Notes: Takes place during "The Graduation Part One", so Spoiler Warning! But after a certain scene the how thing just goes to Hell and doesn't fit with this fic. So, whatever...
For Andrea who really wanted this fic. I'm not sure if this is what you wanted, but hey, you know me, always adding a little angst and heartache and sap into the mix (kinda like Giles and his Jellies). I tried for smut, it didn't work.
Disclaimer:The Characters of BTVS are owned by Joss Whedon and Co.
Cordelia rounded the corner and saw Anya turning away from Xander in a rush. Anya brushed by Cordelia in a hurry and Cordelia took the opportunity to talk to Xander. "What's her saga?"
"She's freaking," he replied simply.
"About what?" Cordelia asked as if she had no idea what could spook someone in Sunnydale.
"The Mayor's going to kill us all during Graduation."
"Oh." Cordelia waited a beat before asking her ex boyfriend what she had been wanting to all day. "Are you going to go to fifth period?"
Not having to give it much thought, Xander replied, "I'm thinking I might skip it." He turned to leave and Cordelia followed.
"Yeah, me too."
Turning around, Xander quirked his eyebrow at Cordelia. "So... Are we skipping together?"
"If you want," Cordelia replied in a passive voice even though she was hoping that they would ditch together.
Xander was a little shocked. Not only was Cordelia talking to him in a friendly manner, she wanted to hang out with him. "Ahhhhh," Xander managed to say. Was that hope he saw in her eyes? "Okay. Yeah." She smiled. "I'm starving."
"Lunch isn't but an hour away."
"Yeah, but if we leave now we can make it to Casa's and get seated before fifth period starts and then we wouldn't have to be back here until after lunch." Cordelia's eyes darkened as her face fell. "What?"
Lowering her head in shame, Cordelia said quietly, "I can't afford Casa's."
Xander didn't hesitate. "It's on me." He placed a hand at the small of her back to lead her to the doors and out to his car.
She stiffened at his touch for a moment but then relaxed, amazed at how good it felt to have him touching her again. "You, you know, Xander, I'm still working, so I'll pay you back for the dress. I worked it out last night and I can have you paid back by the end of July."
Xander took his hand from her back as he opened the passenger door of his uncle's car for her. When she was in and situated, Xander shut the door and leaned down so that he was level with her. "Cordelia, I don't want your money. The dress was a gift."
He straightened before she could reply. Jumping into the back seat, Xander quickly hopped into the front and plopped down in the driver's seat. Cordelia just stared at him. "What?"
She shook her head then faced forward as he pulled out of the lot. "I do like your car, Xander," she said quietly.
Flashing her a half smile, he gave her a wink. "Not mine. My Uncle Rory's."
"Whatever, I still like it."
**
They ate their meals silently, each one glancing at the other in semi-regular intervals. When dessert arrived, they had only really spoken a couple sentences to each other.
"So," Cordelia finally started. "Are you and Anya...a thing?"
Xander looked up, his spoonful of Chocolate Mousse paused in mid air. "A thing? Um, I don't know." Setting his spoon down, he regarded Cordelia. He watched as she took a small bite of her strawberry shortcake, trying to act casual. He could tell, though. He could tell that she was very interested in his answer.
And that excited him. If she was interested in the answer, was she interested in him? "Are you and Wesley a thing?"
Looking up, Cordelia's eyes were a bit wider than usual and she dropped her fork. It clanged loudly on the plate. Obviously she hadn't expected him to ask her about her relationship with Wesley. "I-I don't know what we are."
"Well, do you like him?" It was a stupid question. He knew that, but he had to hear it from her mouth. Xander needed to know if there was anything between the new Watcher and his ex girlfriend.
Cordelia nodded. "We had a good time at Prom."
"How good of a time?" She didn't answer. "Good enough time to spend time with him after the Prom?" Her head lowered and she picked up her fork again. As he watched her start pushing a strawberry around her plate, he asked, "Did you go back to his place?" Again, she didn't answer, but her body began to move a bit as her legs bounced nervously under the table.
By that time, Xander had figured it out and was experiencing an indescribable feeling in his chest. It was like his heart was plummeting or cracking or, more likely, shattering. "You slept with him." It wasn't a question.
Jealousy swept over him and consumed him. "You let him... You..." He took a deep breath, not wanting to make a scene in the restaurant. When he spoke again, his voice was low and controlled. "You let him fuck you?"
Cordelia's head came snapping up. "No, Xander. I let him make me feel good." She paused to collect herself. She wasn't really angry; she just didn't want him to judge her. "Is that so wrong? To want to feel good?"
"Did you have to 'feel good' like that?"
"Xander, I'm not exactly proud of it. I did something that felt very right at the time but now feels very wrong." Cordelia smoothed back her hair. "I bet having sex with Faith felt right when you were doing it, right? Does it feel right now?"
Staring at her in shock, Xander stumbled to ask, "How did you know?"
Cordelia shrugged. "Good news travels fast in the halls of SHS." At his expectant look, Cordelia continued. "Harmony told me when she was trying to make me feel bad yet again. I don't know where she heard it."
"I wish I could take it back," Xander whispered.
"What?"
Talking a little louder, he repeated, "I wish I could take it back."
Cordelia nodded. "I wish I could take what happened Wesley back. It was good and quite possibly the best thing I've felt...ever."
"Please," he said, holding up a hand and stopping her words. "I don't really want to hear about it."
"I wasn't going to tell you details, Xander. I was just going to say," her voice became quiet, "that it was good, but he wasn't you."
His jaw dropping, he couldn't believe what she had just said. "What?"
"I miss you, Xander." He just stared at her. "Even when we weren't together I still thought that my first time would be with you. And then when it happened with Wes, it just, I mean, I just...It just wasn't how it was supposed to be."
"Cordelia," he breathed her name, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
"I was very hurt, Xander. And I didn't know how to deal with it. So I just did what I normally do, put the hurt aside and become a bitch."
"Cordelia," he said again. His hand crept across the table and grasped hers. They eyes met and locked. "I know. You didn't fool me. I know you too well. But knowing that you didn't mean all those things you said didn't make them any easier to hear." She dropped her eyes and he gave her hand a squeeze. "I miss you too," he said in a whisper.
"Are you and Anya serious?"
Xander shook his head. "She likes me and she's alright, I guess, but my heart keeps telling me that it belongs to you."
"I'm scared of this Ascension," Cordelia admitted when her eyes met his.
"Me too."
"What if we die?"
Having the same fears, but wanting so desperately to be strong, Xander replied. "We won't. Buffy will come through. We'll all come through and stop this guy."
"Will you promise me something?" She was being so melodramatic, but she couldn't help it. He nodded. "Promise me that if it starts to look like there's no way we're going to win, that you'll find me. I don't want to die alone. I want you to hold my hand."
"You're not going to die. I won't you die. Buffy and Giles won't either. We'll stop this."
**
Xander pulled into a spot and stopped the engine. Turning in his seat, he looked at Cordelia. "Well, we've got an entire forty-five minutes before sixth period begins. What do you want to do?"
She turned to him. "Do you know what my favorite memories of high school are?"
He shook his head, a little confused about the apparent subject change. "No, what?"
"You and me in the utility closets."
Xander's eyebrows arched. "Really?"
Nodding, Cordelia took his hand. "Yeah. And it wasn't so much just the kissing and groping. It was everything. It was you and it was me and it was the faint musty smell. I was happy in those closets, Xander. With you."
"Cordy," Xander sighed as his hand moved up to cup her cheek.
Before either one realized it, they were leaning in, their mouths fated to meet. The kiss started off soft, telling of apologies and forgiveness. Cordelia pulled his bottom lip into her mouth, gently sucking before releasing it. Xander's lips caressed hers as if that was what they had been made to do.
Her tongue moved coyly and traced his upper lip, quietly demanding entrance to his mouth. His lips darted and his tongue sprung into action and began to slide against Cordelia's.
Her body inched closer to his and one of his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. His hand held her head. He silently wished that her hair wasn't pulled up in a ponytail. He missed tangling his hand in her hair.
The kiss deepened further when their tongues began to explore each other's mouths, no longer satisfied with just stroking each other. Cordelia's hand moved to Xander's thigh, gently gripping the muscular flesh. One of his hands moved to slide around to cup her breast. But it never made it to its destination.
"Oh for the love of Pete!" Xander and Cordelia looked up to see Principal Snyder staring at them. "You kids make me ill. I think I'm physically going to get sick."
They pulled away from each other slightly out of breath, both wishing they had put the top up before they had started to get all hot and heavy.
"Get back in the school. You haven't graduated yet."
"It's lunch. Seniors can go off campus for lunch, Principal Snyder."
"To EAT. Not to do...this!" He opened Cordelia's door and motioned for her to get out. Pointing to the school, he ordered, "Go!"
Both Cordelia and Xander exited the car, giving their principal the most evil of looks. Snyder smiled in return, then walked away to patrol the rest of the student parking lot.
Holding her hand, Xander turned to Cordelia. "So. Utility closet?"
"Utility closet," she agreed with a nod.
Quickly, they bounded up the steps to the school.
~**~
The End
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