Damn, this must really suck
Three men stand before St Peter awaiting admission into
Heaven.
However, St Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So St Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife
was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early form work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was
in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find
anyone or any trace that he had been there. But the last place I
looked was out on the balcony. I found the bastard hanging from
the
edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on
his
hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got
a
hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five
floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole -
he landed in these bushes! So I dragged the refrIgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back
into the bedroom and shot myself."
St Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling
the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment
building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and
was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I
lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about
two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for
dear
life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running
onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and
down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate.
When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he
comes out with this hammer and smashes my fingers to a pulp! I
fell,
and I thought I was dead, but I landed in these bushes. I
couldn't
believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last - the last
thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the
building
down on top of me and crushing me."
St Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones.
Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."