The Dark Perk Duo - Blast Off

The Dark Perk Duo -- Blast off
by Laura Griffin and Renee Miller.

Standard disclaimer...blah blah blah

"Got everything?" Ren whispered to Laura as they made their way to
the dark pink Caddy that was parked in the lower garage of the
Mansion. They had just left Laura's room via the hidden passageway
behind the bookshelf and were quite pleased that they hadn't gotten
lost in the process. The music of "Kung Fu Fighting" played constantly
on speakers mounted in the dark passageway. It was helpful in getting
them psyched up for the mission.

"I think so. Let me double check my list." The Dark CERK Perk
reached into a compartment of her Dark Perk Utility Belt  and
pulled out a small slip of paper. She glanced over it, nodded to the
Dark Pink Ninja, and handed her the list. 

Ren quickly scanned the small list and then put the scrap of paper in 
a hidden pocket. "I can't believe that we are actually going to do this.
I'm torn here.... but justice must be served and we have to get Mary back!
"We gave our word long ago that we would come to her rescue should
anything happen to her.  I know we expected an attack by the
Ratpackers, but we have to roll with the punches. No matter what that
means. Besides...this could work out in our favor." The Ninja smiled a
knowing smile at her sidekick and waggled her eyebrows in a suggestive
manner.    

"Too true," Laura answered with a predatory grin. They reached the 
Caddy -- got inside and started up the engine.  The Peter Gunn Theme 
poured from the speakers as they made their way out of the Ninja Cave 
and out onto the streets of Toronto.

They were silent for a moment as they both thought back over the mysterious 
happenings that had propelled them onto this mission. . .

Night had fallen over Dark Perk Mansion and the soothing sounds of sword
fighting 
and target practice had vanished as most of the Thugs headed out to engage in 
various and sundry Dark Perkish evening activities.

As the convoy of motorcycles and cars headed out into the night Shana, Laura
and Ren stood at the front door and waved.  They, along with Mary, had decided
to stay at the mansion and work on the new shrine they were building in honor
of spike heels.  When the last tail light had vanished Shana closed the door
and the three DP's, each wearing a pair of dark pink spike heeled pumps in
varying degrees of height starting at 3 inches and ending at 5 inches, turned
and headed toward the staircase under which the Dark Perks kept their various
shrines.

They were stopped in their well-heeled tracks by the sound of a crash and
horrible high pitched shrieking and wailing.  

Laura turned visibly pale and gasped, "That wasn't 'The Mirror' was it?"  (The
Mirror being a magic mirror that came with the mansion which would,
occasionally, give the Perks tantalizing glimpses of their favorite Forever
Knight characters in various stages of undress.)

As the caterwauling continued, Ren listened carefully and said, "I don't think
so, the noise is coming from the kitchen!"  Looks of pure terror crossed all
of their faces as in unison they screamed, "THE COFFEE!!!"

They took off running (which, considering the height of their heels, was an
entertaining sight indeed) fully prepared to fight to the death to protect the
'Perfect Beans'.  They slid into the kitchen leaving long black skid marks on
the shiny tile floor as they went.  

Mrs. Hitchcock, the housekeeper of Dark Perk Mansion, stood near the back
door, tears running down her face, her open mouth producing the vile Siamese
Cat like yowling that had brought Shana, Ren and Laura running.  They stood
mute for a moment, shocked that this feisty, self-sufficient, usually nasty
woman had been reduced to a sniveling mess.

Carefully stepping over a mass of still bubbling glop which lay oozing out of
an overturned pot on the floor Shana grabbed the hysterical woman by the
shoulders and gently shook her, "Mrs. Hitchcock, what happened?"

The older woman stopped screaming and with wide wild eyes pointed to the door.
In
a hoarse voice she said, "He took her!!  He took her!!  He took Mary!  He
showed up here in my kitchen and he took her!"

At this the three Perks gasped.  Someone had taken their beloved List Mommy.
Mary, the Godmother of the Dark Perks had been kidnapped!!!  Renee and Laura
locked gazes.  They knew what they must do.  This was a job, which called for
the special talents of the Dark Pink Ninja and her trusty sidekick The Dark
CERK Perk.  

"The Ratpack!"  Ren and Laura announced together.  Mary had been threatened
with kidnapping by that faction quite early on in the history of the Dark
Perks.  This threat was what had brought the Ninja and The Dark CERK Perk
together in the first place.  They had sworn then to save Mary and that
promise still held.

"Was it The Ratpack, Mrs. Hitchcock?"  Shana asked the now silent housekeeper.

"Ratpack?  No!!  It was the tall good-looking one.  You know, blue eyes,
spiked hair, good dresser, great voice."  Mrs. Hitchcock spat out.

"LaCroix?"  Three voices announced in perfect harmony.

"Well, of course!  Why else would I be screaming!"  Mrs. Hitchcock snorted and
turned away in disgust.

Ren looked again toward Laura and said, "To the Ninja cave, we're needed!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


"You have a plan, right?" Laura asked Ren as she pulled the Pinkmobile out
onto the road and headed towards the city of the Knight.

"Of course. It's simple. The plan is to rescue Mary." The Dark Pink
Ninja looked innocently at her sidekick as she pondered the question
of how this was really going to work out.  After all, the Dark Perk
Duo had trained for just this occasion for months, but this would be
the first test of their abilities.

"That's it: rescue Mary. Okay...that's a good plan.  I like it!"
Laura turned the volume up on the stereo, pulled out the tape that had
been playing, and tuned the radio into CERK.  The soft strains of
Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata' serenaded the duo as they made their way
to the target. "So, when we get there.... we're going to....?" Laura
asked, the questioning tone suggesting that she herself had no clue as
to what their plan of action was to be.

"Let's just get there first. One step at a time." The Ninja seemed
confident, though there was a slight hesitation in her voice.

As they neared the radio station, the music faded, and an oh-so
familiar voice purred out of the speakers: "You're with the
NightCrawler on C - E - R -K, and tonight's topic is abduction of the
heart." Laura and Ren looked at each other in shock...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


"Listen to him!"  Ren exclaimed, "He's actually bragging about kidnapping
Mary!" 

When she received no reply from Laura, Ren glanced over and found her 
faithful sidekick glassy eyed and staring at the radio as the NightCrawler's
velvet voice seductively filled the air.

"LAURA!!  

The nearly swooning Dark CERK Perk was rudely yanked back to reality.  "What?"
She asked blinking.

"We're on a mission, remember?  There's no time for that stuff, well, not
right now 
anyway."  With that the Dark Pink Ninja executed a perfect 'Blues Brothers' 
parallel park maneuver directly in front of the CERK building.  

Laura got out and proceeded to inspect the car's resting position.  Impressed
she nodded her head and said, "Very, very good Ninja.  I can't believe how
much you've improved since the first time."

The Ninja grimaced and replied, "Yeah well, Nick was taking up two spots
anyway and besides his Caddy was just crying out for a new bumper. I just 
helped it along a bit, he should thank me!"

The duo looked at each other and grinned.  Then they stared up at the glowing 
CERK sign for a moment and with a determined look on their faces they
moved off together in perfect unison toward their destiny.

"Umm Ren?"  Laura hesitantly began "Where are we going?"

"Into the station."  Ren matter of factly replied.

Laura felt her stomach drop, "I can see that, but we're walking in the front
door."

Ren grinned and tightened the belt of her dark pink Shinobi Shozoku (Ninja's
traditional outfit), "Sensei always taught me that the best way to confront
your 
enemy is directly."

"Now, Ren let's talk this over before . . . " But it was too late.  The Ninja
pushed
open the front door and entered the lair of the NightCrawler.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Laura followed the Ninja. As a faithful sidekick, she really had no
choice! Besides...this was the home of the NightCrawler and there was
absolutely no way she was going to miss a chance to be near the source
of that lusciously hypnotic voice, even if that source was a
kidnapper! 

As they passed through the darkened corridor, Ren caught a
glimpse of a flashing red light. "There!" Ren said as she pointed to
the door that obviously lead to the main studio. The flashing 'on the
air' light was glowing above the entrance. "We'll need to find a
different way."

"Right...uh...I think I know where we should..." the Dark CERK
Perk stopped mid-sentence when a tall blonde woman appeared in front
of them. She was attractive and dressed to the nines.

"Hello. May I help you?" The duo, both wearing that "deer caught
in the headlights" expression, just stared at the owner of the
unexpected greeting.  "I said...may I help you? Are you here to talk
to the station manager? If you are, you'll have to have a seat and
wait. He stepped out of the office for a while."

"That's right," Laura recovered enough to stammer. "We're here to
talk to the station manager about..."

"Life insurance!" Ren finished for her. Laura nodded in
agreement. "Um...Can we get some coffee while we wait?"

The leggy blonde looked at them and smirked. "Sure. There's a
coffee shop on the next corner. Help yourself. I don't *do* coffee.
I'm a receptionist. I answer phones and greet guests. And right now,
I'm on my way out the door for a date with a nice rich old man. Have a
good evening." She was gone in a flash, leaving behind a rather
confused pair of Dark Perks.

"Well...at least we're alone again. That's the important thing."
"Yeah...but coffee would have been a nice gesture," Ren answered
wistfully.

"True...which is why I always have a thermos of hot coffee on my
Dark Perk utility belt !" With a flourish, the Dark CERK Perk
produced a black thermos and two collapsible coffee mugs from behind
her back and then poured them each a cup of Double Mocha.  As they
savored the taste of the revered beverage, Laura picked up where she'd
left off before they were interrupted. "We need to find the
transmitter room."

"Is that it?" Ren said as she pointed the door marked
"Transmitter Room" next to the studio door. Laura rolled her eyes and
then quietly opened the door. Making sure the room was empty of any
personnel, they slipped inside and closed the door behind them.

***********

Five minutes later, the daring duo exited the tiny room and
dropped to the floor. They crawled past the studio window and found an
office to hide in. "Now!" Ren ordered, and Laura pushed the button on
the small remote she'd been carrying. Immediately, everything in the
building went dark...and silent. CERK was off the air.

************
LaCroix could see quite clearly, and easily made his way to the
transmitter room.  He opened the door and a shower of sparks
illuminated the darkness. A small explosive device had been detonated
in the main control box, effectively shutting down the broadcasting
transmitter and kicking off the building lights as well. The ancient
vampire glared at the vandalized circuits just as the smoke activated
the sprinkler system. LaCroix was *not* amused.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

At the same time in the office of 'Sledge Stone CERK News Hawk' one very wet 
Dark Pink Ninja and her equally wet sidekick lay in wait for their chance.
The
streetlights outside had not been affected by the blast and their glow softly 
illuminated the room through the windows.

"You should see the junk this weirdo has in his desk!"  The Dark CERK
Perk whispered as she dangled a dark pink garter belt from the tip of an ink
pen.
"You know I always suspected this guy was hiding something."

>From her spot peeking out at the hallway through the closed window blind
the Ninja glanced over her shoulder at Laura and gasped, "Laura, you
picked the locks on his desk drawers?"

"Well, how else was I supposed to find out what was in 'em?"  Laura 
innocently replied while she examined a pair of size 13 wide purple 
pumps.

Ren shook her head in disbelief and started to say something when a loud crash
and shouted vulgarities came from behind the closed transmitter room door.  
Producing a Shuriken from a hidden pocket the Ninja smiled confidently and
said, "It sounds like he'll be busy for a while, let's go save us a List
Mommy!"

Laura looked doubtfully at the star shaped blade that the Ninja held, "Ren,
please
don't think that I'm questioning your abilities or anything, but what good do
you 
think that is going to do us?"

"Dipped in holy water and basted in fresh roasted garlic, the old bloodsucker 
will never know what hit him!"  Ren chuckled evilly.

Laura quickly reached out and grabbed the Ninja's arm stopping her, "You're
not really gonna hurt him are you?"  Her face was pale, her steel blue eyes
wide.  She was torn between her friendship with Ren and her burning love
for LaCroix.

Ren looked into those eyes and answered, "A Ninja is not a murderer, I will
only
do what is necessary to save Mary and get us all out alive."  Pausing
thoughtfully
for a moment she added, "Well, I might knock him out so that we could answer
the
age old 'boxers or briefs' question if we have time."

Then the Ninja quickly opened the door and she and the now happy Dark CERK
Perk 
stealthily crept toward the main studio door.  The continued banging and
bellowed
obscenities from the transmitter room assured them that they had time.

"Hey, Ninja how do you know that Mary is even in there?"  Laura whispered.

"It's this twin thing we have going, I can feel it in my heart.  Well, that or
I had
too much chili for lunch."   

The Dark Pink Ninja pushed open the door and did a blindingly 
quick back flip into the room lightly landing on her feet in a fighting
position.  With her Dark Perk Super Garlic Master Blaster  aimed and
ready to shoot The Dark CERK Perk followed her in, the Dark Perk Handy
Dandy Bright Light  on her belt illuminating the pitch-black studio.

Standing before them hands on hips, blond hair appearing to glow from the
light, with her pale blue eyes flashing in rage stood Mary.

"YOU TWO?!  I might have known you two would have something to do with
this!"  

The Dynamic Duo looked at each other in confusion.  

Mary ran a hand through her wet hair and sighed in exasperation.  Being a List
Mommy to the Dark Perk's was a bit more then she had bargained for.  "I was
here with LaCroix 
to be a guest on his show."

"Umm, a guest?"  Laura humbly offered.

"Yes, a guest." Mary paused for a moment and sighed in relief as the
sprinklers
finally went off then continued, "Tonight's topic was 'Abducted Hearts' and
the 
scheduled guest couldn't make it.  I was going to offer the counterpoint
opinion 
in her place when we heard a blast and all the lights went out.  LaCroix went
out
to see what happened then all of a sudden the sprinklers go on and you two
show up!"  

"An adequate description of the events my dear."

The Ninja and The Dark CERK Perk both paled visibly at the sound of
that unmistakable silken voice and slowly turned to face one dripping wet,
highly irritated 2000-year-old vampire.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Oops," the DP duo chimed in perfect harmony.

"OOPS??!! Is that all you have to say about this?! Just 'OOPS'??"
Mary's voice had climbed several octaves -- a clue that she was more
than a little upset.  Ren looked at Laura. Laura looked back at Ren.
They nodded mutely. 
 
"I'm sure they have more to say on the matter." 
LaCroix's voice held the three Dark Perks captive, and soon the Ninja
and her sidekick were babbling:
 
   "Mrs. Hitchcock..."
    "...screaming...in the kitchen..."
    "...afraid for the coffee..."
    "...but you were gone..."
    "...coffee was fine..."
    "...needed to be stronger..."
    "...said you'd been kidnapped..."
    "...NightCrawler took you..."
"WHAT?!" Mary interrupted the duo's Ping-Pong prattle. "She said
I'd been kidnapped? Oh...that...that...WOMAN! That wicked old bat KNEW
that I was going out to help LaCroix with his show! She was just
jealous!" The Dark Perk listmommy was fuming, but the Dark Perk duo
smiled thinly as Mary's wrath was obviously deflected. 
 
"Laura! Give the man a towel!" the Ninja whispered, pointing to
her sidekick's utility belt.  The Dark CERK Perk opened a small pocket
in the front of her belt and pulled out a one-inch square piece of
dark pink cloth and handed it meekly to the drenched DJ. LaCroix took
the unimpressive bit of fluff and arched a questioning (and doubting)
eyebrow in her direction.

"It expands as it gets wet, see?" Laura offered. Indeed, the
cloth began to grow as LaCroix dabbed at his face.  Soon the cloth was
a yard square of dark pink dampness, and LaCroix was a bit less
bedraggled.

"My dear Mary," he began softly with only a tinge of disdain in
his voice, "No real harm has been done here, and they *were* looking
out for your best interest." The duo nodded in agreement. "Of course,
I'm a little disappointed that they would be so quick to believe me
guilty of such a mundane act of kidnapping, but perhaps they were
caught up in the heat of the moment." More nods from the Dark CERK
Perk and the Dark Pink Ninja.

"I'm so sorry about this, LaCroix," Mary answered. "There must be
some way we can make it up to you."

"Actually, there is." Three sets of Dark Perk eyes widened in
surprise. "I understand you have a broadcasting studio at your
Mansion." A gasp of shock escaped Laura's lips at the mention of her
private studio. "Perhaps you'd be so kind as to allow me access in
order to continue my show.  The damage to the studio here will take a
few days to repair. I'd prefer not to disappoint my loyal listeners."  

"I......I'd be...I mean...You can...of course..." Laura
struggled but the words were stubborn and refused to be organized into
coherent sentence structure.  Fortunately, LaCroix understood that the
befuddled sidekick was consenting to his request. He put a long, cool
finger to her lips and silenced the embarrassing string of nonsense.
He smiled (and though it seemed almost predatory, Laura preferred to
think of it as seductive), and the trio of Thugs laughed nervously.
"Shall we adjourn to your Mansion, Ladies?" the vampire
suggested. "I think I'd like to have a word with your Mrs. Hitchcock 
after the close of tonight's broadcast."
 
"Stand in line!" Mary growled, picturing the moment when she
would lay eyes (and perhaps her hands) on the trouble making
housekeeper.  LaCroix gestured to the front door of the station, and
the three women exited the building and headed towards the Pinkmobile. 

"I'll meet you there...but hurry....because...the NightCrawler is
waiting for you." And LaCroix took the air.

"Better hurry, gals!" Mary said as she hopped into the back-seat
of the dark pink Caddy.  "You can fill me in on the details of
tonight's little caper on the way home."

"To the Mansion!" Ren said, tossing the keys to her sidekick.
Laura climbed into the driver's seat, turned on the engine, and roared
onto the streets of Toronto.  

With the "Peter Gunn" theme pouring out of the speakers and the pleasantly
warm night wind blowing through their still wet hair the Dark Pink Ninja and
her faithful sidekick The Dark CERK Perk gave a collective sigh of relief 
and grinned happily at each other.  

"Well," the Ninja proudly began, "our first mission was a success!  All
our training paid off!"

Mary leaned back into the dark pink upholstery and smiled.  She had
already forgiven her Twin the Ninja and The Dark CERK Perk, after all
they *had* risked their lives to come to her rescue.  Still, she couldn't 
resist the opportunity to tease the duo just a tiny bit, "A 'success'?  Umm,
let's 
see, the two of you single handedly blew up CERK on the mistaken assumption
that I had been kidnapped and you consider that a success?"

Laura jumped to their defense, "Hey, everything turned out fine didn't it?
LaCroix,"
She paused for a moment and sighed at the sound of *his* name, "was a perfect 
gentleman about it all.  I actually think that he was impressed by our
ingenuity and 
he *has* forgiven us and right now at this very moment he is about to ring the
front door bell at Dark Perk Mansion to gain entrance to *my* bedroom studio!"

With a snort Mary leaned forward and replied, "It may be in your bedroom
studio
but I am going to be the one sitting next to him."

"Now Mary I don't think that there will be room for 3 in my tiny little studio
and, well,
I mean it is *my* studio and LaCroix may have questions . . ."

"Umm, Laura?"  Neither Perk had noticed the Ninja's panic-stricken face so
intent
were they on who would be sitting next to the NightCrawler, "Umm, Laura?"  The
Ninja repeated.

"Yes?"  The faithful sidekick replied.

"Didn't you engage the Dark Perk Ball of Death  before we left?"  The
Ninja had a distinctly queasy look about her.

Laura's face took on an identical queasy look as she shook her head
and squeaked out the word, "Yes."

Mary frowned thoughtfully and asked, "You mean that disgusting giant dark pink
sauerkraut ball that you two had Demon Doctor Jenn come up with?"  When there
was no reply from either of the dynamic duo Mary continued, her voice rising
in terror with each word, "Didn't you two rig that thing over the front door
and set it up as a security measure and if it were engaged it would drop down
on whoever rang the
front door bell?" 


The End?

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