~43~

Daniel stood outside Sam's door, knocking rather loudly. It was the second time he'd knocked, and it surprised him Sam hadn't answered. Maybe she was out, or asleep. He was about to turn away when he heard the door unlock. Before it was fully open, he heard her ask,

"Jack?"

"Uh, no. It's Daniel," he smiled when her face came into view. He watched her face fall slightly, then a small smile blossom as her cheeks turned pink.

"Sorry, I thought. . . ."

"I know. It's okay. Can I come in?"

"Huh? Oh, sure! Sorry Daniel! I guess the Goa'uld removed my manners so they had room for all those new memories they added!" she joked. It didn't escape his notice Sam used the same evasion tactics Jack did. Shaking his head, he thought it really was a crime they were forced apart.

"Have a seat," she offered. "Get you something, beer? Soda?"

"Nothing, thanks. I just came by to see how you were doing."

"Great!" she answered almost too quickly. "You know, there's so many little things I've been meaning to get done, but never seem to get to, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I never seem to get everything I want cataloged. Of course since were all on down time now. . ."

"You're all off?" she asked.

"Yeah, General Hammond thought we could all use some time to get things back the way they were." He didn't want to articulate the fact it was *her* they were waiting on, but he could tell by the look on her face she knew what he was really trying to say.

"So, Jack. . I mean Colonel O'Neill is off then too?"

Daniel looked down, lacing his fingers together. "Yeah, all of us." Returning his gaze to hers, he added. "Look, Sam, it's not like he doesn't want to see you, it's just that I talked to Janet, and we all agreed maybe it would be better if you didn't have so much contact with Jack right now. You're dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions at the moment and Janet thinks maybe. . ."

"Daniel, I know you're trying to help, but keeping Jack and I apart isn't the answer. Just because I have these memories of him, doesn't mean I can't control myself around him! What I need is to get back to work. Get back to my routine. I know I told you I was doing great, but I'm not! I'm going stir crazy and it's only been a day! I need something to do to take my mind off recent. . .events."

Daniel smiled. "I know how that goes. How about if I bring you some work from your lab? That way you'll still be following doctor's orders, and maybe you won't go nuts."

"Too bad you can't smuggle the naquada reactor out," Sam grinned, taking a seat next to him. "But I'll be happy just to write my report. Think anyone will be suspicious when it's done before I return to work?"

"From you? Hardly. Now if it was Jack on the other hand. . . ." Suddenly he realized he'd said. "Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to remind you or anything."

"Daniel, you can say his name! You're acting like he died or something! I admit I'm a bit more preoccupied with him than I used to be, but I'm sure that will pass. It'll just take some time." Sam smiled at him reassuringly, and Daniel tried to believe it was just a matter of her getting back to her routine.

"Sam, this is probably none of my business, but if you feel like talking about what happened to you, what it was like, you know you can talk to me, right?"

Sam nodded. "And you're my friend, so yes, it is your business. It's just that it's a little awkward talking about it, you know?"

"Maybe Janet would be better," he offered.

Sam stood and began pacing. "It's not that it's a 'woman' thing, Daniel. I'd have a hard time talking to her about it, too."

He watched her walking around the living room, debating with herself if she should say more or not.

"It's kind of embarrassing, you know?" she said at length. "The Goa'uld had to start *somewhere,* so obviously these thoughts were already there." Sam looked down as she stuffed her hands into her pockets, another gesture of Jack's she seemed to have picked up, Daniel noted.

"Sam, the fact you and Jack are attracted to each other is hardly news." She looked up, worry creasing her brow. "Not that either of you have ever acted inappropriately," he was quick to add. She seemed to relax a bit, but didn't elaborate on her statement. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. They invaded your mind, exploited your feelings to get what they wanted. Frankly, I'm amazed you held out. Sounds to me like their tactics would have been pretty convincing."

Sam made a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a snort. "Yeah, pretty damn convincing."

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel awkward around us. Let me put it to you this way--what if you and Jack were seeing each other? I know, I know, the regs, but what if they weren't an issue. Would you feel odd being around Teal'c and I?"

"Of course not! You're our friends! And I'd like to think we wouldn't act any differently at work."

*Except the flirting would probably be off the scale,* Daniel thought to himself. "Okay, so why is it so hard for you to talk about this to me? It's not going to change the way you relate to us, but it might help you to share some of what you're feeling."

Daniel watched the internal debate going on within his friend. Sam was an intensely private person, and it was difficult to let her guard down. Well, it was one thing the four of them shared. None of them were very forthcoming with personal information, and yet, they placed their lives in each other's hands practically on a daily basis. Surely, this kind of trust could be extended to personal matters?

"I suppose it's more the fact it's made Colonel O'Neill uncomfortable," she said quietly. "I think I really embarrassed him with the way I acted when I first came back." Sam looked over at him then looked quickly away. "I kind of threw myself at him."

"You thought you were married," Daniel said. "It's understandable."

Sam laughed ironically. "Yeah, but when you all told me the truth, I kept denying it, clinging to the fantasy." Her voice dropped lower, "because I wanted it so much." She paused for a moment, then added, "do you know what I did today? I went for a walk, ended up in that little shopping district, the one by the park? Anyway, I'm window shopping when I saw this lamp and the first thought I had was, "wouldn't that look great on the end table by the fireplace?"

Daniel looked for a table, but saw none. "You don't have an end table, or a fireplace for that matter."

"But Jack does," she said with a sad smile. "The point is, I'm still thinking in terms of our life together, that it was *our* house, not just his. It wasn't until the sales clerk got me talking that I realized what I was doing."

Daniel stood, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Sam," he mumbled. "I know what it's like to have someone you care about so close and yet out of reach at the same time. I wish I could tell you it's going to get better soon, but it is going to take some time." Daniel was stroking her hair as she nodded her head against his shoulder.

"It's just so hard," Sam said, still in his embrace. "Remembering what a great life we had and him not knowing any of it."

"But it wasn't real," Daniel said gently.

"That's the bitch of it," she sighed. Pulling out of his arms, Sam wiped away a few stray tears, laughing nervously. "I think I've cried more this past week than I have my entire life."

"I just wish there was something I could do to ease your pain."

Sam took his hand in hers, squeezing gently. "You have, Daniel. I do feel better talking to someone about it. You feel like staying for dinner? I've got plenty," she asked hopefully.

"I'd love to, but I really need to get back to the base. SG-5 brought back a bunch of stone tablets and I've got to try to make some sense of them by their briefing tomorrow. I'll take a rain check, though."

Sam's smile was forced. "I understand."

"Why don't you call Janet? Maybe the two of you could go see a movie or something."

"I don't need a baby-sitter, Daniel," she chided.

"No, but I thought you might like some company." He could tell whose company she was thinking about, but she knew as well as he did it wouldn't help the situation. Sam and Jack spending more time together would only perpetuate the myth they were married in her eyes, and Sam needed to get back to where she was. "I'll drop those reports by tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good. Thanks, Daniel. For everything."

"Well, I wish I could have really helped. . . ."

"You did," she assured him.

Standing at the door, Daniel leaned over giving her a peck on the cheek. "See you tomorrow, Sam."

~44~

Jack was pacing the corridor outside the elevators on level 20, waiting for Daniel's return. What the hell was taking him so long? He said he was going to run home, pick up a change of clothes and stop in to see Sam. That was two hours ago. Maybe he'd gotten her to talk, he tried to reason with himself. Some how, the thought gave him little comfort. He didn't like the fact it was Daniel who'd been voted in to help Sam with her re-adjustment. Frankly, he was a little perturbed at Janet for taking Daniel's side, but maybe they were a little more objective than he was. He had to admit his judgment was a little cloudy when it came to Sam. Carter, damn it! Carter! That's probably why Fraiser agreed with Daniel he was too close to the situation.

Daniel looked up as he stepped from the elevator. "Jack! What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you. How's Sam?" Jack thought he detected a hint of a smile on Daniel's lips at his question.

"Fine, well, sort of."

"Why? What's wrong?" he didn't mean to sound so desperate.

"Nothing a little work won't cure," Daniel smiled, heading toward his lab. "You coming?"

Jack followed him down the hallway, waiting for him to unlock his door before he pounced on him. "Going nuts all ready, is she?"

"You know Sam," Daniel answered, picking up his coffee pot, heading back out to the hall to fill it from the drinking fountain.

"Yeah, I do," Jack muttered as Daniel left. It was unlikely he could do anything for Sam Daniel hadn't done, but it still galled him she'd been declared off limits until she returned to work. Janet even advised against him even calling her, which Jack thought a bit excessive.

Daniel returned, filling the coffee maker with water and new grounds. "So what did you guys talk about?" Jack prompted when it was clear Daniel wasn't going to start the conversation.

"Oh, this and that. You mostly."

"Me?"

"Well, stuff about how hard it was dealing with her memories of her other life with you." Jack looked at the floor, hands in his pockets. His head was bobbing in understanding. "And about how she felt bad because she made you uncomfortable, I think is the way she put it."

Jack's head snapped up. "She's worried this is awkward for me?"

"All of us, actually, you, me, Teal'c."

"It's not like she has a choice when she's been brainwashed!" Jack exclaimed.

Daniel shrugged. "I suppose she sees it as some kind of weakness. You know how she is about trying to be tough all the time."

"Yeah," said, nodding in agreement once more. "You really think it's better if I don't talk to her?"

"Right now? Yeah, I think I do. She needs to get over this. Mourn if you will. You have to remember, in her mind she's just lost a husband and a baby. I think she really needs some space."

"I suppose you're right. Any idea when she might be coming back to work?"

"That's up to Janet," Daniel said. Then smiling he added. "If Sam gets a hold of her, I'm betting it's before the week's out!"

Jack grinned as well. He could imagine her pacing around her house, doing all sorts of mundane tasks just to keep busy. Ten to one the next time he saw her book shelves, all of her books and CDs would be alphabetized and cross-referenced. That is if they weren't already!

"I'm going to sneak her out some work," Daniel confided. "Don't tell Janet or I'll be next on her hit list."

"What are you going to take her?"

"She asked about doing the report for her rescue."

"Is that wise?" Jack asked, "You and Fraiser keep saying she needs this time to 'heal.' Don't you think this is going to keep her thinking about it?"

"No, actually, I think it might do her some good. Maybe if she had to explain it from an impartial view point, it might put some perspective on it for her."

"You're the doctor, Doctor," Jack said, as he turned to leave. "I'm gonna let you get some work done. Thanks, Daniel."

Daniel's brow creased. "What for?"

"For being a friend. To both of us."

~45~

Sam stood just outside the first check-point into Cheyenne Mountain, smoothing down the top of her fatigues. Somehow, it seemed silly to be worried about the appearance of clothing made to get dirty, but she was nervous. It was the first time she'd been back inside the mountain since her rescue over a week ago.

Janet had pushed for more down time, but Sam pushed back harder, stating she'd need a padded room if she didn't have something productive to do. Finally, the doctor relented, allowing her back on part-time duty, and only in the lab. SG-1 was back on the rotation, but with Gregg Harrison still occupying her spot.

She had to admit while she found Captain Harrison a capable officer, she was jealous he was the one going out with her team. The sooner Janet gave her a clean bill of mental health, the sooner she'd be with them, back where she belonged.

Taking a few steps forward, Sam walked up to the check-point, happily signing in.

"Welcome back, Major," the young Airman manning the entrance said with a smile, giving her a salute.

Sam returned the smile, and the gesture. "Thank you, Airman." Taking a deep breath, she headed for the elevators.

Her first duty was to report to Janet; a concession she'd made to be allowed back in her lab. Walking the corridor of level 21, Sam witnessed Janet quickly ending a phone conversation with the words, "she's here." Giving her a guilty little smile, Janet turned to face Sam.

"Nothing like making a girl feel a little paranoid," Sam smiled, surprised at the butterflies she felt in her stomach.

"General Hammond requested to know when you arrived," Janet said as she settled her onto an exam table. Sam didn't quite buy it, but decided it wasn't worth questioning the doctor over.

"How is everything?" Janet asked.

Sam had to laugh. "Janet, we were at the movies last night! You know how I'm doing!"

"Humor me, Major," Janet said, her lips turned up slightly into a quirky grin. "This is Doctor Fraiser you're talking to now."

"Oh, sorry, *Doctor,* I didn't see that phone booth you slipped into." Both women burst out laughing.

"Okay, now this is serious!" Janet said, her face neutral once more. "Have you noticed any residual side effects from the memory device?"

"Other than memories?" Sam quipped.

"You know what I mean."

Sam sighed. "No. Nothing physical, if that's what you're talking about. The site where it was placed is almost healed," she said, unconsciously touching her fingers to her temple.

Janet checked her vitals, noting them on her chart. "Other than your blood pressure and heart rate being slightly elevated, everything looks good."

Sam leaned forward and looked into her friend's eyes. "I'm nervous, Janet. What did you expect my blood pressure and heart rate to be?"

Patting Sam's arm, Janet gave her a warm smile. "I know. Once you're settled into your lab, I'm sure you'll feel better. Come on. I'll walk you."

"Really, Janet, I'm a big girl, I can handle a walk down the hallway."

"I know, but I'm headed that direction anyway."

"Fine," Sam said, wondering what was up. Her lab was in the opposite direction of the elevators, and the only thing beyond her work space was a few storage rooms.

Engaged in a discussion about the movie they'd seen the night before, Sam didn't notice the difference in her lab until she was practically inside.

"Welcome back!" the group before her called out. Sam was shocked. Inside her lab was her team, Captain Harrison, General Hammond, Sergeant Siler, and a few of the techs she worked with on a regular basis. The computer print-out banner proclaiming the same sentiment was suspended from clamps on the ceiling.

"I told you I was talking to General Hammond!" Janet grinned, pulling her into the room. Sam's mouth was still open, too astounded to reply. This was the last thing she expected! She thought for sure she'd be able to sneak into her lab without anyone noticing she'd returned. She wasn't sure who'd organized the gathering, but it warmed her heart to witness her friends supporting her return so whole-heartedly.

Just then Jack stepped forward, his eyes meeting hers. She was unprepared for the wave of emotion that passed over her. She'd missed him this past week, but she had no idea how much until she saw him standing before her. From the look on his face, he'd missed her too, and it endeared him to her even more.

She ached to wrap her arms around him, instead she clenched her hands into fists, willing her arms to stay at her side. Knowing they were both being watched very closely, she did her best to appear unaffected by his proximity. Her stomach was twisted in so many knots, it was almost painful. It was a good thing Janet wasn't checking her vitals now!

"Welcome back, Carter," he said, his voice almost husky, as he handed her a huge blueberry muffin with a candle in it.

Sam looked down at the muffin, certain if she kept looking at him she'd do something stupid. "A candle, sir?" She asked, trying to defuse the tension between them

Jack's hands slid into his pockets. "It's a party. Parties have candles, right?"

Sam's lips turned up at the corners as she tried to suppress a grin. She dared to look back up at him, saying. "I guess you're right, sir. I'd cut the cake, but I don't think there's enough to go around." The occupants of the room chuckled, then began moving forward to wish her well on the way to returning to their duties. Teal'c surprised her by engulfing her in a bear hug, dwarfing her.

"It is good to have you back once again, MajorCarter."

"Thanks, Teal'c. I'm glad to be back. Even if it is on a limited basis."

"I believe it will not be the case for long," he stressed, causing Sam to smile at his support.

Daniel was next. "You look great, Sam. I'm glad you're back." He too pulled her into a hug, not nearly as engulfing as Teal'c's.

"Thanks Daniel. I owe a lot of it to you," she said.

Janet was next, leaving her alone with Jack. Whether it was planned or not, Sam couldn't say, but she found herself even more nervous being alone with him.

Clearing his throat, Jack said, "Daniel's right you know. You look great."

Sam ducked her head, hoping he didn't notice the blush covering her cheeks. "Thank you, sir."

"You know, I would have come to see you if Doc Fraiser hadn't advised against it."

"I know." Chancing a glance back up at him, Sam realized why Janet had insisted he stay away. Looking into his eyes she felt the same emotions towards him as when she'd woken in the infirmary. If anything, the time apart only served to remind her how much he meant to her. How much she loved him.

But she had to use some of that famous Carter resolve to get over him. To forget what it was like to be held in his arms, even if hers were itching to wrap themselves around him.

"I, ah, probably better get going," he said. "Let you get to work. Plus, you've got that whole muffin to take care of."

Sam smiled at his attempt at levity, grateful he was trying to get things back to normal as well. She was turning to place the muffin on her desk when Jack stepped closer, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"I mean it, Carter. I'm glad you're back." With that, he bolted from her lab, quickly putting some distance between them.

Sam watched him stride down the hall. "Me too, sir."

~46~

If Sam thought being back on base was what she needed to take her mind off Jack, boy, had she been wrong! Every time her mind had a free moment, it seemed to settle on him. What he was doing at that same moment; was he thinking of her? How much she just wanted to be with him. Not even to talk, necessarily, just be in the same room together.

She'd been concentrating so hard on expelling the sound of his voice from his head, that when he'd actually spoken, she passed it off as fantasy.

"Carter!" Jack called again, this time catching her attention.

"Ja. . .sir! I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in!" She tried to tone down her smile at seeing him but wasn't terribly successful, causing him to grin back at her. His smile had always effected her, and now it seemed even more painfully obvious how a wry grin from him could make or break her day.

"We're headed down to the commissary for lunch, wanna join us?"

"Us, sir?"

"Teal'c, Daniel, me," he added quietly. Sam was tempted in more ways than one, but she hadn't made much headway on her research that morning.

"I really should try and catch up on some of this back log, and. . ."

"Ah! I don't want to hear it! This is your first day back. No one expects you to solve the problems of the universe on an empty stomach."

"They're hardly the problems of the universe, and if you recall, I had a rather substantial breakfast not. . ." Sam paused for a moment, looking at her watch. "Wow, six hours ago!"

"I rest my case, Major."

"I appreciate the offer, sir, really, I do, but the experiment I'm running right now is rather sensitive. I don't know that I should leave right now."

Jack looked a bit hurt, as if she was rejecting him, when in reality she was dying to join him. She just didn't think it was a good idea to be alone with him. Well, sort of alone. Daniel and Teal'c would be there, but in some ways that would be worse. She knew she had her friend's support, but she also knew they would be watching her for inappropriate behavior toward their CO. It was bad enough when strangers in the facility speculated on them; it was worse when it was friends.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jack tried to appear casual, as if he wasn't taking her refusal personally. "Suit yourself, but just remember--Doc's got her eye on you!" Sam grinned at his implication, knowing full well he spoke the truth.

"I'll get something in a little bit, I promise."

"Okay. See you later."

Sam watched him leave her lab. Why did he have to say that? Was it merely a form of farewell, or did he truly mean he *would* see her later? Now her mind was buzzing once more, completely distracted from the job at hand.

She hadn't been entirely truthful about her experiment. It needed to be run, and it was sensitive, but she hadn't started it yet. Perhaps she should work on making her fib a fact.

~47~

Jack walked away from Sam's lab, hands in his pockets, trying not to feel hurt at turning him down. It wasn't odd for her to refuse, he tried to tell himself. How many times had she actually taken him up on his offer to join them for lunch? It just seemed as if she was more stand-offish than usual. More guarded--something.

He could hardly blame her when he didn't feel that comfortable around her either. That's why he'd asked her to lunch. Maybe if the four of them spent a little bit of time together, they'd get back their "groove." If he was truthful, he wanted the safety net that came with being in a group. He wanted to talk to her, assure himself she was coping with her old life, but he couldn't do it one-on-one.

He'd met Daniel and Teal'c as planned, lingering in the commissary after they'd left, hoping he'd see Sam come in for something to eat and possibly join him. He felt like a kid with a crush, hoping the girl who'd caught his eye would come into the school lunchroom and maybe favor him with a glance or a smile. Finishing up the last of the cold coffee in his mug, Jack realized what he was doing, and shook his head at his behavior. It was then he noticed how late it had gotten. Not only had he blown most of his afternoon, but Sam still hadn't come in for something to eat. He'd take her a sandwich, he decided. Nothing wrong with a friend dropping off a snack, he reasoned. He'd do the same for Daniel, he told himself. Only difference was, he wouldn't have noticed if Daniel had eaten or not.

Picking up a sandwich, Jack also grabbed an orange juice, hoping it would carry her until dinner. Dinner made him think of the food he'd purchased her nearly a week ago. Surly that was gone by now. Had she gone grocery shopping?

"Jeeze," he muttered to himself, as he made his way to her lab. He was getting worse than mother hen. The woman was certainly capable of taking care of herself, whether she was confused or not. Riding in the elevator, Jack thought seriously about what it must have been like for Sam, waking up in the infirmary, convinced she'd been married to him, and having lost a child. It was like some kind of reverse amnesia.

He had to admit he didn't let himself dwell on what she'd told him about their marriage. No sense pondering the what-ifs of the situation when it would never happen. Not that it wasn't a pleasant thought, though. And one he found himself wondering about more daily.

Looking up, Jack realized he'd reached Sam's door. He never realized how automatic the journey had become for him lately, even passing the infirmary without concern someone might notice him. However, now that he was there, he was nervous. What was he going to say to her? Chastise her for missing lunch? How far could he stretch the excuse of being her commanding officer concerned for her welfare?

Jack peered into the lab, noting Sam was wearing a pair of protective goggles, tinkering with some hunk of. . .something. Not wanting to startle her, he watched her for a few minutes, smiling as he observed her concentrating on her work. Suddenly, Sam stood up, looking straight at him. For a moment time froze as they simply stared at each other, neither finding the words or the need to speak.

Clearing his throat, Jack broke their eye contact, stepping further into the room. "You never showed up for lunch," he gently rebuked, "so lunch came to you."

Sam smiled, accepting the sandwich and plastic bottle of juice he held out to her. "Thank you, sir. It really wasn't necessary, but I appreciate it." Her fingers accidentally brushed his as she accepted the food, and again they both stopped, aware of the undercurrent of tension that instantly rose between them. Was it always going to be this difficult? Every touch electrifying, igniting something they both knew was impossible?

"So, whatcha workin' on?" he asked, unconsciously picking up a black block from her work bench.

"I'm not sure," she said, automatically removing the object from his fingers. SG-11 brought it back with them, I guess a few days ago, and so far no one's got a clue what it is."

"Yeah, I remember when they brought this through," he said. "Major Matteson kept asking when you were going to be back. He's certainly dying to know what it is."

"Well, it's a good thing he didn't try to tinker with it," Sam said, pulling up stool, indicating he should sit. "Or he might have been just dying. I've found it's got quite a few fail-safes."

Taking a seat herself, it didn't escape Jack's notice how close she sat to him. It was as if for the moment she'd forgot the constraints of their ranks and saw him merely as Jack. Hopefully, she wouldn't realize how familiar she was acting and literally back off. She was so intent on her description of what she'd discovered about the gizmo, she didn't realize how relaxed she'd become with him.

Jack completely zoned out her explanation, concentrating on her actions rather than her lecture on alien technology. He loved to watch her when she was deep in thought. Especially when she was expounding on some theory. A light came into her eyes, a passion to her voice that made him want to reach out an touch her, to share in her enthusiasm. He knew he was staring at her, enthralled with her beauty both inside and out.

She was staring back at him, with a glazed look, one he knew was echoed on his own face. Lord, he wanted to kiss her when she looked at him like that! Suddenly realizing what he was about to do, Jack blinked, sitting up straighter, pulling away from her.

Jack gave a little cough. "Um, I should let you eat." Nodding, Sam half-heartedly agreed, dipping her head, but not before he saw the frown etched between her brows. Jack hated seeing that expression, but didn't know what he could do to ease it. Obviously they weren't going to get back to their professional roles at this rate.

Jack stood, heading for the door, then turned. "Hey, Carter," he said, hoping the use of her last name would give them both a little perspective. "I was thinking of getting a poker game together later. You up for it?" Somehow they had to get things back on track, and a nice friendly game of cards, along with a little beer might be what they all needed.

Watching the emotions crossing her face, he could see she was contemplating the dangers as well as the benefits of spending some down time with him. "I don't know, sir, I'm not so sure it's a good idea. . . ."

"Come on, Carter! It'll be an early night, I promise. It's been too long since we all got together and relaxed.

"Well, if it's not too late. . . ."

"I promise, I'll have you in bed by 2300." Sam's eyes widened, causing Jack to realize what he'd just said.

"I don't mean *I'll* have you in bed. . .I just meant that. . . ."

Sam's turned up grin let him off the hook. "I knew what you meant, sir. Sure. It sounds like fun."

"Great! I'll set it up. 2000. Bring some beer," he added with a smile. Walking away from her lab, he decided this was the right thing to do. Everyone needed some time to get reacquainted, and this was as good a way as any.

~48~

Sam pulled up to Jack's house, noting Daniel was there, presumably with Teal'c. Janet's car was also parked in the drive-way, making her the last to arrive. Well, it was better than being alone with Jack in his house, she reasoned. She knew Janet had been invited as a friend, but wondered how much of the doctor she'd brought with her as well.

Staring at the exterior of the house, Sam felt a rush come over her, almost like an intense feeling of deja vu. In some ways it was, she remembered how she felt the first time she'd arrived at the house with Jack, after their supposed honeymoon. She'd been so skeptical of his claim they'd been living together, it took until they were inside for her to believe him. Now, seeing the house invoked bittersweet emotions. Remembrances of the time she'd lived there, and the harsh reality she no longer did.

Gathering her courage, Sam opened the car door, then walked around to her trunk, retrieving a case of beer. It was probably too much, but then they'd have extra in case friends dropped by. Shaking her head, she corrected herself. *The Colonel* would have extra if he had guests. Was she ever going to stop thinking of him in terms of them?

Janet said she needed time. To be fair, she had to agree a week wasn't enough time to get over her experience. The worst of it was the implanted thoughts came to mind unbidden at the worst time. That afternoon, when Ja. . .the colonel, had brought her lunch, the first thought she had was how skipping meals wasn't good for the baby. It took her a moment to remember *she* was the only one she had to worry about over a lack of carbohydrates. It wasn't constant, just nagging little thoughts that would steal into her mind at inappropriate times. What was she going to do if she was on a mission and she became distracted as she did now? She could compromise the safety of the team. No doubt it was the reason Janet hadn't cleared her for 'gate travel yet.

Walking up to the door, Sam was just shifting her load to knock when the door flew open, revealing a grinning Daniel.

"About time you got here! We were about to send out SG-3 for you!"

Sam smiled as she handed Daniel the case of beer, disappointed yet relieved Jack hadn't answered the door. "I got out of the lab later than I thought," she said, feeling guilty for the white lie she told her friend. True, she worked longer than she should have, but her tardiness was due to sitting in her house, trying to make up her mind if she was really going to come or not. At the last minute, she decided to not show up would be cowardly. If she hoped to be a functioning member of SG-1 again, she was going to need some practice in the courage department.

"I told Jack that, but you know him, for some reason he was convinced you weren't coming."

*He's probably as nervous as I am,* Sam thought, stepping into the foyer. If she experienced a sense of deja vu from the outside, looking around the interior of the house hit her with such a force, she felt her knees grow weak. For a moment she was disoriented. The furniture was back in its customary location; Jack's things spread around. It looked so different from how she remembered it. The sofa sat where her bookcase had stood. Her stereo was missing. Instead Jack's out-dated system stood in the corner. They'd relegated it to the bedroom once her things had been moved in. At least that's how he'd explained it's absence to her.

Viewing the living room, Sam felt a loss. Their belongings had merged well together. As well as they had.

"Sam? You okay?" Daniel asked, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah," she answered a little breathlessly. "It's just kind of a shock. The last time I was here, it looked a lot different."

Daniel's mouth opened and closed, unsure how to respond to her statement. Reaching out, Sam patted his arm. "It's okay, Daniel. You don't have to say anything. It's just going to take some getting used to. At least that's what Janet keeps telling me." Looking up, Sam added a little too brightly. "And speak of the Devil! I'm sorry I'm late. I hope I didn't hold things up too long."

Sam didn't miss the concerned look passing between her friends as Janet smiled, pulling her further into the room. "No, you didn't. The colonel's still getting the table set up. I was helping with the snacks when I heard you come in. So, how are you doing with all this?"

"By this, I assume you mean being back in what was my home with Jack?"

Janet looked a little uncomfortable. "Yeah."

"Honestly? It's hard, Janet. When I walked in, it was such a shock to see things back the way they were, I mean before I moved in with him. I mean before I *thought* I'd moved in with him." Sam buried her face in her hands. "Oh, God. Is this ever going to get any easier?"

Janet put her arm around her shoulders, giving her a hug. "Eventually, yeah. I know this is really hard for you, Sam, but I think the sooner you start to realize the memories you have aren't real, the sooner you'll be back to your old self."

Pulling away from her, Sam said, "it's not that I don't know they're fake. I do. But I don't want them to be," she quietly admitted.

"What are you saying?"

"Janet, you know how I feel about Jack," she said, not even trying to recover and call him by his rank. "I *liked* that life. I *want* that life! It's a little hard to convince myself it's better this way when I don't believe it!"

"You know why you can't have that life," Janet said.

"Of course I do," Sam sighed. "It's just that it's so hard when there's so many constant reminders of it. Like today, he brought me lunch because I was working, and I accepted it like it was a normal occurrence. Because it's a gesture a husband might do for a wife. It wasn't until he'd left I realized how unusual it'd been. Sure, he bugs me to eat like the rest of you, but he's never brought me food, at least at work."

"Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to come over here tonight," Janet said, worry creasing her brow. "I thought maybe if you had more tangible evidence that *this* is real, it might be easier to accept."

Sam gave her a sad smile. "It's not a question of real. It's going back to Purgatory once you've been to Heaven."

Janet started to speak when Jack interrupted them. "Hey, there you guys are. We playing cards or what?"

"Oh, right," Janet said. "That activity between drinking beer. We'll be there in a minute."

Jack grinned at Sam. "Hey, Carter. Glad you made it."

Sam managed a smile of her own. "Wouldn't miss it, sir."

~49~

Sam sat back finishing off the last of her beer, watching the fierce compitition between Jack and Daniel. For having such an expressive face, Daniel was a surprisingly good poker player. While Jack might have strategy on his side, Daniel had bluffing down to an art. How he could call up that innocent face on demand amazed her.

"I need another beer. Any one else need one?" she asked, rising.

"I'll take one," Jack said, not lifting his gaze from the cards in his hands.

"I'm okay," Daniel said, equally engrossed in the competition. Sam shook her head as made her way towards the kitchen. Teal'c was fine with his soda, and Janet declined as well.

Entering the kitchen for the first time that evening, Sam was relieved very little was different from the way she remembered. Apparently she hadn't had much in the way of kitchen accessories to add to his home. Sam opened the refrigerator, bending down to extract two beers. She looked up at the sound of the swinging door, smiling when she saw Janet.

"The colonel sent me for more snacks. Apparently if I'm not in the game I'm waitstaff."

Sam smiled at her comment. "So, what's he want?" She asked, opening the door to the cupboard where she had kept the snacks. Seeing a stack of plates, she felt her color. "I forgot. He keeps his munchies near the sink."

Janet looked at her, clearly debating whether she should say something.

"What?"

"I feel like I'm harping on this, Sam, but are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little disoriented for a second. Kind of like when you move your furniture around and it's the first time you've walked through the room in the dark."

Janet nodded, reaching for a bag of corn chips. Sam was twisting off the caps of the beers when she noticed several lying in the sink. Suddenly, her eyes began to well up with unshed tears.

"Sam? What's wrong?" Janet asked, instantly by her side, engulfing her in a hug.

Sniffling, Sam managed, "there's bottle caps in the sink."

Turning her head, Janet agreed. "Yeah, there's always caps in his sink when we're drinking beer. What's the big deal?"

Sam pulled back, wiping her eyes. "We had a fight about the bottle caps. It was stupid, really, but he was making me start to believe we really were married, and I guess it was easier, safer, to start a fight than admit I was falling in love with him."

Janet seemed surprised at Sam's candor. "Are you in love with him?"

"A few weeks ago, I would have said I didn't know. I mean there's always been the attraction, and the kind of deep caring that comes from being a close team."

"And now?"

Sam was blinking her eyes trying to dispel the moisture once more. Unable to meet her gaze, she looked down, sighing. "Yeah, Janet, I am. And I don't know what to do about it."

Just then Jack came bounding into the kitchen. "Hey, ladies, what's the hold up with the beer and munchies? I just beat the pants off Daniel and I need to celebrate!" Noticing the expressions on their faces, Jack's exuberance melted away. "Um, I interrupt something?"

Sam did her best to give him a happy smile. "Not at all, just a little girl talk, right Janet?"

"Right. Hey, if you really beat the pants off Daniel, I better get in there before I miss the show," Janet said, quickly leaving the kitchen. For a moment, Sam panicked, left alone with Jack. She was surprised Janet was in such a hurry to leave them together, in light of their conversation. Didn't she realize how vulnerable she was right now?"

"I did interrupt something, didn't I?" Jack asked, looking sheepish.

"It was nothing, sir. Don't worry about it. Wow! Would you look at the time? You know, I really should get going. I've got a big day tomorrow, and I still haven't figured out that black box of SG-11's." She left her untouched beer on the counter as she started to step around him to leave.

Jack put out his hand to stop her, then quickly pulled back when he realized he was holding on to her upper arm. "You sure you have to go? I mean you haven't given me a chance to win back all the money you took from me."

Sam looked up into his eyes, feeling her heart beat faster. This room, this house, held too many recent memories for her, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to pretend it didn't. Her voice caught as she stared into his eyes. "Yeah, I do have to go." Sam turned, determined to get out of his home with a small amount of dignity.

"Just remember you owe me a rain check on winning that money back."

His words caused Sam to stop for a moment, as she remembered promising him a rain check for something a little more intimate, not that long ago. "I'll see you in the morning, sir."

~50~

Jack sat in his office attempting to make some sense of his paperwork. It always amazed him how it seemed to multiply when he had a day off. What the heck was going on in that inbox while he was gone, anyway? Hammond had also handed him a mission brief for an upcoming assignment he would be discussing with him and the rest of SG-1 later that morning. The General left it up to him whether to include Sam in the mission or not.

It had been two week's since Sam's flight from his house the night of the poker game, and she didn't seem to be getting any closer to her old self. If anything, she seem even more depressed. Thinking what she needed was more time with the team, he made an effort for the four of them to spend as much time together at work as possible. Janet told him something of what she'd discussed with Sam at his house that night, but due to patient confidentiality, she'd been pretty vague. Suffice it to say, Sam was having more trouble coping with her memories than Janet thought she would. Jack could feel it too. Often when they were in the commissary or other public room, he'd feel her eyes on him. When he'd catch her, she'd quickly look away, but not before he'd seen the longing in her gaze.

Did she realize it wasn't any easier on him? He'd always wanted more of a relationship with her. When she'd been the one holding them in check, he managed to stick to the rules. But now the excuse of regulations was growing thinner by the day. When he remembered how panicked he'd been when he thought he'd lost her, he wondered why he bothered fighting his feelings for her. If only he didn't have to choose between her and the SGC. Not for the first time, he found himself envious of his fictitious double. One thing was for certain--the SGC needed the "old" Sam back. Even if that meant their future was put on an indefinite hold.

Perhaps this cake-walk mission would be the way to ease her back into her former role. *Yeah, cake-walk* he thought. Just like P2X993 had been a day at the beach. There was no such thing as an easy mission when you were on another planet. Some were just less intense than others.

"Okay. Carter's in," he said aloud. Deciding the sooner they all were comfortable with 'gate travel again, the sooner they could put the last six weeks behind them. He kept Harrison on as well. Perhaps if he worked with Carter he'd gain some insight into her methods. Not that he wasn't good, but a little tutoring from the best couldn't hurt.

***

The briefing wasn't scheduled until after lunch and as usual, Sam wasn't in the commissary. Sitting with Daniel, Teal'c and Janet, Jack wondered if anyone else noticed she was missing.

"Hey, there you are," Daniel said, scooting over so Sam could pull up a chair next to him. For the first time in ages, Jack noticed excitement shining in her eyes, and he decided including her in the mission had been a wise choice.

"I finally cracked that box SG-11 brought back!" she enthused. "It's a type of energy storage unit."

"You mean like a battery," Jack smiled, enjoying baiting her.

"Well, in a way," she said, reaching over snatching a carrot from Jack's plate. At first he was a little surprised at the familiar gesture, but then they *were* all friends. He supposed it wasn't so odd she'd helped herself to something from his meal. Munching on the vegetable stick, Sam continued. "you saw how small it was! From what I've been able to determined, it'll store enough juice to power the gate several times over. And it'll store several types of energy at the same time--naquada based and some I don't even have a name for yet." Throughout her explanation, Sam continued to help herself to food from Jack's plate, as if she didn't even notice what she was doing. "Boy, I didn't realize how hungry I was," she smiled snitching one last bite from his plate.

Jack just stared at her, unsure what to say. She'd certainly never acted so at ease with him before, and he found himself a bit concerned. Did she have any idea how intimate her actions appeared? It was beginning to make him feel a bit uncomfortable, witnessing the startled looks the others around the table were giving him. Just then, Sam reached out a hand, wiping a spot at the corner of his mouth, her thumb stroking his bottom lip as she removed a bit of food.

"Sorry, Jack, you had something stuck there," she grinned.

Jack's eyes widened in shock, glancing quickly at the stunned faces of his friends. "Ah, thanks, *Major,*" he said hoping she'd take the hint and realize how personal her behavior had become.

Sam blinked, as if suddenly comprehending what she'd been doing. "Oh, God, sir! I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking I was. . . . Oh, God," she muttered again, rushing away from the table, her face flushed bright red.

"Carter!" Jack called out, starting to follow her when Janet stopped him.

"Sir, maybe you better let me."

Jack clenched his napkin in his hand, frustrated to be side-lined. But Janet was right. It probably was better if he didn't talk to Sam right now. Taking his seat once more, he noticed Daniel peering over the rim of his glasses at him.

"Ah, what was that?"

"MajorCarter seems most confused," Teal'c added.

"Ya think?" Jack raked a hand through his hair. "You're guess is as good as mine what's up. I mean I really thought she was doing better. I know she's still kind of depressed, but since she's known about that altered memory device, she's never just started acting like. . .like. . ."

"Like she was your wife?" Daniel supplied

"Well, yeah. Man, that was weird! It was like she was having flashbacks or something!"

"I have heard of such occurrences when one is no longer in possession of Eros' Elixir," Teal'c said. "Although, I believe such behavior is typical for those who have had long-term exposure."

"You mean you think they used that stuff on Sam and she's going through some kind of withdrawal? She couldn't have been on it very long."

"Eros Elixir is designed to deceive the emotions of a Goa'uld, whether that of a Jaffa or a fully blended host. I believe if the same dose was given to a Human, it would be addictive much quicker."

Jack leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. "Great. *Now* what do we do? I can't take Carter off-world when she's like this." Spreading his fingers, looking at Teal'c, Jack added. "Ya know, you could have *mentioned* this little detail when we brought her back."

"I did not think it would have been necessary for Eros to deceive MajorCarter in such a manner."

Jack looked at Teal'c, knowing full well what he was getting at. Sam didn't need any kind of a push where her feelings towards him were concerned. Daniel too looked as though he hadn't missed the inference, but fortunately chose not to comment on it.

"So, there must be some kind of antidote or something," Jack said, giving Teal'c a hopeful look.

"I do not believe I have ever heard of one. That does not mean one does not exist."

"So where do we get that?" Daniel asked.

"Madam Rue?" Jack said. "'You know, that gypsy with the gold tattoo?'"

Teal'c frowned. "I do not believe I know a Jaffa by the name of 'Madame Rue.'"

Daniel tried to suppress a grin. "Jack was trying to be funny, Teal'c. It's a line from a song called 'Love Potion Number Nine.'"

"I am only acquainted with only one love potion, as I said."

"Never Mind! Jeeze, Teal'c! You can kill a joke faster than anyone I know!"

"Maybe we should get to briefing," Daniel suggested. "I think General Hammond is going to want to hear this latest news."

~51~

George Hammond was not a happy camper, as O'Neill would have said. Not only had he bent the rules more times than he could count where SG-1 was concerned, their last mission had been about as unorthodox as he could imagine. And now they wanted to go *back?*

"Colonel," Hammond chuckled. "I'd like to think I've got as good a sense of humor as the next man, but you can't be serious about returning to Eros' ship!"

"Look, General, I know it sounds crazy. . ."

"No, crazy was letting you go off with Jacob on an unofficial mission to go looking for *one* missing team member. It's insane to even *think* about purposely seeking out a Goa'uld who's probably already got revenge on his mind!"

Jack held up his hand. "Um, for the record is 'insane' worse than 'crazy?'"

"Jack," Hammond said, "you're trying my patience."

O'Neill actually had the good sense to look contrite. "Yes, sir."

"Well, we have to do something!" Daniel cried. "I mean we can't just leave Sam this way!"

"Yeah, spontaneous bouts of affection really *are* hazardous to her health," Jack mumbled under his breath.

"You sound like you don't want to help her!"

"Of course I want to help her, Daniel! Didn't I just ask the General to let us go find Eros? I'm just saying I don't think the situation is as bad as you're making it out to be. She's not incapacitated just because she thinks she was married to me!"

"Gentlemen, please! I think we can all agree this situation doesn't bode well for Major Carter. Doctor, what can you tell me about her condition?"

Janet glanced at the men around the table. "Well, sir, physically, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her. Emotionally, that's a different story. I have to agree with Colonel O'Neill when he says she's not incapacitated, at least on some levels."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Doctor."

"She's perfectly capable of performing her job in the lab. In a combat situation? I can't say how she might react. Especially if something were to happen to the colonel," she quietly added, looking down at the table.

"So what you're telling me is her judgment is being impaired by her false memories."

"Not her false memories, necessarily. Most of the time she knows what's real and what she's been given. The behavior I witnessed in the commissary was different from when she woke up in the infirmary initially. This was more like a. . .

"Flashback?" Jack offered.

"For lack of a better term, yes. Like a drug-induced flashback. Symptomatic of withdrawal."

"You mean like a from a hallucinogenic substance," Hammond clarified.

"Yeah, you know, like the Seventies. You remember the Seventies, don't you, General?"

"Not in quite the same way you do, I'm sure, Colonel." Turning his attention back to Fraiser once more, Hammond asked, "I take it you have nothing to counter-act this drug?"

"Sir, I can't even find traces of it in her blood. If I could find enough of it, I might be able to synthesize a counter-agent. I wouldn't have even suspected anything like this if Teal'c hadn't told me about the cumulative effects of this. . .potion."

Hammond's brow creased as he took in the information the people at the table had presented him. The outlook didn't look good so far. "Teal'c, providing I authorize a mission, does this Eros have an antidote for his Elixir?"

"I am not certain, GeneralHammond. I do know he is the only one likely to have it. I do not believe even his companion, Psyche knows his secrets."

"How long before the Elixir works it's way out of the body?"

"As far as I know, the continued need never leaves," Teal'c said.

"So what you're telling me, is Major Carter will not recover on her own."

"I do not believe so."

Hammond ran a hand over his smooth head, blowing out a breath as he leaned back in his chair. "Doctor, you said the Major's judgment is being impaired, but what about in the lab. Won't her judgment be in question there as well?"

"Well, it's not a life or death situation, sir. I can't recommend her for field assignments. At least with SG-1," she said pointedly.

"But if she was assigned to a different unit, then what?"

Janet looked surprised, as if she'd never considered the option. "Then I would probably say there wouldn't be a problem."

"General, you can't break up SG-1! She's a great second-in-command, but she's *my* 2IC!"

"I think that's part of the problem, Colonel." Jack looked confused, but Hammond knew he'd gotten his meaning. He wasn't blind. He knew Sam Carter's feelings for her CO weren't the only emotions in question. On the one hand, transferring her to another team might make things worse. How distracted would Carter be if O'Neill was on one world and she was on another? He wouldn't be doing anyone any favors by splitting them up. And what if Teal'c was right and these spontaneous flashbacks never went away? The more he looked at the problem, the more he was beginning to realize the only true solution would be to let O'Neill and the rest of SG-1 attempt the impossible once more. Lord knew Jack would never let up on him about seeking out Eros. Perhaps it was better to bite the bullet and get it over with.

"Even though it's against my better judgment. . ."

"Thank you, sir!" Jack cried, jumping to his feet.

"Jack, at least do me the courtesy of *pretending* to allow me to authorize this mission?"

"Yes, sir," he said, taking his seat once more.

"As I was saying, I'll give you a go, *providing* we get in touch with the Tok'ra. I'm not so sure they're going to allow Jacob to take off on a personal matter again, but you need a ship, and they're the only ones likely to have one."

"Great," Jack said, slumping in his chair. "We all remember how 'prompt' the Tok'ra were the last time."

"Colonel, those are my terms. Take them or leave them."

Jack straightened up in his chair. "Thank you, sir. Will you be contacting the Tok'ra or would you like me to?"

"I think I'll let you have the honors, Colonel."

"Oh, joy," he said just loud enough for Hammond catch his remark.

"Something you'd like to add, Jack?"

"Me, sir?" he said with an innocent smile. "No, sir."

Hammond just shook his head. Well, if nothing else this mission would get O'Neill out from underfoot. He just hoped Jack and his team would return to continue to plague him.

~52~

Sam had never been so mortified in her life. What the hell had she been thinking eating from Jack's plate like that? Wiping off his face as if they were the only two in the room? And even if they *had* been the only two in the room, what on Earth possessed her to act so informal with him? The worst of it was it felt so natural, so right. She hadn't even noticed what she was doing until he'd addressed her by her rank.

Sitting at the intersection, waiting for the light to change, Sam buried her face in her hands. Even alone her cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment. How was she going to face him again? Or the rest of her friends for that matter? Janet had followed her to the lab, offering soothing words and reassurances, but Sam knew the truth without Janet articulating it--she wasn't fit for off-world duty when her emotions were so out of control.

The light changed, and Sam turned to the left, not really paying attention to the direction she was heading. She'd been fine! Well, at least as fine as she could be. She accepted the fact her memories had been altered. She *knew* that. Not that it made being around Jack any easier, but it also meant she didn't go around acting like "that Sam" since the day he convinced her she'd been manipulated. It was almost like she was possessed. She'd never encountered someone with multiple personalities, but from what she'd heard, it was the best way she could think to describe her situation. Now she had to worry about when her "evil twin" was going to pop out?

No, not an evil twin, she decided, just a version of herself that still believed the fantasy she was married to Jack. And when she was "herself" again, she was left to take care of the damage control. God, what a mess!

Sam continued to muse on the latest curve Psyche and Eros had thrown her when she noticed where she'd driven. It wasn't home, as she had intended. At least her home. It was Jack's. Shaking her head, an ironic laugh escaped Sam as she sat at curb, engine idling.

"Christ, I can't even drive myself home," she commented aloud, finding no humor in the fact she'd automatically ended up at Jack's. Staring at the house, Sam knew she should just pull out into the road and return to her own house. She'd used the analogy of being possessed, right? What better way to exorcise demons than to face them? Maybe if she went inside, wandered around, proving to herself it was just *his* house and not theirs she could keep "Samantha" at bay.

Sam's gaze flicked to the rear-view mirror, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. It was early. Jack would likely be at the base for hours, if not overnight. She should have time to walk through his house and be gone before he even left the SGC.

Cutting the motor, Sam stepped out of her car, checking the key ring for Jack's extra key. They'd all agreed it was a good idea each member of the team had spare keys to the other's dwellings should some emergency arise. She doubted this was Jack's intention when he'd given her the key, but she hoped he wouldn't mind. It wasn't like she was entering to steal his beer or anything!

The interior of the house was surprisingly cool. He'd drawn the drapes to keep out the afternoon sun, casting the living room in almost an ethereal glow. It looked so different, she thought, feeling the ache in the pit of her stomach. After the poker night, she thought it might be easier seeing the house void of her things, but this afternoon it seemed to drive home the fact her belongings had never been here. Trailing her fingers along the arm of the sofa, she thought it really did look better against the other wall. Maybe if she moved it, he'd realize it looked better too.

Without another thought, Sam started tugging the heavy couch across the floor, having to move other pieces of furniture out of the way to reposition the lounge. Once in place Sam decided the end table had to go at the other end, and a lamp needed to be moved as well. Fifteen minutes later, Sam stood back to survey her work. It really made the room look bigger she decided. Surly Jack would agree.

Moving into the kitchen, she thought the way he had things organized really wasn't the most efficient. She started out moving plates, but soon had the contents of all the cupboards strewn across the countertops as she rearranged things.

Satisfied with her results, Sam roamed the rest of the house, straightening a book here, adjusting a frame there until she came to the patio door. Stepping out onto the deck, she realized the lawn could use some attention which brought back memories of the day they'd had their water fight. That was the night things really started to fall into place with her and Jack, and she felt an overwhelming sense of loss. She'd never have that kind of relationship with him. Not as long as she remained in the Air Force. Or he did. And she didn't see either of them able to leave.

Sam sighed, sliding open the patio door, stepping back into the cool, quiet house. There was just one more room she had to see, then she'd go, she told herself. This was one room she hadn't seen the night they played cards. A room she wouldn't allow herself to see. But if she was going to face all her memories within this house, this was a room she couldn't ignore.

Climbing the stairs, Sam was surprised to find the door fully shut. Why would he shut the door to his bedroom when he was the only one in the house? She opened the door, and a grin broke out across her face. Just as she suspected, the bed was unmade, clothes strewn on the floor, and magazines were falling off the night stand. The sight was actually the most reassuring one she'd seen since she'd entered the house. For a military guy, he sure could be a slob! It was one of the things she loved about him. It was as if this was his one act of rebellion in a completely ordered existence.

Picking up T-shirts and jeans, she placed them in the laundry basket in his closet, lingering over one shirt. It was old and faded, but the stylized "Maui" was still clearly readable. Obviously this had come from a trip prior to their honeymoon. Perhaps a vacation that inspired him to take her there for their post-wedding trip.

Next she headed for the bed, smoothing out sheets and rearranging blankets. Suddenly she stopped. Looking at the bed, she remembered the last time they'd made love. He'd started out so serious, taking her to heights even he hadn't achieved, only to later have her in a fit of giggles as his playful side won out. Smiling, Sam sat on the bed, stroking his pillow, remembering how they would lay on their sides, facing each other, talking about their respective days, names for the baby or even such inane topics as the weather. It didn't matter. When she gazed into his brown eyes, and saw the love and affection she was sure was mirrored in her own, they could have been talking about sports scores and she would have hung onto his every word.

Sam couldn't resist the urge to lay on her right side facing Jack's side of the bed. Curling up, she hugged his pillow to her chest, trying her best to fight the pain around her heart. Slow tears leaked from her eyes as she buried her face into the pillow, taking in his scent.

"I love you, Jack," she mumbled into the collection of feathers. "I miss you so much."

~53~

It had been a long day, and Jack was ready to go home. After meeting with Hammond, he'd gone to Sam's lab to tell her the latest news, only to find it empty. Surprised, he contacted Janet who informed him she'd sent Sam home. Apparently she'd been incredibly upset at her "slip-up" in the commissary. He had to admit he was a little uncomfortable with her display. Not so much with her actions as the location. He contemplated going over to her house to see if she was okay, but he wasn't sure what he'd say to her. The trouble was, he really hadn't minded the familiarity. In fact, there was a corner of himself that actually enjoyed her being relaxed enough with him to be so casual. Still, it was probably for the best she had some time alone to deal with what had happened earlier.

Having resolved returning home was the best course of action, Jack was surprised to see Sam's car parked outside his house.

*She probably came to apologize,* he thought to himself as he pulled into the drive. There really was no need, but he could see Sam feeling the need to clear the air. Walking over to her car, he noticed she wasn't there. She'd let herself in? Not that it upset him, it was more that it seemed out of character for her. If she'd come to apologize, she wouldn't be taking liberties like letting herself into his home.

Curiosity now piqued, Jack entered the house. "Carter?" He called out, but there was no answer. It was dark in the living room, but he knew his way around, so declined turning on a light. Suddenly, his shin connected with what felt like the coffee table.

"Son of a bi. . . . " He took another step forward and ran into another piece of furniture. Fumbling along the wall, he felt a light switch under his fingers. As the room became illuminated, he started. "What the hell. . . .?" Okay, now he was getting worried. Sam didn't just drop by and start rearranging his furniture! "Sam?!" He called out, running from one room to the next, but he still hadn't found her. Was she upstairs? He could recall only one instance where she'd been in his room, to borrow a shirt, and she'd been so nervous, she just about jumped out of her skin. Of course that was before they were married in her head. Now it was all falling into place. He'd heard her mentioning to Janet the night of the poker game how the furniture was in a different place than "they" had it. Was she trying to recapture a bit of their life together by rearranging his house?

He was taking the steps two at a time; something was obviously not right with her. His bedroom door was ajar and he distinctly remembered closing it before he left. Bursting into the room he saw Sam lying on his bed, curled into a ball with his pillow clutched to her chest. For a moment he stood frozen, unsure what to do. This was a side of Sam he'd never seen, and frankly it was unnerving.

Jack sat on the edge of the bed, thinking his movement would jostle her awake. Sam hadn't stirred, forcing him to reach out and gently shake her. "Carter," he said quietly. "Carter! You okay?"

Sam jerked, instantly awake. "Jack!" she smiled, sitting up. Then suddenly, the smile faded, "um, sir." She ran her hands through her hair, looking around the room. "What am I doing here?"

"I was kinda hoping you could tell me. What's with the redecorating?"

"Redecorating?"

"The living room?" he reminded her. At her blank expression he elaborated. "Moving the furniture?"

Sam's hand came up to her mouth. "Oh, my, God! I really did that? I was having a dream and I thought. . . ."

"Looks like you picked up in here, too."

Sam gazed around the room, as if to verify she really had done what she thought was a dream. "Oh, shit," she said, burying her face in her hands. "That means I did the kitchen, too."

"Well, it's not a service I usually expect from my 2ICs, but hey. . . ." Jack tried to joke, but it didn't have the desired effect. Sam's face was still hidden by her hands, and Jack couldn't resist pulling them away to look into her eyes.

"It's okay, Carter. The place could do with an overhaul."

"No! It's not okay!" she cried, embarrassment abandoned for anger. "Don't you see? I didn't intended to come here today! I was at the intersection and instead of going right, I turned left, and I didn't even realize it until I was outside of your house! And then I just came in and took over like I owned the place!"

"Did Janet tell you about the side effects of that 'love potion' Teal'c was telling us about?"

"She said that's why I. . .I acted the way I did in the commissary," Sam said looking away from him. "She said I shouldn't be so self-conscious, that *I* really wasn't in control." She looked back at him and added, "but that doesn't explain why I was being so familiar in a public place. I should have acted more professionally, sir, and if I did anything to embarrass you . . ."

"No! No. I mean it surprised me a little, but only because it wasn't something you normally do."

"It was entirely unprofessional, and you know it," Sam said firmly. "But the weird thing is, it didn't feel wrong at the time. It just happened."

Jack hadn't moved from the edge of his bed, waiting to see if she would elaborate. When she didn't, he gently probed, "is that what happened downstairs?"

Sam nodded. "I knew what I was doing. I was making a conscious choice, but it was like I wasn't the one in control." She met his gaze. "I've never let myself into someone's house and just started moving things to suit me!"

"Well, that is a bit odd," he agreed.

"It's like there's this part of me who still sees this as my house, our home and I thought it should look like it, even though my things are no longer here."

"Sam, you know they were never here, right?"

Tears clouded her eyes as she looked down. "Yeah, I know. I tried to tell myself I was just here to prove we've never had a life together, but deep down, I must have been looking for our life. Otherwise why would I have switched everything around?"

Jack's mouth moved, but no sound came out as he searched for an answer to her question. "I don't know," he finally said.

"It's kind of scary, you know? I wonder when the next time is going to be. The next time I'm going to do something inappropriate."

Sam looked so lost, Jack couldn't help but reach out to her. "C'mere" he whispered, pulling her into his arms. "We had a meeting this afternoon. I talked to Hammond. We're going to find a way to cure whatever it was they gave you. We'll find a way to get you over this."

Sam's head nodded against his shoulder, and involuntarily his arms tightened. He knew he should let her go, but this was the first time since they'd recovered her he'd been allowed anything more than a quick embrace. Besides, what was wrong with offering a friend a bit of comfort? He'd done the same for Daniel when he'd been going through a withdrawal of his own from the sarcophagus. The only trouble was, Daniel hadn't felt like this in his arms, nor had Daniel started nuzzling his neck, placing a kiss on his throat. The movement sent tingling sensations through him and he knew he couldn't let this go where Sam was obviously leading.

"Uh, Carter? Remember the bit about you weren't sure if you'd do something inappropriate? I think this might be it."

"Mmmmm," she mumbled against his throat, sending another wave through him. Damn! Didn't she know how hard it was for him to fight this? How much he wanted to show her she wasn't the only one fighting to keep things platonic between them?

Sam shifted, and Jack thought maybe she was pulling away from him. He felt a flash of regret until her lips were on his jaw, and regret turned into something more primal. She pushed herself up a little further and captured his lips with her own. The kiss was light, but held the promise of more if he'd just allow the moment to happen. God, he wanted it to happen! But Sam wasn't in her right mind, and the last thing he wanted was to see pain and embarrassment in her eyes if he didn't stop things here and now.

"Carter," he said, hoping the use of her last name would drive a little sense into her. "We can't do this." His breath was raspy as he tried to control his need to draw her closer.

"Sam," she mumbled against his lips. "My name is Sam, and there's no reason we can't." She opened her eyes and Jack noticed how dark they'd become, shining with a desire to match his own.

"Well, there is that little matter of the Air Force and reg. . . " he started before he was silenced with another kiss.

Sam pulled back, emotions other than desire now warring for dominance in her eyes. "I need you, Jack. If any one finds out, we'll tell Hammond I wasn't in my right mind."

"Are you in your right mind?" he asked, suddenly wondering if it was Sam who was being so bold or her implanted alter ego.

"I need you," was all she replied as she brought her lips to his again. He was reminded of another time she'd told him nearly the same words. *I want you. Don't you want me?* That time he'd found the strength to push her away, but no longer. He'd grown too close to her, felt more than he should for his second-in-command. Even as the thought of her being his subordinate flashed through his mind, he found himself responding to Sam's strong, yet gentle hands. She was working the buttons of his shirt free and he was powerless to stop her. Or rather he chose to be. He could tell himself a million times how wrong this was but it couldn't override how much he wanted it, how much he wanted her.

Sam was trailing kisses down his chest as a moan escaped him. He could still stop this, he thought. Keep the walls between them intact. Perhaps they were dancing on the invisible line between them, but so far they hadn't totally crossed it. Sam's hands washed up over the skin of his chest, sweeping the shirt from his shoulders, his arms. As he felt her hands caressing his back, he felt something inside snap. He could no longer pretend he was going to stop this.

Shrugging the rest of the way out of his shirt, Jack pressed Sam back against the mattress. "This is it, Sam. Last chance to say no."

"No," she smiled.

"No?" he faltered. Was she really going to change her mind?

"No, I'm not going to say no," she said, sliding her fingers along the back of his neck, pulling his head down to hers. He kissed her deeply, becoming more aggressive with each kiss they shared. He wanted to take his time, to show her what he'd never been able to voice, but his need was burning out of control. Next time, he promised himself. Next time he'd show her what she'd come to mean to him.

~54~

Sam snuggled deeper into Jack's arms, trying to push the guilty little voice further into the recesses of her mind. Was what they'd done really so terrible? Had the world stopped turning because she and Jack had made love? She smiled at the recent memory, happy to know the real thing had been as satisfying as the fantasy. Still, she knew they'd committed a sin in the eyes of the military, and she couldn't just erase the remorse she felt at ignoring regulations. It was rather like cheating on a spouse she thought, and she didn't think she'd ever be capable of something like that.

It wasn't a lie when she told Jack they could use the excuse of her not being in her right mind. Part of her had known exactly what she was doing, and the other part didn't care. It was more that the consequences just didn't seem to outweigh the benefits when she mentally compared them. But she also knew such an attitude, such a blatant disregard for rules was going to be a problem if she was to continue being a part of SG-1. She knew her feelings for Jack were a liability, one the team couldn't afford.

Trying to find a comfortable position on Jack's chest, Sam moved enough to wake him from his light sleep.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she returned, unsure what he thought about the latest twist in their already complicated relationship. Feeling his arms tighten around her, offering silent support, Sam relaxed a bit, turning to look at him. "You okay?" she ventured.

"Great. You?"

"Great."

"So how come you don't sound so sure?" he asked. "Are you having regrets?"

Sam propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at him. "No!" she said, reaching out to caress his cheek. "Only that we broke. . ."

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling her back down next to him. He was quiet for a moment, then asked. "Sam? How much of that was you, and well, I guess for lack of a better term, drug induced?"

"I don't really know how to explain it," she said. "It's almost as if I *am* drugged. It's not that it's not me, it's that my judgment is impaired. Like I don't care about what's right or wrong. All that matters is what I want at that moment. Does that make any sense?"

"Kind of like being drunk?"

"Sort of. But it's stronger than that. I've been drunk and resisted you," she smiled, rubbing a hand across his stomach. "I guess this time I just didn't see reason to fight it." Sam felt Jack nodding against her head.

"I could have stopped you," he said. "I probably should have." His fingers were stroking her shoulders and she closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation as she knew his next words would destroy the fantasy once more. "You know we can't let this happen again."

"I know," she sighed. "But it doesn't have to end yet, does it?" Sam felt her heart breaking as she looked into Jack's eyes. Seeing the same regret didn't make things any easier. It would take so little to convince him to make love to her again. . . .

"You know, technically, since we haven't gotten out of bed, it's still the first time," he said.

Sam couldn't help the grin spreading across her face, as she slowly dragged her leg up his, rubbing his calf with her heel. "I think you have a fine future in deductive reasoning," she said, reaching up to kiss him.

***

It was the third time they'd made love, but this time it was so achingly bittersweet, Sam couldn't help the few tears leaking from her eyes. This was the second time she'd been offered a life with Jack and again it was being taken from her. Perhaps taken was too strong a word. She could quit, then she could have this forever. But would she? If she didn't have the Stargate program in her life, would she be the same woman? Would she turn bitter, unconsciously blaming him for her own decision? She knew there was no way she could remain at the SGC without being a part of SG-1. Unlike the Jack of her memories, she couldn't remain casually involved. Actually, the Goa'ulds got that part wrong with Jack. He too would have had to sever all ties with his former life in order to move on.

Sam was on her side, back to Jack with his arm possessively wrapped around her waist. She knew he wasn't sleeping, just drowsing and no doubt thinking of variables as she was.

"So," she said, breaking the silence of the room.

"So," said, pulling her closer in a futile gesture to hang on to what they'd shared.

"You said you talked to Hammond. Your next mission?"

"Well, the focus of the briefing kind of changed once Teal'c told us more about this Elixir of Eros'." There was a silence again as Sam waited for him to explain his statement. "I asked Hammond to let us go back, find Eros and get a cure for you."

Sam sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. "No! You can't do that! I won't let you do that!"

"And since when do you decide our missions, *Major?*"

"Jack, you know what I mean! It's not worth it! I'll get over this! Sooner or later this. . .lapse of judgment is going to go away! You can't risk your life--Daniel,Teal'c and Gregg's lives--over something like this!"

"This isn't going to get any easier, Sam! Teal'c told us the effects of the withdrawal only increase over time. I guess it's like some kind of Goa'uld nicotine designed to keep the users coming back for more."

"So you think if I don't get more of this Elixir I'm going to loose all sense of what's right or wrong and jump you in the corridors or something?"

"Hey, stranger things have been known to happen," he joked. "I kind of have that effect on women, you know."

"I don't get it. This 'Elixir' is some kind of love potion, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, what's the difference if I get this potion or not? Seems like the end result is the same--me not being able to distinguish my desires from reality."

"We're not looking to get you more of the potion," Jack said. "We want a cure."

"And you think he's just going to hand it over?"

"Well, after he makes it."

Sam was confused. "What do you mean?"

Jack sat up, the sheets falling away from his body. Even now she wanted to reach out and touch him. And he said this was only going to get worse?

"Ah, well, according to Teal'c, there is no cure. He's going to have to make one." Jack cast a quick glance in her direction, then quickly looked away.

"That's impossible!" she cried.

"No, just crazy, or insane, I'm not sure which one we're up to," Jack muttered to himself. Ignoring his comment, Sam continued.

"Even if you *could* find Eros, what makes you think he's going to help you? I'm sure you didn't exactly part on good terms!"

"Well, that's where Psyche comes in."

"Psyche?"

"Yeah, you know Apophis stole her from Eros."

Sam nodded. "You mentioned something about that when you were telling me what happened. Oh, no!" she said, shaking her head as the pieces clicked into place. "You're going to rescue Psyche and use her as a bargaining tool?"

"That was the idea."

"Jack! You're nuts! In the first place you don't have the manpower, in the second, you don't have a ship! Third, this is *Apophis* we're talking about and forth. . . ."

Jack's hand closed over her mouth. "And forth is there's a few details to work out yet. I need to contact your Dad and Aldwin again for starters."

Sam began protesting, but Jack kept his hand in place, holding up his index finger, warning her not to continue. Biting his finger, Jack removed his hand, grinning at the anger he saw flashing in her eyes.

"It's already been decided. Hammond's given us a go."

Sam's eyebrows rose. "He has? He's actually authorized a suicide mission like this?"

"Well, providing we get the Tok'ra on board. So to speak, since we, actually, have to be the ones to get on board. The ship, that is. If they'll come."

Jack's broken explanation actually managed to earn him a grin. Shaking her head in disbelief, Sam ran her fingers through her hair. She knew she wasn't going to be able to persuade any of them to abandon this mission. In a way, it warmed her heart, knowing how loyal her friends were, that they would go to such lengths to see her returned to "normal." But would it be normal? If there was a cure for what was causing her irrational behavior, she would be forever in their debt. But would the antidote take away the memories or the ache she felt, loving him? It was a flicker of desire before she'd been captured. Now it was a blaze that consumed her. If there was a remedy, would it douse the flames?

"I don't suppose there's anything I can say to talk you out of this?" she asked.

"Sam," he said earnestly, "I need you. As my 2IC, as my friend, and maybe, if we're lucky, someday more. The only way that's going to happen is if we get a counter-agent to whatever they used on you and get rid of those false memories. It's worth any risk to have you back where you belong."

Sam bit her lip, blinking several times, hoping to keep her emotions in check. "I still think you're a lunatic, but your heart's in the right place."

"In that case, it couldn't be safer," he said, his voice suddenly thick. "Because you're the one holding it."

~55~

Looking up from her coffee, Sam noticed movement by the commissary door. She'd know that outline anywhere, and felt her stomach tighten at the sight of him. It was a mixture of nerves and excitement, and she wasn't doing a very good job of quelling either emotion. Sam watched Jack as he moved though the food line, studiously ignoring her, hoping it was in the interest of appearing nonchalant he hadn't made eye contact with her. As he turned to find a seat, his eyes met hers, a slight smile playing on his lips, and Sam felt one type of tension easing as another increased.

"Carter," he said, his smile almost turning into a grin. For the first time she noticed Daniel behind him, and realized he was probably the reason for Jack's forced casualness. He took a seat diagonally from her, leaving the chair across from Sam open for their friend. For a moment Sam was hurt, then accepted the fact he'd actually done her a favor. No need for a repeat of yesterday's performance.

"Hey, Sam!" Daniel said brightly. "How are you doing?"

Sneaking a quick look at Jack, who was suddenly fascinated with his breakfast choices, she answered, "Great. Wonderful as a matter of fact." She smiled over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Hmmm," Daniel said digging into his meal. "Jack said he'd had a great night too. Guess you guys know more about getting a good night's sleep than I do."

Simultaneously Sam and Jack choked on their coffee as their eyes met then quickly slid away from the other.

Daniel looked from one to the other. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, Daniel," Sam reassured him. "It's just that I really didn't sleep all that much."

"Hmmm," Daniel said again. "Well, something's agreeing with you. You look a lot less tense than you have the past few weeks."

Jack coughed, "You got the sugar down there, Daniel?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Here." With Jack's distraction, Daniel's mind switched gears. "How long you think it's going to be before we hear from the Tok'ra?"

"Well, I wouldn't be canceling my paper delivery just yet," Jack said, stirring the sweetener into his oatmeal. "If you remember, they weren't exactly in a hurry to help us the last time."

"I believe it was because of prior commitments JacobCarter did not respond faster," Teal'c said, suddenly standing beside their table.

"Jeeze, Teal'c!" Jack jumped at the sound of his voice. "How about a little warning next time?"

"I thought by speaking you would know I had arrived. May I join you?"

"Have a seat," Sam said, moving slightly to make room for him next to her. "I guess you know what we were talking about."

"Indeed."

"You know, for such a big guy, you sure got that sneaking up thing down," Jack grumbled, stabbing his spoon into his cereal.

"I believe if you were not so preoccupied you would have heard my approach," he said, eye brow raised. Daniel might have missed the subtle tension between her and Jack, but apparently Teal'c hadn't.

"So," Sam said, trying to direct the conversation to a more neutral area, "what do we do if we don't hear from the Tok'ra? Even if we *could* arrange for a meeting with Eros, we have nothing to offer him, no incentive for him to help us."

"We might have something he wants," Daniel said. The three remaining members of the team turned to look at him. "Well, I don't know what that could be, I'm just saying there might be something other than iris codes or defenses he might want."

Almost on cue, the announcement of an incoming traveler was broadcast throughout the base. Abandoning their breakfast, SG-1 raced for the control room. The chevrons were still in the process of engaging when they arrived. Hammond looked up at their entrance, smiling slightly at their quick response. Sam noticed Captain Harrison was already there, and she felt a pang of jealousy as she remembered he was now more a part of SG-1 than she was. He didn't spend his down time with them as she did, but officially, he had her spot.

"Any idea who it is, General?" Jack asked, turning to the windows overlooking the 'gate room. Before he could answer, Sergeant Davis announced,

"Receiving Tok'ra IDC, sir."

"Open the iris."

Jack looked back at his team. "Well, that was. . ."

"Quick?" Daniel supplied.

"Permission to go to the 'gate room, sir?" Sam asked, already halfway to the stairs.

"Go ahead," he smiled.

Jack, Teal'c, Gregg and Daniel were only steps behind her as she jogged into the 'gate room, waiting for her father to walk through the event horizon. A slim figure, undoubtedly female began walking down the ramp.

"Jacob! New look for you?" Jack quipped as he moved forward with Sam. The woman pulled back her hood, revealing glowing eyes.

"Anise?" Daniel stated, gaping at the woman on the metal grating. "Ah, why are you here? We were trying to contact Jacob or Selmac."

Anise's distorted voice echoed against the cement walls of the embarkation room. "It is good to see you again Dr. Jackson." Her head dipped and when it was raised once more, the light had literally gone from her eyes. "Colonel O'Neill," Freya smiled warmly, stepping closer. "It is very good to see you again."

Jack shifted uncomfortably and Sam felt stirrings of jealousy at the heated looks Freya was sending him. She had a thing for Jack? Well, she could just forget that! He was her. . .her what? Husband? One time lover? Commanding officer? It wasn't jealousy from false memories leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. Anise/Freya had always annoyed her, and her less-than-subtle interest in Jack set her teeth on edge.

"Jacob and Aldwin are on a mission and communication is impossible," she stated, her eyes never leaving Jack. "I am the only one available to assist you."

Just then Hammond walked into the 'gate room. "And we're grateful for any assistance you might be able to provide," he said diplomatically, diffusing some of the tension in the room.

"General Hammond, it is good to see you once more as well. Shall we proceed to your briefing room?"

Hammond gestured for her to take the lead as Jack held him back a moment. "General? Is this such a good idea? I mean, for cryin' out loud, this is Anise we're talking about! I don't think I have to tell you of the havoc that woman creates every time she shows up!"

Hammond glanced over to see Captain Harrison escorting the Tok'ra from the room, followed by Teal'c.

"Colonel, may I remind you our options appear to be a bit limited at the moment?"

Sam didn't like to admit it, but she agreed they should at least hear her out. "Sir, I don't like her here any more than you do, but shouldn't we at least listen to what she has to say?" If only he knew how much it galled her that Anise/Freya was the one who might be the answer to getting back to normal. Had she always been this resentful of Freya or was it Eros' Elixir enhancing her reactions? She supposed if the potion increased desire, it had an amplifying affect on emotions like jealousy as well. It was all she could do to keep from slipping her hand into Jack's in a show of possessiveness. If Freya thought she was going to start something with him, she had another think coming!

"Carter?" she heard Jack ask. "You coming?"

Realizing she'd been drifting from the conversation, Sam's attention snapped back to focus on his eyes. She could see the concern centered there, knowing what he really wanted to ask was if she really was okay with this. Giving him the slightest of nods she answered,

"Yes, sir."

On to Part 5

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