Disclaimer: The Voyager universe, and all therein, belongs to Paramount and a lot of Very Rich People -- definitely not to me.

Motion Sickness I

It used to be a day wouldn’t go by without someone mentioning Earth. Earth this. Earth that. But it’s not so bad now.

Sometimes a whole week will go by and I can pretend the Alpha Quadrant doesn’t even exist.

Sometimes it seems like the closer we get to that place, the further away it is.

Secretly, I hope we never make it. No matter what Mom says, there’s no way my real father will be as nice as Neelix. I’ve never met a K’Tarian, but I know they don’t have spots *or* whiskers. Just a whole lot of spikes.

Motion Sickness II

There will be no repeat of the unfortunate incident involving Ensign Vorik three years ago. I am well trained in all high forms of Vulcan meditation. However, it is inconvenient for me to be away from my duties at this time, as Voyager is travelling through a potentially volatile region. It is unavoidable, in any case.

I feel the pull towards my home planet stronger now than at any previous time I can recall. Curious. Perhaps it is the extreme distance separating T’Pel and I.

Heat builds beneath my skin. I want her.

But she has never seemed further away.

Motion Sickness III

I assure people that I’ve grown accustomed to the emptiness. I was not programmed to lie, but I have certainly become adept at it over the years. The truth is, the experience is worse every time. I am succinctly aware that as my parameters are broadened, there is more of me to be lost in that cold, dark void.

I am not even aware of it until I reactivate. Then… I can hardly describe it. I have no point of comparison to make with the emotions of organic beings. But if my hands were real, I know they would tremble.

Motion Sickness IV

I know I’m supposed to want to be here. The command track is geared towards attaining the position of ‘Captain’. No one ever really wants to be an Admiral.

But this isn’t the way it used to be. Before Voyager.

I’m in science lab two. We surveyed a system a few light years back, and some of the readings are intriguing. But I won’t stay and indulge myself in a few hours of research. I’m making the team nervous.

I know this is where I always wanted to be. But sometimes I feel as if I’m not here at all.

Motion Sickness V

I have grown accustomed to following protocol in all matters. It is not always efficient, but it is required. The doctor reacted strangely. He was uncharacteristically nonverbal. The Captain seemed… tense.

She was on board Voyager for nine days before we arrived at her home planet, and she said that she loved me one night as we copulated. I don’t recall anyone ever saying that to me before.

I asked her to stay with us, but she refused. I think I am beginning to understand that there are even more kinds of intimacy and emotional attachment than I originally estimated.

Motion Sickness VI

Don’t you glare at me like that, Tom Paris! You heard what Seven said, and there’s no way I’m going to Janeway to ask permission to install sound proofing. Would you do it? Well, yes you probably would - if I let you. Which I won’t.

No, the puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work either. I’m afraid you’re either going to have to learn to keep quiet, or get used to doing things this way.

No hurry though. I kind of like having you gagged and tied up like this.

Have I ever told you, you talk too much?

Motion Sickness VII

I often have to remind myself that this isn’t all a dream. I want to tap the back of my hand just in case.

Because reality shouldn’t be like this.

It shouldn’t have gotten so bad that she spends all her time with Seven. Seven, who now hides in sickbay to avoid her.

It shouldn’t have gotten so bad that Paris walks around looking like a puppy that’s been kicked one too many times.

The rumours about us have stopped - there’s nothing left to say.

I have to do it. I have to tap my hand. Just in case.

Motion Sickness VIII

It isn’t often that you see all three of them together. When they’re not hunched over a console in engineering, that is. I wonder whose idea it was to play pool.

They’re each so different. But… damn… I see them together and I think… God, if B'Elanna had the slightest idea what I’m thinking she’d gut me where I stand.

Three different heads of hair. Warm brown, pale gold, and russet red. Jesus.

Chakotay is standing to my left and we exchange glances. He knows what I’m thinking. Oh yeah, he knows.

It's not just great minds that think alike.

Motion Sickness IX

They all need me.

The Captain needs me - who else would bring her lunch to her ready room to make sure she eats?

Naomi and Samantha need me. They’re so far from their own family.

B'Elanna... She’s been so unhappy lately.

And Chakotay couldn’t possibly take care of crew morale by himself.

I know Tuvok misses his wife and children. One day I’ll see him smile.

Tom and Harry... Seven and the Doctor... the rest of the crew... What would any of them do without me?

Though I suppose the real question is, what would I do without them?

Motion Sickness X

I know that often they don’t take me seriously. I’m Tom’s sidekick. The Captain’s pet. And when it comes to my two best friends’ relationship, I’m the quintessential third wheel.

I’m Harry ‘just call me Captain’ Kim.

And because of that, I see his face. My face. I’ve played that message over a thousand times.

That me in the message... I look like someone people would respect automatically. I have to wonder what brought me to that point - where I got that serious resolution I see in his eyes. But it doesn’t matter. I still wish I was him.

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