Rating:PG(for now) Very mild language

Spoilers: Small Freshman ones.

Feedback: Please to Sha

Disclaimer: Trust me, after you read this you will know that I don't own them.Joss does.

Notes: This is one in a series.If it completely sucks, too bad.I'm still going to finish.LOL Seriously, I wrote it for fun.If you at least have a good time out of it then great.As always, to Andra for reading it even if B/G isn't her cup of tea.And Darcy cause she made me see the light.

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"Oh no! Look at the time Willow! I told Giles I would meet him at his house for some tutoring. I am, once again,going to be late. I'm sorry but I had better run."

"OK, I'll be here at the room waiting for you. Just don't forget we are supposed to go to the rally together later. You forgot the last time Giles tutored you.You know, I could tutor you myself Buff."

Smiling at her redheaded friend Buffy laughed,"I know Will, but Giles and I barely get any time alone and he likes to help so......Well I shouldn't be but a couple hours.I promise,I wont forget our date this time."

"OK Buffy but, well have you notice how Giles looks at you? I mean it's not any different than when we were in highschool, just more..intense.I think. I mean, after that vampire Sunday thing, he's been..... well, more Gilesy than usual. Know what I mean?"

Shaking her head in amusement,Buffy told her gently,"No, but then here lately I've had trouble understanding Xander so it could be just me. Look, I gotta go,you know how he gets when I'm late. We can worry about Giles and his attitude later,'K? But then, this one is a lot nicer than his 'You have to be self relaint Buffy' one. So no knocking it too hard you here?"

Nodding, Willow watched Buffy run out the door."But then again, you have been acting strange every since that night you saw that woman at Giles in his shirt."

Picking up the phone, Willow called Oz. He would help her figure out what, if anything, was going on.

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"Giles? Giles are you here?" Not getting an answer,Buffy shrugged her shoulders and went to the kitchen to start a pot of tea for when he got back.That done she went back to the living room and flopped down on the ex-watchers couch.

Already bored,she idly picked up the book on the coffee table, she opened it to the middle and started reading it.

Three paragraphs later,she sat up quickly and re-read the sentence she just *knew* she didn't read correctly the first time.

"What the hell?" Looking at the cover of the book,all Buffy saw was a plain,black leather front. No writing,no title, no nothing.Closing the book,she shook her head. Then, tentively,she reached over and opened only the book cover this time. What she read then made her breath catch in her throat.

Shoving the book away, she got up and started pacing,back and forth across the living room. Her thoughts were so scattered, she failed to notice the opening door.Stopping her pace, she spun around and stomped into the kitchen.

Giles, having just walked through the door, was confused by Buffys obvious agitation. Glancing around the room as if it held the secret to life,he noticed the book,front cover still open. Looking towards the kitchen Giles suddenly had a better understanding to what was upsetting Buffy.

"I wonder how much of that she bloody read damn it!" Giles snatched the glasses off his face, running his hand over it. Replacing his glasses and squaring his shoulders,he went to face Buffy.

Unfortuntly, she came barrelling through the door just as Giles was entering. The two crashed into each other. Grunting,Giles grabbed Buffy's arms to stop her forward momentum.

Buffy looked up into Giles eyes and smiled before she remembered that she was upset.Very upset. Frowning,she jerked out of his reach and stopmed over to the front door. Stopping, hand on the knob,she asked," how long Giles? How long? And where you ever going to tell me?"

Hearing the betrayal in her voice,Giles winced. "I-I assume that you have r-read the book? May I ask w-what you read?"

Turning around to face Giles again, Buffy shook her head. Slowly walking around him she picked up her bag and as an after thought,grabbed the book off the coffee table.Placing it in her bag, she looked at Giles,daring him to object.

Raising his head,chin thrusting out,he stood tall. Buffy nodded and walked out the door. After it had been shut for five minutes and he knew that he was indeed alone, Giles deflated and sank into a nearby chair.

"You bloody ignorant pillock! Well old man, now what?" Shaking his head again, he let out a short,pained laugh. "Well, now that she has your dream book you truly will have no secrets from her.Hell, maybe I should stop her and explain or-at least be there when she reads it to-to... To what? See the disgust on her face? It's better this way fool."

Dropping his face into his hands,Giles could only hope that their relationship could survive what she was about to learn.

Notes: I'm going to *try* a little steamy stuff.I'm not sure since this is my first attempt.

Notes 2: OK I just finished and I'm laughing at myself. This,I'm afraid, is my idea of steamy. Well not steamy steamy, but mildly so.Oh well I know I'm pathetic.Later stories will involve a little dark stuff and the passage that set Buffy off in the first place.For now, here's this.......

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Buffy stormed into the dorm room she shared with Willow. Slamming the door behind her, she saw a note on the bed.Picking it up she saw it was from Willow.

Dear Buffy,
I figured you'd get caught up with Giles so I called
Oz. I hope you don't get mad, but he wanted to go see the new
movie in town. I will be back in a few hours.

Love (and forgive?),

Willow

Balling the note up Buffy tossed it into the trash, laughing sharply."Oh yes, one of the longest sessions with Giles ever."

Throwing herself on the bed, she looked at her bag that contained 'the book'. Giles dream book. Unable to resist, she took it out and started reading.

This will be a journal,of sorts. I am showing this to no one and will, one day,burn the bloody thing. On the following pages I will write the dreams I have.I'm doing this as self therapy.My dreams of late have been,graphic and intense.This is the way I will deal with them.

Sighing, Buffy turned the page."You even write,talking to yourself.Oh,Giles,what is going on?" Knowing what was awaiting her in the middle of the book,she braced herself and read on.

The dreams started again tonight.It's not that I'm not used to dreaming about her.It's just not ever been like this.If I'm honest with myself,I know that Quentins little 'you have a fathers love for her' speach brought them on.This isn't the first of these type of dreams,just the first I've had since buying this blasted book.The other dreams plaguing me have subsided for a few weeks.They are the most frightning. For my sanities sake,the ones of late have just involved Buffy.

It started with Buffy,dressed in her usual patrol outfit,walking into the library.It was quite obviously late and I was sitting alone at the table. As I glanced up at her,I saw blood running down her face.Jumping up in alarm,I raced towards her, pulling a kerchief out of my pocket as I went.

She fell into my arms sobbing,mumbling something about betrayal.I held her close,crooning in her ear,telling her it would be OK.She drew a last breath and went still in my arms.It was then that I awoke to find tears running down my face. Will I never live down that awful night?

Buffy,sobbing from the memory and obviouis pain Giles was still feeling from it,turned to the next page.

My dreams are starting to take a more...disturbing tone? No, not disturbing,just inappropiate.I've always known that the feelings I've had for BUffy were much more than Watcher/Slayer.I think that Quentins speech unsetteled me as well. I hate having to catagorize the feelings,or even the relationship, but a bloody father/daughter one is not the slot I would give it.

My dreams are starting to suggest something I'm not sure I can handle at this point.The only thing I can think is that when I thought I would lose Buffy to madness I realized,if only on a subconscious level,my true feelings for her.

In this dream we were training in my towne house. Buffy was wearing the strips of fabric she calls a workout outfit.In fact, it was my favorite one.I was dressed in full body pads. We seemed to be practicing hand to hand,as neither of us had a weapon in hand.It went as is normal until Buffy gave me a nasty shot to the head while sweeping my legs out from underneath me.I fell to the floor with a thud and laid there not moving.

Buffy cried out in alarm and knelt down next to my form. She started removing the pads until I was in my under shirt and shorts.Running her small,soft hands over my body,she checked for injuries. As they ran down my legs,my-uh member rose,causing my shorts to tent noticeably.

Seeing this Buffy chuckeled,saying,"Oh Giles,I think I found your source of pain.Let me help you with it." She brought her hands up but I stopped her before they reached their destination.Hauling her up my body,onto my chest,I cupped her face between my hands.Softly kissing her nose,I told her no,I loved her too much and we would be taking it much slower than that.

She smiled and brushed her lips over mine before jumping up and hauling me to my feet. Laughing, she ran her hand through my hair and patted my chest and turned and left the room. I awoke at that point, my shorts looking much like they had in the dream.

Buffy moaned aloud,squirming on her bed at the picture now burned in her mind forever.How could she face Giles now when everytime she looked into his green eyes she would wonder and remember?

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Buffy gave into the tears that pushed for release. She was scared,scared of so many different things. The feelings Giles had for her,the feelings she wasn't sure she had for Giles,losing him and most importantly,of what would happen next.

Willow and Oz came through the door laughing until they noticed Buffy. Rushing to her side,they tried to figure out what was wrong, what had happened to get her in such a state.

After Willow was able to figure out that it was something personal involving Giles and not a death, she turned to Oz and asked him to leave.Smiling an apology, she promised to call later, when Buffy was in better shape. Nodding once, he patted Buffy's shoulder,kissed Willow and left. Hearing Buffy sob Giles name, he decided to go over and check on the ex-watcher.

Arriving at Giles house,Oz walked up to the door and knocked.Not getting an answer,but hearing glass break somewhere inside, he tried the door knob. Finding it unlocked, he rushed inside, stopping in shock at what he saw.

Giles stood in the middle of the room, blood dripping from his hand, glass covering the floor around him.The room looked as if the hellmouth had opened beneath it. The furniture was all but destroyed.The insides of the couch and one of the chairs littering the floor. Empty scotch and whiskey bottles lay about as well.A sword was embedded in the remaining chair,causing Oz to believe that Giles must have used it on the other furniture too.

"If you've come here to talk or baby-sit me then just bloody leave now. I've lived this long without the rubbish, I don't need it now."

Holding his hands up in what he hoped was a calming manner,Oz spoke softly," listen Giles, I just came from Buffy's and seeing the shape she was in I thought it wise to look in on you. I'm not here to-"

Giles crossed the room in three strides,grabbing Oz's shirt in his two fists,effectively cutting off the boys speech. Hauling Oz up close to his face, he all but growled, "is she hurt? What do you mean by the shape she is in? What shape? Bloody talk damn it!"

Eyebrows raised, Oz grabbed Giles wrist. "Listen, she's fine-physically. You, on the other hand, smell as if you bought out a liquor store and then drank it dry.Not to mention the nasty to your hand. Come on man,Will and Buff would never forgive me if I didn't help you out and fix you up."

Letting go of Oz, Giles ran his hand through his hair mumbling,"forgive you? It's me she'll never forgive.Not now. Why the fuck did I leave that book laying out? It's like I *wanted* her to find it. Which, in it's self is absurd.And why didn't I just tell her myself? We could have resolved it and worked it through.I let her find out like this.I'm a bloody moron! Oz?"

Giles looked at Oz in confusion, then his expression cleared when he remembered. "Oh Oz I forgot you were here.What am I going to do? I can't survive without her Oz, and I'm bloody afraid I just may have to."

Oz led the drunken man to the steps,kicking debris out of their way as he went.Hoping that Willow was having an easier time of it with Buffy, he tried coaxing Giles up the first step.

"Come on Giles,up the stairs we go. This can't be solved in a night and Buffy's not going anywhere.Let's get you fixed up and maybe you can tell me what's going on. If you want."

Leading the older man up the stairs, Oz shook his head,wondering what the hell brought his two friends to this state.After putting Giles in the shower, Oz went downstairs to clean up a bit. Loud cursing sent him running up the stairs a few minutes later. He found Giles on the floor of the bathroom naked, blood flowing freely from his hand again.

Grabbing a towel to save the man some embarrassment,he covered Giles and helped him to his feet. Settling him on his bed, Oz went and got the first aid kit and fixed the cut on Giles hand.

"This is kinda deep, it should probaly be sewn shut." Looking up from his work, he saw that Giles had fallen asleep. Deciding that the hand would heal with a scar but no other damage,Oz covered him up and let him sleep. Going back down the stairs, Oz cleaned up the mess and called Willow to let her know where he would be staying. Telling her a few basics,he asked it not be mentioned to Buffy. Getting Willow's promise to call after she got Buffy to rest, he hung up and sat in the chair that still had it's stuffing.

"Huh. Looks like new furniture is on order for the G-man. What they hell is going on around here? This is strange, even for the hellmouth." Settling back for what promised to be a long night, Oz shook his head,saddened for his friends.

Book4-Clarity

Willow hung up the phone and turned around to see Buffy come out of the bathroom.She watched as Buffy lay on the bed and covered her head with a pillow.Sighing,she put on her resolve face.

"Buffy? That's enough. It's time to talk to me. Let me help you please. Come on, show your face." Walking over,she gently sat down on the bed and removed the pillow. Reaching out, she wiped the tears off of Buffy's wet face and smiled encouragingly.

Sighing, Buffy knew Willow deserved to know what was going on after all the girl had done for her.Pulling herself up to a sitting position,Buffy shakily began.

"I went over there,like I told you. When I got there,Giles wasn't there. I put on a pot of tea and then went to the living room to wait. I got bored and opened a book I found on the coffee table. I-I read s-some of it and- Oh god it was awful!" Buffy broke down again,unable to continue.

Willow waited until Buffy's crying ceased and then offered her a kleenex.Sniffing, Buffy wiped her eyes and continued.

"It said that he hated me sometimes.After, well after Jenny and the torture and after I continued to lie for Angel. He said that he dreamt of killing Angel and making me watch. Then-then he would h-have sex with me and laugh because he won. He beat Angel at his game.Willow, he said that there was times he wished he had a different slayer, a more, more Kendra type one. Before he had to do that slayer test thing, he dreamt that I lost my powers because of the test, and said that he woke with a almost happy feeling inside. I couldn't read anymore after that Will. When I looked at the front of the book, I saw that it was all real. This was all what he *really* dreamt and thought."

Willow couldn't digest what she heard herself. Poor Buffy! Too find out that way that the man you lo- of course. How stupid!

"Buffy, are you surprised? I mean really? He's Giles, but Buffy, he's also the Ripper. I never did believe that the two were separate. Just that Giles put it in his own little mind compartment so he could deal with the things that he did when he was younger." Grabbing Buffy's hand, Willow warmed up to her subject.

"Listen, Giles has feelings for you, strong ones. I think, that you do too. Have them for Giles I mean. Listen Buffy, you chose Angel over him,time and again. Even after all that happened, you still chose Angel. Giles is only human, of course he's going to have resentments about that.And the dream of killing Angel and the rest? Well, I think he's bottled his feelings for too long and exploded.Being the responsible,loving Giles that he is, he just did it in dreams. Haven't you ever had dreams where you did bad things to people? Even those you love?"

Buffy thought for a minute and nodded. "But Willow, he's Giles, my Giles.He's not supposed to feel like that towards ME."

Willow gave a small laugh, and said as gently as possible," Umm Buff, he may love you, but he's not blind.He can't afford to be where you're concerned.It could very well get you killed. Now, you said you quit reading at that point, right? Well, how do you know that it didn't get better huh? Do you know where this book is?"

Buffy reached under the pillow and pulled out the book in question. Handing it to Willow she opened it to the middle and let Willow read for herself what Giles had wrote.

"Oh, oh my, hehehe, he got a bit graphic in the staking Angel thing huh? Wow! The way he goes into detail about kissing you ALL over is...well..wow.Buffy, as terrible as it sounds, there is still love here. Listen to this part, 'Softly encasing her hands within mine, I gently,but firmly, held her to the floor as I licked along her neck.' Buffy, that's not brute force, that's tender, yeah the principle is wrong, but don't you see that even in dreams when he's being cruel, he still has a soft nature towards you?"

"I guess Willow, but what about the part when he says he hates me sometimes? That is *so* not love.No matter which way you slice it."

Willow was a touch distracted by what she was reading. "Man, he really tortured ole Angel.The whole holy water enema thing is just ewwww." Seeing Buffy's look, Willow smiled sheepishly. "Oh yeah, well show me where you read that part at.Maybe I can be a bit more objective."

Buffy got up off the bed and started pacing as Willow read more from Giles book.At Willows gasp, she turned to see what her friend was reading.

Willow smiled and called Buffy over, "Buffy, did you read the next sentence? The one after it says that he sometimes has such strong negative feelings towards you when he sees you with Angel that he thinks it's hate? It says,'Jealousy is a bad thing,I love Buffy so much(I can now admit that to myself) that I know,no matter what she did,I could never hate her.I need to work these thoughts and feelings out and quit bottling them up.If I was feeling really fair I would share them with Buffy so that we could get back to where we were.'

See, I told you Buff. And the part about wanting a different slayer? Duh! He wants you out of the line of fire Buffy.He wants you to lead a normal life and grow old.Of course he felt a little happy at his dream of you losing your powers.That would mean you could no longer be the slayer.I think you should take the time to finish reading this.There isn't much left,but what is left is really important stuff to the two of you. There's the Olivia thing discussed and well I think you should see this last one yourself.After you're done, I think that you should confront Giles and you two talk about all this."

Shutting the book,Willow stood up. "I'm going to go to Oz and see how he's doing. You stay here and finish this thing and then get with Giles. You two are in love and it's time something was done about it.If necassary,the gang will intervene and force you two in a room to work it out."

Walking over and giving Buffy a kiss, Willow left.She walked to Giles house and knocked on the door very softly. A second later, Oz opened the door and let her in.

"Hey babe, how is Buffy?"

"She's confused and scared and sad but it'll work out. Giles wrote some pretty heavy stuff in a dream book and of course Buffy found it. I think,now, after our talk she can look at it through different eyes.How is Giles doing?"

Oz looked toward the stairs and shook his head. "I think we should be glad he doesn't have that book handy because he has been having some really loud dreams. "

Smiling, Willow led Oz over to the chair at sat on his lap. "I think that after Buffy gets her thoughts straight, all this will be just a bad memory.It sounds like we better stay here tonight though.Is there a cot or something we can sleep on?"

"He has a spare bedroom upstairs with a double bed in it. There was some things left in the closet that are definitely girlish. I think that something fishy is up with the Olivia scandal."

Laughing, Willow got up and headed for the stairs,pulling Oz behind her. "I know there is.I read that crafty mans thoughts and dreams and he can be a sneaky thing when he wants.Come on lets get some rest."

"yeah, this still isn't over.But at least we have some clarity to what is going on now."

"I know, and so does Buffy now. That's a start Oz, that's a start."