Year In, Year Out Series:
Old Flames
by KNS

They entered the city limits without exchanging a word. The silence between them was tense, awkward - she didn't know how to break it and he didn't even try. As they passed through the streets bright with neon signs she thought about the man beside her and wondered what he was going to eventually say and how she would answer.

Finally he pulled into the parking lot belonging to one of the most expensive restaurants in Miami, a little place where stars from all over the world visited whenever they came to town. Buffy could only imagine what Riley was trying to say by coming here.

"I'm not really dressed for this," she said awkwardly.

Riley flashed her a smile. "You're always beautiful. And besides, I've got enough plastic to make a deck of cards - why should they complain?"

An attendant stood outside Riley's door, waiting for him to get out and hand over the keys. Buffy put a hand on his arm as he reached for the door.

"I lost the baby, you know," she said calmly. "It was never born."

Riley laid his hand over hers. Gently he answered, "I know. I went to the doctors after - after you were gone. I had to threaten them pretty heavily before they'd break doctor-patient privilege." He paused, squeezed her hand. "It wasn't your fault, you know."

Buffy's jaw clenched and she pulled her hand away. "Yeah, okay," she said, opening her door. She wished he wouldn't start with the old lies again.

"She met him her first year of college," Giles said, stirring his cup of tea. "She dropped a pile of books on his head. He was her TA in psychology."

"Love at first sight," Angel guessed, a trace of bitterness in his voice. Buffy had told him that she'd never been married.....

"Hardly," Giles answered, handing his spoon to Mari, who slipped it into the dishwasher. "It must have been just over a year before she agreed to go out with him. Even then, she wasn't really s-serious, I don't believe. She kept thinking -" he cut off his words.

"She thought I was coming back," Angel supplemented, suddenly struck with guilt. He'd wanted her to move on, right? And she'd made no secret that there'd been other men....

Giles ducked his head. "Yes, well. Riley was involved with a group attempting to neutralized vampires through implants. He wasn't too keen on her Slaying, but he m-managed to come to terms with it." He swallowed a sip of tea.

"But they weren't together right away, were they?" Mari asked.

"No," Giles agreed. Leaning against the counter, he added, "It wasn't until after Oz's death that they truly became involved. They dated seriously for two or three years when she entered her doctorate program they were married - I suppose that was eight, no nine years ago."

"I hardly knew you at all then," Mari said, a slight smile on her face. Giles smiled back at her.

"So what happened?" Angel asked, hoping Giles wouldn't decide it was none of his business. He really didn't relish the idea of asking Willow to tell him.

"The war," Giles said bitterly. "They might have worked things out if the war hadn't come along. Riley was already in the CIA by then, but only as a junior agent, and when Buffy was drafted he wasn't in a position to do anything about it. There were - issues - between them before she left. When she came back...." He shook his head.

"War does terrible things to even the best of people," Mari said, closing the dishwasher and turning it on. "I remember when she came back, she didn't smile anymore. It was like she'd forgotten how to do it."

"Riley tried to see her, but she would have none of it," Giles said. "Her wound healed very quickly, and when it did she lost herself in the biggest cities she could find. Two years taught her how to do that fairly well. Not even the Council could locate her."

"But you did," Angel said. Buffy had told him so.

Giles smiled without amusement. "Indeed, but only because she developed a pattern. I'll spare you the details, for what she did really hurt no one but herself. At any rate, she eventually went back to Riley for a while. She finished her doctorate, published two books, even took up teaching at Yale. But none of it lasted. After a year or so it all fell to pieces again. One day she simply left. No note, no message of-of any kind. Not for nearly eight months." The smile on his face was frozen, as if he'd forgotten it was there. "There was no pattern this time."

He sounded sad and bitter and a little confused, and Angel had to wonder what could have happened to make Buffy treat him like that. He had always been a father to her...

"It wasn't really her fault, you know," Giles said as if reading his thoughts. "Everything - caught up to her, all at once. The war, the drinking, the miscarriage - it all added up. I never could blame her for leaving. I was happy enough that she hadn't attempted suicide again."

"Sounds like Slayer senior hasn't always been a good little girl," Helen said, sidling into the kitchen. "It's good to know she hasn't always been a saint. I don't feel so bad anymore."

Angel slanted her a cold look. "Mind your own business, Helen. You don't know what you're talking about."

They sat at the bar in silence. She played with the straw in her club soda and he smiled absently at his gin and tonic. The restaurant was packed to the brim, but designed so that the fact wasn't glaringly obvious. The lighting was low, music played loudly enough to cover the faint hum of conversation, and tables were tucked discreetly behind screens and large plants.

"What are you doing here, Riley?" Buffy finally asked, making her tone soft and curious, not letting any hint of her fear show.

Riley smiled at her and shrugged. "I've been in the Haosend Islands for the last five months, you know. Mail travels a little slower there. Two weeks back I came across an old magazine. Guess who the cover story was about."

She smiled ruefully.

"I knew you weren't dead," he said confidently. "I'd know if you were. Took me a while to hunt you down, but - here I am."

Buffy looked at the man seated beside her. For the first time in many years, she truly looked at him. There were lines at the corners of his mouth from years of smiles, and longer lines across his forehead from years of brows drawn together in concentration. The hand around his wineglass was bronzed and sinewy he wore a simple gold band on the second from last finger. Beneath the elegant suit his shoulders were squared and straight, betraying no hint of weakness.

Lastly she glanced at his eyes. They were still bright and blue, and in them she saw herself and their past and his current fear.

"I'm sorry, Riley," she said softly, suddenly blinking back tears.

"Oh Buffy, don't cry," he said hastily. He reached out and cupped her chin. "I forgave you the day after you left. I know things were never easy between us. It wasn't all your fault - hell, it probably wasn't even half your fault. Fate conspired against us, that's all."

Buffy brushed at her eyes and nodded. "Look at me making a fool out of myself. The management will never let me in again."

Riley patted her shoulder. "Hey, it's not like you've dropped a stack of books on anyone."

It took a moment to catch on, and then she laughed a little. "Well, it's not like you've donned your commando gear and done your GI Joe impression."

"I do a damn fine impression of GI Joe," Riley returned. He paused, then added in a more serious voice, "I know you've already eaten, but do you want to get a table, maybe have something sweet?"

She hesitated only for a moment. "Yeah, that sounds good. Let's do that."

"Good," Riley said, smiling. "Great."

The house was dark when she went in. That was normal - it was after one in the morning. She laid her jacket over the back of a chair in the kitchen, then moved towards the staircase. She didn't turn any light on, and walked slowly so that she wouldn't stumble.

"Have a nice time?"

Buffy spun on her heels, found Angel standing a few steps off to her right. "You waited up?" she asked. "You should have gone to bed. I'm sorry I'm late - we were talking...."

"You don't have to explain," Angel said calmly. "I'm sure you two had some catching up to do."

"A little," she agreed vaguely.

They stood in silence for a long moment.

"Well, I'm beat," Buffy said finally. She turned and moved towards the staircase.

"You told me you were never married," Angel said behind her.

She stopped. "I - don't know what to say," she answered slowly. "I'm sorry -"

"No, wait," Angel interrupted. He walked over to her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "I didn't mean it like that. I was just a little surprised, that's all."

"I should have told you," she said, shaking her head. "I just - couldn't. Honestly, I thought you'd never find out."

"It doesn't matter," he answered. Brushing a strand of hair away from her face, he added, "Come upstairs."

She smiled at him, unsure if he could see her or not - even after Willow had recast the binding spell, he'd kept some of the vampire characteristics. "How is Helen doing?"

Angel linked her arm through his and lead her upstairs. "She's fine. We worked out for a while before she got angry and locked herself in her room. She didn't like it when I told her she had a lot to learn...."

"Follow through with your left fist," Buffy called.

Panting for breath, Helen withdrew from Angel a few steps. "I don't get it," she gasped, pushing her dark hair out of her eyes. "I'm the Slayer - I'm suppose to be stronger than you!"

Angel visibly relaxed and stepped towards her. "Well, it's a long story," he began, wiping at his forehead.

"Don't let down your guard," Buffy advised Helen.

Helen cast her a contemptuous glance. "I know-"

In an instant Angel lunged forward and kicked her legs out from beneath her. She fell onto the sand with a howl of disbelief.

"I warned you," Buffy said, shaking her head.

After eating a late breakfast the three had decided to head outside to practice fighting skills - rather, Buffy and Angel had decided, and dragged along Helen, who had wanted to spend the day suntanning and shopping.

"We'll go shopping tonight," Buffy had argued. "I'll also show you the local vamp hangouts. For now, though, we're going to work on your skills. I know you have a lot to learn."

Helen had given her an ugly look but complied, and they had spent nearly four hours out on the sand. Buffy and Angel took turns sparing with her, only breaking occasionally for water. It was only now becoming to dawn on the young Slayer that she could no more best Angel than she could the other Slayer.

"That's it, I want a break," Helen announced, pulling herself up off the sand only long enough to plop down beside Buffy and the waterbottles. After taking a big drink she said, "If my fighting with him sucks so much, let's see you do it."

Buffy shook her head and handed Angel a waterbottle. "I don't think so."

"Oh, so it's okay for me to try, but not for you, huh?" Helen challenged.

"I'm not the one in need of sharpening my skills," Buffy pointed out.

"You probably can't hold him off for more than five minutes," the dark haired girl said. "You probably couldn't take him if your life depended on it."

Angel saw the memory pass into Buffy's eyes. Quickly he stood up and pulled her up with him. "Come on, Slayer, show us what you got."

"You asked for it," Buffy said, smiling faintly. She could still remember the fight for Acathala -

Angel threw a punch at her and the instincts kicked in. They had learned months before that a blow taken bu one of them was immediately felt by the other, and their sparing had changed because of it - they no longer attempted to best each other through blows, but rather through various pins.

Helen, however, did not understand. "Quit circling each other and fight!" she cried.

The pair ignored her and remained focused on each other. Buffy kicked out with her left foot and tried to grab his arm to flip him Angel avoided the blow, ducked to the right, and lunged for her waist. She skittered away with a laugh. This continued until Angel finally threw a punch at her stomach when she skipped sideways to avoid it, she stumbled over a hole in the sand and fell.

"Hurry, get up!" Helen said encouragingly.

Buffy rubbed her right knee. "I think I pulled something."

"I think you did," Angel agreed, gingerly pressing around his own knee. "Let me help you," he said, offering her a hand.

She winced. "Hey Helen," she began, grasping Angel's hand. Abruptly she pulled, bringing Angel down beside her to the sand. Quickly rolling, she pinned him beneath her. "Never let your guard down," she finished.

"Buffy, Angel!" a voice called.

"Is that Willow?" Angel asked.

Buffy nodded and stiffly stood up, favoring her sore knee. "Over here, Will!" She offered her hand to Angel, adding, "Don't even think about it."

Angel accepted her hand with a grin. "I wasn't."

"What are they doing here?" Helen asked, gesturing towards Willow and Xander.

"Gee, Buff, don't you think you should at least remove the sand from your face before dinner?" Xander asked.

"What dinner?" Angel returned. "And why are you so dressed up?"

Willow looked concerned. "We're going to dinner at the Blue Water Dock," she said, her voice slightly tense. "You know - with Riley. Buffy, he told me you said okay..."

Buffy had completely forgotten about that. "Oh," she said blankly. "Um, yeah, Excuse us for a moment." She latched onto Angel's arm and pulled him a good distance away.

"Somebody's gonna be in it deep this time," Helen laughed. "I bet he really gives her hell."

"Helen," Xander began, using the same voice he applied when lecturing his two boys.

Willow could guess how Helen would react if Xander started to lecture her. "How do you like Miami?" she interrupted quickly.

"I'd probably like it a hell of a lot more if I actually saw it," Helen complained. "Buffy was going to show me around tonight. Guess that's out now."

"No, it's not," Angel said, rejoining the group. "We'll clean up and then go in. I'll show you the local haunts and hot spots."

Willow looked at the closed expression on Angel's face, then looked at Buffy, who was still standing where Angel had left her. Only a slight frown on her face hinted that she was upset.

"Cool," Helen said with a smile. "I bet you're a good dancer," she added, walking beside Angel towards the house.

"I bet you don't find out," Xander muttered under his breath. "I just don't like that girl."

"It's because she remind you of Faith," Willow told him. Here comes Buffy. Smile."

Buffy shot an unreadable glance after Angel and Helen, then smiled at Willow and Xander. "Give me five minutes."

Xander and Willow exchanged glances. For Buffy to cut her time that much meant one thing - she and Angel were having a major fight.

"We'll wait out here," Xander said quickly.

Giles, Marianna, and Riley were already at the restaurant when the trio arrived. Riley spotted the host escorting the group over to the table, and he immediately stood up to pull out Buffy's chair.

"You look wonderful," he told her as she sat down.

Buffy glanced at the dark maroon dress she was wearing. "Thank you," she said somewhat stiffly. It seemed odd to accept compliments from a man other than Angel, but at the same time it was distantly familiar, like hearing an old song.

A waiter appeared at Buffy's shoulder. "Here you are, madam," he said, placing before her a pink-filled glass with a paper umbrella on its edge.

Buffy started to shake her head and object, but Riley explained, "It's a fruit drink. No alcohol, I promise."

Willow glanced at Riley's drink. It looked exactly like the one the waiter had given Buffy.

Xander felt his shoulder tense up. If Buffy sent back the drink, the mean would be miserable. If she accepted it, the meal atmosphere would be excellent, but who knew what would happen afterwards?

Giles and Mari were carefully not looking at either Riley or Buffy.

Slowly Buffy took a sip from the drink. "I like it," she said, smiling at a very relieved Riley.

"I knew you would," Riley said, answering her smile with one of his own.

Smiles broke out around the table, and Xander wondered if the others' were as false as his.

"You sure you don't want a ride back?" Willow asked Buffy as they stood outside the restaurant.

"Riley will drop me off," Buffy assured her. "We have some talking to do."

Giles was worried and it showed. "Y-yes, well, let's speak tomorrow, shall we? About Helen," he hastily added.

Buffy gave him a knowing look. "Sure. I'll call you."

The parking attendant showed up with Xander and Willow's car.

"Have a good night, Buff," Xander said, his voice not as light as he'd tried to make it. Extending his hand to Riley, he told the agent, "Thanks for dinner. I'm sorry you won't be staying longer."

"I'm not sure how long I'm staying," Riley answered, picking up on Xander's hint. "I'll be sure to let you know."

Out of them all, only Mari seemed truly pleased that Buffy was accepting Riley's presence. "Good night, Buffy," she told the Slayer as she hugged her goodbye. "Be happy," she added softly, so softly that only Buffy heard her.

"I am," Buffy answered, giving her an odd look.

When they were finally left alone, Riley took Buffy's hand and smiled gently down at her. "Would you care to take a walk with a stranger?"

Buffy tilted her head as if considering the question. "No," she finally answered, "but I will with you."

And so they walked down the long, bright streets of Miami, chatting between themselves, completely ignorant of the people passing them by. The passed from shadows into pools of light and again into darkness, and as the minutes slid into hours they talked of their past, both the times they had been together and the times they had not - and beneath the half-full moon something reawakened between them, feelings that neither had thought could ever be revived.

Buffy ignored the feelings for as long as she could. She pretended that it was only the affection of friendship that shone in Riley's eyes, and it was nothing more than a touch of sentimentality that kept her smiling up at him. Eventually, however, she realized that she might be playing with emotions that were best left alone, and she told him that it was time for her to leave.

Riley looked at his watch, sighed, then nodded. "Of course. But first why don't you come up to my room for a minute - I brought you something that I'd like to give you."

She hesitated only a moment. This was Riley, her ex-husband, and she owed him a lot. "Okay, sure," she agreed, silencing the little voice of warning in her head. "Where are you staying again? Oh wait, I remember. The Westwind Marriott. That's not far."

He was staying in a suite. She shouldn't have been surprised - he was head of a large government agency that was doubtlessly footing the bill. Yet as she waited for him in the sitting room of the suite she was surprised by the extravagance of the place. There was a fireplace, and a small kitchen off to the right, and through the half-open bathroom door she could see a full sized hottub. Outside the French doors there was a large deck that offered a tremendous view of the ocean.

"Fount it," Riley said, reappearing from the bedroom. He had shed his tie and jacket, and the cuffs of his sleeves were rolled halfway up his forearms.

"Thought you'd got lost for a minute there," Buffy joked, suddenly realizing that she was nervous.

He laughed and handed her a little wrapped package. "Here. I hope you like it."

"It's not even my birthday," she said, accepting the gift.

"Well, I've missed a couple," he returned sheepishly.

She let the remark pass. Gently she separated the brightly colored wrapping from its contents. It turned out to be a small photo album when she opened the first page, she realized what it contained.

There was a picture of her and Willow in full snowgear standing in front of a ski run they were both wearing sunglasses and grinning broadly. There was a picture of Willow and Oz and Xander and Cordelia sitting at a picnic table. There was one of her and Riley dressed up in Halloween costumes, and another one of Willow and Xander's wedding. There was one where she stood alone holding a tiny newborn child, little Buff, the child that at the time she hadn't known was hers, and there was one of her own wedding, where she and Riley were cutting the cake together.

In the very last picture she was alone. She was laughing at the person taking the picture - Riley, she could remember that now. She was standing in front of the house they'd rented in D.C., and she was very pregnant. The picture had been taken two days before she'd left.

"Oh Buffy, I'm sorry," Riley said softly. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

She shook her head mutely. After a moment she wiped at her eyes and said roughly, "It wasn't your fault, you know. I-I just couldn't do it anymore. Playing house was fun, but I knew it wouldn't last. Nothing ever does. But I did love you, Riley. I really did-"

Riley caught her face between his hands. "I know that," he answered, his own voice none too even. "I've always known that. I knew you weren't dead, and that's how I knew...."

"I was dead," Buffy wept. "I was-"

He kissed her - very gently, very briefly, more like a friend than anything else.

She looked up at him, startled. "No," she said, seeing something in his eyes. "Don't."

"Don't what?" he returned, gently kissing her again.

"Don't do that," she said, putting her hands against his chest. "I can't....."

"I still love you,' he said softly.

She met his eyes, and her resolve crumpled. "Riley, Riley. I-"

Sitting alone in the dark livingroom, a half-empty glass of red wine beside him, Angel buried his face in his hands.

She waited until the cab's headlights had faded into the darkness before she opened the front door. She stepped inside and shut it behind her very quietly. For a moment she thought Angel was asleep, but as she passed through the livingroom a lamp switched on.

She didn't turn to face him. He didn't make any move towards her.

"You're still wearing the claddagh ring," he said finally, his voice without emotion.

Her shoulders slumped. "Nothing happened," she began.

"Don't," Angel said sharply, and she could hear him come to his feet. "Don't lie about it. Don't pretend that I'm that stupid."

Then she turned to face him. "I'm not lying, Angel."

"We're linked, remember?" he returned. "I feel everything you feel."

"Then you understand," Buffy sighed, a trace of relief in her voice. "You know how confused-"

"No," he said bitterly. "No I don't. I don't have to, though." He paused, turned his closed face away from her. "I've packed a few things."

"I owe him, Angel," Buffy said, desperation creeping into her voice. "We were married, for god's sake. I owe him whatever he wants."

Angel nodded grimly. "And you don't owe me a damn thing."

"Dammit, don't take that holier-than-thou attitude with me," she snarled, the desperation changing to anger.

"You're angry at me because you slept with your ex-husband?" Angel demanded. "What about me? Do you know how it made me feel?" He held up a hand. "No, wait. I don't want to hear that answer." Brusquely he pushed past her.

She caught his arm and turned him towards her. "First of all, things got a little out of hand, but I did not sleep with him. Get your facts straight. Secondly, he loved me, Angel. He still does. He always has. And dammit, I love him too. And I owe him. One morning he went to work - before he left I asked him to pick up some milk and he kissed me goodbye - and I walked out the door and never looked back."

Angel looked at her for a moment, then pulled away and walked towards the staircase.

"Guess where I learned that little trick, Angel," she called after him.

He turned to glare at her. "Don't try to blame this on me. You made your own choices."

She laughed. "Oh yeah? Let's talk about them. You left me, Angel. I did everything I could do to hold you, and you walked away! Oh, you don't like to hear that, do you?" She said as he started to turn away. "Twenty years, Angel, twenty damn years. Never one phonecall, never even one note. And I waited and waited and waited. I kept thinking ‘He'll call soon. He misses me. He loves me.' But you never called or mailed a letter or sent a message or proved in any way that you cared one bit. You walked away and that was that. Well guess what- I waited anyway. But finally I realized you weren't coming back. Never. Never. And Riley was there. Riley loved me. Riley married me. Riley swore he'd never leave. Riley put my life back together - and I walked out. Just like you did. I'm a quick learner." She threw the little album Riley had given her at his feet. "See, I even have proof."

Angel couldn't believe what he was hearing. Every word she said went straight to his heart. She's never spoken of the twenty years they'd spent apart, and he'd gradually come to assume that she never would. What really made him feel terrible was that she was right - whatever had passed between her and Riley had as much to do with him as her.

His anger and sense of betrayal left him in a rush. Slowly he walked down the staircase towards her. "I'm sorry," he said awkwardly. "Forget about Riley for a minute. Those twenty years - I looked for you -"

"Yeah, whatever," she interrupted, raising her hands. "Just forget about it. You stay here and work out your issues - I'm calling a cab. Where's Helen? She can come with me."

"Helen's at Will and Xander's," he said shortly. "Don't walk out, let's talk this over."

"Oh, now you want to talk," she laughed bitterly. "I don't have anything to say. Both you and Riley have said enough. Between the two of you, you're breaking my heart all over again, you know? You're breaking my heart." She shook her head and walked into the kitchen.

"Dammit, Buffy, come on," he snarled, following her. "Wait a minute -"

She reached to activate the phone, not even glancing at him.

He turned it off. "I said, hold on a minute."

"Get your hand off that phone, Angel," she said in a deadly soft voice.

Part Three

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