SUMMARY: Kathryn receives a long awaited letter from Mark, but is it what she wants to hear?
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Paramount, the rest is mine. This is for fun only, and since I don’t intend to profit from it, I hope no one minds that I took them for a little ride. Feel free to archive or reproduce it, but please keep this header intact along with the Author/E-mail info. Any use other than personal, please let me know so I know where it’s going.
Copyright 1998 by NODA E-Mail: noda@ballcom.com
STARDATE: Some time after “Message In A Bottle.”
Kathryn sat on the sofa in her quarters, PADD in her hand. She was dying to read the information stored there, and apprehensive at the same time. It had only been a matter of days since the Doctor had returned from the Alpha Quadrant with the news that Starfleet at least knew they were alive and well and in the Delta Quadrant. He claimed to have told Headquarters everything and that they would be contacting the crew’s families. She hoped that included her Maquis crew as well. She tried to decide if it was good that the ruling body of Starfleet was aware she hadn’t captured the Maquis, but instead had welcomed them aboard her ship as equals. On the one hand they would have time to hash out all the implications of their union, and on the other, with more time to consider the variables, they might be more lenient on the former out-laws. There were so many things to think about--try to contact Starfleet again, perhaps receive messages from loved ones through the Hirogen’s Array. . . . The questions this new twist in their lives had brought up were almost as far-reaching as the space they continued to cross.
That had been three days ago, and now, miraculously, she sat nervously on the edge of her couch, with Mark’s letter in her hand. She remembered the look on her crew member’s faces when Harry announced they were receiving messages through the Array from the Alpha Quadrant. Due to the distance, the messages could be downloaded as text copy only, no audio or visual to accompany them, but that didn’t matter. They could have been sent in ancient Morse-code and the people on *Voyager* would have rejoiced.
Kathryn thought of the expression she had seen on Chakotay’s face when Harry informed her she had a message coming in. It could be her mother or her sister, but she thought it was more likely Mark. Chakotay must have thought so too, as several emotions crossed his face: Happiness that she’d had word from home, curiosity, and finally hope. Hope that whatever the note contained, it wouldn’t change the nature of their relationship, and cause her to retreat from him and resolve to wait for her former lover. She had placed a reassuring hand on his arm and gave him a small smile as she stood and informed Harry,
“Transfer it to my Ready Room.”
At first she was going to read it on her monitor, but the room seemed too job-oriented for such a personal task. She down-loaded it onto a PADD, and left the Bridge to return to her quarters.
The data pad lay on her coffee table a good half-hour before she picked it up again. She had changed out of her uniform into casual clothes and left her feet bare. After the confines of her Starfleet-issue boots, the freedom felt wonderful. She paced around the room, glancing at the PADD several times. What was she so afraid of? She’d waited for over four years for some word, some sign from Mark, and now that she had it, she was too scared to read it. Was she afraid he’d given up on her? Was she afraid he hadn’t? That Mark had remained steadfast in his devotion to her, even though Starfleet had officially considered *Voyager* lost with all hands aboard? That she’d feel guilty in the face of such devotion because she’d gone on, and now thought of a different man? Bracing herself, she sat down on the sofa and accessed the data.
*Kath,* the letter started, not “Dear Kath,” or with the formality of “Dear Kathryn,” just Kath, as if he talked to her on a daily basis and this message a quick after thought of something he had forgotten to mention earlier. She was unsure if the casual tone was a good or a bad sign and continued to read:
*Kath,*
*I just got word from Starfleet that you’re alive! I can’t tell you what a shock and a surprise it was after so much time! There’s so much to tell you, and so little time. Starfleet says they’ll try to send this message but can’t guarantee it will even reach the Delta Quadrant, much less your ship, but I have to hope it will. I’ve also been told to keep this brief, and I have to try to condense four years into a few paragraph’s. There’s no easy way to say this, especially under the restrictions of time and brevity, so here goes. I’m married.*
As the word “married” jumped out at her from the display screen, Kathryn stopped reading. Married. They had talked of marriage at one point, even promised to discuss it more seriously when she returned from this “posse mission” that originally was only going to take a few weeks at the most. Now he had married someone else. She didn’t know what to feel. Was she jealous? Upset? Happy? Relieved? She decided it was a mixture of all of them. Although she was happy he’d gone on and found someone to share his life with, it was a little hard on her ego to admit she could be replaced. Never mind that she felt herself attracted to her First Officer. That could be explained by the confines of ship-board life and the fact they were so cut-off from the familiar, she rationalized. What if she had met Chakotay under different circumstances? Would she still be so attracted to him? What if he’d remained with Starfleet and they’d met at some official function, would she find herself wanting to get to know him better in spite of the fact she was engaged to Mark? The point was moot as she *hadn’t* met him at a different time and place. If she wanted the answers to her questions, she knew she had to read on.
*Her name is Eris and we met at a symposium on Vulcan two years ago. She had just lost her husband to the battle with the Dominion (do you know of them yet?), and I was grieving over the disappearance of your ship. It started out that we were just friends, helping each other through our losses. But then it started to become more. I tried not to fall in love with her, Kath, honestly I did. We were both struggling with our attraction to each other when finally we both admitted there was nothing wrong in loving someone else, even if you were still in love with someone who was gone. She's so much like you in so many ways, her personality that is, physically she’s almost your exact opposite. She’s of African descent, but her tenacious, caring nature reminded me of you immediately. Actually, it’s a good thing you don’t look alike, I don’t know if I could have handled getting to know someone who looked like you but wasn’t you.*
Kathryn stopped reading again as tears started to gather in her eyes. He understood, he’d been there. His experiences with Eris echoed those she had with Chakotay, and she wondered if Mark knew she would be reading between the lines and applying his situation to her own. The only difference was he had acted on his feelings. Took the necessary step forward to complete his life. But he was a civilian, as Eris was, presumably. There were no protocols or command structures to take into consideration if they became involved. Pushing that thought away she continued on, but Mark had completely switched gears and dropped the subject of his wife.
*I talked to your Mom and Phoebe and told them how you’d been found, or at least been discovered alive. Each family is only allowed one message and they thought I should be the one to contact you but they wanted me to tell you how much they love and miss you! Your Mom is fine, still in the house in Indiana, Phoebe’s married and is expecting twins any day now! Do you remember Thad Mazurak? That’s who Phoebe married, if you can believe that!*
Kathryn had to re-read the last paragraph. Phoebe married too? To Thad Mazurak? She *hated* him! There wasn’t a day that went by when they were growing up that Phoebe hadn’t made some snide comment about him! Of course, look how she herself had felt about Mark as a child. . . .She shook her head to clear it. And she was going to be an aunt! Oh how she wished she could be there! The thought that she may never even see those babies caused a piercing pain in Kathryn’s heart. Most times she could reconcile herself to her situation of being so far from home, but this was too much. Tears ran down her face as she thought about all she was missing, and would miss. She almost wished she hadn’t gotten the letter. It was almost better to live in ignorance rather than be faced with the fact she may never see her family again. Then the Captain in her took over. It was always better to know the truth, know where you stood, even if it was painful. She wiped her tears and bravely read on.
*Molly had her pups about a month after you were gone, I wanted to keep them all for you, for when you returned, but she had seven of them, and I just couldn’t take care of that many dogs, especially in my small place. I did keep one, she was smaller than the rest, but what spunk! I named her “Katie” after you, and I can’t wait for the two of you to meet.*
*You certainly caused a stir around ‘Fleet Headquarters, but then you always did like to shake things up! The implications of your combined crew have had them all in staff meetings for days, and there’s no sign of it letting up. I wish I could give you some clue about what’s been going on in them, but the security around those meetings is tighter than a Ferengi’s purse. I can tell you though, that the Maquis have disbanded. Most are in hiding somewhere and some are awaiting extradition to Earth to face the charges against them. I don’t know how this information will affect your ship, but I thought you should know. I’m out of time and megabytes, Kath. I know you’re still so very far away and the possibility that you’ll be home soon is slim, so I want you to promise me something. Promise me you won’t deny yourself a chance at happiness with someone because you’re the Captain. I *know* you Kath. I know you probably have some misguided view of what is considered proper behavior for a commanding officer, and you’ll cut yourself off from your crew because of Starfleet’s fraternization policies. Don’t lose out on what you could have over your damned principles! Try to at least. . . .*
There Mark’s letter ended. No doubt he had written more, but it had been lost in the transmission. How did he know her so well, that he could read her emotions over sixty-thousand light years away? She had never loved him more than at that moment, and yet she was never more prepared to reconcile that love to a corner of her heart that would always belong to him. Wiping her eyes one last time, she stood up and opened a drawer, the one that contained Mark’s picture. She touched the image in the frame, her mouth curling up into a sad little smile, as she replaced the picture and added the PADD next to it. He left her with much to think about, but for now, she needed to talk to someone on the Bridge.
THE END
Back to the NODA'S Fan Fiction