Disclaimer: The Buffyverse and all its characters belong to Joss Whedon. This story belongs to me. While I profited immensely from writing this story, it was all spiritual. No money was involved, so don't sue.
Author's Note: Reading this, the accounts of the deaths of Merrick and may be different from what you remember. The reason for this is that in my stories I refer to the NOVELIZATION of BtM as canon, not the movie. This partly because the novel fits in better with the series than the movie-if you read it, you'll see what I mean. But mainly because the novels based on movies are usually written straight from the original script, while the finished movie really reflects what the director intends. A good example of this is the famous 'missing scene' from T2: Judgment day with an old Sarah Connor. It's not in the finished movie, but it was filmed and it is in the novelization. This is set between 'Reptile Boy' and 'Halloween'.
Part
One
"What on earth is wrong with you today, Buffy?"
"I don't know what you mean."
She may not have, but Giles did.
For the past two days, she had been more and more distracted around him. Every so often, he would catch her looking at him as if she was surprised to see him there. Nothing untoward happened while Slaying or with her friends, just with him.
"Look Giles, I'm beat. Let's take a break."
When they collapsed on chairs in the office, Buffy rummaged in the bag at her feet and pulled out a bottle of Perrier. She turned on the electric kettle that Giles kept against Principal Synder's strict orders, and made Giles a cup of tea.
When she put it in front of Giles, he brought it to his lips, then choked.
"Buffy? Didn't you forget something?"
"What?"
"The milk and sugar?"
"But you always-" Buffy broke off, looking upset. "Sorry Giles, I don't know what's wrong with me today."
She reached for his cup, but Giles grabbed her wrist. As he thought about what she'd said, the pieces fell into place.
"Merrick took his tea black, didn't he?"
Buffy frowned, but realized that Giles already knew the answer, and shrugged, saying "Yeah, so?"
Giles looked at the calendar. "Good grief, why didn't I realize sooner? It's tonight, isn't it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Merrick's death. It was a year ago tonight."
Buffy yanked her wrist from his grasp and said "So? People die every day Giles, sometimes every hour on the Hellmouth."
"But they're not your Watcher."
Buffy backed away. Giles stood, saying "Buffy, sit down, please."
"I don't know why you have such a wiggins about this Giles, you're not in any danger of dying. I gotta book."
"Buffy, wait-"
"Leave me alone!" and she was gone.
Giles sank back into his chair.
"Damn."
Buffy sat on the beach, staring out at the ocean.
I wonder what it would be like to be part of the ocean forever? I bet it would be nice, just floating with the tide. Maybe I should ask Giles or my mom to cremate me and scatter my ashes in the ocean when I finally meet a monster I can't handle. I wonder what happened to Merrick's body? Pike and I just roared off and left him there beside the road.
"Buffy?"
Buffy turned and stood in one smooth motion, then sighed.
"What are you doing here?"
Angel walked up to her, his hands in his pockets.
"Giles called me when you left. He thought you might want someone to talk to."
"How did you find me?"
"You told me once that in LA this past summer, when you were so upset over killing the Master, all you did half the time was walk on the beach. I took a chance."
"You were right."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No" Buffy told him and turned away, sitting down again.
"Sometimes you have to, to bleed the poison from the wound." Angel remarked.
Buffy just brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly.
Angel sat down beside her, his legs out in front of him. He rested his arms on his bent knees and waited.
"Did Giles tell you?"
"He said that it was a year ago tonight that Merrick, your first Watcher died."
"Anything else?"
"He said that Merrick died saving you."
"I wouldn't say that."
"What would you say?"
"I'd say he died because of my stupidity." Buffy let the words spill as she turned to face Angel, tucking her legs under her.
"I just went charging off after Grueller, without thinking. Sure, I had to stop him from telling any other vamp who I was, but I could have just waited after the game to stake him. I would have been toast before Lothos even got there if Pike hadn't staked Grueller from behind.
"I couldn't just grab Pike and get out of there after I staked the other two. I just had to lay there, staring into his eyes like some lovesick teenager."
"Weren't you?"
"No." With a sheepish look at Angel, she continued "I think I was starting to fall for him, after that night. If he'd been able to stay after I staked Lothos, who knows what might have happened? Anyway, the point is that if we'd just turned tail and left, Lothos wouldn't have found me, not yet. Merrick wouldn't have died distracting him, and he would have still been there the night of the dance."
"This would be?" Angel asked.
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