All right, a couple months ago on the DP list we were talking favorite
episodes and of course 'Trophy Girl' was mentioned. And it is indeed a
kickass Tracy episode, with the exception of the serial killer Nick
visits for insight who looks and acts a little bit like the Comic Book
Guy from the Simpsons. In this fic, they are the same person
Disclaimers: Don't own FK, don't own the Simpsons, might have some claim
to the Comic Book Guy's rap sheet.
Worst Serial Killer EVER!
By: Cousin Mary
"Ah, man...." Captain Reese sighed. He'd been flipping
through the crime scene photos of the gruesome new case with Detective
Nick Knight. Pretty girls with their heads and hands carefully cut off.
He shook his head, "I've seen some hellish sights, Nick. Read all the
psycho profiles you want to name. And I don't care however many reasons
they come up with to explain this kind of... perverted sickness, no
one's going to tell me they understand it."
"Maybe someone who's done it?" Nick offered Reese a file.
"Oh right, the Comic Book guy," Reese grimaced, "I
remember him, found all those body parts in his store. Laminated."
"And bodies," Nick nodded, "They caught up with him in
Springfield."
"Well, go talk to him," Reese agreed, "Couldn't hurt."
>>>>>>>>>>>>
Nick handed over his gun and pens to the guard at the
institution where the Comic Book Guy was held. "I want to be let in the
cell."
"You don't want that," the guard told him. "Really you
don't, trust me."
Nick stepped closer, catching the man's eyes, "You'll let
me in the cell."
The guard seemed a bit dazed but nodded, "Sure, whatever
you want. Here, this way."
Nick followed after the guard until they came to the back
cell where a large man in a stained 'Stanford and Son' tee-shirt sat
reading through a stack of equally stained comic books. He looked
surprised when his cell door was opened and Nick was let inside. The
guard then left.
Nick had to stop himself from visibly frowning, the man
smelled of slightly ripe nacho cheese and bratwurst. No wonder no one
was allowed in the cell. "Mr. er, eh, Guy, " Nick began awkwardly, no
one ever had been able to track down the man's real name, "I'm Detective
Knight, metro homicide."
"Homicide?" The comic book guy raised an eyebrow,
fingering his pencil thin goatee, "And you want something?"
"Information." Nick answered.
"No, you want insight." He smiled Nick, his breath
smelling like hot Mountain Dew, "Of course, if you want my help you'll
have to do something for me."
"What do you want?" Nick asked warily.
"My internet connection back," The Comic Book Guy began to
pace around his cell, "I have been remiss on Babylon 5 blog too long!"
"Uh, I can see what I can do," Nick frowned, having no
idea what a blog was. He turned his attention back to the case and
pulled out a file of crime scene pictures.
The round man grabbed the photos, his greasy fingers
already starting to smudge the corners, "Ah, now this is the work of a
sicko. Reminds me of the villain in issue 116 of the Amazing Batman and
Robin, where the caped crusader and his ward finally consummated their
unspoken love. But I digress. You ask "why?" Why did he do this? Tell
me, hasn't there ever been anything so precious in your life you couldn't
let it go? So rare and beautiful you felt compelled to protect it.
Preserve it."
Nick looked at him blankly.
"You protect and serve. I protect and preserve." The
Comic Book Guy grinned, "I was an artist in my own right. A
preservationist."
Nick was disgusted, "You're a taxidermist. Your shop was
filled with bodies."
"Ah yes, good old Android's Dungeon, tell me Detective.
How is my shop?"
"I think the condemned it."
"Genius is never appreciated in it's own lifetime," He
sniffed.
Nick waited a minute, but it didn't seem like than man was
going to add anything, "You think he's a collector? He's not doing
anything… else? Like Dahmer, he-"
"Puh-lease!" The man scoffed, "Do not go comparing this
man's work to Jeffy Dahmer, worst serial killer ever! It's supposed to
be about killing, the saving, not the eating! Wrecks the whole thing if
you eat it. Like Bazooka Joe, if you still have January 1967 issued 'Joe
meets the drunk priest,' with gum its worth in the neighborhood of 1600
dollars, without the gum a mere 14 cents."
"I, uh, didn't know that," Nick frowned. "The victims,
how do you think they're selected?"
"Well, all of mine, as you know, were women that attended
Batman: the TV show conventions, either with a passing resemblance to
Julie Newmar or, even better, Eartha Kitt. Rowr!"
"Yeah… but this case?" Nick indicated the pictures again.
"Don't!" The man was suddenly in Nick's space, his face
inched from Nick's, "Don't dismiss my stories Detective. I have a degree
in folklore and mythology!"
Nick sat back, confuse, "So you're saying he's picking
convention goers?"
"I am merely suggesting it as a possibility," He sniffed.
Nick stared at him for a minute. "You don't know
anything."
"Be that as it may, I will still insist on my internet
connection." He waddled to the corner of his cell where his computer
sat, "I am interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud connection to a 1.4
megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router
that's compatible with my token ring Ethernet LAN configuration?"
Nick was completely lost, "I'll get right on that." He
almost ran to the cell door, "Guard! Let me out of here!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Nonsense, but fun :-)
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