Without your face appearing there, and that scares me**

I saw you from a distance the night I followed you on your way to the Bronze, but it didn't prepare me for meeting you, Buffy. I saw you were short and slender with a great figure and blond hair, but it didn't prepare me for a combination of blows worthy of Mike Tyson.

First you knocked me on my ass. Then I looked up into your face and met your eyes.

It was like a slow motion one-two punch that I couldn't avoid and it shook me right to my soul, though I didn't let it show. I fell in love with you in that instant, though I didn't realize that until we kissed. I knew from the start it was crazy, that it was impossible-a Slayer and a vampire with a soul? I knew that I had to stay away from you for my own survival-not just because I was what you were sworn to kill, but because loving you could destroy me.

Even though I know it's wrong, I can't stay away**

But I couldn't stop myself from helping you. I couldn't stop myself from watching out for anything that could put you in danger. Just like I can't now. I know that I should just leave Sunnydale for a while, but I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt because I couldn't warn you. Because I wasn't here to protect you as only I can.

I should stay away from you altogether and just e-mail Willow or something. I have to skulk around even more than before, because now I have to avoid Willow and Giles too, and Xander and Cordelia notice me. But I spent two months without you this past summer, and I missed the sight of you so badly I almost went down to LA after you.

When you're under my skin?**

I know that every time you or one of the others sees me, it re-opens old wounds, so I can't let you see me unless I absolutely have to. But I can't live without you being in my life somehow or other. I can't live in a world without you in it. You know how I feel, what you do to me, but you can't bring yourself to say it because then I'll ask you if you feel the same. That's why I won't say it to you, because I'm afraid of your reply.

'Cause every time you call my name, I follow.**

Whenever you need me, I come running. I follow you when you don't. The demon is absolutely disgusted with me-he says I follow you around like a puppy on a leash-but since when have I cared what he thought? I have to admit that one of the few good side effects of suffering like this is the way it makes the demon feel.

Sitting here just wishing, I had the nerve to say**

I've lived for two hundred and forty two years now. I had a few affairs as a mortal, and two long-standing relationships plus a few scattered flings as an ordinary vampire. I spent eight months loving you from afar, and the best three months of my life being yours.

You'd think that I'm old enough and experienced enough to be able to handle losing what made my life worth living, and developing a desperate case of mostly-I pray that it's not totally-unrequited love. But I just follow you around, wishing that I possessed the courage to walk up to you, gently take you in my arms and kiss you the way I used to. Hoping that one day you will do it to me, and I can tell you again how much I love you.

You found a way to get in**

When I was cursed for the first time, I was alone and I swore that it would stay that way. Even after I met you, even after I fell in love with you, even after I found that you felt the same way about me, I swore that it would stay that way. But I couldn't keep that vow, faced with you. If you hadn't convinced me that we should at least try to be together, sooner or later I would have come after you. I can admit that now.

When you're under my skin?**

I do everything I can to help you, but it doesn't ever seem to be enough. I do everything I can to ease your burden, but I can't do what I really want to. I can't be with you.

That to you I can't say no**

That first time I came to help you after I got my soul back, you looked slightly surprised. You looked downright shocked when I left without a word-I know because I didn't really leave, I stayed hidden in the dark until you were safely home.

Buffy my love, don't you know that I cannot refuse anything at all that you ask of me?

I tried to walk away**

I've tried so many times, but I can't leave you, Buffy. I tried to walk away when we said good-bye at the Bronze, after I staked my sire for you. But I had to help you against the Master. I tried to walk away when you first returned to Sunnydale from LA. But you came after me. I tried to walk away after my second curse, knowing how much I had hurt you and those you love. But you are as much a part of my soul as any curse.

So I watch out for you, watch over you, and wait for the time when you welcome me back into your arms.

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