I am Missing time

As in many sci-fi series where the characters are faced with the realization that they are on a time line that will become non-existent by their actions (due to time travel or something and the creation of a new time line that sprouts at some point before their present), I have no recollection of that time. When I woke up this morning I didn’t and I almost still don’t believe it happened at all. From the time I went to bed and the time I woke up this morning to clean up my yard at the request of my wife nothing happened to me.

According to my wife I got up to get her a blanket because she was cold, I threw up on her back while she was sleeping and I went to the bathroom to vomit almost endlessly. These things did not happen to me as far as I know. There is however evidence as the blanket is on the bed and there was a definite difference in the condition of the toilet this morning and the way it was last night. I thank God that I don’t feel that I experienced any of that.

What I did experience was a weak starting evening when Joe came over for Nathan’s’ Birthday. This will be the first birthday we’ve celebrated with him and since he’s married to Shelly it’s probably going to happen again. We still don’t feel right about him but I’ve been trying hard to get along with and like him. Keely and I had/have a severe lack of funds since she is recently out of work for the summer. Yes the never ending rewards of being an educator. We could offer the few remnants of alcohol, a place to have fire as well as a pool.

Joe watched TV with us. I don’t think he likes watching TV or maybe it’s just the TV that we like to watch that he doesn’t. He does however like South park and we watched “Scott Tenerman must die” which happens to be my favorite episode. We were waiting for Shelly and Nathan to come back from Kokomo where his parents live. It was late at night when they made it back. By the time they arrived I had already started a fire of citronella, old books and wood. I had also made myself an Ivan’s Diet. Which is 4oz of any kind of vodka and diet soda to fill the glass (normally a 32oz glass with ice). This is my feel good drink of which on a lite night one will do me fine.

Joe had prearranged that Connie come over. When Shelly, Nathan and Connie arrived they brought with them the remainder of a large bottle (but not a large remainder) of Schmirnoff Capecodder (a cranberry vodka drink which is pretty potent and excellent for the girls). They also brought a case of MGD in the bottle and a small bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial. Nathan took on the MGD and the girls quickly finished the Codder and had to make a run. Connie had not been drinking and so she took the girls out to get some more.

While us guys sat around the fire and talked of gently of our loving wives, Joe egged us on to talk about more revealing things, but I couldn’t think of anything. I just began taking my four shots of Tequila each one followed by a pause where I drank an MGD. One beer seemed to be the perfect spacer between shots. I am going to chalk this up as the reason I have missing time. I am more surprised how cognitive and conscious I remained through the evening with the amounts of alcohol I consumed.

The girls came back from a very revealing trip to the liquor store (Osco’s on 23). They had reached an interesting topic of conversation amongst themselves while they were away one about anal sex and preferences and threesomes. Keely had asked in a three some where it’s girl-guy-guy how do the participants decide who gets which hole? Shelly suggest that its like when a group of people ride in an automobile, someone has to yell “Shotgun!” to get the most popular occupied space. When I was told about this later I then said “…and which hole is shotgun? Isn’t the Vagina like the drivers seat in a car?” The world may never know.

They came back with lemon juice, two 5ths of Schmirnoff mixers and a six pack of Schmirnoff twists. Schmirnoff has done an excellent job of making good stuff that tastes great and girls like.

This was followed by how many marshmallows can one fit in there mouths. Shelly who started this competition reached 4, Keely managed 5, Joe and myself reached 8. Upon finding the number of the marshmallows one can cramp into their mouths, each of us gagged and spit them out more or less on the ground.

Sober Joe at this point had decided he needed to go home. There was big Stock Buying deal he was trying to prepare for on Monday and this seemed to be sufficient excuse to him to leave even though it was only Saturday night. I questioned him but ultimately let him leave and wished him good luck. I think I called him to do that.

Connie went with him, because her car was at Shelly’s house and ultimately they had planned to hook up. I think. When he took her to her car, she decided that she was going to go home instead of go with him. Once home she called us, and we as a group or me all on my own got her to come back over. When she did come Shelly and Keely, who had gotten hot from drinking and or sitting around a campfire, had jumped into the pool in their underwear. This soon lead to being completely naked.

The challenge was for everyone to get naked and get in the pool. I had already jumped in the pool with my shirt and trunks on but it only took one suggestion for me to get in naked. I also was apparently keen on getting out of the pool naked and standing around naked. Between the fire and the near full moon my backyard was well lit. Aaron, who is Nathan’s friend (the one whose wedding was last week), came over for the get together in Nathan’s honor. He, Nathan and Connie sat around the fire fully clothed for the longest time. Eventually Nathan got into the pool naked. It was short lived.

I swam over to him where he was standing at the edge of the pool. I had been told he was a raging homophobe and I asked him about it, and then grabbed his bare ass. He didn’t jump get angry or hit me, but instead said “Hello?” I quickly let go, said “ok” and swam away.

When Connie had come back I called over to the side of pool and bared my sole to her about how I’d felt cheated over the years for the way Matt stole her away from me when I went on vacation. She said she knew that I liked her but not that much more than that. I can’t help but wonder if she wouldn’t have become a (insert polite but aggressive word meaning sexually open to possibilities in high frequency) if I was her boyfriend (for however briefly) instead of matt.

At some point earlier in the evening I picked up Connie and quickly put her down on a chair near the pool (I didn’t have a plan when I picked her up, but then she started to scream don’t you dare Paul and I knew she thought I was heading towards the pool, it just worked out that way), I wrestled Joe (in which entering I knew I would I lose, and since I know nothing of wrestling and Joe was in competition before as well as hand to hand combat training, I decided that the best goal was just to try to stay standing and not try to take him down, I didn’t want to hurt him with what would surly be illegal moves or for him to retaliate against them with illegal moves of his own) and at one point I tried to pick him up which only got me in a head lock so tight I’d never felt anything like it. Damn his sobriety.

Everyone left and I went to bed. That is how the evening went for me. I’d waited nine years to be in a pool with shelly and Keely naked. Back in high school we would go over to Shelly's in a large group of people often evenly made of boys and girls and we would swim late into the night. She would then (shelly) suggest that we get naked, and dare the boys to go first. Once we were without trunks she would have the full support of the women who were rejecting to take off their clothes because they really couldn’t see anything because our junk was underwater and they would all have bare breasts near the top if not out of the water.

Sunday started at 10:35 am for me when I thought the world was spinning a little faster than it should be and my wife was asking me to clean up the yard. I had a thirst that could not be quenched and the sun was bright and hot. I cleaned up the yard and came into Keely suggesting we cash in our subway club cards we had accumulated over the last two years because we had no freaking money. I went, ordered and went to pay when the gentleman behind the counter told be they stopped taking the cards last month. I told him to enjoy the sandwiches and I left. I am now officially done with subway. They stopped my buy 2 get one free Sundays and now this. I want to cuss them so bad.

I came home took a long nap and spent the rest of the day next to Keely in a state which left us prone to chanting “I don’t feel good.” To each other repeatedly.

The lesson? You can have an incredible time with naked women and alcohol and very few to no repercussions but it will cost you a Sunday (or what ever day comes immediately after).

Mood = 5 listening to wallflowers [mood = this weekend]