TITLE: Simple Gifts
AUTHOR: Susanne Barringer
EMAIL: sbarringer@usa.net
ARCHIVE: Anywhere okay with these headers attached.
CATEGORY: SR (just barely on the R)
KEYWORDS: MSR (UST?) could be either, but I lean toward MSR
RATING: PG for a few words
SPOILERS: Up to Triangle
SUMMARY: Does the world need another Scully-tries-to-find-a-
Christmas-gift-for-Mulder story? Well, you get one anyway. And there's a
surprise in it for Scully as well.
DISCLAIMER: Nope, not my characters. They belong to Chris Carter,
1013, and Fox. No money is being made off this; no infringement
intended.
______________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
It's my turn to write the sappy Christmas story. Sappy, schmoopy,
schmaltzy, mushy, whatever you call it, this qualifies! :) Oh, and I gave
Mulder a normal bedroom (just for the sake of the story).
_______________
Simple Gifts
by Susanne Barringer
I slump on a bench in the center of the mall. My feet hurt, my head aches,
and the crowds are starting to make me want to lash out and slap someone.
But my Christmas shopping is finished at last. All except for Mulder that
is. I have absolutely nothing at all for Mulder, and no ideas either.
Actually, I'm not really obligated to get Mulder anything. We have never
exchanged Christmas gifts before. The first year we were partners I did
buy him something--a flying saucer tie tack. However, when he left for the
Christmas holiday without giving me so much as a card, I held back the gift
and returned it to the store the next day. It wasn't that I was being petty; I
just didn't want to make Mulder feel uncomfortable when he obviously had
not thought to buy me a gift. The memory makes me smile. I clearly didn't
know Mulder very well then or else I would have known that nothing
embarrasses the man, especially something as silly as not having bought a
present for his partner.
The incident did, however, establish the precedent, and since then I haven't
bought Mulder a gift, nor has he given me one. In truth, we never
exchange gifts for any occasion, except that one time that Mulder got me
an Apollo keychain for my birthday. To say it surprised me is an
understatement. It was just so unMulder-like. Ultimately, though, I've
generally been relieved that I never gave him that tie tack. If I had, I would
be more or less committed to buying him something every year, and
choosing gifts for Mulder is difficult, as I am just now discovering with a
vengeance.
We've gone through five years of partnership with hardly a gift passed
between us. Nothing says that can't continue. But this year is different.
This year we almost kissed, much to my initial dismay and later curiosity,
then he said he loved me, which he may or may not have meant since he
was flying high on pain-killers at the time. In any case, I want to buy him
something, something nice. The problem is, I have no idea what.
I have that horrible feeling you get when Christmas rolls around and you
are in the beginning of a relationship. Of course, Mulder and I are hardly at
the beginning, and we don't really have a relationship relationship, but the
feeling is the same. It's that feeling of not knowing how to match the gift
to the level of the relationship--are you at the $25 point, or the $50 point
or the $100 point? Would a generic wallet or tie be too casual and simple?
Are you serious enough yet to move to the personal gifts? Would it be
inappropriate to go for the big ticket item? I often think that is one of the
advantages of being married; you don't have to play guessing games
anymore about appropriate and inappropriate Christmas presents. Not that
it matters really--I haven't been in gift-limbo all that often anyway. Only
once in my entire life have I committed myself to the truly personal gift,
and that was when I bought the engraved watch for Jack Willis as a
birthday present.
My relationship with Mulder has changed over the past year, despite all the
struggles on both our parts to fight against it. Perhaps that's why I feel the
urge this Christmas to buy him something nice, something to symbolize
that change and my gradual, albeit reluctant, acceptance of it. The main
problem still remains, however. What can I get him that would be
something he would love, that would be personal from me to him, and that
doesn't cost more than I have in my savings account?
Unable to make a decision, and tired of trying, I decide to throw caution to
the wind and visit the gift suggestion booth at the center of the mall. I've
always thought the whole idea of relying on the advice of a total stranger
for a gift for someone you know personally is pretty pathetic and
desperate, but, well, I'm desperate. Besides it can't hurt. If I don't like
their ideas, I won't have lost anything.
I approach the woman who is running the booth, and who looks about half
my age. I'm not sure I trust her wisdom. "Need a gift?" she asks with an
annoyingly perky attitude.
I swallow my pride. "Yes, I could use some advice."
"Man or woman?"
"Man."
"Relative, friend, co-worker, or significant other?"
For some reason I hesitate on that question. It's not like it's not obvious.
"Friend. Good friend."
The woman seems to sense my hesitation. "Boyfriend?" I feel my face
turn red and I resist the urge to flee.
"Friend," I reiterate, "Good friend."
"I see," says the woman. "Good friend." She punches the information into
the computer. "His interests and hobbies?"
Porn, adult films, 1-900 lines. I decide to skip mentioning those particular
hobbies, especially since the gifts on any list generated by that information
would probably come from Fredericks of Hollywood, and that's not the
kind of "personal" present I had in mind. "UFO's, anything paranormal,
space travel, science-fiction, and, uh, fish I guess. And sports."
The woman doesn't even bat an eye, just goes on tapping on the keyboard
of the computer. "Type of job?"
"UFO's, anything paranormal, space travel, science-fiction," I repeat. This
time the woman looks at me with irritation. "FBI agent," I say, and she
nods her approval at my revised version and enters it into the computer.
"Is he a social kind of guy, or a stay-at-home kind of guy?"
"He travels a lot, but mostly for business. He's more of a stay-at-home
person. I definitely wouldn't classify him as social," I can't help the smile
that I feel when I say that.
"Okay, then, I'll run this through and see what comes up. Then we can
limit it some more if we have to." She hits a key and sits back to wait. I
can't believe I'm getting advice from a computer about what to buy for my
own partner. We wait and wait and wait. "Doesn't usually take this long,"
she says with an apologetic look. It figures Mulder wouldn't be
programmed, categorized, or easily referenced.
Finally the machine beeps and the woman leans forward to read. "Well
there's a lot of the usual stuff listed--ties, cologne, sports equipment--but
that's probably not what you want since he's such a 'good' friend," she says
with a note of sarcasm. "The only really unique thing listed is . . ." she
clicks the mouse a few times. "Telescope."
Telescope. Now why didn't I think of that? It seems perfect for Mulder,
and I know he doesn't have one. "Thanks," I say.
"Science and Nature Emporium, third store on the left past the food court,"
she directs. "Hope your 'good' friend likes it," she says with a smile.
A half hour later, I leave the mall packing an extremely large and
unbelievably expensive telescope. Since I know nothing about them, I had
to trust the salesman when he told me it was definitely worth the extra
hundred and fifty bucks to go for the top-of-the-line model. I'm sure I've
been suckered, but it's for Mulder so I don't mind the cost. On the way
home, however, I suffer from second thoughts. It's not the gift itself. I
know he'll like it and probably even love it. It's just that it's so big, a major
gift. I'm worried he'll misunderstand. Misunderstand WHAT exactly, I'm
not sure, but a four-hundred dollar gift from out of the blue definitely
leaves room for a hell of a lot of misunderstanding.
***********************
"You got me a present, Scully?" Mulder looks surprised as I wrestle my
way into his apartment with the box that must weigh fifty pounds. All the
second thoughts I've had in the days since I made the purchase come
bubbling to the surface again. "I thought we didn't do the Christmas
present thing," he says with his eyebrows furrowed. God, he IS going to
misunderstand this, no doubt about it. Too late though. There's no way I
can not give it to him now that it's here.
"I know, Mulder, but I just saw it and thought it would be something you'd
like." Now there's a lie. I just saw it? A four-hundred dollar telescope?
Right. I had to ask a damn computer to think of it for me.
"It's heavy!" Mulder comments with a look of curiosity as he takes it from
me. "Uh, I didn't get you anything, Scully," he says with a look that isn't all
that guilty, just as I figured. "I mean, I didn't know . . ."
"Don't worry about it Mulder. Like I said, I just saw it and thought of
you." Mulder nods and motions to me to have a seat on the sofa. He sets
the box carefully on the coffee table, then sits next to me.
"Should I open it now?" he asks, looking at me like a little kid who just got
a visit from Santa. I figure he might as well, then I can cut out of here if
things get too awkward. Mulder opens the small card I've attached. He
reads it aloud: "I'd give you the stars if I could, but maybe this is close
enough."
I kick myself. It didn't sound that mushy when I wrote it. It was supposed
to be a cute joke, but it doesn't sound like a joke when he doesn't know
what's in the package yet. He's going to get the wrong idea. Sure enough,
he looks at me oddly, then hardly hesitates before reaching down to
unwrap the paper. Inside is a plain black case. I watch Mulder's face as he
unhooks the latches and opens the lid. His eyes grow wide, then, to my
surprise, cloud over in a mask.
Without a word, he slowly reaches in and touches the shank of the
telescope. He lifts out the main section and looks at it carefully. His eyes
run up and down its length, then his hands stroke gently over the steel. He
touches every part of it, his eyes never leaving the instrument.
I'm confused, to say the least. His reaction is not at all what I expected.
It's intense and brooding and seems out of place in a holiday gift-giving
session. I'm not sure what to make of it all, except that I've made a huge
mistake, so I break the unbearable silence with explanation.
"I've always been surprised you didn't have one, Mulder. It seems like your
kind of thing," I prompt, trying to clue him in that the proper thing to do at
this point is to say something--any comment will do. I cannot place the
sudden look that falls over his eyes. It seems melancholy, sad, and I can't
understand what I've missed.
When he finally speaks it is softly, sadly. "I used to have one. Once.
Before Samantha . . ." his voice trails off like a puff of smoke, and suddenly
it hits me. The piece I've been missing looms with revolting clarity, but
before I can speak, Mulder continues.
"My parents bought me a telescope for my eighth birthday. I loved it. I'd
sneak out of bed after they thought I was asleep and just gaze at the sky for
hours. I used to make up stories, about spaceships and astronauts and all
kinds of creatures that came from the stars." A half-smile graces Mulder's
face at the memory.
"Then Samantha was taken. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that
whatever it was that had taken her away from us had come from up there,
from the beauty and glory that I had watched and studied every night for as
long as I could remember." Mulder pauses, but still doesn't look at me.
His hands continue to caress the instrument in front of him, never stopping
their movement. It's as if he just can't accept that something so wonderful
could betray him so horribly.
"In the weeks after she disappeared, when it became clear that I would
never see her again, I never once looked into that telescope. I just couldn't
bring myself to look out at the place where she was, or at least where I
thought she was. One night, I went out to the garage and got a hammer,
and I smashed my telescope into a million pieces, just like those million
pieces of shining glass in the sky that had brought me so much happiness
for so long." Mulder finally looks at me, just in time to see the tears that
have sprung up in my own eyes.
"Oh, Mulder. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." I can't believe how royally I
have screwed this up, how I have managed to take what should be a
beautiful gift and instead brought back the nightmares of Mulder's past.
Mulder reaches across and takes my hand. "No, Scully. That was a long
time ago, another lifetime. I have new things to look for in the skies. I
have new stars in my life now." I'm honestly not sure if Mulder is being
sincere or if he's just trying to be polite because he sees how upset I am
about my poor choice of gifts. Then, he reaches over and touches my face
so that I am forced to look into the night sky of his eyes. "I love it, Scully.
Thank you." He leans forward and kisses me lightly on the lips and I close
my eyes to keep from losing it. "I mean it. This is the best thing anyone's
ever gotten me." I smile at him, not really knowing what else to do. I love
him for making it okay. He looks at me for a moment, then turns to start
taking out all the parts of the telescope.
"So, what do you say you help me set this thing up and we create some
new memories for me, huh?" he says in a tone a thousand times lighter than
where we have just been.
I follow his lead. "Now Mulder, that telescope is for looking at the stars,
not at the neighbors."
Mulder laughs heartily, a pleasant change from the melancholy scene we've
just played out. "Right, Scully, I'll try to remember that."
I help Mulder put together the telescope, reading the directions out loud
since he seems to have absolutely no intention of reading them himself.
Every time I hand Mulder one of the parts, he meets my eyes with a smile.
Within minutes, we have the scope put together and attached to its base.
"We'll have to put it in the bedroom I think; there's no way to get to the
window here." His desk, which is piled with stuff, is in front of the only
window in his living room. I follow him into the bedroom and plant myself
on his bed while he sets up the scope.
I watch him as he looks through the eyepiece, his back hunched over, his
legs wide apart in stance. I can only see him in profile, but his brows are
furrowed in concentration and he is biting down on his lower lip. After
several minutes of scanning the skies, he finally speaks. "God, this is
incredible, Scully. I forgot how beautiful it could be. Have a look." He
motions me over to the telescope.
"It's set right now so you can see Venus." I look through the eyepiece at
the twinkling planet and am surprised how much bigger it is through the
telescope. I really had no idea what I was buying and how good it would
be. There's a surprising clarity and detail, even from millions of miles
away.
"Move up and to the left slightly," Mulder instructs me, stepping up behind
me and placing his hands on my wrists to help me guide the telescope, "and
you should be able to see a small cluster of tiny stars in the shape of a
triangle. See them? See how blue they look through the scope? Isn't that
incredible?" Mulder's voice is enthusiastic and excited, like a child's, and I
realize that I have, after all, chosen the right gift.
He remains standing behind me as I look in the direction he has led me. I
had no idea how beautiful the stars could be when seen through a lens. I
lean away from the eyepiece so Mulder can have a look at the cluster I've
been focused on, and he bends forward while still standing behind me. His
shoulder brushes mine and he places a hand on the small of my back as if to
signal me to stay where I am. We stand that like for a moment, Mulder
looking at the stars as I look at him. It seems like the story of our whole
lives.
After several long seconds, Mulder pulls back and turns his face to look at
me. "Beautiful," he says sincerely. "Thank you for giving me back my
stars, Scully." He gazes at me in a way that I have seen only once before,
in the hallway outside his apartment right before he was about to kiss me.
I suddenly feel extremely uncomfortable. "I should go," I tell him as I step
back. "It's late."
"Okay," Mulder says simply and follows me to the living room. As I scoop
up my coat and begin to head toward the door, he grabs my arm. "Wait,
Scully, I have something for you."
I'm surprised, and confused. "I thought you said you didn't buy me
anything." Why didn't he say something sooner? I mean, I'm on my way
out and he just now mentions it?
"I didn't. I mean, I did, but I've had it for a few months. I saw it and it
reminded me of you, so I bought it, but I just never gave it to you. I guess
it didn't seem appropriate, and I wasn't sure what you'd think. But I want
to give it to you now."
I look at him curiously, thinking how odd it is that he's had a gift for me all
this time. I wonder what it could possibly be that he didn't think he could
give to me. Of course, I had the same feeling about the telescope, but
that's different.
Mulder walks over to his desk and rummages through a drawer. Finally, he
pulls out a small black box. "I'm sorry it's not wrapped," he says. "I didn't
know I'd be giving it to you tonight." I nod, and Mulder comes to stand in
front of me. I put down my coat since I don't want to appear to be in a
hurry to leave. I'm definitely not in a hurry now--Mulder has fully aroused
my curiosity.
Without warning he reaches out and touches the cross I wear around my
neck. He takes it into his hand and caresses it, running his thumb across
the gold, his knuckles rasping over my skin with every stroke in a way that
can only be construed as erotic, at least in my current state of mind. "You
wear this cross to symbolize your faith and your trust in that faith," he says
softly. He lets go of the cross and hands me the box. "I hope you'll wear
this as a symbol of my faith and my trust." His eyes move to the floor and
then back up to meet my eyes. "In you."
My hands tremble as I take the box from him. His words, the way he is
looking at me, send cold chills up my spine and hot flashes back down it. I
slowly reach for the lid, trying my best to control the shaking that reveals
how much his words have affected me. As I remove the lid, Mulder places
a steadying hand on mine and I curse myself for being so transparently
weak and emotional.
The top of the box finally falls open and I gasp audibly as the light hits the
object nestled in black velvet. It is a gorgeous pendant of what looks like a
ruby, cut in a heart shape and surrounded by small diamonds all the way
around. It captures the lights of the room in a dizzying array that mingles
with the weakness that suddenly takes over my knees. I stand motionless
and speechless, staring at the beautiful gem before me.
"Mulder, it's . . . " But the rest of the words won't come, cut off as they
are by a surge of tears that I can no longer hold back despite all my efforts.
"Scully, what's wrong? Oh, God. I'm sorry. It's too much, isn't it? Oh
shit. Scully, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I didn't mean to freak
you out. It just reminded me of you--fiery, sparkling, elegant, hot . . . well,
not hot like that. Not that you're not hot like that. I mean, I'm sure some
people think so, but, I mean, that's not what I meant."
I realize that I'm making Mulder feel guilty and I struggle to get my words
back in order to reassure him. "It's beautiful. Really. I just never expected
this, Mulder."
"It's nothing, Scully," but I know that is a lie. The necklace is fabulous,
and I know it definitely cost way more than that telescope, but it's the
sentiment that seeps into me and makes me feel woozy. His faith in me.
It's that strong? I had no idea, not really, not even after all he has said to
me, all he has done for me.
Mulder takes the box from me since I'm doing nothing but staring at it. "I
know you wear that cross, Scully, but maybe sometimes you could wear
this too?" He removes it from the box and holds it up in between us. "My
trust in you Scully. As strong as your faith in that cross you wear. Never
forget that." Dear God, I feel like I'm going to pass out. This is so unreal.
Mulder looks at me questioningly. I nod agreement through my tears and
resist the urge I have to throw myself into his arms. Instead, I pull myself
together and turn around so Mulder can put the necklace on me.
He raises his arms over my head to string the pendant around my neck,
then attaches the clasp in the back, his fingers again brushing against me,
this time at the back of my neck, the place where so much illness and
tragedy have been born to me.
"Let me see," he says hoarsely and I turn around to face him "Dazzling,"
he says, although his eyes have not left my face. I feel the blush rising, so I
look down to see the ruby hanging a few inches below my cross, just the
right amount of distance. How did he know how well it would fit? How
did he know it would hang just perfectly so that I could wear them both at
the same time?
"Thank you," I say, not seeming to be able to come up with anything
better.
"As forever as the stars you've given me, Scully," he says, reaching out and
centering the pendant below my collarbone.
That sends me over the edge once and for all and I burst into tears, sobbing
against Mulder's chest as he pulls me into his arms and holds me so tightly I
can feel the muscles in his arms taut against me.
"Jesus, Scully, it's just a necklace," he teases and I can feel him smiling as
he rests his jaw on the top of my head.
"And it was just a telescope, Mulder," I say, my sobs receding in the
protection of his arms. He says nothing, just tightens his hold on me.
Then, in a shaky whisper that I can barely hear, "It isn't just a telescope,
Scully."
I pull back so I can look into his eyes which are sparkling with the tears
that I have allowed release but he hasn't. "And it's not just a necklace," I
whisper back. He smiles a wide grin and nods his head in understanding.
END
___________
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