Fantasy Shopping
Disclaimer
This is a silly nothing inspired by all those cardholder evenings department
stores hold shortly before Christmas to encourage mass spending. This is my
take on it so please do not look for anything approaching serious plot. I
am trying to write something serious, but I couldn't get this idea out of my
head. The characters, ideas and locations contained herein are the property
of Messrs Parriot, Cohen etc. and Sony/Tristar and no infringement of their
rights is intended. This story is my property as are the original
characters Stacy and Anne Marie.
Archive permission given to Mel for the fkfanfic site and to Cousin Mary if
she would like it. Anyone else who wants it is welcome to archive it is
welcome, but please do ask permission first and leave my name and the
disclaimer attached. I would welcome any constructive comments at
blot30@hotmail.com but flames are unwelcome. Thanks as always to Cousin
Mary for beta reading this.
One final thing, there is some innuendo and some rather vulgar language.
Nothing bad enough to warrant an adult header but not quite suitable for
children or people who offend too easily. So I am rating this PG-13 and
please do not read if you are easily offended.
Fantasy Shopping
By Spike Shovelton
"Well, here's to Christmas." Tracy smiled at Natalie. It was late night
shopping at the department store, a special night for cardholders who wanted
to get their hands on some of the bargains. Nat and Tracy had decided to
meet for a drink, while they were taking a break from testing lipsticks and
selecting presents. "So, did you get anything good?"
"A new moisturiser. Working with the dead dries the skin out. Some of my
clients have better skin than I do." Natalie said and the other nodded.
" When we've had our drinks we'll have to try the ball gowns, we need
something for the winter ball in a couple of weeks." Tracy saw the other
look away. "You have to knock Nick dead." Natalie giggled and looked away.
Tracy sighed; she was not completely stupid. "No you see enough dead
people." She smiled. "I got some wicked underwear though. Black and pink
lace and silk, and real silk stockings." Tracy grinned. "I got a
competition to enter with it. It's organised by Agent Provocateur with the
possibility of winning a weekend shopping in London."
"By who?" Natalie asked.
"Agent Provocateur, it's an underwear firm in London, very sexy stuff. I've
bought stuff there when I've been in England." Tracy explained and looked
at the form. "Question one, which James Bond would be your ideal date?"
"I like Timothy Dalton myself." Natalie said in amusement. "He's got such
nice eyes."
"Nat you're dreaming, Sean Connery is unsurpassed. He can seduce me any
day." Tracy said quickly.
"Tracy he's ancient." Natalie said and the other raised an eyebrow.
"Well, even as Bond he wore a toupee."
"Did not, and besides bald is sexy, look at Patrick Stewart." Tracy said.
"He's enough to make anyone love Star Trek. No Sean Connery has this way of
looking at the woman, as though nothing else matters."
"Yes." Nat sounded dubious. "The trouble is that if he did try to seduce
you, you'd probably hit him. You don't like being told what to do and he
does boss people around."
"Yes but most of the women are so hopeless they need organising, he wouldn't
boss me around." Tracy objected. "Besides Timothy Dalton is so serious.
You want someone with a sense of humour." She ticked the box for Sean
Connery. "Mind you Pierce Brosnan is kind of cute." She sighed.
"What's the next question?" Natalie asked, enjoying this.
"Now, where would be your ideal location for a romantic date, Venice, Hawaii
or Edinburgh? I'm thinking Venice, a midnight gondola ride, and a cafi full
of gorgeous Italian men." Tracy licked her lips. "I went to Milan as a
teenager, and the men there were incredible."
"I don't know, Hawaii would be nice, long moonlit walks along a deserted
beach, cocktails in a bar, wearing a very little bikini and a lei." Natalie
smiled and the other returned the smile as they both realised that their
holiday dreams were set at night. Definitely they needed to spend more time
in the sun.
"I'm still going for Venice." Tracy said. "Now, detail in less than 150
words your favourite fantasy, G rated only." She smiled again. "That won't
be hard." She began writing.
"Come on Tracy, tell me all." Natalie said quickly. "Let me see that."
She reached for the form. "I won't tell anyone." Tracy pulled the form
away.
"Okay, well it starts in a suite at a very expensive hotel and I come in."
Tracy began.
"In what?" Natalie said and they both laughed.
"I arrive at the suite and throw off my suit and walk into the bathroom.
There I find a bath already run for me with asses milk." Tracy began and
Natalie nodded. "I turn around and there is a gorgeous man, naked except
for a pair of leather underpants, a small tight pair. The room is lit only
by the glow of candles and he turns silently and helps me into the bath.
When I am in the bath I stretch out and he feeds me strawberries and
champagne and chocolates, expensive chocolates."
"Sounds good." Natalie said in amusement. She tried to imagine this as she
studied the other. She could not see Tracy as Cleopatra.
"Then he helps me stand and holds a shower to rinse me off, before drying me
carefully. Then he leads me into the bedroom and I lie down on the bed and
my lover gives me an incredible massage." Tracy said and smiled. "Then we
move into X ratings. Now come on Nat, what's your idea?"
"No chance." Natalie said quickly.
"Tell me. I told you mine." Tracy said quickly. "Does it involve my
partner? I wouldn't tell him."
"It's still no, I don't think I could even try to compete with your vivid
imagination." Natalie said quickly.
"I am disappointed to hear it." Came an amused voice from behind them.
"That was becoming quite interesting."
Natalie shivered as she saw the figure emerging from a pillar and smiling at
her. She did not want to have to deal with Lucien Lacroix tonight. "What
are you doing here, Lacroix?" She asked coldly.
"I am a cardholder, I simply came to buy some more aftershave, and to do
some Christmas shopping." He responded. "You look delightful as ever,
Natalie. Please introduce me to your imaginative and beautiful friend."
Natalie shook her head. "We're leaving."
"Not on my account I hope." He smiled at Tracy.
Tracy watched this with interest. This could be worth following.
Especially given how pale he was, and how Natalie was reacting. Not to
mention that familiar voice, so she wouldn't. "Of course not, please do
join us." Tracy said.
Natalie wished the floor would open up and swallow her. "Fine." She could
not say anything without giving too much away. "Lacroix, Tracy." She said
quickly.
"Lucien Lacroix at your service. Of course, Tracy Vetter." He looked her
over with interest. So this was his son's partner. She looked quite
attractive. "I had seen your picture in the newspaper, but I had no idea
you were quite so lovely."
"Thanks." Tracy said and smiled. "I'm glad you approve of my fantasies,
but we haven't heard Nat's idea."
"No, and that would be interesting." He said. Tracy felt a little pleasure
as Natalie squirmed. It would serve her right for Nick and Natalie trying
to keep her ignorant. Not that it had worked. "Let me guess."
"It would involve Nick." Tracy said quickly. "That's my partner, but I
guess you know that."
"Oh yes, Nicholas and I are very old friends." Lacroix smiled. "Nicholas,
in the loft I assume?"
"No, too draughty." Tracy said and smiled at Nat. "Come on, tell us, or we
invent one."
Natalie went bright red at this. Bad enough Tracy being there, but she was
not going to tell Lacroix what she wanted. He raised an eyebrow. "Forget
it Lacroix."
"We won't tell Nick." Tracy said and turned to the vampire. "Will we?"
"Of course not. On that you have my word." He was intrigued; the little
blonde had undeniable potential. They waited and he was about to call off
the game when Natalie sighed.
It wouldn't hurt, and if he wanted to kill them he would. Besides he had
given his word. "Okay, a party. I'm wearing a beautiful ballgown and look
stunning, even better than " She trailed off, seeing the old vampire smirk
slightly. He knew whom she wanted to be prettier than. "Well anyhow I look
amazing and he can't take his eyes off me, and dances with me the whole
evening. Then we leave together and get into the caddy and he starts
driving home and I stroke his hand, just lightly but he turns and looks at
me."
Lacroix listened. This was getting interesting. He was enjoying this
experience. Nicholas had no idea what the women in his life wanted
especially not his lovely coroner.
Natalie thought she had to be going mad. There was no way she could be
telling Lacroix of all people her favourite Nick fantasy. Tracy refilled
their wineglasses and offered one to Lacroix who nodded. "Then he
concentrates on driving but I keep touching his hand and in the end he pulls
over into a lay-by, unable to contain himself."
"Hot sex on the back seats?" Tracy said and Natalie looked away. "I always
wondered if those seats were big enough to be comfortable. The snag is the
danger of someone passing by. Especially another cop."
"Innovative all the same, and this is a fantasy." Lacroix smiled at the
idea.
"Well we'd like to hear yours." Natalie said, forcing herself not to blush
too much. He raised an eyebrow at this and Tracy nodded.
"Yeah, you eavesdropped on mine, and we forced it out of Natalie, so give."
Tracy said quickly and settled back.
"I doubt you would believe me." He said and the two women glared at him.
"It'll be the booth at the back of the Raven." Tracy said and Natalie found
herself bursting into laughter. "Or perhaps in the cellar among all the
wine bottles on the stone floor."
"No, I don't think so, too uncomfortable." Natalie said, forcing her
laughter into check. Time to make the vampire squirm a little "I think it
would have to be something more grandiose for him. The top of the CN Tower
perhaps."
"Nat everyone does it at the top of the CN Tower." Tracy objected. "Too
much chance of being stopped, and too ordinary. It would be something more
unusual and tasteful. On the beach, watching the waves lapping and the
birds from the lake flying overhead."
"No." He responded and looked at them. "If you really have to know, a
moonlit night in the olive groves, on the cliffs overlooking the sea. The
wind would bear the scent of the orange and lemon trees and the lights of
Capreae would illuminate the night. We would have a picnic, my favourites,
spiced sausage, wines, honey cakes, freshly baked bread and ripe fruits,
oranges that we had picked together. I would lay out my maroon cloak and we
would sit together and feed each other and share a single goblet of
metheglin in the moonlight and we would count the stars together."
The women listened. Neither of them had expected anything quite so simple,
so normal. Natalie supposed in a few thousand years of experience, normal
became a pleasant change. Tracy had similar ideas, his fantasy was actually
quite sweet, and it seemed more like a memory than a fantasy. For a moment
neither of the women spoke, enraptured by his suggestion and unwilling to
break the mood "Sounds good." Tracy said eventually.
"It is one fantasy. The other is Nicholas actually paying attention to what
I say, but that is even less likely." Lacroix said dryly, trying to remove
attention from himself. He ought to have made something up. He certainly
shouldn't have told them that. Now he would not live it down. He did not
intend to tell them that he wanted such a mortal thing. He hoped that they
knew that if anyone else learned of this then they would not live to regret
it.
"Nick doesn't pay attention to what anyone says." Tracy objected. "I've
been trying to get him to actually listen to my suggestions for months and
he just sinks into his own mind. Last time I put smelling salts under his
nose, and he almost crashed the car."
"He doesn't take that much notice of me either, not as much as I would
like." Natalie said and sighed. "He won't do anything and every time I try
to arrange something with someone else he spoils it. I wish he'd, I don't
know, stop sitting on the goddamn fence all the time. I love him to
distraction but I can't spend my life waiting for nothing." Tracy squeezed
the other woman's hand.
"I think we should teach mon Nicolas a lesson." Lacroix said and was
rewarded with evil grins from the two women. "Let me see, what was the
last thing I did to punish him?"
"How about this?" Tracy leaned over and began to whisper. The other two
copied her as she began to talk through a particularly evil plan involving
the fire alarms in the loft; Nick's silk sheets and making the caddy vanish.
"Then we don't give him his car back until he agrees to give you the
respect you think you deserve, pay me the courtesy of listening to my ideas
and doing some of the paperwork, and fulfils Natalie's caddy fantasy."
"My dear detective, that is inspired." Lacroix said and looked her over.
"I can see that we have a lot in common."
"In that case, why not call me Tracy?" Natalie was still not one hundred
percent sure about this idea but then she nodded. Nick deserved a little
lesson in humility, and besides it might have a positive benefit. Besides
she had a feeling that if she didn't go along with it then Lacroix might
find something worse to do.
"Tracy." He purred. "So when shall we put Operation Car into motion?"
"Next Wednesday?" Natalie suggested, deciding that she was going to enjoy
this. "Should we synchronise watches?"
They did so and separated to do the rest of their shopping. After all there
was not long until closing time. They had to get ready for this trick on
Nick. Tracy smiled, this could be interesting.
She was not the only one to leave the shop smiling. As the department store
shut up shop two of the sales assistants were comparing notes in the
staffroom.
"So how did you do in lingerie?" Stacy asked her friend.
"Not bad, usual crop of embarrassed men wanting red underwear. Why do men
always want red underwear?" Anne Marie smiled and ran a hand through her
fair hair. "Do they really think women find bright, tacky red to be sexy?
The stuff they get is tacky as hell."
"I don't know. They don't seem to get it. Nine times out of ten it comes
back on Boxing Day and then goes into the sales." Stacy grinned.
"Any odd requests?" Anne Marie asked. "I had one woman wanting a fur lined
suspender belt."
"I can top that." Stacy jumped up and down. Her red hair tossed as she did
so and she stopped in front of the mirror and began to comb it. "We had one
interesting enquiry." She pulled out her lip liner and began to outline
carefully the edge of her full lips before filling them in with lipstick.
"Well stop primping and tell me." Anne Marie said.
"We had, I swear to god, a man come over and ask for enough asses milk to
fill a bath." Stacy said between giggles. "Who would want a bath in asses
milk?
The End?
1) I don't know what they would have done to Nick and the caddy. If anyone
can think of anything suitably evil then you are welcome to write it.
2) Capreae was the Roman name for Capri, a small island off the coast of
Italy, not too far from Pompeii. Metheglin was a version of mead; a honey
based spirit popular particularly in Roman Britain.
3) Agent Provocateur is the name of a London based (I think) underwear
company that specialises in underclothes that are, as the name indicates,
provocative.
(
geocities.com/area51/hollow/1228) (
geocities.com/area51/hollow) (
geocities.com/area51)