ACT ONE, SCENE ONE - EXT. GOTHAM CITY-MID-DAY. We start with an overhead view of Gotham City on a bright, sunny day. NARRATOR begins his voice over.
NARRATOR (v.o.) Gotham City, on a cold, early December day with the sun shining and not a cloud in the sky . . .
CUT TO: EXT. CAFÉ DE BERNIE' NARRATOR (con't) but at café de Bernie', darkness looms over the coat room.
CUT TO: INT. CAFÉ DE BERNIE' - THE COAT-CHECK ROOM. BRUCE WAYNE and DICK GRAYSON enter the restaurant. They are met by the Maitre'D, MAURICE' , a short but dignified man with slicked-back graying hair and a pencil mustache.
MAURICE' (excitedly) Mr. Wayne! Master Grayson! How good to have you here with us today!
BRUCE Thank you Maurice. Dick and I were in the neighborhood and we felt like an early lunch.
DICK Yeah. I'm hungry enough to eat a horse!
MAURICE' Oh, I'm sorry Master Grayson, that's the Tuesday special.
BRUCE, DICK, and MAURICE' enjoy a brief chuckle.
BRUCE (chuckling) Yes, well I'm sure we'll find something to our liking.
BRUCE and DICK go to the hat-check room to hang up their jackets.
CLOSE-UP ON BRUCE, DICK, AND HAT-CHECK GIRL. BRUCE and DICK are startled by the GIRL, a brunette with an hour-glass figure who they recognize as CHICKADEE. (A former moll for their enemy, The Penguin.)
CHICKADEE (with a Jersey accent) Check yer' coats for ya, gentlemen?
BRUCE ( startled ) Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I thought we knew you for a moment.
BRUCE and DICK check their coats and walk to their table.
DICK (whispering to BRUCE) Holy Familiar Faces, Bruce! That's Chickadee, Penguin's ex-moll!
BRUCE Take it easy, Dick. Everyone has the right to a second, or in her case, a third chance. She could simply be trying to work her way back into society by means of the trade she knows best.
BRUCE and DICK walk over to their table and sit. In the background, a WOMAN walks over to the coat room. She is distinguished, refined and silver haired.
BRUCE and DICK are getting ready to order when WOMAN starts to yell.
WOMAN (yelling) HELP! HELP! I've been robbed!
DICK Holy Clairvoyance! I saw that coming!
BRUCE and DICK race into action.
CUE OPENING CREDITS.
INT. CAFÉ DE BERNIE - SEVERAL MOMENTS LATER. BRUCE and DICK have run over to the WOMAN with MAURICE.
BRUCE Madam, are you all right?
DICK What happened?
WOMAN I can't believe it! I went up to get my coat and the hat-check girl pulled a gun on me! She took my mink stole and diamond bracelet!
MAURICE I swear, madam, that is not our restaurant's policy!
BRUCE Maurice, get this woman some water and a place to sit. Then call the police!
DICK We'll try to catch her!
BRUCE and DICK run outside to catch CHICKADEE. They look left and right, but see nothing and no one.
DICK (angrily) No sign of her anywhere!
BRUCE Easy chum, we'll go back inside, say we lost her, then slip into the men's room and assume our crime fighting identities, after we make sure the lady is okay.
CUT TO: EXT. OVERHEAD SHOT OF ABANDONED WAREHOUSE.
NARRATOR (v.o.) A short while later, in an abandoned warehouse . . .
CUT TO: INT. WAREHOUSE. CHICKADEE lurks about the worn furniture and tattered walls. BATMAN and ROBIN swing in behind her through a window.
BATMAN Slumming, Chickadee?
ROBIN Maybe you should consider moving upstate . . . like to prison!
CHICKADEE (surprised) The Dynamic Duo! Howd you know I was here ?
BATMAN Quite simple. You pulled a hold-up in broad daylight. No doubt counting on the element of surprise to make your getaway. Following this chain of logic, you figured you'd hide in the first place that looked good, thinking that no one would look in because it would be too obvious.
CHICKADEE You know, nobody likes a smarty-pants, Batman!
ROBIN I don't understand, Chickadee. Why go back to crime? You served your time, and got an early parole. Why throw away another chance to start fresh?
CHICKADEE You think I got nuthin' better to do than sweat 9 to 5 for somebody else? All I needed was one good score and then it's the good life for me. When that battle-axe came in with a fur and those rocks, I saw my chance.
BATMAN I'm afraid the game of chance is over for you, Chickadee.
BATMAN and ROBIN walk forward two steps. Suddenly the rotten wood gives way underneath them and they crash through the floor!
CUT TO: OVERHEAD SHOT - UNCONSCIOUS BATMAN AND ROBIN
CUT TO: INT. WAREHOUSE, BASEMENT. CHICKADEE is tying the Dynamic Duo to a pole in the middle of the basement. She has her shapely leg up on BATMAN'S side for leverage as she pulls the rope tighter.
CHICKADEE (smirking, sarcastic) Tight enough for ya, Batman?
BATMAN (angry) Laugh now, you felonious fem, you'll come to a bitter end.
CHICKADEE Speaking of bitter ends, I'll bet yours is still smarting from that fall. Lucky break for me - the floor, that is.
ROBIN Holy Hazardous Conditions!
CHICKADEE (finishing up) Well, that ought to hold you for a little while, long enough for me to make my exit. You boys play nice now and I'll see you in your dreams. Ha-ha!
CHICKADEE exits laughing. BATMAN and ROBIN start struggling against their bonds. After a minute or so, BATGIRL swings in.
ROBIN Holy Special Guest Star! It's Batgirl!
BATMAN Hurry Batgirl! Untie us so we can get after Chickadee!
BATGIRL Don't worry, Batman. I've got her trussed up outside.
CUT TO: EXT. WAREHOUSE, BACK ALLEY. CHICKADEE lies face-down on the ground, gagged and with her wrists and ankles tied behind her back. She squirms and makes angry, muffled screams.
CHICKADEE Mmurph! Murrgh!
CUT BACK TO: BATGIRL, BATMAN AND ROBIN
BATMAN Good going, Batgirl. Of course, we would have gotten to her soon enough. Nonetheless, you should be proud of your efforts.
BATGIRL (smirks)
BATMAN Now, if you'd be so kind as to untie us . . .
BATGIRL (curtly) No.
ROBIN Holy Mutiny!
BATMAN Batgirl, this is a poor time for jokes.
BATGIRL It's no joke, Batman. I'm serious. Since I started fighting crime you and Robin have taken a condescending and hostile attitude towards me.
ROBIN Holy Persecution Complex!
BATMAN I don't understand, Batgirl.
BATGIRL Whenever I've tried to be of help to you and Robin, you've always dismissed me with some little self-serving remark at my expense.
BATMAN Now wait a minute, Batgirl . . .
BATGIRL Wait for what, Batman? For you to get over yourself and accept the fact that a woman has a place in the crime fighting business? That might take awhile.
The fact is Batman, I respect you. You're a great hero and champion of justice, but until you can accept the changing role of women in society, you'll be left behind. Just like now.
ROBIN Holy "I am Woman, Hear me Roar!"
Scampering out the back way, BATGIRL leaves.
BATMAN (demanding) Batgirl, Batgirl! Untie us!
ROBIN Gosh, Batman. I never knew she felt that way.
BATMAN Women are an unpredictable lot, Boy Wonder. You'll understand when you're older.
They return to struggling. Suddenly a tall woman with wild black hair and deep dark eyes under a black mask enters. She's sexy and shapely, wearing a one-piece swimsuit-like body costume made of black leather. She has arm-length black gloves and thigh-high black boots revealing gray nylons over her firm thighs. This is MADAM DEBASE.
MADAM DEBASE Why not teach him a lesson now?
BATMAN AND ROBIN (together) Madam Debase!!
MADAM DEBASE That's right boys. I arranged an early parole from jail and then, I thought to myself, "Why not drop in on old friends while I'm in the neighborhood?" Then, while I was passing by, I noticed Batgirl running around outside and I guessed you'd be up to something. So I figured I'd crash the party.
BATMAN What do you want from us you Diabolical Deluded Damsel?
MADAM DEBASE Well, I'm getting into a new career . . . Showbiz! And I wanted to offer you a spot in my new floorshow!
( she calls off screen ) Oh, girls! It's show time!
Several NEW YORK CITY ROCKETTES enter. They are pretty young women with long and shapely legs. They're dressed in red Santa Claus jackets with white fluff trimming, red gloves, short-shorts revealing their legs and red boots. They all smile with glazed-over eyes.
MADAM DEBASE You've heard of the famous New York Rockettes? They're in town as part of the national tour of the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. I used a few simple mind-control drugs to "convince" these girls to take me on as their new representative.
( to the Rockettes ) Girls! Take your places!
THE ROCKETTES encircle BATMAN and ROBIN closely.
MADAM DEBASE You'll get a huge "kick" out of this act, Batman!
Do it, girls!
The ROCKETTES entwine arms and dance around the Dynamic Duo. They begin doing their famous high kicks . . . right into our heroes' groins!
BATMAN and ROBIN can only yelp in pain as MADAM DEBASE laughs sardonically at them.
CLOSING CREDITS
To the Conclusion: Batgirl Takes It Back at Her