. She stands in the dark somewhere behind my right shoulder, her words echo through the cave betraying its size as sound bounces back and forth between wall, ceiling, and the floor underfoot.
Doc Placebo
“No… hence this exercise.”
Doc Placebo
“It may be nothing, it may be everything. But I am new here and many believe this coming match to be a trail, and if it takes a King to bring me pause, then so be it.”
Doc Placebo
“Stick.”
A kendo stick is thrown at my feet, part of it lands on the tip of my boot. Balancing the weapon on my boot I lift my leg up quickly allowing the wooden tool to glide upwards into the dank cavern atmosphere and thusly into my hands. I grip it with hands sullied from sweat. Its wooden texture engrained into my brain as I imagine the kendo stick to become an extension of my body; of my will.
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
It’s beating faster now. My heart beats in step with the many other predators of the world on the hunt. The lion, the cheetah, the hawk, they all know this moment. The moment just before the hunter strikes. Feet continue to fall just outside of my limited vision. I bite my lip as I focus all my attention on those little sounds around me.
scrreeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
clat, clat, clat, clat, clat….*
SmACk!
Like an old man deprived of vision I lash out with my kendo stick in the direction of footsteps fastly approaching my position. A resounding crack of wood splintering over bone is my reward. A thud quickly follows as the first of many opponents collapses under their own weight. That whistle signaled by Erica has unleashed these Minions, their hunger for flesh knows no bounds; even my consecrated skin may be broke to satiate their desires.
Doc Placebo
“GRAH!!!”
An open hand collides into my abdomen with unexpected force! I struggle to keep my eyes shut as I savor the pain. It’s been a while since the sensation has flowed freely through my body given the ease at which I have sailed through NEW competitors; a welcome change. I withdraw my half shattered kendo stick back towards my body in a defensive motion. Lifting the martial arts weapon over my head I am struck once again by another open hand as I bring the weapon down around my assailant. This hand tries to grab hold of one of my muscles and twist. I yank my opponent towards me with all my might and use what strength I have left to raise my knee slamming my knee cap into a jawbone.
I open my eyes.
Doc Placebo
“Whose… whose next?”
Thud!
A crazed Minion with a shattered jaw bone falls before me, its body is cast half in the light and the rest remain concealed in the dark.
Doc Placebo
“Who wants a little?”
Gurgling noises faint but repetitive continue to sputter from its mouth as a concoction of saliva and blood begins to leak from the wounded mouth. I watch as the cavern’s soil hungrily soaks the fluids. My eyes are wide with the thrill of the hunt, my ears deafened by the hammering thunder clashing in my chest!
bump, BUMP! bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
bump, BUMP!
Holding onto nothing but a broken handle of kendo I glare at the shadow that surrounds me. Why do they not strike? They’re there. I know this to be true, my heart tells me to attack, to maim. Its voice cannot be abated and therefore without delay I step into the darkness leaving the light and my gurgling slave behind.
Doc Placebo
“Minion?”
Doc Placebo
“Miiiinnnoooon?”
Minion #3-5545-6698-1
“Hunnnngeerrr….”
SLASH!
In a preposterous game of Marco Polo I detect the location of one of the beasts and lash out at them with the splintered end of my kendo stick. Its fragmented end tastes torn flesh and spills loose a tributary of steaming red blood. I cannot see it but I can feel the heat off of the blood as it splatters onto the Minion’s skin. It scurries away licking its wound tentatively in the darkness.
A fist slams into my back. I fall to one knee.
Doc Placebo
“oof…”
Two fists slam into my shoulders before I fully turn about to face my foe.
Minion #8-2258-8849-0
“HISSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssss……”
Its mouth must be open like a damned vampire ready to strike and sink its teeth into the raw flesh of its newly found prey. But I am not prey. A primal scream billows from my lungs and with the knowledge my opponents mouth is open I slam my fist to the open target; applying the Placebo Effect in full force.
Minion #8-2258-8849-0
“Urk!”
Minion #8-2258-8849-0
“ugrrghhhh…gurg… brlup…”
Doc Placebo
“Choke.”
Minion #8-2258-8849-0
“urep ugck…”
Minion #8-2258-8849-0
“…”
Clap, clap.
Light fills the cavern, I can see again. I am revealed to you for the first time since stepping out of the pillar of light. Standing over the last remaining Minion triumphantly with my fist still slammed into my opponent’s mouth. The minion’s eyes are fluctuating as if he were in REM sleep. I remove the fist, a long strand of saliva connects the hand and the creature in thrall to me for a moment before the slave collapses, completely out of breath.
bump, Bump!
bump, Bump!
bump, Bump!
The clamor in my chest slows to a manageable roar, Erica approaches her master while I busies myself with removing an excess amount of Minion spit from my left hand.
Erica
“Feel better now?”
Better?
Doc Placebo
“Much.”
Doc Placebo
“NEWs challenges have been wrought with boredom… but my latest opposing force, this Snake King…”
Erica
“Everyone thinks you’ll win.”
Doc Placebo
“They don’t matter. Never have. Cheerleaders gawking on the sidelines predicating matches they cannot persevere within so they arm chair wrestle.”
Doc Placebo
“Only King Cobra and I matter; we are the only two forces which shall meet in Bloodzone.”
Doc Placebo
“But those same people who cheer and prod me on in my quest to bring my word to all such unbelievers through the gospel according to my hammering fists tell me to not take this man lightly.”
Doc Placebo
“And I shall not.”
Erica
“We’ve studied him, he’s not a fool.”
Studying his hand Placebo nods to himself noting that all of the Minion’s digestive fluids have been successfully removed from his epidermis. Teeth marks however, do remain.
Doc Placebo
“I agree.”
Erica
“Consider everyone else till now a warm up, TONIGHT you debut in NEW.”
Doc Placebo
“Yess…”
Although exhausted, the Omega Sin, still a god, but always the gentleman where she is concerned takes up Erica’s hand and provides her but one small gentle kiss upon its surface.
Doc Placebo
“An excellent idea, send word to this King of Reptilia. By phone, fax, telegram, or smoke signals….”
Doc Placebo
“At Bloodzone I shall truly debut, no more fiddle faddling around.”
Doc Placebo
“AT BLOODZONE WE CROWN A TRUE KILLER CHAMPION!”
With a challenging match awaiting him and a proclamation set forth our view of the two who remain standing with the catacombs begins to shrink as our perspective shifts farther and farther from the duo. As we travel farther from Placebo and Erica our view of the overall room expands and we can see fallen Minions who have attempted to stagger away from the Doctor during the hunt. One such Minion whose chest was slashed by the broken kendo stick has left a trail of blood red droplets upon the ground revealing his chosen path of escape to us. Our view of the cavern here is replaced with nothing but a bright all consuming light as the scene comes to a close.
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