Sitting here alone i stare resting my head upon the sorrow
Often the hours frazle my mind to threads of pain
There is no reason for the bleeding of my soul
It simply weaps and runs with red from the crimson stains of my head
Leaving the eyes matted and scared with pain and splinters
Why the fuck have you entered my mind and invaded my thoughts?
What do you want to do take the last piece of sanity I have left?
Leave me alone and get out of my head leave my mind get out now
Its full already don't make it full of other things as well
Its not like I have things to escape to its the only release I have
No its not that I want to sit and take the pain but I have to
Or do I? I don't know anymore its only the things I expect of myself
The things that come and go upon a single thought the things that raddle through
Those fucking things leave me nothing but scrambled pain and anguish
Let me get on with my life and get away from my mind and stop the torment
leave me be and let me have my soul free and with out the thoughts that plague me
I didn't do anything to you to deserve this ALL I DID was be MYSELF
And you have to walk in and take over and make me lose control for no reason
Get the hell out of my mind you sorry fuckers before its to late
I can't stand it another minute now leave me be before its the end
I like that song in the end but there are times that its to much
To know that you tried and got so far and nothing matters thats how things go
These are the things that plague my mind no matter how well i do things turn to shit
its always the way things turn out thats how life is it sucks
No i can't help it if thats not the way you see it but its hwo i see it
Life is one big shit ball ready to fall on you and take you away
Its watching and waiting in the back ground to fuck you over any minute now
Most fear death but do you know what? When you fucking die there isn't anything
While you are alive there is things that hurt you and fill your heart with pain
and the anger that builds from that pain is to much for a man to take
and he grows cold and heartless and filled with fear and hates to see another day
and now the sits and waits to waste away to nothing but a sorry excuse for a slug
thats right a fucking slug cuz he knows what awaits him at the end of the road
and he would rather go to it than to sit and suffer another moment of this misserable existance
but he is to affraid that he might be wrong about what waits him on the other side
he fears that instead of nothingness there is actually something and its colder
he hates the thought that there is something out there more vial and painful than this
he doesn't want to face that either thats the only reason he hasn't done it yet
Done what you ask? Well lets see here how about this for starters?
Putting that fucking cold steel in his mouth and pulling the trigger and BANG
his head rips off and he has nothing left to worry about or does he?
its that nothingness vs. coldness again that he fears and makes him avoid it
the thought of a hunk of lead ripping his brains out and all over the wall
hell thats nothing to him he fears nothing like that no mortal pains
he's been beaten and broken and bruised and battered that doesn't hurt
what hurts is the emotional pain he bottles up inside that he doesn't let lose to say
it chews at him naws at his soul eats his heart and feed on his lungs
he can't breath anymroe because it just rips through him and makes him full
he is so riddled with it that his pain is evident on his face
his gut hurts and he can't eat he feels like puking but he is empty inside
not from the cold but from the lack of food that rushes through him
he can't eat because there is nothing worth eatting to him he says
but when it comes down to it its all because he's tired of trying
and isn't that what feeding oneself is? Isn't that trying to survive?
He doesn't fucking feel like surviving he feels like running
but he can't run anywhere there isn't anything to run to any longer
he's run out of places to hide and people to run to thats the simple facts
he wishes there was more he could do someone he could turn to even
but in the end all the people he loves so much that he could go to
they would either not care one fucking way or another or they would pitty him
he doesn't want their pitty he wants their help not fucking pitty
pitty isn't something he needs but help he does
how does he get it though? what kind of help is there for someone like him?
there isn't much out there in this life that can fill a man with help from friends
all they can do is listen to him whine and bitch and piss and moan
and in the end all they can do is really pitty him nothing they can do can actually help
its sad isn't it? its all one giant fucking circle of endless pain and suffering
and nothing anyone can do can drag you out of it and bring you to the surface again
and thats the bad part because you're drawning in this shit and you can't get air
and you want someone to help you but they can't back to the pitty thing again
it would be nice to just once just one time in your fucking life
to get what you want when you want it with out being hurt over things or scared
wouldn't that be fucking nice? Oh to have something that you want
something that you don't have to fucking fight for and kill for and rape for
yes rape for even raping your life from you own self thats what its called
you rip the cloths off that so called life you have and you spread its legs
and then you give it one huge fucking ass reaming painful screaming fuck over
everyone does it they just don't admit to doing it to most or they don't realize it
how often have you had a chance to get something grand for yourself
that you didn't realize it till it was way to fucking late? yeah you know what i mean
that time you was a child you could have had it all so easy then
just reached out and grabbed the things you wanted and said please but no
most of us were even denied that and they don't know why they were only children
but they were refused everything they ever asked for in life even then
and yet some how it seems that those people seem to go on and make it the longest
they were never given shit they always had to take what they wanted and make it theres
but how can someone that wasn't treated like that as a child do that
something they were never taught to do something that isn't with in them
how can they reach out and take life by the horns and slam it to the ground
and then scream ENOUGH I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH THE SHIT YOU GIVE ME NOW BACK OFF
and then just move on and act like they are in total control of things
when no one controls anything not even themselves or their thoughts
think about it really how often do you sit there and try to think about one thing
and then something else takes over and fills your mind full of garbage
shit you didn't even WANT to think about things that only make you sick at your stomach
thats the things that ruined me and made me cry
thats the things that made me die inside each and every day that brought me to this point
its things like taht that make me wanna puke even when i have nothing inside
just to end it all and put it away and put the times behind me that i felt like this
and as much as this seems like it might be a load off one's chest
its not its only the tip of the ice burge the very surface of the skin that covers it all
deep inside there is a whole world of pain and discusting things that crawl around
and wiggle in and out and make each pour of the skin writh in anguish and torment
but at least its a start right? i mean it could be far worse in the end
but then again maybe there is nothing out there worth saying eh whatever over
and then doing it but who knows no one does really i guess and thats sad
most of the people that help others are the ones that are in as much pain as everyone else is out there
but they hide it better or they get someone to help them
4 out of 5 people seak out help in this life and they're the crazy ones
i say that last mother fucker is the crazy one that sits and sulks and doesn't do anything
and then puts the barrel of his shot gun to his lips and blows his head off
or even the one that loads up on soma's and vicadines till there isn't anything left but sleep
or maybe the one that gets in the truck and drives head first into the semi that is headed to them
or how about the ones that are to proudful for even that that take the razor
and then slice into their wrist till their pain bleeds from their very veins into the tub
its all the same its that they where to proud or scared to ask for help or to stupid
and what has it left you with? NOTHING...
It doesn't even matter how hard you try all i know is time is a valuable thing
its so unreal watching the time go right out the window and i wasted it all
i keep everything inside and it all feel apart and its all a memmory
I tried so hard but in the end it doesn't even matter
i had to fall to lose it all but in the end it doesn't even matter
i tried so hard even though they were mocking me and all the times you fought with me
things aren't the way they were before and you didn't know me ever not even then
what it means to me is that there is pain in these memories
i know its not the exact words of the song but thats what i hear when i listen to it
and its all i want to listen to anything else just brings me pain
at least with this its a numbing experience
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